Slowing Down

I'm tired of the daily mad rush with little to show for it at the end of the day, so this morning I'm quilting. I refuse to worry about what I need to do. I'm just quilting because that's what I want. This is a short post so I can get to what I enjoy.

Today's card is tortoise! See? Slow is good.

A Force Unto Itself

Money, despite my wishing otherwise, is a very powerful thing. I like to tell myself that money is not important. Of course, this is not true. Money enables me to stay in my house in the form of rent. Money buys me food. Money keeps me warm in the form of propane. Money lets me travel when it is gas in my truck. Money might not buy happiness, but it does make life a whole lot easier.

Money is an element as much as earth, air, fire, or water. About half the spells I know I deal with money or prosperity which is about the same thing. Money, money, money.

I think about ways to get it. I worry about not having enough. Sometimes Kevin asks me (and he's not exactly joking) if I want to trade him in for a richer man. Money defines my whole life.

I fully believe the universe will provide for me. But I don't always ask because it is very scary to live that way. I'll give you the best example of the universe providing for me:

When I was in college I suffered a computer glitch wherein my professor did not receive my paper via email. In order to keep a good grade I had to had deliver it. Which meant driving all the way back to the cow college on the plains. I coasted there on fumes. I didn't have enough gas to get home. I didn't know what I was going to do. As I was worrying about this, I found $15 while walking across the parking lot.

I was happy- for a minute. Then I realized that tomorrow or the day after I would be in the same boat because the bank balance was very low. I asked the universe to please help me.

When I got home, I checked the mail. I had a grant check. Suddenly life was sweet and I didn't have to worry about money for months.

The universe will always help you. But sometimes I don't ask because a little part of me is saying, But what if I don't get anything?

I can't help it. There is doubt in my heart. It sits right beside my low self-esteem.

I decided I am freaking out for no good reason about the test strips. I am afraid the right strips won't arrive before I run out. I'm afraid the diabetic center won't give me samples. I'm afraid the doc won't write a Rx. I'm afraid won't be able to buy more strips. Which is dumb because I just got paid. I'm afraid I won't know what my sugar is doing and then because I don't know my sugar will drop or spike and I'll be back in the hospital...

This is utterly ridiculous. I CAN get my mitts on some test strips. I have parents who love me and would buy strips for me. My landlord and several of my co-workers are diabetic and could test my sugar or loan me strips. Heck, Wide Lawns doesn't even know me, and she offered to send me some strips. (And Thanks, btw, but I couldn't impose) I'm being so silly. The supply company is sending the correct strips. My next shipment will be here the second week of October anyway, whether they correct their mistake or not.

I am going to take that terrifying leap and let the universe provide for me like it always does. I'm going to trust that I will live despite not knowing the exact number of my blood glucose level. Say it with me All my needs are met and more. I am safe, happy, and secure. I HAVE PLENTY OF STRIPS!

What do you need? Post a comment and I'll think good, positive thoughts for you. Because I'm an awesome Earth Witch, a Kitchen Witch with Attitude and that's What. I. DO!

The Drug Addicts Have Ruined it for Everybody

It's another super-busy day and I don't have much time to talk. Yesterday I didn't even get in here, so I owe you 2 cards- water buffalo and panda. Seemingly at odds, I have decided this pair means forcifully reclaim your sacred space. Then enjoy it.

My whole problem right now are diabetic testing strips. No one on the planet can use the strips except diabetics. There is absolutly nothing in the strip that can hurt you, even if you eat them. Heck, you can probably eat a vial full and while it might be unpleasant coming out, it won't hurt you. I need a PERSCRIPTION to get strips.

I understand needing an Rx for insulin, as that could kill someone. I even understand making people ask for needles (though this annoys me b/c I just want to be able to take my insulin) But I do not understand the strip thing.

A diabetic supply company sent me 2 different kinds of strips. Same brand. One will not work in my meter. I blame the meter company because this is probably an evil plot to make people buy new meters every couple of years.

The supply people tell me to send the strips back so I can get the right ones. Do you know what the post office said? They can't overnight my package. Because (wait for it....) the computer says no. Did I mention I am in Alabama and I am trying to send the package overnight to Florida. At 8:30am. I could understand not being able to overnight to CA or if I had waited until 3pm. But I am not understanding how the post office can't deliver overnight to a place I can drive to in 8-10 hours.

I only have a few correct strips left and I am afraid I will run out before the new ones arrive. I had to take off work to go to the post office which annoyed my boss greatly, and now it looks like I will be taking off again to beg strips from either the doctor or the diabetic center. Failing that, I'll have to buy some. A Rx is about $100 for a one month supply, but the dr. always writes it for 3 months. (Another evil plot, I'm sure.)   I have delayed buying propane because I might have to buy strips. I hope it doesn't suddenly turn cold or I will be screwed.

Monday is only slightly worse than Tuesday

I'm really busy today so I don't have time to write. But I wanted to post today's card- peacock.
Tomorrow promised to be bust too so don't except much.

The Proof of Our Love in Bread & Soap

Kevin doesn't like wheat bread. I eat it for the low carbs. I think it is dumb to buy two different loaves of bread. So I just buy wheat and Kevin doesn't say anything.

I like that brand name soap which is 1/4 moisturizer. Kevin is prone to infections so he needs an antibacterial soap. Again, it's dumb to buy 2 different brands. I use his soap and I don't complain.

Love is revealing ourselves slowly and all our little quirks are what endear us to each other. Love is being willing to make small sacrifices for the other person's health/happiness/needs. Love is being able to do these small things without informing the other person which is why they sometimes go unnoticed. But I do notice and I will not forget. That is why I told him so yesterday. And today I am making him a pie. Because it seems to me Kevin makes more sacrifices than I do.

