Limits

These last few days have been all about limits. The winds of change have swept in and overall, I feel very positive about the shifts.

The first change is Kevin FINALLY got his truck out of my yard. The truck was one I did a spell for ages ago when we first got together. It took a year, but when the truck finally materialized it met all his requirements save for color- he wanted red or black and it's gray. The main issue was price. The truck cost $500. It was in Florida, and after driving it back and replacing a minor part, the total price was around $750. The truck was in fine shape, but it guzzled gas so Kevin brought a small truck later.

A few years passed and a sensor went out on the big truck. I guess because I manifested it, the truck felt comfortable with me because it sat in my yard from that day on. When Kevin and I broke up the first time, he just never got the truck. Then I foolishly took him back and the truck stayed where it was. When we broke up the second time, I started calling or texting Kevin once a week, insisting that he move the truck. He replaced the spark plugs and got it running again...but it STILL stayed in my yard.

I was really starting to be resentful of the truck. I felt like Kevin was using it as an excuse to stay tied to me. I didn't like having to explain to people why it was here. Sometimes random strangers would stop at my house, inquiring if the truck was for sale which put me in an awkward spot- clearly they know it wasn't being driven, I couldn't make any kind of decision about it, I'd have to call Kevin, and sometimes the strangers would come back. I don't like it when people I don't know just show up at my door. I was thinking I would have to be Queen Bitch and have the truck towed. That would have caused trouble between Kevin and me. I didn't want to deal with him anymore than I had to. But damn! why must this truck stay at my house!

Memorial Day weekend Kevin swore he was getting the truck. He didn't. I called him to find out what was going on and I guess this time the irritation in my voice got through his thick skull because Wednesday night I got a text from Kevin- Got truck, please don't contact me anymore.

Excuse me? Other than insisting you get your shit out of my yard, I haven't called at all. I felt like he flipped things around, made it sound like I was the one using the truck as an excuse and it seriously pissed me off. Worse, I couldn't reply because that would open a door of ill communication. I had to just let it go and that galled me to no end.

I have deleted his number and thrown away all his love letters. I suddenly have the cleaning bug- I flipped the mattress and washed the cover. I tossed old sheets. I looked at my towels, deciding what needed to be replaced. I cleaned out my truck. I hauled off three bulging bags of trash. Every time I enter a room of my home, I suddenly see how it could be better. I believe my vacation will be filled with home improvement projects and trips to the hardware store.

And then I got this in the mail:

fall garden porn!

I tried fall gardening once without success. Suddenly I feel eager for boldly colored tulips. I want to radically expand my garden, but I sense a move MAY be in my future. I don't want to dig everything up, but I'm not wanting a container garden either. Whether or not I move depends on my current relationship which is also shifting. I don't know where I stand on that one so for now I am focusing on immediate change rather than long-term.