The Wheel In the Sky Keeps On Turning

For the New Year we will be manifesting things. If you would like to follow along with me, find a nice rock. It can be any size, shape, type, or color, but as you will be handling it a lot I suggest it be one you can hold in your hand. A big rock won't do unless you have unrestricted access to it 24/7, meaning that big honking rock the size of a bus down by the river won't do. At the end of 2011 we will be releasing the rock back to nature so it would also be unwise to pick a valuable stone. My stone is a piece of quartz I found on Lake Martin.

You might also want to gather several small stones you don't like for banishing. You'll be throwing these, so again, not too large. Pebbles will be fine.

And a notebook would be handy for writing down what you want and for tracking how your manifestations appeared.

At each full moon (esbath) and on each Sabbath I will be writing about what these times mean to me, how I celebrate, and the kind of magick I do. But here's an overview-

To me the New Year begins on Halloween. From Halloween to New Year's Eve is a between time. It's the New Year, but the Old Year is still here. I'm winding up projects, letting go of things I don't need, and planning ahead. New Year is a starting point, sort of like studying for months for a test like the ACT or SAT that begins at 9am.

Imbolc is the holiday I understand the least. My friend describes it as the quickening in the womb. I've never been pregnant so I don't know how this feels. I suppose it's supposed to be about knowing Spring is on the way. I use it as an evaluation point. I refine my New Year's goals on Imbolc.

Spring Equinox I love. I always have an egg tree. Before becoming diabetic I would bake cinnamon rolls for breakfast. I would have coffee and cinny rolls with Kevin then cover a tree in the front yard with plastic eggs. I leave my eggs up until Easter. I started a trend in my old neighborhood. I usually plant something at this time.

Beltaine is the opposite of Halloween and for me it's a time of Thanksgiving- I celebrate life and I'm thankful for the way I live. I don't do much in the way of celebrating because by this time of year in the south it is freakin' hot!

Summer Solstice is a wonderful, lazy time. The day seems to last forever. I usually do spells and spend the day with friends.

Lammas is another holiday I don't really get, mainly because I've never gotten to celebrate it. When I first started as a witch, my friend I did rituals with had 4 children. The first of August was one daughter's birthday and school was starting. She was always too busy and we skipped Lammas every time. Lammas is the first harvest holiday. I always think of sunflowers but in reality the summer sun has baked everything to death.

Mabon is wonderful. It's a little cooler but not too cold. I celebrate alone and feel proud of my accomplishments. I feel excited about what's coming...

Halloween! Ooooooh- my favorite! Halloween is fun and spooky, happy and scary and strange. This is the only holiday in the US that allows children to be themselves. I think that's why so many adults go all out for it- we don't have enough enjoyment in our lives.

Last comes Yule. I have mixed feelings about Yule. Yule and Christmas usually get tangled up like x-mas lights and I no longer bother trying to keep them separate. I hate the commericalism and shopping, but I love the tree!

I add two more holidays to my wheel- New Year's, which I see as a time of reflection and personal growth, and my birthday, January 7. Your birthday is your most powerful day. All the planets are back in the position as when you were born. You can tap this energy and do anything. This is the one day when the Universe is guaranteed to work with you.

So that's how my Wheel turns. This weekend I'll start my garden- very excited about that!

It's the End of the World As We Know It. I Feel Fine.

My New Year begins at Halloween. It ends this month. I spend this time letting go of worthless things and planning for better things. I don't think a whole year ends on one night. It takes a while.

This is a fine time to read the cards or look into a magick mirror or crystal ball. It's also a good time to look back because the past shapes the future. Now too, is a great time for dreamwork. Pay attention to your dreams because they tell you everything- your desires, your fears, your hopes, how you perceive the world and how others perceive you.

I've made some plans for this blog- expect moon phases and Celtic Tree Months. Each full moon I will discuss a goddess. I'll cover esbaths and Sabbaths. I'll be sewing and showing you how I keep my house in order. And this weekend I'll be starting the 2011 garden. You might be surprised at that one.

I would like to know what's on your mind. Questions? Comments? Any particular subject you wish to discuss?

Year in Review

I'm glad to see 2010 go. It's been a rough year for me.

Out of all the things I've lost this year, I realized I lost two things that were actually good to lose. Since becoming diabetic I have lost my fear of blood and hypodermic needles. Seeing them both together several times a day tends to lessen their effects.