Today's card is scarab beetle. Scarab is a creation animal. If there's something you want to make today would be the day to start.

Veggie Beef Soup

I make this a lot. I've made it so much Kevin got tired of it and asked me to stop. Some people just don't know what's good for them. After 6 months I told him to shut up and eat because this soup is cheap, easy, and freezes well.

I make my soup in the slow cooker so it is almost effortless. I usually put it on in the morning so it can cook all day while I'm at work. When I come home my house smells good and it's the rare occasion that I can sit down and eat. If there is someone in your life who cooks for you so that as soon as you come home you can eat, you better go tell that person RIGHT NOW that you know they love you and you love them back.

Veggie Beef Soup requires 3 things: Beef broth, veggies (fresh or frozen), and meat (usually stew beef but link sausage also works well). The beauty of this soup is in the freedom of choice. Only the broth is essential. Before I became diabetic I used Irish potatoes and made garlic bread to go with it. I don't use potatoes anymore and I don't miss them. This time I used carrots, green beans, mushrooms, broccoli, stew beef, broth and a little red wine. I've also used peas, onions, tomatoes, and left over pot roast. I add peppers when they are in season. There are lots of herb that would work, and I suppose you could add a little rice. Noodles of any kind are good. You can add as many beans as you like. You can easily turn this soup into stew by adding flour. Once I messed up by using chicken broth. It was greasy and lacking the rich flavor of beef broth.

I start by putting all the vegetables in. Because they need a little longer to cook I want them on the bottom. Then I brown my meat (always pre-cook meat before adding it to a slow cooker, this is how the grease is removed.) I toss it on the vegetables and add enough broth to cover. You can add water if you don't have enough broth. I put the lid on, set the slow cooker on low and that's all folks. After two hours I may it a stir. Or not. It doesn't require my attention.

We eat as soon as Kevin comes home and despite him claiming to be tired of it, he always eats two bowls. After dinner I pour the soup into individual containers and freeze it. I always have at least three bowls. If I have more than 3 I give some away. I've given it to my parents, friends, neighbors, and my landlord. Everybody always says it's good and they ask when I'm going to make more. No one ever asks for the recipe because they think it's hard to make.

Good Saturday Morning toYou

My morning has been very productive. It's Kevin's weekend to work so I got up when he did to make coffee, feed the dogs, and pack his lunch. I also started the laundry and now I'm on my second load. I've washed most of the dishes (I never seem to get them all in one go) and I've listed more of my wares on Etsy. I've mended some of Kevin's clothes and made the bed. I've had breakfast and tested my sugar which was high but acceptable. Next I plan to work on the quilt 'that looks like art' and then I'll water my garden and deadhead my zinnias.

My landlord had never heard of a white oak runner snake so I tried to find a picture. I haven't found a picture yet, but I did find an article stating white oak runners may be a subspecies of copperheads. This would explain why they are considered venomous yet are never listed in any field guide. I searched google images for copperheads and discovered they come in far more colors than I thought including white and gray.

Today's card is bat. 'You have the power to transcend failure and move into a limitless future' I really like bats and consider them lucky. I always feel like good things are headed my way when I draw this card. Plus bats are so ugly they're cute.

Happy Friday

Ah, Friday. My favorite day. I just have to get through today and then I can be myself. See, this is why I need to leave my job- it limits my very self. Last Saturday I stopped by a friend's work to give her a house warming present. My friend works 6-7 days a week; every week. How does her company reward her? With lies and manipulation. She works in a manufacturing plant like I do and it was very quiet because managers don't like to work on Saturday. My friend's co-worker was there and for a few hours we sat in the office and talked. We all had the same complaint- we feel like we are being used by the companies we work for. We think work infringes on our personal lives. We all had stories of being called after hours for things that had nothing to do with business- bosses wanting to know who said what, can't find something so make sure you come in and take care of it, interrupting vacation to ask about files or procedures...I could go on and on. This is not the first time I've had the experience. A few years ago I went to my aunt's house for Easter and all my cousins had similar complaints. I thought then that was a problem of my generation, but now I'm not sure. Now I think all companies believe they 'own' the employees. I don't know how to make this better, but I do know Corporate America is a bad thing.

Speaking of better, I've purchased a spot on Etsy to promote my wares. I didn't know it, but when I buy a spot for 1 item they automatically show 10. So I'm pretty much promoting my entire shop for $7. Hopefully this will generate more traffic and then some sales!

I was thinking I might post a weekly menu again. Yesterday I wrote down some possibilities but I haven't yet decided what to cook. I can tell you we're having salmon patties tonight and I am having vegetable beef soup for lunch tomorrow.

Today's card is cheetah. I hope this doesn't mean my weekend is going to zoom by.

So lovely and orange peeking though the clouds

Today is the full moon. Yes, I know it has been appearing full and last night it was very pretty and orange lighting up the clouds. But tonight it is at its fullest.

Full moons make for wonderful magick. You can do just about anything on a full moon. Each moon as a different feel to it and I encourage you to sit under the starry sky tonight and pay attention to the energy surrounding you. Summer moons are 'busy' with energy zinging everywhere. This moon should feel slower, more thoughtful.

As we just celebrated Mabon, tonight's moon would be a good time to ask for rewards. If you've been working hard and are waiting for that big break, now would be a good time to ask the universe to pay up. Light a candle, think of what you want, and feel the power of the full moon filling you with magick.

Today's card is wolf. Listen to your inner wisdom and enjoy the gift of freedom.

