Monday, July 13, 2015

Where I Am Now

This past weekend was very stressful because I had my baby shower and at the same time, my husband had a diaper party. I was not allowed to do anything for the baby shower because as my cousin said, I'm the guest of honor and no one in their right mind would trade places with me right now. So I focused my energy on the diaper party- I cleaned, bought food, and went to town far too many times. By Saturday morning I felt like crap on toast and it was at that point I realized my cousin was right. Summer is the worst time to be pregnant. 8 months pregnant is the time to lay on the couch and not move except to get cold water from the fridge.

I am still working on my magickal sewing project. No, I don't have pictures yet. But I do want to talk about it because this particular piece will be a gift for my son's counselor. I didn't start with a magickal process; other than carefully choosing colors, at the beginning I was just stitching. I made several mistakes. All the mistakes were dumb like I just wasn't paying attention. This makes me think of the work being an omen. Obviously, as I have set out to improve the child's life I did not always do what is best. But I am aware of that now. And I have corrected all my mistakes. At least, the ones I made in sewing. I can be more careful. I can apply that care to other issues. I'm at the point where I believe I should try something a little different, stitch in a new way. And I think now is the time to start applying magick. I have decided that instead of banishing darkness I should strive to appreciate what is best about shadows. It all boils down to this- I cannot undo what has been done. I can only work with what is there.

My baby is moving in different ways. I think she is starting to turn. I can feel movement much lower in my abdomen. I also feel movement higher up, as though she stretches out her full length. In all the baby shower pictures I appear taller than I really am. I am 5'1" yet somehow I am nearly three inches taller than all my family members. If I was just towering over my elderly aunts I'd say they were shrinking from menopause and age, but I am also considerably taller than my cousin who is only 6 years older than me. One of my aunts said the baby was pushing my body up.

The garden is alive but rather pitiful. The marigolds look great. The peppers aren't doing anything. Kudzu creeps over it all. Kudzu grows a foot per day. In an ideal world, I'd go outside each day and rip out more and more of the weed until it couldn't possibly take over my garden. In reality, several days will go by before I remember to water my plants. I'll yank up long strands of kudzu. Except some of it won't come out of the ground, nor will it break. Tender shoots are easy to pull. Tough old vines are not. Sadly, because it grows so fast, it doesn't take long at all to toughen up. Kudzu is edible and can be made into jelly. I have no idea how to make kudzu jelly but I am certain that if I tried to make a profit off the plant it would immediately whither and die.

I have decided I have no choice- the bookcases must be painted and moved into the new house. I miss my books. I tend to move or thoroughly clean my library around Lammas anyway and the Wheel is turning in that direction. I'm really sick of diy projects, and I was using the diaper party as an excuse not to paint, but that's over with and now I'm sick of the old house sitting massively in the yard. The quicker we tear it down, the quicker the yard will be pretty. But first I have to get everything out.

I'm still longing for school to start. School will give me 8 hours all to myself each day. Except this year I'll have a baby and I still won't get to do magick. I don't know how people home-school. I couldn't stand it.

Every day this week, except Friday, I have something planned. I decided to plan something for Friday too- I'm going to take a nap.


Aine O'Brien said...

And some would say that being a mother isn't a "real job." Yeah, right. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

Oh my! Someone should be bringing you cold water while you rest. You're already creating life inside of you. I think you deserve to take a time out. I know you will feel better once you have things the way you want them, so I hope your bookcase comes into the house before Lammas. Then I hope you cuddle up with a book and put your foot down and get others to take over for the day and honor yourself and the life inside of you by taking a break! Hugs to you, Strong One.