ha, ha, ha, ha

 This week I decided to cut back on caffeine. Mind you, I said cut back. I didn't say shit about quitting. 

My allergies, which are stressed induced, are worsened by caffeine because that makes me jittery, which clouds the anxiety. Really, I have no idea what I'm feeling most of the time. I can't address it if I don't know it's there. 

So I went one day without coffee. My stomach hurt. A headache kicked my ass. I kept longing for coffee. But I held firm, and I was more physically active. The day seemed longer. I think I was more present in the moment.

The next day, I made a pot of coffee. It tasted like fabulous sin in a cup and I absolutely loved it. I tried to stop at 3 cups. 

This morning, I didn't even try to avoid caffeine because I knew I would deal with my mother at least once. Any change in routine, even if it is beneficial to your mental health, causes stress. Stress triggers allergies. Sure, the caffeine is fucking me up, but my mother pushes all my buttons, and I can only deal with so much at once. No, there is never a good time to cut back on caffeine. The timing is never right. Ever. 

I started dealing with my mother yesterday. She came over here 3 times, maybe 4. My husband also tried to deal with her, and at some point, he told her to call me. Then he felt bad, so he called me to apologize. 

So my plan yesterday was to garden, but that didn't really happen because I kept getting stressed out, and then my sugar would drop. And the rashes on my neck, arms, and legs itched so much they burned. 

I did do a little bit of gardening.

I clipped a small umbrella to a plastic saw horse to shade my orange trees, which were on our covered porch. This is temporary, until they adjust to full sun.

I took a picture of the terrarium. I think it has too much dirt in it. I will be working on this again. The jar next to it probably needs either a bigger jar, or to be divided into two jars.

Not gardening, but I painted this coffee can. It will be storage for earth element spell components like crystals and dirt samples. One of my dragons resides on top of the coffee can. He declined to be photographed. My altar and practice is changing again. Which is probably why I am suddenly struck with rashes, headaches, stomach aches, my mother keeps coming over here to fuck with me...

Today it rained. All day. I did no gardening. I spent most of the day in town. I picked up meds, paid bills, and went to the feed store. I consumed diet coke and lots of coffee. I am unashamed. 

I also dealt unsuccessfully with my mother. I did turn the heat off. I have to go back to clean up all the food she has left rotting across her kitchen. That's not going to be fun. But that's for tomorrow, after I've slept and probably consumed lots of alcohol. 

Blessed be.