It's the Question I Didn't Think to Ask

And, therefore, let the immeasurable come.


Let the unknowable touch the buckle of my spine.
Let the wind turn in the trees,
and the mystery hidden in the dirt

swing through the air.
How could I look at anything in this world
and tremble, and grip my hands over my heart?
What should I fear?
 
 
This is a bit of poetry by Mary Oliver and I found it on HecateDemeter's blog (http://hecatedemeter.wordpress.com/) Hecate always posts something profound and I wish I was half as good a writer as she is. She also seems to be an amazing witch and I credit her for my connection to where I live. I might not be as interested in ley lines if she hadn't blogged about being 'the witch of this place.'
 
I really like poetry. I don't read it as often as I should because first, good poetry is hard to find. Let me assure you, just because it rhymes doesn't mean it's a poem. Great poetry is a true rarity. Second, I believe poetry should be shared and I have no one to share it with. I have a degree in English and it sucks to be the only literate person in the room. No one understands what I am talking about. Nobody gets my literary references or my puns. I mentioned Rosenblatt's Reader Response Theory at a dinner party and everybody just stared at me like I was speaking Latin. There's no need to keep talking if you're the only one paying attention. This is the one thing I miss about college- like minds.
 
When I find poems on blogs I get happy. When I find poetry that asks questions which move me to the point that I must copy the lines down for further reflection, I get excited. I have found great poetry that makes me THINK.
 
And I have to think about what I fear. What could be the worst thing ever? I don't fear rats or snakes. I don't fear death. I fear the things that make me sad, but I don't fear despair. What I fear is nothing. Not that I am fearless, but that I may come to realize my existence was meaningless. What if all that ever mattered to me mattered not?
 
What if I wasted my whole life? What if I utterly missed the point? What if I had been given chance after chance and I was so focused on trivial things that I didn't even know something grand was right in front of me? How sad is that?
 
When I die, I don't want to wonder in my final moments if I loved enough or if I freely gave my heart to someone. I want to know I touched someone's life and made them happy. I want to know that I mattered to someone. I don't care if I was a 'success' at anything, I want to know that I always took a chance and that I was always myself, true to what I believed in and that I never compromised my core values to fit in. I hope at my funeral someone clearly says with conviction that I was unique.
 
Let the unknowable touch the buckle of my spine.
 
To me a waste would be unaware of the unknowable. I don't care if I never understand it, I want to feel that power and mystery throb in my soul. This is why I am a witch. After I see there is more, I can't unsee it. I can't close my mind after it opens. I can't ignore what is larger than my reality. I want to touch the unknowable so life will be weird and interesting. I can't pretend life is sure and safe. I accept all things must change and some times I throw open the door to invite change in when I should lock the door and hide the key.
 
I have to be a witch because I like it when the cards jump out on their own. I like pulling into a crowded parking lot and having a space open in front of me. I like thinking about a song then hearing it on the radio. I like feeling deja vu then realizing I dreamed this already. I like it when animals appear to bring me messages. I like it when spells work. I like gaining insight from an astrology chart. I like good luck charms and I don't care that all these things are small things easily explained away, to me they are all part of the larger unknowable. Life would be very sad if no one believed in dragons. I couldn't live without a crystal ball. I can't stop being a witch because then I would cease to exist.
 
I have to be the witch of this place. That's not an easy thing to do. Sometimes it would be easier to not know about a problem because after I know, I feel compelled to act. My actions can get me in all sorts of trouble. Maybe if I did nothing life would be a little easier, but my heart would be heavy. It's hard to live life with a heavy heart.
 
I don't know what comes next. Isn't that great?