And Baby Makes 3

This is a very personal post and I debated for a long time about publishing it...

For a long time I didn't want children. I felt like it was hard enough to take care of myself, let alone another person. I do not get along with my mother and she's not the best mom in the world, so I worried that I might be like her. She used to take her anger out on me and I was terrified I would do the same to my child. Then too, there were trust issues. I've dated a lot of men, but none who I felt I could completely open up to.

I really should of had children when I was younger. Now I think it would have made me a better person and probably I would have grown up sooner. But I'm still young and I still have time. Or at least that's what I thought before I became diabetic.

Doctors used to tell diabetic women not to have children. Ever. Now things are better and they know more about the disease so it's no longer considered impossible for a diabetic to have a baby. But it is a lot of work and there's still an element of danger so most health care professionals will say forget it.

Kevin and I have talked about it and we decided we would like a little girl. Kevin told me he thought I would be a good mom (how sweet the man is!). But we have another problem besides my diabetes- Kevin had a vasectomy.

Yes, they're reversible. But there are no garuntees I would get pregnant. I don't want him to go through a lot of pain for nothing. And we still haven't done anything about my diabetes. We seem to be stuck.

I prayed to Isis for help. She is a very gentle goddess and every time I've worked with her everything works out just right. Isis' husband was murdered, his body chopped up and the pieces scattered all over the world. Isis found every piece, put him back to together, and brought Osirus back to life. But she couldn't find his penis so she made one for him and then she got pregnant with Horus.

I figure Isis can overcome any obstacle so she is the ideal goddess to help me. She's traveled the whole world, so no matter where I am she can hear me. Isis gets things done.

I prayed to Isis to bring me a baby. Then I opened my deck of animal cards and the scarab beetle fell out. The scarab is a creation animal and it is sacred to Egyptians. I prayed to an Egyptian goddess and I got an Egyptian card.

I started seeing Egyptian things every where. I found a pendant showing Isis holding Horus. I was in the pharamcy one day and I suddenly noticed an Eye of Horus on the wall. The wall was lined with dipolmas and there in the middle was a beautiful, detailed Eye of Horus on real parchment. Nationl Geographic must of shown something about Egypt every hour for days. I saw statues of Isis and books on Egyptian gods.

I know my prayer has been answered. I know I am gong to have a baby. Sometimes I can almost feel her in my arms. This makes me long for a baby even more.

I'm trying not to worry about the how. Because when I try to figure out the how I think I'll never have children. I'm trying to trust in Isis. Everything always works out exactly right.