Every weekend I make plans. Not major going-somewhere plans. Not do-an-awesome-project plans. Not family time plans. I just plan things like groceries, cooking, mow the yard (snort), sew, garden, maybe paint my toes stuff.
I end up with lots of plans. But that's about all I get. Because sadly the weekend is a mere 48 hours long with a good bit of hours chopped off both ends if you have a job. And because no matter how badly I may want to do stuff, I am forced to work for a living so that means a good many hours are devoted to preparing for the next week like laundry, making lunches, scheduling appointments, and ensuring I have enough gas to drive to work.
A lot of times I am staring straight between two choices- enjoy myself or be a responsible adult. It's a sad position. Often I feel resentment.
But what usually happens on the weekend is my body makes up its own mind. I planned to get up really early (dumb idea considering I work 2nd shift and didn't go to bed until 2am) so I could cut grass. Last weekend I cut the backyard. Then it was getting dark, I'd done drank two beers, I was a sweaty mess, and well, I was tired. I never got around to finishing the yard. It rained three times. The front yard is a jungle and the backyard is about where it was before I cut it.
During one of the rain storms, a huge maple limb crashed into the back yard, scaring my dogs. They have been edging warily around the limb each time I take them to the pen, and the first three times I took them out, I had to shove Sophie through the gate. I've got logging to do. I'm not a lumber jack; I only have a hand saw and pruning shears. This is going to be a time consuming job and I get the feeling I won't finish it. Then too, the garden never goes the way I plan. Plants spill over their containers, creep around borders, sprout in unexpected places, smother their neighbors, flowers quickly go to seed, herbs scream to be cut, and weeds never cease to be pulled. Gardening is a full time job and I already have one of those. Oh yeah, and the grass still needs to be cut.
I had this plan for today- I would spend all day in the yard. It was perfect really, I'd cut grass, burn wood, pull some weeds, set out plants and just do summer activities since I didn't have time to celebrate the Solstice on the 21st. Full moon, too. How Witchy is that? Great idea...but I slept.
Not very well, because I worried about a few things, the phone kept buzzing at me, and there's been an insane amount of traffic today, plus I always get up at six to take the dogs out. Kurt used to handle that for me before he went to work. It's just me now. I have to make a choice between leaving my dogs in the pen all night, which isn't fair to them, or, if I don't get up early, they have to hold their bladders for hours and that's not fair to them either. Sometimes they can't hold it and I have to clean the floor which is gross. I just get up at 6am even though it means I had a four hour nap instead of real sleep. Less guilt that way.
I really intended to get up around 8 and get started on my poor neglected yard. Honest. But, there's one thing I forget every weekend. I'm tired. I'm a middle aged diabetic and I no longer have the energy of a 19 year-old. I get weary and worn down faster than normal people. My brain said Get up, do stuff. But my much wiser body said Rest before you kill us all. Now I have so much to do it's overwhelming. Instead of doing any of it, I'm sitting here in front of the computer.
Makes perfect sense.