Tuesday, November 9, 2010

You Don't Know How It Feels to Be Me

My life is all about striking a balance between the life I want and reality. When I end up more on my side I'm a lot happier.

Reality is getting up early to take insulin, exercise, and probably clean. I go to a stupid job in a company managed by blood-sucking politicians. Or maybe they're vampires disguised as politicians.

I spend the day dealing with stupid people who can't see the forest for the trees, then I come home and struggle to finish whatever I couldn't do in the morning. I long to sew, garden, read, or cast spells, but nope, I run out of time or yawn uncontrollably as soon as I gather my sewing supplies.

In my ideal life, there's a cure for diabetes and I've forgotten how much insulin costs because I've stopped buying it.

I sleep a little past sunrise, then when it's actually light outside, I'd get up and walk my dogs. I'd come home and drink my coffee. I could read my favorite blogs and check out the news. Then Kevin and I would have a nice breakfast.

The rest of the morning, I would design fabric and package items I had sold in my etsy shop. Right before lunch I'd do a few household chores like loading the washer or putting away dishes, then Kevin would come in, we'd eat, then we'd nap. I am all about the afternoon nap! When I was a little girl, half the stores in town closed at noon on Wednesday. Everyone went home and took a nap. It was the chance for store owners to handle personal business during the week. It was a great idea and no one seemed to mind because all the little shops were open on Saturday. People just stayed home on Wednesday afternoon. No one does it now. I see a difference. We've lost our connection to each other. Now we shop at the big chain store open 24/7, we don't know the name of the person ringing up our groceries, the little shops are all closed and everyone is tired and stressed out. Nap, people!

In the afternoons I'd quilt or do needlework. Around 4ish I'd tend my garden. Then I'd cook supper and afterwards I could read or watch tv. When I went to bed I wouldn't get up three times because I'd forgotten something.

I wouldn't work on pagan holidays or my birthday. If I needed/wanted to do magick during my day, I could just light a candle. I wouldn't have to explain what I was doing or why.

The whole reason I want this life is so I can be happy earning a living instead of struggling to get by while other people get rich. I'm not opposed to work. I'll stay busy all day. What bothers me is meaningless work. I do a lot of things in my job that are stupid and inefficient just because the company's always done it that way. It doesn't make sense anymore, but by damn, that's the way we've done it for 10 years so that's the only way to do it. One of the programs on my work computer has a copyright from 1999. We just upgraded to the 07 version of Mircosoft. Who 'upgrades' to a version almost 4 years out of date and feels proud of it?

Slowly I'm creating my new life. I've stopped worrying about what I can't change. I'm saving more. I'm looking for opportunities to be more creative. And one day, I will have everything I want.

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