I’m feeling out of sorts. I keep making mistakes, writing down numbers wrong, forgetting things, stuff like that.
I miss my friend and I feel like an ass for not staying on speaking terms.
Kevin IS being an ass and he’s not there for me. Avoidance is how he deals with stress. Just pretend like it’s not there and it will go away. I can’t pretend like that and my being down and absent minded is getting on his nerves and his total lack of compassion is getting on mine.
I am DREADING the box because I know it will make me emotional again. I cried while writing my last post and when I open the box I’m going to cry again. I wish M would send the box overnight so I could be done with it but he is irresponsible with good intentions so it will be a month before I have to open that box, if he sends it at all.
Since I worked so hard at getting M out of my life I don’t want him worming his way back in. But he has the box! Aaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!
I am trying to learn something from all this but all I see are things that I have been blind to, so what I learn can only be applied to other situations instead of making a change in current situations and quite frankly I don’t want to be in the mess again.
I HATE when things are beyond my control and I have to just let things happen. I so cannot stand it when I have to wait for others to take action. A part of me wants to drive to Texas even though that won’t really accomplish anything worthwhile.
I have to just wait and trust and the whole thing has me on pins and needles. I am really angry that no one bothered to tell me what was going on. I’m mad at myself for not seeing it, I’m mad at AJ for not telling me, I’m mad at M for not calling me sooner, I’m mad with my parents for waiting a week to let tell me M called, I’m mad with Kevin for being an ass…I AM SO ANGRY I WANT TO SCREAM AND CRY.
And I want my box, but I don’t want it either. I don’t want to cry, I don’t want to miss my friend, I don’t want any contact from M. But I want answers and all the answers are in a box in Dallas.
So I’m waiting. But I don’t like it.
The Witchcraft of FreeDragon
1 comment:
I wish there were words that I could say to make you feel better, but even though time does help, there always seems to be an empty spot in your soul when you lose a friend/loved-one, whether thru just moving on or death. I hope your pain lessens, and that fond memories are filling your soul.
Post a Comment