The Meaning of Mabon According to FreeDragon

Mabon is one of my favorite pagan holidays. Sometimes I tend to rush through it because the Big One comes next- Halloween.

Fall is my favorite season. The nights are finally cooler. The leaves are beautiful. The sky is its most deepest shade of blue. There's a sense of sadness, but of joy too if you lived right and realize how lucky you are. Every Mabon I list what I am thankful for:

1. I am alive. This year especially, being alive is important and I am grateful.
1. Tied right up there with being alive is Kevin because he saved me. I have true love.
2. My fall garden is actually alive and growing. I have made an effort not to neglect my plants and they are rewarding me.
3. I live in a cozy little house in the land of my ancestors.
4. I am debt free.

Normally I have a nice long list, and I'm not saying that I am less thankful, oh no. What I mean is these 5 things are so important nothing else really seems to matter. I might have less on my list, but I feel more gratitude.

One thing that I normally list and it's not on there this year, is my job. I hate the company I work for. But it does pay the bills and it provides stellar insurance (Blue Cross Blue Shield, btw. If you can get it, awesome. If you got it, KEEP IT!) I have deliberately left work off the list because this is the year I think I should let it go. I do believe now is the time to earn a living doing something I love and not just wishing I could earn a living doing what I love. I understand this will not be easy. I understand it will be a struggle. I realize my financial future will be uncertain. But I know I am tried of being unhappy and often the stress of my job runs my sugar up, so my job isn't good for me. Controlling my diabetes is already hard enough.

Usually I bake a ham on Mabon. Kevin and I have a feast. It's very nice, our own little Thanksgiving celebration without the stress. We don't tell anyone what we are doing and since Mabon doesn't fall on any 'special' day we can usually enjoy our dinner without interruption. I positively DESPISE Thanksgiving. The cooking, the cleaning, the stress, the expense, the family drama- I can't handle it. Every year someone brings me food I have no intention of eating, usually some fat laden, greasy dish of odd texture and color. If I don't eat it they get offended. But this year I can use my illness as an excuse! Haha! There's a silver lining to every cloud.

This year I have a checking account balance of $0. We got paid today, but due to how our banks handle deposits, Kevin has money and I won't have any until tomorrow. He is buying us steak right now. I'm fine with that because even if I could have gone to the grocery store the kitchen is a mess from the sink flood. I haven't felt like doing extra work and I'm in the middle of a quilt.

I said I wanted to talk about quilting. It's a subject I've side-stepped before because, honestly, quilt blogs bore me to tears. I like to see what people make and what other quilters are doing, but I don't read project instructions. I'm much more interested in the personal life of the quilter, how every day events effect their sewing and what inspires them to quilt. It's so much more interesting to know a white quilt was made as a wedding present. Otherwise it's just a white quilt. There must be context for meaning. I think that is why blogging has become so popular- we are searching for meaning and validation.

I'm making a baby quilt for a little girl who isn't even born. Isn't that sweet and wonderful? Aren't you now picturing little Sarah Beth wrapped in something soft and pink?

Another confession- I hate pink. I don't have pink anything. I am not a girly girl. I. Do. Not. Wear. Pink.

However, Sarah Beth's mother believes in the power of pink. Thankfully the godmother requested the quilt and she likes pink and purple. I'm not sure I could make an all pink quilt. She also requested horses because that is the mother's favorite thing.

I got some cream fabric and drew horses, stars, and a crescent moon. I added a purple border. Then a pink border. And I backed the quilt in pink so I wouldn't really have to look at pink. I can only take so much. I have five different threads, three pink and two purple. Each night I stitch a horse and a few stars. I try to think only good thoughts. I imagine the horses running down moonbeams to bring good luck and sweet dreams. There will be no nightMares for this little girl.

This is a whole cloth quilt, meaning that there are no pieces sewn together (aside from the borders) and the quilting itself is the design. I have decided this is the kind of quilt I like best and it's what I will be focusing on in the future. I'm not giving up patchwork, I'm just laying it aside as I pursue other avenues. I've got lots of ideas in mind and hopefully they will be one of the ways I earn my living with my needle.
 

Happy Mabon

Later today I will have a real post about what Mabon means to me. This year it sort of snuck up on me and I'll talk about that too. I also having quilting to discuss. But right now here's your card of the day-
(pay attention, this one is IMPORTANT)
Orang-utan
Working to live joyously, not living to work.

The Kitchen Sink

Sunday I reached under the sink (I don't even remember now what I was going for) and came up with a sopping wet bottle. I opened both cabinet doors and discovered everything was wet. My cleaning rag had mildew. The bottom of the cabinet had rotted away and my huge pot had fallen through to the floor.

Part of the problem was the o-ring in the faucet had broken in half. The rest of the problem is the putty seal is gone. Thus every time I turned on the faucet extra water spewed out and ran under the sink. Why is it no one notices a leaking sink until there is a huge, nasty mess?

My landlord was supposed to stop by last night and have a look. He is terrified of my big, dumb labs. He thinks Sophie is particularly vicious. Now I forgot all about him stopping by so I let them out of the pen. When Kevin called to remind me the dogs were already in the house. In the kitchen. So I decided to let the dogs in the living room then put the baby gate back up so they couldn't go in the kitchen. Normally my dogs rush out of the kitchen as soon as the baby gate is down so they can run in the bedroom and lay on my bed. Last night they knew something was up so I had to coax them into the living room. My dogs might not know what is going on, but they are smart enough to know when something is different.

