The Alien Abduction Story Or, What Turns a Normal Person Into a Weird Creep

Allen is strange. Just strange. Talks slower than Christmas. A story that would take me 15 minutes to tell takes him 45 minutes to an hour. He has trust issues and can’t ever find a date. He’s not exactly ugly, but he is certainly not good-looking. Weird. Very weird. Anyway, one day Allen told me how he was abducted by aliens and I truly believe it because it explains EVERYTHING.

Once he was a fairly normal guy with an average job, an apartment, and, not just a girlfriend, but a fiancée. The fiancée was out of town training for a new job. Allen was lying on his bed reading a book. It was late at night and he nodded off a time or two. To help him focus on what he was reading, he put his thumb under the paragraph. But he drifted off again. When he woke up, he decided it was bed time. Still holding his thumb on the same paragraph, he lowered the book and discovered that he was stark naked.

Across the room was a chair and all his clothes were folded neatly on it. This was strange for two reasons, first he never put his clothes on the chair and second they were dirty so there was no reason to neatly fold them. Even more out of place was were the socks, which were rolled up, one in each shoe. Allen swears that he NEVER does such a thing.

No one was in the apartment. All the doors were locked. Nothing else was out of place. He doesn’t remember doing it.

A few months later he awoke to find his cat sitting on his chest and the first thing he saw was two big green eyes. His first thought was “Oh, shit, they came back!”

It took Allen 35 minutes to tell me this story.

So the next time you are trapped listening to some boring story run far and fast, that guy's probably alien bait.