I've decided 2011 will be the year of the home. My home is my protection against the outside world. It is the one place where I can be safe and relax. I want my house to be a place of magick and spells. I'm trying to do more small spells more often. I used to work magick all the time. I want to get back to that. There is no need to do long rituals if I cast every few minutes all day.

For too long I've let things that aren't important take up too much of my time. No more. I refuse to worry about that which does not matter.

I've been planning New Year's Day carefully. I feel I should spend the day doing what I love for as New Year's goes so shall the rest of the year follow. I refuse to have a bad day.

Sometimes I feel distracted, lost, and unfocused. I've decided that when I feel this way I should let go and just be. My mind will quiet and my attention will settle on what really matters.

And I might spend a little too much time looking inward when I should be looking out toward the future. Speaking of out, I want Nature to flourish around my house. I need to do more spells outdoors. When I face East and call the air, I should feel the wind.

Also it might be important if I were just a tad more silly because I tend to take myself far too seriously. Maybe I could wear my witch's hat just for fun whenever I'm sewing or cooking.

And sometimes I should just make a random left turn. Just to see if there's anything of interest over the hill.

Save Us

A while back, I mentioned I had changed my views on the environment. I never did say how I feel differently.

I used to think we needed to save the planet. We've only got one Earth, better treat it well. Woe to us if we destroy the planet. What will the earth do if there are no more trees?

I now think we have been directing our attention in the wrong direction.

I don't think we can destroy the planet. But we are very capable of wiping out ourselves. What will happen to Earth if humans no longer exist? It will keep right on spinning. And probably will be better off.

If we kill all the trees, we will be the ones who can't breathe.

If we pollute all the water, we will be ones with nothing to drink.

If we let all the soil erode away, we will be the ones with no food.

The planet doesn't need saving. Humans do. No where else is there a species so stupid that it deliberately destroys the system that supports it. We know we need to consume less and produce less waste. We know we are poisoning ourselves. We keep right on doing it. When we are all dead the Earth will breathe a sigh of relief and reinvent itself.

Think about the beginning of the planet, when Earth was a ball of molten lava and poisonous gas. Eventually the fireball cooled. Land formed. Water appeared. Plants grew. Animals began to roam.  Now ask yourself what is the worst we could do? A nuclear holocaust where the whole planet is a fireball of noxious gas? Gee, what would happen next?

First Ever White X-Mas

It started to snow late yesterday evening making it the first ever recorded white Christmas in Alabama. There is still snow on the ground today and every once in a while flurries float past the window.

Christmas

We have a Charlie Brown Tree this year. One string of lights was all it would hold. Last year the only nice tree we could find was HUGE so we cut the top out thinking we got about a 4 foot tree. It wouldn't fit in the house and we had to cut another foot off the bottom. My fathers says trees grow really, really fast as you bring them in. I went to the dollar store three times before I had enough lights to cover the monster. I felt relieved at having more than enough decorations this year. There's something charming about a little tree.

I put our tree up a week ago. It's live, and I'm not one who lives for Christmas. I would go insane if I had a tree up from the day after Thanksgiving until January. Before I got the tree, I read about the Christmas tree being a symbol of the World Tree. I thought about decorations carefully- what do I want to find on my path as I climb the World Tree? I finally decided I wanted a simple life and a well lit path. I need a star to guide me and the occasional gift from the Universe. All that's on my tree are lights, a star, and present ornaments. These are also the type of ornaments usually found on my parents' tree. I'm having a nostalgic Christmas.

I've been broke this month. Kevin has been pressed for time. On Yule I gave Kevin one present (b/c I bought it months ago) and asked if we could celebrate Christmas on my birthday. He agreed and last night he came in with presents! Aaaarrrrrggghhhhh! He gave me flannel pj's (he thinks flannel is sexy), bath oil, and a shirt which is nearly identical to the one the lioness gave me. Funny how a shirt from a girlfriend is too revealing but the same cut of shirt is okay from a husband.

This is the time of year I call the Sleep. Finally the mad running and spending is over. The gifts are open, the food is eaten, the decorating is done, and the money is gone. There's nothing left to do but rest and sleep. In an ideal world, I could spend a week or so resting. In reality I go back to work on Monday. I worked Friday because I need the money, and I was bored out of my skull. No one was there. Why couldn't we close the plant? I really, really hate my job.

