Well Double Damn

I got in another Etsy treasury. Way cool.

This is the item that was featured. (See it in my shop) And then, just sort of double checking, looking at things, I realized it's the SECOND TIME my fabric was in a treasury. Way back in September it made the first treasury and I had no clue. I think I over looked this oh so important detail because September was when things were not groovy with Mr. Dragon and work started going downhill at an accelerated rate. See what happens when you aren't paying attention, kids?

I have ideas, good ones, for cool things to make. When I will actually have time to make them is a whole different matter. Every night at work, ideas just pop into my head, not possibilities mind you, but full-blown insights of how it would look, how to make it, vivid colors, the feel of the textile, even how my hands would move the fabric under the sewing machine needle...and then I come home and crawl into bed, cold, tired, swearing I'll create something beautiful tomorrow...but of course I never do.

I am STILL working on the freakin' star for my cousin's birthday which is like any day now. Even if I get done before her birthday I probably won't get it to her in time due to our conflicting schedules. I think the star will just have to be late.

In a completely unrelated subject, I had to engage in evasive tactics. Mr. Dragon and I had a fight. To be fair, it wasn't his fault, I misunderstood what he was telling me and my sugar had just dropped before the fight. I am not rational when recovering from a low sugar. If you know a diabetic and you think that person is seven kinds of asshole, please cut them some slack because it's their sugar talking and sometimes we can't control how we feel, what we say, or how we act. It makes sense at the time and later we are so, so, so very sorry, okay?

Anyway, I stomped off, spent the rest of the shift ignoring him, telling myself I was stupid, he was lying, yadda, yadda, yadda. I left without saying goodbye. Thought about calling. Got mad, threw my phone. Drove a ways, felt stupid, pulled over, found the phone, he didn't answer. Drive a few more miles, wanted to fight, called again, didn't want to fight after I heard his voice. We had an exhausting conversation. I told him I had cried ever since I got to work and he said, 'Why? You shouldn't be that upset. You don't love me...do you?'

(!)

Gah! It's too soon for him to be asking that! It was unexpected. There was no good answer. If I'd said no then I'm the bad guy and yes means I'm rushing. Since I couldn't answer, I said he hurt my feelings. He said all the right things, we stopped fighting, and (whew!) he hasn't mentioned that other subject again.

How many of you are determined not to be the one who breaks first? You know, you remember the last time you were in love, you thought everything was going great until you said those 3 words and then you were the fool so THIS TIME you are waiting damn it, until the other person says it first. I always say I am going to wait the guy out but I can't because I am a hopeless romantic and it just kills me to keep my affection to myself. But I can do it now. I'm waiting. He has to say it first. He's the one who brought it up. All I have to do is chill.

Aaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!