End of March to End of May

March 28, 2008
Ended up on 12 hours again and man, does it ever suck. My back was killing me when I left. 12 hours is just too long to ask anybody to work and I think it ought to illegal. I sold my fourth quilt at work. Steve bought the alphabet quilt for his oldest daughter. Today I am making mold sweeps, so that will pay the phone bill, and Brad said he wanted me to make another set, so maybe I’ll make an extra truck payment. Worked in the yard when I came home yesterday and that was nice. I pruned the oak tree and rake some leaves around the trunk as mulch. It looks nice. Then I sat in the swing and drank a beer and that was nice, too.

APRIL 2, 2008
Was reading the Hobo Stripper’s Blog. It’s interesting to see that someone still lives like a gypsy. I don’t think I could do it, my love of home is too strong. Finished the mold sweeps and got the phone bill paid. I’m going to call today and cancel my service. I hope to have cable next week. I am almost done with the baby quilt and I think I’ll use that money on my insurance b/c the date is coming ever closer and the envelope is still empty. Started cleaning up last night. The house is a mess again, the bane of working 12 hours. I am falling behind even with the Fly Lady’s zones. Came up with a new lunar spell- full moon wish bottles. Each month, on the full moon, I make a wish and place it in a bottle. I leave the bottle on my altar until the next moon, then I make new bottle, cork and old one, and put it in the cabinet. At the end of the year, I list all the wishes that manifested and give thanks. Those bottles are emptied, cleansed, and recycled. The wished that didn’t manifest are reworked. The calendar is telling me to start a wish garden, and this seems just as good.
APRIL 6, 2008
Still not the full moon, I have another two weeks to go. But at least I got every thing set up. I miss the Internet already. I am calling the cable company tomorrow. Until I am reconnected, I hope to write in my journal every day, since it is habit to sit down at the computer. I am having a hard time reaching Kevin and that is really bugging me. It seems like he just calls when it’s convenient for him. And I have to beg for him to come see me. I guess this is proof that I will be buying a trailer alone. Sigh.
APRIL 8, 2008
I didn’t beg and Kevin just showed up. Maybe he was picking up on how I was feeling. He was nice, anyway. I rearranged the bedroom. I put the bed in front of the window to block the light. I slept soooo much better. It’s dark enough now, and people going in and out of the park at three in the morning don’t wake me up when their headlights hit the window. I made a swag out of that thin rainbow material. I tied it up with ribbons and hung my star garland around it and put my dream catcher up and viola: instant elegance. I woke up feeling well rested for the first time in months. I might hang some herbs on the curtain rod to help me sleep. I’ve got the incense lit now to make the house smell better, and I’m doing laundry. I have to go to work at 12. Sigh. I decided to sell my “Magic Flying Dust” quilt b/c I didn’t have time to make another one. Maybe this weekend I can get some things finished. The sewing room is clean and mostly organized now, so I don’t mind spending time in there. I have more light with the machine in front of the window, so it seems more cheerful.
APRIL 17, 2008
I am waiting anxiously for the full Moon, even through I don’t yet know what to wish for. It’s almost full, I guess I could jump the gun a bit, but since I don’t even know what I want that seems a little silly. I came up with an idea for embroidering my own designs using yarn and the sewing machine. I experimented a little and I think I can make it work well. My current plan is to find an art company that would want to buy pics of my quilts and publish them as posters, book covers, calendars, etc. that way I could make money sewing. Maybe even sell some of the quilts. That could be one wish. I also wish Kevin and I had a deeper connection. I really miss him when he’s not here. I’ve never felt so lonely in all my life. I also wish to improve my neighborhood, make it better, nicer, more magickal. And of course, I would like to pay off the truck. And own my own home. Hmmm, do I have enough moons? Poor Halona has the mange again. I can’t afford to take her to the vet, last time it was about four trips before they declared her cured. I don’t know what to do. I guess just suck it up and be broke. It’s not like it would be much different from now. I paid the tag and the cable bill today. Then I went to the mailbox and my last phone bill had arrived. I couldn’t put any aside for the rent or the truck. I got $80 left and I just got paid today, I still have to buy gas, and minutes for the phone, and god only knows what else will come up. I wish I had enough money to pay all my bills on time, plus have some money going into my savings account every week, and have enough money saved up to handle any emergency that may come my way. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. Sigh. Nothing to stretch.
APRIL 20, 2008
Full moon in April- Wind Moon. After reading my last entry, I think my wish should be to start my own business. I’m going to call it Ro Gilbert Textile Studios. The purpose of this business is to allow me to make a living doing something I love. My business sells hand-dyed fabric and quilts. I also make embroidery designs which I sell as book covers, calendars, and greeting cards. I earn a good living from business, enough to pay all my month bills on time, enough to save for emergencies and my retirement, and I still earn enough to have money to spend on “frivolous” things like books and garden supplies. My business allows me to work whenever I please so I still have time to spend with Kevin and my family. My business suits my lifestyle and I am very happy with it. That is my wish.