I've added to my Etsy shop, and I tried adding to my Zazzle shop, but their website simply refuses to cooperate. I've got a lot of ideas, it's now a matter of finding the time to create. My sewing room is a mess as usual. I say I'm working though the pile, but I think the pile is working me!

In January I will be adding something new to the blog, a weekly sewing project. Each week will either be a quilt block or a plastic canvas piece. I've been waiting for plastic canvas to go retro hip like knitting or crochet. I decided it wasn't going to happen without a little help from me. So forget tissue box covers and expect some art in yarn fibers.

The Season of Wishes

"I want peace on Earth and good will towards men."

"We're the United States Government. We don't do that sort of thing."

Which I think is rather sad. BTW, the above quote is from the movie 'Sneakers' with Robert Redford.

Yule is Tuesday. There is also a lunar eclipse. It is a GREAT time to do magick of any kind.

I've been thinking about what to do. I have lots and lots of wishes. There is much I want. But since Yule is going to be such a powerful time, I feel like I should ask for the best possible thing. And probably it would be unwise to waste that power on something selfish.

I decided I am going to fix the world.

I'm not asking for peace on Earth and good will towards men, although those are great things, I'm asking that every soul on this planet has an improved existence.

I'm asking that Americans eat better food, and not processed, chemical laden junk. For that matter, I would like us all to have less chemicals in this world, and less plastic. As a first step, I am going to throw out all my plastic food containers and replace them with glass. Now I realize I cannot be completely free of plastic. In order to have a good seal on my glass bowls, they will need plastic lids. That's fine. I said an improved existence, and improvement generally comes in small steps.

I'm asking for endangered species to make a comeback. I want the ice caps to stop melting. I want there to be places on this earth that are completely wild. I want the rain forests to live for another 10,000 years. I want deserts to be sandy places of clean air and not locations for nuclear bomb testing. I would like children to be able to play on any beach and not encounter toxic waste.

Everyone is worried about our fuel supply running out. How about we just use less? How about on Yule we turn off all the damn lights and let go of our fear of darkness? What if instead of making a special trip to the store, we stop after work for milk?

And let's use a little less water. Kevin and I shower together. Eco-friendly and romantic. Promise me you won't buy a single bottle of water in 2011. The water in your tap is probably safer to drink, so fill up a couple of containers and let that be it.

Shop a little wiser. Actually, I want you to shop a lot less. Buy only what you need. Buy hand-made whenever you can. Buy from local stores. If you buy something made in China it better be something extra special that ONLY comes from China. In other words, a rarity and not cheap plastic junk.

Try growing your own food or making your own clothes. Save your money and plan for the future. Adopt a pet from a shelter. Be a responsible person, admit when you are wrong, and clean up after yourself.

Try cleaning up your city, too. Walk down the road and pick up trash. Stop when the bag is full. Look at that bag and know you made a visible difference. Then fill up another bag. Don't be discouraged if you fill up a whole box of trash bags. Ask your neighbors for help and get to know the people who live next door. Shame on you if you don't know their names. Community begins with you.

This Yule go outside in the dark with a white candle. Light the candle and see the Earth green and growing. See the planet whole and golden. Heal Earth and all her people.

WTF IS THAT?

This was captured on a trail camera. No one knows what it is. I got the picture from one of my co-workers. His son's friend owns the camera. The boy has not been back in the woods since this picture was taken. I don't know the son or his friend, but I know my co-worker wouldn't be showing it to people unless he thought it was real. I assume this is somewhere in Alabama, but I can't swear to it. I would love to have some comments on this.



Great News I Can't Tell You

I don't post about work because I feel that it dominates too much of my life already. I'm about to make an exception to my rule.

I can't tell you what it is. I'm sorry. I'm still working on it, it deals with magick, and if I tell you then you may junk up my spell. I'm not saying you would intentionally do such a thing, but you may feel that what I'm attempting is not possible. Your disbelief of what I'm trying to do may attach negative energy and circumvent the good which is happening now.

I feel like a person who has sat up during the long night and finally, finally, the sky is a lighter color. I can't see the sun yet, but I know dawn is near. Hopefully in a few months I'll be able to tell you the whole story from start to finish.