Next I decided to do something with the dishes. I really don't want anyone to think I'm a bad housekeeper. We had 2 days worth of dirty dishes on the counter. I filled up some buckets with the intention of washing dishes on the porch. Now that I'm diabetic I can't stand the heat. If I get hot my skin starts to prickle and itch. I can't stay outside, have an intense work-out, or take a long shower. I can't work in my garden or live without air conditioning. I feel like ants are biting me and it is all I can do not to claw my skin bloody.

It was really hot and humid on the porch. The buckets seemed to take forever to fill. I kept going in the house and grabbing dishes by the armload. Every time I came out a fresh prickling of ants would start. Finally I had everything on the porch except my slow cooker and I decided that could just wait. Then I was too hot and irritated to wash the dishes.

I wanted to wait until after my landlord came by to start supper. I have a really small kitchen. It's impossible for 2 people to be in there at the same time. But I was hungry. I waited and waited. No landlord. Finally Kevin came home so I started cooking. He decides to go to our landlord's house. I got really hot cooking and ate alone. I hate it when Kevin doesn't eat with me. I don't like to cook so if I prepare a meal I think the least he can do is eat.

Eventually he comes back with o-rings. Our landlord was busy drinking beer so he never showed up. Kevin replaces the o-ring and tells me I can use the sink now. I went though the whole bucket thing for nothing! Of course, the sink still isn't really fixed because Kevin didn't replace the putty around the faucet. And under the sink is still a wet mess. Except now there's more holes because Kevin was trying to show me how easy it would be to replace the wood and he poked his fingers through by accident.

So maybe tomorrow when both my landlord and Kevin are off work my sink will be properly repaired. If no one is hung over or has started drinking again.

Today's card is lion. Just thinking about lions makes my skin itch.

today's card is

Llama. This is another card I don't think I've drawn before.

A new detail

We had more ghostly activity. I was home alone, almost a sleep, when I heard keys jingle. Then I heard footstep in the living room. At first I thought Kevin came home, but then I realized my dogs weren't reacting. They weren't barking excitedly or rushing to greet him. Sophie looked up, but I don't think Halona moved at all. I sat up in bed and listened for a long time. I didn't hear anything else. I thought about going to investigate, but I knew I wouldn't find anything, so I just lay back down and went to sleep. Part of living with a ghost is not to panic.

I feel better about Monday. I'm not worrying about it now. I still don't want to go in, but I think I'm in a better frame of mind to deal with things. I'm trying to see it as walking between the worlds. I'm not of that world, and I certainly don't want to stay in it, but it is necessary to go sometimes. Just like traveling to the astral plain, it is also necessary not to let anything follow me home. So from now on when I leave work I am DONE. I don't think I'll even post about work anymore.

Today's card is seal. Hard work and inspiration are the foundation of true creativity.

That Looming Black Cloud Called Monday

The more I think about my job, the less I want to go back. I used to think if I was in the right job position or had the right boss or better co-workers that life with the company would be good. I no longer think this is the case. I really, really need my insurance, otherwise I can't afford my insulin, but I'm questioning whether or not this place is worth it. Aaaaaarrrrggggghhhhhhh!

Today's card is crab. (Funny, I feel very crabby)

Spoke Too Soon

I have been happily going about life with almost normal sugar. I was beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, I could stop taking one of my insulins (yes, I'm on 2 different kinds). I was beginning to imagine a life of (almost) no diabetes. People who didn't know me well might even think I was normal.

Today was stressful.

I hit 246.

I took insulin.

My sugar went up to 260.

To say I feel depressed is an under statement. I feel like I had a beautiful house of cards and then POOF- the big bad wolf blew my house down.

I don't know where to even start. Yesterday Kevin asked for one weekend off and our Fierce Leader pitched a hissy fit. There's lots of things he could have done, but Fierce picked the dumbest solution that screwed everybody.

Foo got in on the act by starting rumors and spreading misinformation. Foo is trying to make an 'us vs. them' situation and if he can get the whole department in a tizzy then he will be ecstatic. Since I am Kevin's girlfriend, I am by default in the 'them' group. To punish me, both Foo and Fierce are ignoring me. We are about to run out of machine parts which take 4-6 weeks to arrive IF they are not back-ordered. I emailed Foo, Fierce, and Daddy informing them of the situation. Only Daddy answered and he can't order anything without the approval of the other two.

Fierce gave Kevin a surprise 'electrical' test. Some of the questions had nothing do with electricity or Kevin's job. I feel like he's trying to set up Kevin for a demotion.

Today I thought my whole problem would be Foo and Fierce, but out of no where one of the production managers quit. She is promoting my office mate, who's still a temp btw, and once again I have to do both my job and hers. I don't blame anyone for quitting. I don't blame anyone for accepting a promotion. But I didn't need that today.

To compound the problem, several other people in the 'us' group are taking the opportunity to spread general chaos. And suddenly some of the high-ups are interested in the budget and my inventory. Next week I'm supposed to walk them though what I do, what areas cost the most, what we spend, how often...

I just don't want to go back.

TGIF Again

This week has zipped by. I'm not sure if this is because work is fubar, complete with soap opera drama, if it's because I've been so busy. Every day after work this week some large project has needed my attention. I always long for the weekends because it's 'my' time. I actually feel a little put upon if there's a social event on the weekend. I'm starting to feel like weekends are the only time I can be myself.

When I was on a 12 hour shift I thought I would have more time for sewing if I worked 8 hours. I thought I would be less tired at the end of the day. This has not proven to be the case. When I come home I have domestic goddess chores. Domestic goddess is a full time job itself so 8 hours and a man in the house is pretty much the same as 12 hours as a single woman. I come home feeling drained, I rush to cook and clean, I pick up a needle and suddenly it's bed-time and I still haven't showered. Sometimes I feel like the world's biggest needle art failure.