May 12, 2008
Embroidery with yarn doesn’t work that well, so I switched to floss which is much better. I have completed one design, started another, and drew up plans for my own work- completely, and totally designed by me. I started a website RoGilbertTextiles.com but I haven’t really got it going good yet. I have very few pictures b/c I need to convert my files. The site came with Paypal, so people have a way to buy directly from me. It’s been a while since I made a quilt to sell, but I did get lots of orders and I just finished a quilt for Mike. I hope to sell my car quilt this week, but it will probably be next week before I finish it. I suppose the only thing to do is work in the studio every day for at least one hour. I’d better get started. I went to the bookstore to buy a Mother’s Day present and while I was there I read a craft magazine. There was an article entitled “Weaving a Life” and it was all about using weaving to express life-affirming rites. I’m not sure I want to be a weaver, although I do weave on occasion, so I was thinking about applying quilting rites to life. It all boils down to the same thing- using an art to shape life. So how to start? A quilter needs a map. Not a road map, but a map of the quilt. The fabric is the terrain, the stitches are roads, and the blocks are cities. So then, quilting is a journey. Thus it follows that as a traveler, I need not only a map, but a suitcase. As no one needs unnecessary baggage, the priority is to pack the bare essentials. Since I am making the map as I go, it is vital that I make a record of my progress to remind me of where I’ve been, so that when I encounter similar places I know what to do. And of course, should discover new heights (or lows) I’ll need to record them to keep me out of trouble next time. So the primo-vital-just-can’t-do-with-out-it tool is the quilter’s journal. And it goes without saying that I need scissors for hacking through dense growth, and thread to mark my trail, and of course a walking stick, my needle. I must admit I got sidetracked with the map. There is a little confusion here for everybody, so I’ll set things straight- the map is NOT the journey. Even if you made the map while you were making the quilt, the map is still not journey. The map isn’t really even yours. It belongs to the Quiltmaker, which means as soon as you’ve finished a quilt/map you’ve left a trail for someone else. Don’t start a map and forget to go on the journey. I am guilty of having maps that lead nowhere. You know what I mean, how many quilts have you started b/c you just love having five or ten projects going to keep you from getting bored? In reality you wouldn’t get in the car and drive to New York, leave after an hour and drive to LA, then leave the next day for Atlanta, just to turn around and go to Dallas. If you have a whole closet full of UFOs, you’re not resisting boredom, you are frightened and running away from possibilities. Ask yourself, and be honest, why did you really start another quilt? Was that applique time-consuming? Did you just want to be done with something, anything? Did you start to crave bright colors? Was the thought of cutting out sixty blocks just too daunting? I am guilty of making maps that go nowhere and quilting aimlessly, which doesn’t anybody any good, least of all me. If I don’t finish the lesson I don’t learn anything. Whatever it is about the unfinished quilt that is bothering you, that’s what you need to learn. I assure you, you can take as many trips as you like. Just make sure you go home between trips/quilts to rest and evaluate. I have my suitcase with my essentials, and I have my maps, so now I need to enjoy the view. This means that I work at my own pace because I want to. It does not mean rushing through a quilt because I “have to” finish it for a quilt show or because it’s a x-mas gift and today is the 23rd. Which brings me to the essentials of starting a trip- preparing to leave. Before you go on a real trip you arrange for someone to pick up the mail and feed the dog. You pack and clean and make arrangements to be off from work. So before you quilt, you need to “give yourself permission” Do you feel guilty for quilting when there’s laundry to do? Can’t get started until the dishwasher is loaded? Just admit that you feel guilty about “me time” and then address the issue! Make a to do list, delegate chores, or set aside one day for you.
May 13, 2008
Now, to finish this essay. I’ve got a map, a suitcase, and I’ve started out at my own pace for my own reasons. So the next step would be figuring out how many miles/stitches to travel each day. So I need to ask myself some questions- am I a slow walker? Would I like a quick, determined pace? Would I go farther in the morning or at night? Am I ready to go but stuck in traffic? A slow walker is a hand quilter. A determined walker is a machine quilter. For those times when I am stuck in traffic (working my “real” job) I keep my quilting journal nearby to jot down ideas. It’s far easier to plot the course when the map is handy. Carry quilting magazines or books to read in waiting room. Other people’s travel logs are always inspiring. I like to have small hand quilting projects with me so that I can make great strides in Quilt Land on my lunch break. Time is only wasted when you’re fuming about wasted time. At some point, I’ll need to make camp. Now on a real camping trip, I would stop well before dark, find a nice spot to rest, build a fire, and eat my grub. As much fun as the quilt journey may be, everyone needs to rest. There is no need to quilt until you fall asleep in the easy chair. There is no reason to sew until your arm feels like it will fall off. If that’s how you quilt you’re turning it into far too much work.
May 16, 2008
So don’t make it work. Decide what you want to do. Then do it. At the end of the day, but everything back in your suitcase. That’s what I do, I travel thru the quilt, and when I get tired, I put everything away. This ensures that my projects get completed. I don’t lose pieces. Fabric cannot get dirty in its protective suitcase. Ever sit down on a needle? That wouldn’t happen if you didn’t leave it in the couch cushion to begin with. There’s a reason why needle cases were invented. The other nice thing about having putting the quilt away when I’m not traveling is that the project remains interesting because I’m not staring at it all day and berating myself for not getting it done.
May 18, 2008
Today’s card was Eagle- clarify my vision. So what do I want, and am I really seeing things as they are? Also, I decided to get started on the Full moon in May- Flower Moon, since I will be working tomorrow when the full moon actually begins. Let’s see, this is a moon about growth, so I think my wish should be for my website to grow. And I would like to live in the moment so that I am really living and not just existing. I need courage to solve my problems and wisdom to make the right move. I need to remember my past so that I can chart my future.