I stayed home from work due to a low sugar. I've been saying my St. Anthony prayer. I thought surely I needed to get out in order for it to work because really now, what are the odds of my ideal man coming to my door? But I just couldn't muster the energy to get dressed, thus I couldn't run errands, ergo I didn't make it to work either. Feeling sleepy and slightly loopy, I got on Facebook.
Lots of my friends are friends with the first guy I slept with. His name comes up on my list of possible friends a lot. Now I have a policy about not friending ex-boyfriends. I don't want to get dragged down in drama. I don't want anybody to be jealous. There are some exes I'd prefer not to remember at all. I found a quote the other day and it pretty much sums up how I feel about previous romances- "If two past lovers can remain friends, either they are still in love or they never were." Get it? If you're still in love you can't move on and if you never were in love then the relationship was a waste. If one loves but the other doesn't then Issue City.
But, despite all that good logical sense, it was a long, long time ago, more than 20 years. And he doesn't make me angry or depressed. We were kids. In a way, it wasn't really a relationship, more of an experience between two people a little too young to be involved sexually. And judging from his posts, he wasn't dating anyone and he seemed really sad which made me feel bad for him. Before I really thought about it, I sent a friend request. In seconds, he accepted. Then we were chatting. And hours later we were still chatting and I was laughing every minute or so.
In some ways, we are more friends than anything else and I would like that to be the main basis for a relationship. At one point, I thought for sure he was going to ask me out. He hinted at it, but never actually asked. There's a thin edge we're dancing around; he kept saying I look nice. I realized he said he couldn't get my pictures to load. Wait. How does he know how I look?
Mmmm, well, he said he could see my profile picture.
Okaaaaay. But that just shows me from the shoulders up.
I had to drag it out. It was like pulling teeth.
Finally, after much hemming and hawing, he said he saw me in town recently but was too afraid to speak. I could not stop grinning because I love that I can make him nervous after 20 years. That is the most ego gratifying feeling in the world and I wasn't even trying because I had no idea he was watching and that makes it even better.
Yesterday there were no possibilities. Today there might be a good one. I'll take that to mean my prayer was answered even if nothing comes of this. Yesterday I was bummed. Today I feel great.