Treasures

It was another leisurely lunch break. It's a little hard to see in the picture, but the quartz I picked up is translucent. And the dark stone is the largest chunk of mica I ever saw. Thick, too. I am used to finding fingernail thin slivers that break as soon as I lift them from sandy riverbeds.

I Live for the Cure

Dr. Mike told me he could cure my diabetes. I was instantly hopeful and skeptical because the whole time I've been diabetic, I've read about 'cures.' I've read about how diabetes is a 'manageable' illness as long as the patient sticks to their diet. BULLSHIT. Something I deal with 24/7 isn't manageable, it's a miserable way of life. And no, I didn't give myself diabetes by eating too much sugar. I weighed 126lbs when I was admitted to the hospital.

But back to the 'cures.' Often I would read an article promising a cure in the next five to ten years. But when I tried to research farther, I would discover the 'cure' was just a theory- there are no clinical trials. There is no new drug in development. There will not even be an answer as to why someone thinks they know what causes the disease. There is no supporting research. All the so called cure is an empty promise. Occasionally I will see an article about a doctor in a foreign country who has the cure but American doctors scoff and mock him. They don't want to believe it. Diabetes is Big Business here in the states. One of the reasons I can get a glucose meter for free is the pharmaceutical company knows I will pay for the meter five times over when I start buying test strips for it. You can't put any strip in any old meter- the strips are brand specific and ReliOn strips don't work in AccuCheck meters.

I'm jaded and annoyed. But the spark of hope remains and I am willing to try almost anything. The first step is to drink more water. But wait, it's not that simple. I have to drink a specially purified, high alkaline water. I can only get this at Dr. Mike's office.

So at work, I drink the water. At first I was not noticing much difference. But then I realized there was a big change. And it was the one thing I wanted to change above all else.

Most diabetics wake up with high sugars. This is because the body produces very little insulin while we sleep. We're sleeping. We don't need as much insulin while we sleep. That means if you ate a lot of carbs before bed, your sugar will reflect that in the morning.

I have what is called the 'dawn phenomenon' I wake up with LOW sugars. I wake up confused, heart racing, soaked in sweat, and unable to rouse myself enough to even be aware that I am on the verge of death. Several times I have passed out early in the morning. Sometimes I trudge around the house like a zombie, unaware of what I am doing or where I am. There is a very real fear that one day I won't wake up. Will is very frightened and he makes me check my sugar before he leaves for work. Sometimes he sees me so glassy-eyed with slurred speech that he just hands me a cookie. He calls every morning to make sure I am still alive. Now I don't wake up like this every day, but it does happen fairly often. And it would be really nice if I didn't start my day at death's door.

Since I have been drinking the water, I haven't woke up with a low sugar. But I do have them in the afternoons, like a normal diabetic. It takes sugar to get through your day. Most diabetics have their lowest sugar around 4pm- after they have been to work, ran errands, and burned off lunch. Expect me, my highest sugar is late afternoon. Until I started drinking the water. OMG, now I'm like all the other diabetics. I'm not weird anymore!

It doesn't sound like much. But it is a huge deal because it means my body is readjusting. That means I had to adjust. I take less insulin at lunch now. And I wanted that, too. I have a very realistic view of Dr. Mike's treatment- I will happily take a life with less insulin. I don't think I can get the cure. But I'm pretty sure I can get better. Just being a little bit better, just taking a little less insulin, just not seeing the worry and fear in Will's eyes as he questions whether or not it is wise to go to work and leave me alone...I don't have words to describe how much better that life would be.

We're getting more in depth now, Dr. Mike has decided I have mineral deficiencies. He thinks this is the cause of me becoming diabetic. So now I am to eat more leafy greens like spinach and kale.

And I keep drinking the water while I hope for the best.

My Personal Belief System

A friend of mine was wondering how 'Witchy' she really was since she never felt a connection to a Pagan God/dess. She's read about quite a few, she's tried several spells involving them, she's tried meditating, but over the years she has never felt a divine presence. She wondered if she was doing something wrong or if she just wasn't a spiritual person.

I said I never felt a divine presence either. There are Goddesses I really like such as Hecate for Her power, Brigid for all Her crafts, Grandmother Spider for Her wisdom, and Isis who loved Osiris so much that She traveled the entire world in search of all His parts to put His body back together. All these Ladies get things done. I have worked with each of Them. I even try to abide by Hecate's rules of finishing all business before each calendar month ends. Really, this makes good practical sense- pay your bills, plan a head, balance the checkbook, and clean the house.

But I don't worship Goddesses. I don't worship anything. I understand some things are sacred. I know how to behave in a holy place, even if that place or ritual is outside of what I am familiar with. I don't have a religion. I DO believe the Universe reflects each and every one of us. I think if you believe people are out to get you, you will come to harm. Not because the Universe is evil, but because like attracts like. Going out with a bad attitude causes annoyance in people and they will treat you exactly how you find it acceptable to be treated. I didn't say how you treated them. I said what you find acceptable. If you find yourself in a series of bad relationships, ask yourself when it became okay for your significant other to treat you like a doormat. Do you constantly pick a bad boy? Why do you believe you don't deserve a good man? Do you buckle under pressure? Do you whine or do you take action? If you are confident and kind you will attract wonderful people. Everybody likes nice. Sometimes nice encourages others to be nice. If you mope about waiting for someone to rescue you the only people who will notice you are predators looking for easy pickings. Think about it- when looking for a mate are you drawn to person who seems to have it all together or to the unshowered grump sitting in the corner?