But I don't want you to think life is all bad. My garden hasn't been attacked by long fanged bunnies, my contacts were on the porch when I came home yesterday, Kevin fixed our bed (yay!), and I've gotten my sugar to stay down without life threatening lows by taking cinnamon pills. Cinnamon is considered a 'free' food for diabetics, meaning it's one of the few things I can eat all I want. When I was taking diabetic classes the nurse told us there was no supplement we could take that could lower blood sugar. Someone asked about cinnamon and she said it DID lower sugar but it was impossible to eat enough of it to do the job. This didn't make any sense to me. I thought surely there was something, some herb or vitamin, that could help me. I saw the cinnamon pills in the grocery store and I decided it wouldn't hurt to try. My blood sugar has not gone into the 200 range since I've started the pills and most of the time it stays under 150. For me this is simply amazing. I don't have take as much insulin now and I feel happy. Sometimes to pays to find out for yourself instead of just taking the word of an 'authority' figure.

Today's card is moose. With self-reliance and measured patience adversity will be overcome.

Recap

here's where we've been with the animals-
fox
red squirrel
spider
deer
mountain goat
dolphin
crocodile
butterfly
sloth
octopus
rhinoceros
bison
eagle
frog
whale
wild boar
parrot
tiger
ray
wild horse
badger
raven
elephant
kangaroo
black panther
hare
and today we have scorpion

Yesterday I cleaned off the sewing room table so I could work on the baby quilt that 'looks like art.' I found a quilt I started making for myself. It's features animals, poetry, and hand dyed fabric. It's so bright and pretty that I can't believe I buried it in the pile. Later I'll post a pic for you. Right now I don't have time. That's the problem with working 2 jobs- something always needs my attnetion.

Faith Restored. Somewhat

I am going to get my contacts after all. After being shipped to my old address, some kind soul returned the package. I now have faith that people can think beyond themselves. But after the contacts company received the box, they didn't bother to notify me. They are sending my contacts to me without any additional cost; I just have to wonder if they were hoping I would forget about my purchase/charge to my bank card thus giving them a freebie. My faith in large companies has not been restored.

I also have a commission for a baby quilt. I still haven't sold anything on Etsy. I think I need to work on promoting my wares. After seeing the drawing for the quilt my customer was surprised. She thought the quilt would be something with traditional squares and what I designed for her "looks like art" She's already very happy with the quilt and I haven't made one stitch! Clearly I do good work. Now I need the whole world to know.

Not Any Simpler

I ordered contacts about 2 weeks ago. They still haven't arrived. So I just checked my account/order status and the contacts have been shipped to my old address. Where I haven't lived in over 18 months. I'm confused because I know I've received a shipment of contacts here. I clearly remember putting in my new address. But in all likely hood I will end up reordering which costs money I don't have. All because first  computers are not what they promise,  and second, someone has thrown my contacts in the trash instead of returning the box to the post office. Life would be much easier if people thought beyond themselves.

Today's card is hare. Since yesterday we got the panther, I would like to mention an exercise that is helpful for banishing problems. Imagine your problem as an animal, like a rabbit, and then imagine the predator animal, such as a panther, swallowing the problem. This works well for fears and bad habits.

Today's card is

Black Panther

Real Conversation

Me: Hey, Babe?
Kev: What?
Me: I gave my sea dragon a bath.
Kev: Mmmm?
Me: So don't be startled when you see him in the sink.

Today's card is kangaroo.

It's Not All About You

First I'll handle Witch business- I didn't post a card yesterday because I didn't want to put a fun thing with a serious post. So I'll draw 2 today.

1. Raven
2. Elephant

I love ravens/crows because they are very magickal. They hold great wisdom, but they're also great tricksters. Raven power is never what you think it is. Ravens are also one of the few things in nature that are black. Really and truly black, not a shade of something else which appears black from a distance. They are BLACK. The color black represents all potential. It is the color of everything and nothing.

Elephants teach us about family and the love of home. Elephants do not run away. An elephant can easily be trained to stay in the yard. If an elephant is captured and chained to a particular spot, at first it tries to leave, but as the elephant realizes it is captured it slowly begins to accept its new surroundings. It learns how far the chain will reach and then it ventures no farther. At this point the chain is removed, but the elephant stays put. It doesn't realize it is free. Each day the elephant must be lead away from its new home. Each night the elephant is returned and it simply stands in place believing the chain holds it captive. I believe I drew the elephant because I've allowed myself to be chained. Raven is here to show me what to do.

I'm very forgetful now. I don't know if this is part of my diabetes or if it's because I have more to keep up with now. This morning I forgot Kevin's lunch.

I just forgot. I'm tired, my weekend is half over and I haven't been able to do anything I wanted to do. All my weekends are like that. I spend a great deal of time doing what I need to do- laundry, groceries, projects, but I never get to the garden. I have flowers to deadhead and veggies to fertilize. All my trees need pruning. Then there's books I want to read but I can't finish a novel unless I call in sick and spend the whole day in bed. I don't remember the last time I went to an art show or a concert. In the fall several fairs come to my area and I would love to go to at least one but I know this will not happen because do you know what else comes in the fall? Hunting. Kevin will spend every waking moment in the woods and I don't want to go by myself.

I know what you are going to say, I should just tell him how I feel and we should plan a romantic day together. I tried that in the spring. I wanted to look at garden things. I mainly wanted to check on prices and maybe buy a few things if they were on sale. I was happy because the weather was warming up. I had grand plans of growing all my food and being green and healthy and saving money too. I wanted Kevin to be involved because I wanted to plant things that he would like to eat.

