Friday, June 21, 2013

I'm Gonna Get My Abs

I've been feeling energized all day. I'm not sure if having a goal has me geared up or if the stars have aligned perfectly. Whatever it is, if some fat bitches are gonna hate me, I'm gonna give them a little waist to hate.

Routine 1 for me is a Crunchless Abs video. It's sort of like the 'Buns of Steel' or '10 Minute Whatevers' you see on t.v. It's not exactly crunchless; more of a slow crunch. There is no way to work your abs without crunching them. I'm sorry, but there's just not. Fortunately, there's all kinds of different crunches and at least one will work for you. Remember, even if it's not called a crunch, an effective ab exercise will tightly constrict stomach muscles. Not all of them involve laying on your back; some can be done standing or sitting. But if it doesn't make your stomach muscles ache, don't bother.

So every other day I'll do the video. If I get bored, I also have a belly dancing video. I consider belly dancing less strenuous, but it does teach one in move in alluring ways and if seduction is your goal then by all means, learn to shimmy. I've noticed men really, really, really love dancing women. When I was taking Spanish in college, the teacher taught all the girls in the class a Spanish dance. The boys sat around the edge of the classroom and stared, mesmerized. I do mean their mouths were hanging open and it was obvious not a coherent thought passed thought passed through their heads. It was not planned, we weren't in costume, and we certainly weren't very good at it, but there's just something about swaying hips that make men stupid.

For other days, I'll be doing a series of exercises, mostly crunches, some Pilates, and maybe a little Yoga. My focus will be on my waist, but I'll throw other exercises into the mix if I feel another part of my body needs work, say squats (bleh, cellulite) or lifting weights to tone my arms. Here's a link to what I'm doing:

There are all kinds of exercises all over the Internet. You will find a routine that suits your needs if you look. I found one 'crunchless' ab work out today that involved having your hips highly elevated with your legs against a wall. I'm sure that would burn my ass up, but as I was in a car accident and my spine is crooked, I'm not doing anything that puts all my body weight on my shoulders. It's okay, there's other effective exercises out there. And not everybody describes things to your understanding, so if it doesn't make sense, Google it. Maybe you just needed better pictures or a video.

Probably the thing I cannot stress enough is be active. So what if the recommended number of reps is 20 and you can only do 12? Start with what you can do. When that becomes easy, do more. Then do a little more. Then try a more challenging exercise. Eventually, you'll start to see results.

How long do results take? Well, that depends on how hard you work out, but generally it takes four weeks for you to see a difference, 8 weeks for your family to notice, and 12 weeks before friends and co-workers to notice. You feel it first, your sexual partner comments on the change, your family asks if you're working out, then people at work complement you. The further removed the person, the longer it takes them to notice so keep that in mind if a hot guy isn't aware of your existence. Just keep plugging away because time is going to pass whether you reach your goal or not. Don't let long term commitment deter you.

After you start exercising, you should start to have more energy, be able to sleep better, think clearer, have more confidence, become stronger, be happier, and attain more of your goals even if those goals aren't physical. Being fit has a ripple effect throughout all areas of your life. I'm ready to start.
It's Day 1 and my waist is just over 31 inches.

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