I Hate November

Of all the months, I think November is the bleakest. It starts to rain, it's cold, the sky is gray. Thanksgiving sucks. I usually end up eating something I don't want just so someone won't get offended. Of course, this is my first Thanksgiving as a diabetic. On the one hand it gives me an armor plated excuse. On the other hand, no lemon pie for me :(

AJ LOVED Thanksgiving. She planned menus a month in advance. I used to help her cook. I washed dished and peeled veggies. She made 2 different kinds of dressing and each guest chose a dessert so we had as many cakes and pies as people. We had turkey and ham, pumpkin pie and sweet potato pie for tradition, plus she always tried out a new dish. The kitchen would be full of food. Every one took home piles of food and AJ would still have a fridge packed. There is no telling how many hundreds of dollars she spent on that holiday alone.

My family usually had two Thanksgiving celebrations because my aunt remarried and she finds it impossible to get all the child present on the same day. Used to, my father's sister-in-law would wait until the last minute to invite my parents over. If we didn't go we were 'uppity' and if we did go my uncle was drunk and my cousins were sullen. I hate Thanksgiving.

November to me is the beginning of the end. It's the end of the year. Finally here in the south it's cold so I think of November as the end of summer. It's almost Christmas, another holiday I can't stand for the sheer mass commericalism, and I spend these last 2 months saying, just get through x-mas and it's over, almost over, be glad when it's over...

Every year I try to make x-mas simple. I vow not to spend more than I can afford. I swear I will make as many gifts as possible. I promise myself I will only buy gifts for a select few. I will have a small tree. I will mail lots of cards and reconnect.

What really happens is someone I hardly know gives me a gift and I feel very badly for not even thinking about that person. I run out of time making gifts and usually feel like I need to buy something. It's cold so it costs more to heat the house, the power bill is up because of all the cool light up decorations, I buy extra food to cook, and I usually forget the insurance is due. I always run out of cards. Of course, cards need stamps. When we go into the woods to get the tree, it always grows three feet as soon as we bring it in the house and then I feel that I need more decorations for it. One strand of lights will not do.

Kevin ALWAYS waits until the last minute to buy gifts and he drags me along. I hate shopping malls. I hate the mass of rude people pushing and shoving for a sale. I feel their emotions bouncing all over the place. I can only shield for so long. Kevin always spends too much because thinks the more presents the better. So it doesn't matter that he's spent a few hundred- he looks at his four or five things and thinks, this isn't enough. Round the store we go again. I come home feeling irritated, highly stressed, and bone weary but wait! We sit up most of the night wrapping. Or I wrap while he stands on the porch smoking because I being a girl am just great at wrapping.

Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I'm thinking about hiding in bed until my birthday. Someone wake me on January 7, 2011