When I say garden, I mean something small. When Kevin thinks of a garden he thinks of long rows covering an acre or two. I think of watering a few pots and boxes. He thinks of the blazing hot sun, a dull hoe, lots of weeds, and rows of corn that seem to get longer as the day slowly creeps by.

I was thinking we'd go to a couple of shops, make decisions together, then have a nice lunch in town. I don't know what Kevin was thinking, but it probably involved back-breaking work that he wanted to avoid.

It took longer to drive to town than we spent in the store. He sped there then asked every few minutes if I found what I was looking for and if I was ready to go. It took 20 minutes to arrive and about 15 minutes to shop. I was trying to make notes, decide if it was cheaper to buy plants or seeds, figure out if I needed extra pots or tools, and the whole time he was like, 'Here. This is what you wanted. Just buy that. Not buying? Can we go?' I finally gave up. We rushed back home and then he left. There was no romantic connection.

Kevin doesn't listen to me very well.

This morning he got mad because I didn't pack a lunch for him. He is quite capable of making his own lunch, but he thinks it's my job because I do all the cooking. I don't think this is fair. I don't like to cook. I need to be a mood to cook. I hate doing it on a daily basis.

Before he left he asked if I was mad. Confused and half asleep I asked why. He didn't answer me and I didn't figure it out until I got up later and saw the cooler still in the kitchen. I felt really annoyed. I don't see why I have to do everything. We have sandwich stuff and there was no reason why he couldn't make his own lunch.

Kevin expects every day to be the same. If something is missing he is thrown off balance and his whole day is ruined. He doesn't know how to work around things and never stops to consider why something is different. He just gets mad. He also doesn't think ahead. Last night would have been a good time to figure out lunch. He could have checked the fridge and if nothing was there he could have a.) made a sandwich b.) asked me what I was planning to do or c.) got his atm card out so he could buy food today. Heck, that's what I do almost every single day.

Kevin is intelligent. But somehow the matters of running a household seem to be beyond him. It's easier for me to do it all myself. Which is how I ended up with a chain of my own making.
 

9/11

Today is Patriot Day which I think is a dumb name. I didn't suddenly love my country more because there was a mass killing of my fellow Americans while they were minding their own business. Let's call this day what it really is- Day of Sorrow.

I was in Cow College and living in my parents' house when the World Trade Center was destroyed. I didn't have class that day, so I was lying in bed sipping coffee. My father came in my room and told me I should turn on the tv because 'they have bombed the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.' His statement made no sense to me. Who? Why? The Pentagon?! Impossible. No one in their right mind would attack us. Are we at war?

I actually lay in bed for a long time trying to sort those questions out. Nothing made sense. I couldn't even imagine it. I tried to picture faceless soldiers invading my hometown and I couldn't get an image of that either. I gave up and went in the living room.

My father had the tv turned up to a very loud volume and his favorite news anchor was saying the same things over and over. It still didn't make sense. I still didn't understand Why and the Who I had never heard of. But at least were weren't being invaded anymore because the people who hated us were mostly dead. This didn't make sense either. How can a war be waged if your first line of attack all die? 'I'll show you! I'll kill your people AND myself!' Yeah, that'll teach us. Now you have to send another bunch of fools to kill us and themselves in the process. What happens when you run out of fools? Of all the Middle East cultural differences, the suicide bomber is the one I just can't grasp. I don't understand why self-destruction is considered good. 

Our television stayed on all day and possibly all night. It was on when I went to bed and I remember the news invaded my nightmares of deserts and bombs. I remember waking up over and over, hearing the tv, and wishing I could just SLEEP. The next morning the tv was still on when I got up. My father was wearing different clothes, so I assume he slept at some point. Mom was ignoring the tv. She was also ignoring the newspaper. Normally she reads the whole thing. She does the Jumble, she looks at the 'obits' as she calls them, calls anyone who might need to know if someone has died, checks the classifieds to see who has foreclosed, and then she formulates her opinions about whatever City Counsel has done. This last one is the most important because likes to argue with Dad. They have a whole ritual now. She gets the paper first and places her arguments during her second cup of coffee so she is more sharp. Dad will still be on his first cup and therefore slower on his rebuttal. If he does manage to prove her wrong she leaves the table. Sometimes he follows her and they keep an argument going until lunch time. Then they watch the midday news and argue about that.

I decided I needed to ignore the media too. I was tired, tense, angry. I wanted to cry. Dad watched tv all day long and finally on the night of 9/12 I asked him to turn it off. He was really angry at me for not being more concerned. Mom weighed in and said she couldn't take anymore either. We all went to bed pissed off at 8pm.

I began having very realistic nightmares. I remember one dream where I can hear bombs being dropped on our house. My parents are very stupidly standing at the backdoor watching them fall. I yell at them to go in. It's hard to make them see we are in danger. I finally get them in and I realize our dog is still outside. I can't leave him so I run out. For some reason he is far away from the house, past the greenhouse and the shop, in the field between the vineyard and the orchard. I scoop him up and start running back. I realize I will not make it. I can see a bomb overhead falling slowly towards me. The dog is heavy. The field seems big and empty. There is no where to hide. I think maybe I can get in one of our old trucks but I know I won't make it to even that paltry shelter. I kneel on the ground, tuck myself around my dog, bury my face in the dead grass, waiting to die...

I would always wake up at this point, still feeling like I was dying, wanting to go in the house, being terrified that I was covered in bio-chemical agents that would infect my family. I worried that they would die slowly before my eyes and it would be my fault. We were safe and I went out. My heart would be pounding. I would be drenched in sweat. The reality felt like a dream. How could I really be safe when I just died? I died a lot in those weeks after 9/11.