I believe if there is anything in my life that I am unhappy with, I have the power to change it. I can get anything I want. If I loose it I can learn from my mistake and try again. I believe anyone can do this. Witches just have tools that bring faster results.

I believe in ghosts and spirits. I also believe emotions can linger on the earthily plane. I believe in reincarnation and afterlife. I do not believe there is a deity who controls us. I believe we have the power of choice always.

I believe in dragons. I believe they are higher beings who are willing to work with humans to help us grow and learn.

I believe in aliens but I don't believe they are from outer space. I think they are from other dimensions or other times.

I believe in Bigfoot because that could be a real animal. I do not believe Bigfoot will ever be 'found' because that would raise too many questions. Is Bigfoot an animal or human? Does he have rights? Can he be educated? Can he be hunted? If he's a person, does he have religion? If he has religion, does that make his 'right' and ours 'wrong'? Could a person marry a Bigfoot? Could Bigfoot be homosexual? If so, does that mean homosexuality is ok because it is 'natural'? Several years ago, two men in Georgia shot Bigfoot. The media later claimed it was a hoax. I think it was real and authorities covered it up. Please think about it- if you shot Bigfoot the first thing you'd do is tell everyone you knew. If you wanted to play a hoax you could only go so far. A hoax wouldn't get national attention for three days. Bigfoot resides in Georgia.

I believe in the power of elements- earth, air, fire, and water. I believe in the power of natural places like lakes, rivers, mountains, and caves. I believe gardens are magickal places even if the garden was not created with magickal intent. I believe the cure for every human disease can be found in either the plant or mineral kingdoms.

I believe we should make the best life possible for our existence on Earth. I think it is wrong to deny the body or emotions. If the physical self had no meaning we would not have bodies. Higher pursuits and philosophy are good things but to go without food or comfort or to deny anger is stupid. Pretending physical problems don't exist only creates more problems.

Above all else, I believe in balance. We must work and rest. We must learn and reflect. We only understand happiness when we have felt sorrow.

How the New Job is Going

This is the first job I've had that I say I love. I've had jobs I really liked, and jobs that suited me, but this is the first one that makes me feel useful and needed.

I'm sure everyone has worked for some company where the managers insist that you are joining their family when hired. This is the only one where I felt like my co-workers could be like family. It is a very small office, only four of us (right now. The business is going to expand and then I suspect we'll get more people.) Everyone is kind, helpful, and generous.

My job is pretty easy. I give massages to patients before they see the chiropractor for an adjustment. Most of my patients are nice. Dr. Mike has shown me the difference in people before and after a massage. He showed me how the muscles are more flexible. I know I am really helping people.

I have a very long lunch break- four hours. We are open from 10am until 1pm, then we close and reopen at 4 until 7. I'm trying hard to enjoy myself during that time. On the first day, I went to a bookstore. I found lots of things I couldn't live without, so I promised the owner I would come back.

On my second lunch break, I went to West Point Lake. I ate beside the water. Then I took some pictures and picked up shells. I had never seen the spiral shaped shells before. Will says they are fresh water snails and they are rarely found in the Tallapoosa River. After shell gathering, I did a little sewing, then I read. When I got back to the office, I felt rested and recharged. All lunch breaks should make you feel better. I think it should be the law.

Wonder If It's True?

What Happens When Your Man Talks to EVERYBODY

I love Will. I love his kindness and generosity. These are also the things we fight about because he is often kind to those who have wronged him and giving to those who have cheated him. No matter where we go, someone ALWAYS comes over to talk. There is just something about him that makes people talk. He talked to the entire group gathered in the gyno's waiting room when he took me to the doctor. He talks to people at gas stations. He talks to his neighbors, people he's known for years, friends, and people who wish they were his friends. So, of course, he talks to his chiropractor, Dr. Mike.

And Will's back is in horrible shape. All those years of high school football, all those years of working two and three jobs to support his family. Dr. Mike wants to know who Will went so long without seeking treatment. And Will tells him, my girlfriend has magic fingers.

Suddenly, Dr. Mike needs me. Gotta have someone to massage patients. Please, bring her to LaGrange.

I laugh. I have no medical training what so ever. I have no physical therapy training. What a ridiculous idea.

Will: Dr. Mike will pay you very well.

Me: Whatever. LaGrange is on the other side of the world. I'm not qualified.

So things rock a while. I'm still not working. I apply for job after job and never get a call back. When I do finally get an offer, it sucks dishwater.

It occurs to me that what I am doing isn't working. All my life I have worked in factories and warehouses. Maybe I should do something very different.

And then Will's truck broke down.

So I had to pick him up from work. In LaGrange.

You know what happened, right? Dr. Mike's office isn't far...

So I met Dr. Mike and liked him immediately. Even better, he liked me.

This astounds me. On my last job interview, I was told I was 'too quiet.' Dr. Mike thinks quiet is the most wonderful thing during a massage because people relax when they aren't talking.

So next I had to prove I had magic fingers. I had to massage Dr. Mike.

I start my job tomorrow (Monday, Feb 3) at 10.