I haven't heard anything else from my friend. No phone call, no email, no text, nothing. I've been trying to release worthless things from my life, so this may be a sign to let go. I'm just going to move on and try not to be bothered.

I feel the strong urge to be SUPER WITCH, meaning I want to go out and do some of the things I mentioned  in my community service post. I'll be in town tonight so I'm going to spread as much magick as I can. I'll tell you how it goes.

I Think It's Time to Let Go

This is a hard post to write. I've started over a couple of times now. I was going to give the background, but I decided to just tell why I am upset, and if anyone thinks I am wrong for feeling this way, please say so.

I live in Tallapoosa County which is more or less in the center of the state. One of my friends flew in from Texas the weekend after Thanksgiving. She had been at her sister's house in Georgia over a week before she emailed me.

I think she emailed once more after that. She wanted to see me, and I said of course, but we never made any plans. It was always, of course I want to see you, I'll call....

I was starting to feel a bit left out. I sort of felt like if she wanted to see me so bad she would have put forth more effort. Her mother held a party the first weekend in December. Instead of calling me, my friend had one of her sisters invite me. That was the week of low sugars so I didn't feel well. I stayed home.

I suppose I could have gone. But Kevin wasn't available to drive me and I was worried about driving so far alone. Because I live in the middle of the state and the others live along the Georgia/Alabama border, it wouldn't have been polite to ask someone to pick me up.

Today my friend called and invited me to the oldest sister's house in Valley. I can take Highway 50 and it's not too bad of a drive, but it's not a short little trip either. It's not like running to the store for milk.

The visit lasted 20 minutes and then she left. It took me longer to drive there than to visit. If I had known it was going to be such a short reunion I would have just stayed home. And I asked when she called if she was planning on being there for a while and she said yes. They left because they were hungry. Now there's lots of options. The oldest sister could have cooked something. They could have ran up to the several fast food chains three streets over. They could have ordered a pizza.

I visited with the oldest sister for a while. Then I made the long drive back home. Did I mention the snow? It rarely snows here. On the way, it started to snow as I got into Chambers County. It didn't stick, but usually when it snows I stay in my house and refuse to venture out. It snowed all the way home. I just prayed it wouldn't turn into a blizzard.

I feel like my friend gave no thought to the distance, the time, the cold, or the expense of gas. I feel like she didn't really want to see me, maybe she just felt obligated. Am I wrong in feeling this way? Should I have tried harder to contact her? Should I have gone to the party? Several times I invited her to my home and she always gave a vague response. So do I cut loose or no?

Serving Community As a Closeted Witch

I believe all witches should help people. I think this is part of having a power. I don't think we should be like the Charmed Ones and putting the needs of others before our own all the time, but I do feel that witches are in a position to help people so that's what we should do. I feel that the community is an extension of home. I want my house to be as nice as possible so why would I want to live in a miserable place with high crime and pollution?

Being in the broom closet means I can actually serve my community without ego tripping me up. Nothing against public witches, but I think when you're in the spotlight people expect you to do amazing feats on the spot without any hard work. Often when people turn to magick to solve a problem their situation is dire. They don't want help so much as they want things to just go away. If the witch can't wave their wand and make it all better then people feel resentful. If somehow the witch does make the monster disappear then the person will return again and again, unwilling to do anything themselves. The witch becomes a crutch.

Here's how to work magick for the greatest good without having to deal with a steady stream of petty issues:

1. Become Nature orientated. This can be as simple as hanging bird feeders in your yard, planting a garden, or getting involved in a town tree planting program. The more nature that is in a community, the less violent it becomes.

2. Learn, and respect, the local spirits. These are the higher beings that can assist you. Visit cemeteries, the historical society, or historical/famous sites. Attune yourself to these energies. For example, if there is a large Chinese population in your town, ask Chinese dragons for protection. Calling in Celtic energies may create an energy flux that is at odds with the energy of your town.

3. Cast a protective circle around your town using a map of the area. Draw the circle directly on the map. You can also draw other symbols on the map, like dollar signs to improve the economy. Crop circle patterns are very healing (and I'll talk about them in another post) While you have the map, protect the waterways, parks, roads, civic buildings, and hospital. I have found the best way to do this is to ask for improvement/protection every full moon. This brings gradual but lasting change.

