Anxiety Cure

For about a week and a half, I have been anxious. Worse, it is slowly building. I believe the bulk of the problem lies in the fact that I work six days a week. Despite working so many days, I wouldn't begin to call it a steady job. The line I was on shut down. I have been assured that when the new line starts, I have a place on it. But the line doesn't start until August. Each day, I go into work not knowing what I will do, nor do I know how many hours I will work. I have gotten off early (at lunch or before) every day this week. Next week is shut down. Friday night is supposed to be the shortest night and the whole plant is leaving early. I'm afraid that might mean coming in just to clock out an hour later. That would mean spending more in gas than I earned.

If work is a waste of time, I don't want to go. But I have to earn some money. Actually, I need to earn more than I am making because I need an eye exam, contacts, insulin, test strips, groceries, and come to think of it, I haven't brought propane in almost a year. The tank might be sitting on empty and then how will I cook?

But I am afraid I will get stuck in my old department. I just cannot go back over there- they delight in seeing my sugar get out of whack and I SWEAR these fuckers do whatever they can to aggravate my illness. I'd rather be unemployed and that's why when the supervisor was shuffling people around, I spoke up. 'I've worked in projection welding before.' His eyes shone, they can't keep people over there. Nene is wise enough to know she should go wherever I go, so she volunteered to be with me. But no matter how slow we try to work, we always get done far too early. Then we have to pretend to be busy before we end up back in hell.

I go in feeling fear of what will happen, then I leave worrying how I will pay bills. I don't rest when I come home because I'm already dreading the next day. On Sunday, I am in a fog. I am exhausted, all I want to do is sleep, suddenly my day off is over and I feel guilty about not taking care of my house.

As if all that isn't enough, Mr. Dragon is being moody again. I have no idea what's going on with him. He may be feeling the same way I do. Or something else may be going on. I have no clue because he isn't talking. I can't stand it when my mate shuts me out. Even if we haven't been together that long.

Tonight, I came home and spent time with another man-

Now I don't feel anything.