To this day I still cannot watch/read stories about 9/11, not even the miracles. I tried watching one about people who were saved by firemen. The nightmares started again that night. I just can't look, can't watch, can't read. Can't really think about it, still can't understand why.

mum's the word

Kevin thinks he can fix the bed, which is a relief. The bed was handmade by my great-grandfather. I estimate the bed to be about 150 years old. My father used to sleep on the bed when he was a little boy. He is 78. I do not want to tell him that the bed broke, let alone mention what activities were occurring at the time. I don't think that we broke the bed exactly, because the wood was already cracked, but we weren't helping matters. Sometimes it is really hard to live with history. Of course I want to take care of the bed, but it's my bed. It's not just an antique intended to be admired but not used. I've been sleeping on that bed since I was 6. When I moved away from home my mother didn't want me to take it and I had a fit. It's MY bed. After all these years I think ownership is indisputable. I would never sell it. But I won't be afraid to sleep on it either. I feel the same way about my quilts. I use them. When they become worn they are more comfy. When they fall apart I am sad, but I'm glad it served a purpose for many years. If the bed cannot be fixed I will be sad a family heirloom is gone, but I'll be happy that I can redecorate for once instead of having to work around one style. I just don't want to tell my parents. They will not be as forgiving as I am.

Broken home?

A lot of things have been breaking lately. In the last week we have lost the shredder (faulty switch), the vacuum (no suction), and today the bed broke (side rail split). Goddess have mercy.

Today's card is Badger. 'Abandon compromise and fight valiantly for what you believe in.' We have 31 more cards to go unless my deck is suddenly ruined. Let's hope every thing stays intact.

Aaarrrgggghhh

I woke up feeling stiff and sore this morning, as if I didn't sleep. I feel like a moment or 2 after I went to bed it was time to get up. I have zero desire to go to work. I don't want to go to the gym. I want to go back to bed, pull the covers over my head and sleep for a year. Maybe three.

Today's card is wild horse which couldn't be farther from the way I feel. Maybe the day will get better.

Abnormal

Today is Wednesday, but it feels like Tuesday since Monday was a holiday. Of course, yesterday felt like Monday. I hate it when Monday comes twice in one week.

Wednesday is a day of communications, so if you have something to say, Speak Up! It's also a new moon (unless I've misread my calendar) so it's a good time to start a new project. My goal is to learn how to take better pictures for my Etsy shop. Since my pics are how I communicate, today is the perfect day for it.

Today's card is Ray (as in sting ray) Counter malicious talk by casting its import from your mind.

I want you to know these cards totally work. I write my post, I shuffle the cards and draw one. I don't look for cards to match my mood.

It's another exciting day

in the sewing room of FreeDragon. And yes, today is the day I actually have to clean it. I'm not stupid enough to think I can clean off my sewing table, maybe I can wash the windows or something.

Today's card is TIGER- Passion and adventure beckon. Tuesday is ruled by Mars and is fire day. It's good for romance and starting new projects. Oddly enough, it's also a good sewing day. I think this is because fire gives you the drive to complete things.

Professional?

What you're seeing is my sewing room closet. Notice how it is packed full. Mind you, this is only half. I'm afraid to open the other side because things might fall out. Oh, and my mom made the stuffed fish on the wall when I was in first grade. We read a story about a magic fish (it may have been something out of 1001 Arabian Nights) and I had to bring in a fish. That's all I remember. The fish is named Smoky and he is just one indication of how long I keep things. All those boxes? Unfinished projects. Some have been unfinished for years. I have kept them in 3 different houses. Occassionally I run out of good ideas so I open a box. Sometimes I find something to work with. Sometimes I have to revamp it. Sometimes it's just junk and I toss the contents, but keep the box. Those flat boxes are darn useful. And I have more unfinished projects on my sewing table. Every once in a while I become deluded into thinking that I can use my sewing table as a work space and not a storage space. I will clean it off, shove fabric wherever and spread out what I'm currently working on. But since I tend to have several projects in various stages of completion it's not long before I'm right back where I started. At the bottom of the closet, that you probably can't make out, is my dye studio. I cleaned off a shelf, got 3 plastic containers with lids, and now it's a dye studio. Okay, okay. It's one shelf in a fabric closet. I work with what I've got. All I needed was space where dye baths would be undisturbed. The containers have lids because Kevin told me my dyes stink. I dye when he is at work. That doesn't give me much time, but I don't have much space anyway. The top part of the shelf is Etsy shop stock. Right beside my Etsy stuff are Kevin's hunting clothes. For some reason he thinks I don't use this closet.

Monday

I've got my shirts up and going again, which is what you see at the bottom of the page. I need all the sources of income I can get. I've also added to my Etsy shop. I'm still debating linking it to my blog. I may link the etsy shop to the Zazzle shop. I don't know.

My grandfather used to have a ceramic shop. Ceramics are not a very profitable business. People are only going to buy so many vases and coffee mugs. It's also a very limited medium as everything is molded. You can only make what you have molds for and they are expensive. As is the kiln and the slip (mix).

But Grandaddy seems to make a profit on a regular basis. He was always loading up his van and going on selling trips. He had a showroom in his shop and he opened it every day. He had regular business hours. He had a production schedule.

When Grandaddy died, my grandmother said she would keep the shop open. But she didn't go on selling trips. She would often be in the shop, but forget to unlock the showroom. She tried to finish all my grandfather's projects, but she didn't go in any kind of order. If she felt like doing decals, she did. But if vases needed to be fired before being painted so they would be ready for decals, she might put it off for a week because painting wasn't her favorite thing.

Eventually the showroom got dusty, the phone stopped ringing, and no one stopped by anymore.