4. Pick up trash. Trash draws more trash. Clean places tend to stay clean.

5. Support local business. I hate Wal-Mart, I think it killed small town America. I don't like other big chain stores either. I realize these super stores are convenient, but they spell death for mom and pop stores. The environment fares no better. Wal-Mart generally cuts down 5 acres of trees, stays in the location less than 5 years, then moves a mere 5 miles down the road and cuts down all those trees.

6. Donate your old witchcraft books to your local library. The shelves in the library will indicate how tolerate your town is. If your books never make it then you best tread softly. If your old books do become available for check-out you are helping others witches who may be chomping at the bit for reading material. If your library won't add a spell book to its collection, try fantasy novels. Which leads us to #7:

7. Leave magick for others to find. I used to leave spells in my library's Harry Potter books. You can bless coins and leave them in public places. If your gas station has a 'leave a penny, take a penny' bin this is a great place to leave blessed coins designed to increase wealth. Also try leaving good luck charms on park benches.

8. Are there buildings that need restoring in your town? Take a picture and each day visualize the building becoming better. If you have artistic talent, you can draw the building in it's current state, then draw it in various states of repair.

9. Better the lives of the people. This one is a bit tricky, which is why I saved it for last. You don't really know what people need. You might think more money would help, but if they have a gambling problem they aren't going to pay bills. If you see someone is struggling to get by, it might be better to ask the Universe to bring the person what they need the most.

The Ins and Outs of the Broom Closet

There are some good things about publicly being a witch:
1. You don't have to 'hide' stuff when company comes over. It's okay to have a full altar in the living room.
2. You can get away with some outlandish behavior because people think it's a 'witchy thang'
3. Halloween is can be more fun for you as an adult than it was in your childhood.
4. You don't have to explain your tattoos/hair/clothes/decor.
5. You can sleep in on Sunday.

But the bad side of being out:
1. Freaks! Strange people you have zero desire to associate with will gravitate toward you at the most inopportune times like when you are on a working lunch with your boss.
2. Jesus Freaks, not be confused with the ordinary freaks, who will make it their mission in life to save you from devil-worshippers that have clearly brainwashed you.
3. Witch wars. The largest waste of time and energy on Earth.
4. The Argumentative Ones. These are the people who think you are stupid for believing/practicing something they think isn't real. At every opportunity they will look for ways to belittle/humiliate/demean you.

The good side of staying in the broom closet:
1. You won't have to publicly defend your beliefs.
2. You can practice whatever form of witchcraft you like.
3. Being that your work is secret there is less of a chance of drawing negative energy to it.
4. There is less of a chance you will be fired from your job or shunned socially.

Some downers:
1. It will be hard to meet like-minded people.
2. You may be compelled by family to attend functions or events that go against your beliefs.
3. You might not feel comfortable in the occult section of the bookstore. You may hope no one sees you buying the latest pagan best-seller.
4. Obtaining supplies could be difficult. Your most likely source will be the Internet so you can't be sure that what you buy will be exactly like the photo on the website. Picking out a wand without being able to touch it is a lesson in disappointment.
5. You may feel guilty lying about your beliefs and lifestyle.

I'm not out, but I keep the door open. Kevin and my friends know, but my family does not. My co-workers speculate wildly. Sometimes this works in my favor- I had an office all to myself for the longest time because people were nervous about sharing with me. Sometimes a person will have a string of bad luck and it's my fault for 'cursing' them. I have my blog, but I would prefer that you not try to find me, please. I don't want a steady stream of people I've never met coming to my door for any reason. I am happy to answer questions via the comments section, but I do not want to invite you in, make you coffee, and entertain you for several hours. My time and my space are private.

Work in Progress

This is the dragon fabric I'm working on. The dragons are done, so hopefully I can heat set it tonight. I think it needs something, stars or suns or lines of something. The background color will be done last. I'm thinking purple.

Update

I haven't fallen into the danger zone with my sugar. Yay!

Not much going on here, just running to the grocery store, cooking, and taking care of my little house and all who reside in it. I'm designing some dragon fabric for my etsy shop which is slow going because so many little mundane things require my attention.

Magickally, I've been asking for blessings daily. I've also been speaking to my goddesses who seem to be ignoring me. But they're African and African gods will either help you or they won't. Given how forcefully Oya jumped into my life I thought She had plans for me. But no, evidently She just wanted my attention.

