Monday

 Middle Son did indeed have another break down over the weekend. It was Sunday. He went to church, then his aunt (the one who constantly mocks him as teasing), took him to her friend's house so he could cut grass. He tripped over a dog bed, pitched a raving fit, threw a weed eater, and demanded his aunt go buy him another vape because he ran out that morning. 

I'm pretty sure she did buy him a vape because the house reeks of tobacco again. She swears she did not, but she has before. 

I'm sick of the vaping. I am counting down days until the boys leave for Ohio to visit their biological mother. 

I spent nearly all of Sunday gardening because the moon was in Capricorn, which is a wonderful day to plant. I repotted orange trees. I cleaned my potting table. I got the old trampoline frame set up so my daughter could have a bean tepee. I started setting up my farm stand. 

My mother came over 4 times, all for stupid shit. The last time, she wanted me to change the channel on her TV. I showed her again. I made her press the button repeatedly. I've decided if she shows up whining about the TV I will just say no. I'm really tired of her pretending to be helpless so she can interact with me. She could just be a normal person and ask how I'm doing, or if I will spend time with her, or if I will go shopping or out to lunch. I can't deal with toxic family members who don't know how, or don't want, to behave. My mother pulled another stunt where she promised something then took it away. That wasn't for me, it was for a cousin, but I know what she did. Which was why she did it. Just like I know she was lying, but I can't force her to tell the truth. 

Annoyed by life in general, I changed my exercise routine. I decided to improve my future. If I am stronger and healthier, stress will be easier to manage. I decided to work my abs, and hopefully stretch my back at the same time. My plan was to hang upside down from the metal bunk beds and do crunches. This did not work. I struggled to get onto the top bunk, then turn around. Trying to bend over the metal rail hurt. Being upside down made me feel sick to my stomach. I finally just lay across the bed with my head and most of my upper back hanging over. My neck stretched, so it feels better now. I couldn't stay upside down very long. I decided to try hanging over my bed until I am strong enough to a.) hang for more than half a minute, and b.) build up until I'm more flexible to climb. I'm also trying to hoop more often. I can hoop for several minutes, I just need to remember to do it. 

This weekend, I ordered a book about learning Latin. This is has my goal for a while because I want to learn the scientific names of plants to make sure I get the right ones. Scientific names are in Latin. I suppose I could learn the names without speaking Latin, but it just seems like it would be easier to understand/remember if I actually knew what the words meant. Periodically, I try to learn Latin. I feel like I am making progress, then life gets in the way, so I stop. Months go by before I try again. At that point, I have forgotten everything. I think Latin might also be useful for spells, especially old ones. I heard a tiktok creator describe ritual high magick as an elitist, role-playing game. I feel this is an accurate description. Sort of like my take of wizards and CEO's being one and the same. 

I feel like magick should be very personal. I don't think there's a 'proper' way to do it. Magick should make sense to the person casting the spell. Mine works because of intent, the plants I grew, the words I said, and timing. Yours might work just because you believe. Someone else's may work because they were taught to do things a certain way. 

I haven't been in the studio much. I do open the door and hail my dragons. I do talk to them, just like I talk to my plants and my animals. Once school is out, and the boys leave to visit relatives for the summer, I'll be able to spend more time in the studio. Then I will be able to make art and do magick. I am really excited about this. 

That's all for now. Blessed be, my dears.