Mama Kate had everything she needed to keep the business going. She had customers, tools, supplies, and products.

But she failed to do the one thing Grandaddy did- she didn't work in the shop every day.

This is the key to any business, whether it is a full time career or a hobby. You must do something every day. You must design, plan, create, think, organize, have ideas, gather information- you've got to WORK.

I've decided I'm going to do something with at least 1 of my shops every day even if it's nothing more than signing in and looking at the site.

Today's card is parrot. 'Let sunshine revitalize your soul and color transform your world.' And it might help to talk about what you're doing.

I just realized

I have an over-abundance of blue markers. There's one blue paint marker, 3 blue sharpies, a light blue sharpie, a teal sharpie, a dark green and a light green sharpie, one red, one brown, and one orange. All stored in a freakin' BLUE and white cup.

What is going on here? I like purple. Why so much blue? Am I longing for calmness? Truth? An over-whelming desire to live on the river? Am I lacking in fire and warmth? Are water goddesses watching over me?

Yesterday I designed some BLUE fabric with BLUE SPIRALS. I was so pleased with it. Until now when I started wondering if I able to break out of my comfort zone and work with other colors. I think today needs to RED, ORANGE, AND YELLOW. Fire and heat and passion! Heck, maybe even black. Take that, blue!

Today's card is wild boar. 'Whatever tradition or others expect of you, only to yourself be true.' See? The blue has got to go.

Nice long weekend

It's Labor Day Weekend and it is soooo nice here. I don't know how your part of the country is fairing, but here in Alabma we have 80 degree temps, a nice treat after sizzling hot weeks and high humidity.

Today's card is whale. Through music you reclaim life's magic and grow strong in body and soul.

I think this card's for you, Muddy.

Zoom

This week just zoomed by. I'm glad. Last week went on forever. I was really busy this week because my office mate had an out of town family emergency so I was doing both our jobs. Yesterday I had to help rebuild a turntable. I am the only person at work with hands small enough to fit inside the shaft. (Sometimes it really pays to have a woman in the department) Normally I just pop the seals right in and I am done in about 10 minutes. This saves the men hours. However, unbeknown to us, the machine shop built a turntable with a different inside diameter. Thus it came to us with smaller seals. Ergo, when I tried to put new seals in they didn't fit. I spent 3 hours trying to force seals into too small of a groove. Finally I gave up, got a different shaft and popped them all in. In under 7 minutes. Today my knuckles are scraped and my fingertips are very sore. Of course, while I was trying to rebuild a shaft with the wrong seals, nothing else got done. So I have a mess waiting for me today. I really miss my office mate.

But it's FRIDAY! AND it's a 3 day weekend! Yay for holidays! I just have to get through today and then I can spend so long awaited time in my garden.

Today's card is Frog. 'Adapt and survive by accepting the inevitable and seizing potential' This is another card I haven't previously drawn. Frogs are the first to indicate problems with the environment because they are so sensitive. If all is right with the frogs, all is well with the world. So today's card is very appropriate because I wanted to get out of one environment and envelop myself in another.

Ewee, That Smell

Something stinks in the kitchen. Problem is, I can't track it down. It's a small kitchen, so one bad smell seems to be coming from everywhere. I finally decided on the corner, but that leaves either the trash can or the fridge. Or something behind the hot water heater. I emptied the trash and while it helped, the smell is still there. So I cleaned out the fridge. I tossed old food and hauled shelves outside to be scrubbed down and blasted with the hose. The smell grew fainter. Thinking that maybe the smell has 2 sources I scrubbed the trash can. Then just to be safe I scrubbed the other trash cans in the house.

I can STILL smell it. Whatever it is. I can't move the hot water heater, so I will rake out as much dust as possible with the broom. And I am going to mop the floor. And when Kevin comes home I'm going to make him move the fridge because a witch's house should smell like herbs and incense. Tea and bread. Wine and candles. Maybe even something mysterious, something that is unique to witches, the smell of magick and conjuring.

Speaking of witchy things, my hair is slowly going gray. This isn't a surprise, it comes early in my mother's family. There is one gray hair on the top of my head. It is thick and it refuses to lay flat with the rest of my hair. It stands up and waves defiantly. 'Look, look, LOOK at me!'

Pretty soon I'm going to look like what I am- an old fierce witch.

At least it's a nice silver color.

Ghostly Activity

I kept having low sugars yesterday so I went to bed early. Kevin was outside working on his truck. Several times I heard foot steps and felt a presence in the room. Then I'd hear Kevin outside. I'd look up but no one was in the room.

Today's card is Eagle. Just to recap, our cards have been fox, red squirrel, spider, deer, mountain goat, dolphin, crocodile, butterfly, sloth, octopus, rhinoceros, and bison. 40 more to go unless I've miscounted. The cards tend to stick together.

Traditionalist

Today's card is Bison. Recognize the riches of the past and the abundance of the present.
To me this card is about cycles and circles. The future can't be built without the past. All our actions are constantly sowing the seeds of what is to come. When the future becomes the present it has echos of the past. We tend to not like our pasts and thus are rarely happy with the present- we remember the echos and do not like them. Rarely are we happy with how events play out.
I also think the bison is about home. I think it teaches us how to be happy in the life role we have been given. Bison is about using the past as a guide for the future. It teaches us how to carry good traditions forward so that nothing is lost.
Today is September 1st, what most people consider the first fall month and in the fall people tend to look back. This year I've done something I've never done before- I planted a fall garden. I've always been taught spring is the only time to plant. Suddenly I realized that is false. Mother Nature has plants growing year round. Of course I can have a fall garden!
Look forward today. The future is coming.