My little indoor kitchen garden is doing well. I have plans to plant peppers. Start peppers indoors in January so they will be ready to go in the spring. The warmer the ground temperature, the hotter the pepper. Peppers are protective, good for banishing, raising energy, and spicing up your love life. A string of peppers hung in your house will absorb negative energy, but don't eat any from the string- you must return the peppers to the earth.

Dragon For Sale

Retro, Baby!

Mercury going retrograde wasn't a problem until I knew about it. Guess what I read yesterday? Yep, a post about Mercury going retrograde. Do you know what happened this morning, hmmmm? I couldn't connect to the freakin' Internet! And apparently there was no reason for it because the computer couldn't detect any problems. Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

To alleviate the problem, I connected with my element, earth. I cleaned up the kitchen and made a place for an indoor kitchen garden. And now, magically, I have the Internet again.

43 Again

This morning when the alarm went off I felt dizzy. Kevin jumped out of bed to test my sugar. He woke up at 3am, thought I felt clammy, and stayed awake in case I needed him. I had no idea he was awake. My hero!

I delayed taking my insulin today. I ate first. Kevin hovered. I suppose on Wednesday I didn't go to sleep, I passed out.

I don't know what's making my sugar drop in the night. I haven't changed my diet or my routine. It could be the weather. Colder temps mean my body burns more sugar so I stay warm. I might need to turn up the heat. But at least now I can be more careful.

Rise & Shine (Kinda)

This morning I ate breakfast after taking insulin. That way if I fell asleep my sugar wouldn't drop into the danger zone. Yesterday I felt drained and sluggish, so I mainly slept and watched tv. I still feel like that, but I have to (groan!) go to work.

Today Hecate (my truck) gets new tires. The tires I have now are so thin you can almost see the air in them. For a while I've been needing new tires. But they're expensive ($326.17 for two) so I put it off and put it off. On the 9th of this month, Kevin's father is having surgery in Birmingham. I told him he could drive Hecate. He didn't want to because of the poor tires. So I told him to order the tires. I may not do much for myself, but I'll do anything for Kevin.

My goal for today is to simply get through the day. I am almost to the weekend and then I can rest. In the mean time I'll keep praying for a cure.

43 and falling

This morning I got up at the usual time. I let the dogs out. I took my insulin. I started the coffee. I put food bowls down. I let the dogs in. I started the laundry. I washed dishes. I got a cup of freshly brewed coffee, lay down beside a still sleeping Kevin, and started planning my day.

I am in a garden. It is small, but very important. Some kind of experiment is in progress. I hear Kevin calling me. I do not want to leave the garden.

Kevin woke up at 7, and discovered me sleeping. I don't remember going back to sleep. I was not sleepy when I lay down. I had no intentions of going back to sleep. I usually snuggle next to him in the morning. I never go back to sleep. It is dangerous for me to take insulin and sleep. The insulin I take every morning is supposed to last 24 hours. It is supposed to give me a steady supply of insulin all day without spiking, peaking, or making my sugar bottom out. But within one hour of taking it my sugar drops. That's why I can't go back to sleep. My doctor wants me to take this insulin BEFORE bed and I refuse. It's too dangerous. This morning my sugar dropped. Because I was asleep I didn't know.

I really didn't know anything was wrong. I didn't remember getting up. Kevin kept telling me I had to call in. I didn't understand why. I thought it was 4:30 and time to get up. I didn't know why I had to call in.

At one point, I was standing in front of the bathroom sink. A hand towel was was laying on the counter. I looked down and thought the towel was snow. The next time I looked, I saw a towel. I wondered where the snow went. I must have stood there for a long time because Kevin pulled me out of the bathroom. Then I lost a few minutes and the next time I looked around I was sitting on the couch and Kevin was giving me his phone, telling me to talk to my boss. I told my boss things were complicated. I told him I didn't know what time it was. He told me the time, then he started asking me other things which I couldn't comprehend. Kevin took the phone away. He told my boss I was having a low sugar. That was when I realized I was in trouble.

Kevin tested my sugar. 43. If I fall into the 30's I am practically in a coma.  He fed me a brownie which made me feel like more like myself. Kevin saved my life. Again. If Kevin hadn't been home I would still be in the garden.