Can I Seduce You?

There's a scene in Memoirs of a Geisha where she makes some poor boy crash his bicycle just by looking at him. Her mentor declares she is ready to be a geisha.

I used to be able to do things along that line. I don't know what happened to me.

I suppose I lost my abilities when I decided to be exclusively with Kevin. And because he was jealous and possessive of me, I stopped flirting. I stopped talking to men all together so I wouldn't get in trouble. I don't think I own any sexy clothes now. I only recently started wearing perfume again. I rarely paint my nails. Sadly, I don't have a single pair of stockings.

Sigh.

I'm not sure I can talk at all anymore. I used to be quick witted and sassy. Now I answer vaguely in monosyllables.

I can still write, I wrote A LOT of notes to Mr. Dragon. He didn't write me back.

Once, I was young, fast, bold, and a little mean. I wrote poetry. I talked dirty to my boyfriends. I was adventurous in bed and a little hard to handle. I posed nude for photos once. I read romance novels and Cosmopolitan magazine in hopes of finding something I hadn't tried.

Now I stand outside in the cold waiting for Mr. Eyes' shift to end. Every day, I tell myself I am going to ask him if he's single. Every freakin' day I stand outside in the cold dark night pretending to use my phone while I wait. Every day he walks out and I don't say a goddamn word.

Mostly he speaks. I have a monosyllable ready. I smile. He smiles. Then he's gone. I look really stupid. I am chilled and don't want to keep standing outside. I have no reason to walk back to my truck. I don't want to sit in the break room alone. There's too much time left on my lunch break to go back to the line, and I can only hang out in the bathroom for so long.

See how pathetic I am? I keep kicking myself. I tell myself it will only get colder. I don't want to invest too much more time in this for fear he will say he has someone. Wasting a few nights to be disappointed isn't too bad. Wasting weeks is just dumb. Say something already!

Part of me wonders why he doesn't say something. He seems interested. Maybe I'm imagining things. I can't write a note because that didn't go well with Mr. Dragon. I can't repeat the same tactic. Nene is exasperated with me. 'Just get his number!'

Where did my 19 year old self go? I need her right now. She'd get his number, email address, and shoe size so she could estimate the size of his pecker.

Another reason I can't keep standing in front of the building is The Player, the one who asked me out. Whenever he sees me loitering, he runs over to talk. Tonight I was leaning against the wall and I heard the door slam. Ah, must be Mr. Eyes. I turned my head just as the Player pressed his whole body against me. 'What's up, Baby Girl!' Oooh nooooooo. No, no, no. I took three steps back. Now that I think about it, 19 year old me was really good at rejecting losers. I think I lost that skill as well. This is mighty depressing.

I don't have much of a chance to talk to Mr. Eyes. We are on different shifts. He leaves in the middle of my lunch. We are on opposite sides of the building in completely different departments. I have no reason to go over there. I have been racking my brain and the only solution I can see is to talk to him before he leaves the parking lot, and to somehow let him know I find him attractive without making a complete ass of myself.

Do you know how hard that is to do in a monosyllable?

I don't know why my tongue won't work. I'm afraid other things might not work anymore either. Do I still know how to kiss? If I can't talk to a man, how exactly am I going to get one in bed? Am I still adventurous, or would I lie huddled under the sheets? What do people do on dates? I can't even think of where I would like to go. I don't know what's playing at the movies, I haven't been in a bar in YEARS, and being that I am now diabetic, going out to eat is an ordeal I'd rather avoid. Please tell me there's activity left other than bowling and miniature golf.

Maybe if I practice stringing syllables together this weekend I'd have a few nice words by Monday. Goddess help me.