The Most Difficult Job Ever

Will's youngest children were here over the weekend. This morning, when both boys were playing outside and Will was cutting grass, I discovered someone had gotten into my syringes. The protective plastic orange covers lay on the coffee table.

I got Will immediately. I was so upset I couldn't hardly talk about I thought we were about to have a dead little boy. Or two, if they thought it was fun to stick each other with insulin.

As it turns out, the youngest, age 6, got the syringe out, filled it with water, then used it as a water gun to squirt his brother's pillow. He knew that it was wrong, he knows a.) don't touch if it's not yours, and b.) this is medicine, not a toy. He also knows not to play with water in the house and he certainly knows not to mess with his brother's stuff.

Interrogations, a beating, and a time-out ensued. And then I cancelled the afternoon fishing trip. And I was still upset because had I not found the covers, I wouldn't have ever known he got it. He might have gotten more than one needle, I don't know. I don't know if he understands how serious this is. I don't know how much I should be angry. I don't know if it was done out of carelessness or out the allure of getting into something forbidden. I don't know if I should sit down and try to explain diabetes or if I should relocate needles or if the boys can no longer even for a second be unsupervised or all three. I don't know if my emotions are making me over-react or if I am justified in having a screaming fit because an air bubble in the vein will most assuredly kill you.

I finally told Will to take the boys home. I wasn't feeling any better about any of it. I don't want to stay mad all day but I don't want them to think it's no big deal. I don't want to do something fun with them because I don't want them to think this sort of thing gets rewarded. Will has apologized a hundred times and I don't want to be angry at him, but on the other hand, neither of us were watching the kids. We were sleeping in and they were supposed to be watching a movie. I'm angry at myself for not putting up something dangerous and motherfucker, that little brat is supposed to know better.

And I don't know that the situation could have been avoided. If he was bound and determined to have a little 'water gun' then putting syringes under lock and key might have slowed him down but not stopped him. Of course, it's not full paranoia until you've gone through every horrid scenario at least twice so now I'm questioning just how safe are my guns, my knives, my alcohol, and my car keys because I'm sure next the other child will run over somebody with my truck. No doubt he'll be playing with gasoline and firecrackers when he does it.

Autumn Magick

This is more of a things-I-love-about-fall post rather than the magick I'm actually doing at this time, although I will show you some of what I focus on Witch-wise during the Dark of the Year.

Hands down, this is THE most beautiful time of the year. I love the colors! This is a great time to work with trees because not only are they more easy to identify, but the tree spirits are settling down to sleep. They are more relaxed. You can visit trees during the fall and winter, gently reminding them of your presence, and in the spring the tree spirits will be more responsive to you.

Cooler weather is a great time to quilt.

In autumn you don't mind a lot of blanket piled around you while you work.

Fall is perfect for all kinds of needle arts. It's quiet. People are more still.

I used this picture just because of the lamps in the background. Lamps become very magickal on late fall afternoons. I assume this lady is designing in between kitchen chores. That's what I do.

I am much more inclined to cook in autumn. I think it's because so many of the foods I like are rich and heavy. I love stews, fresh bread, and all kinds of baking. It's nice when the oven helps to warm the house instead of over-heating the house. My Granny used to cook early in the morning during the summer but during the cool fall, she was much more leisurely about cooking. In fall she puttered around the kitchen and never got in a rush.

And then there is my favorite bird- the crow. I see crows everywhere all the time, but during the fall they seem to be on a special mission. They call, they strut, they perch, and they really seem to shine among the bright leaves. I think they are telling the trees no matter how rich your reds and golds may be, black is always cutting edge fashion.

Crows are carrion birds and that leads us into the realm of the dead. The veil between the worlds is very thin at this time of year. The veil stays thin throughout winter and does not thicken until February. It is easy to communicate with the other side. There is no better way to commune with the dead than to visit a cemetery. I think it's best to visit cemeteries in the fall anyway because the plants are dying down so no worries of stinging nettle or poison ivy. The snakes are hibernating and the bugs aren't buzzing annoyingly.

As long as we are talking about visiting cemeteries, I intend to take Will to this grave. It's a dollhouse built on the grave of a little girl. She wanted a dollhouse but her parents were making her wait for Christmas. She died of complications from pneumonia before she got her present, which is why the little house is built over her grave. The family are actually my distant cousins. Will had seen the dollhouse grave before but didn't know the story. Now that I've explained things, he thinks the little house is very sad but sweet.

I have been wanting to get out my scrying mirror. I packed it away because I rarely use it. Scrying can be a fairly complex art in that it takes a good bit of practice. You don't need much to do it, a mirror, a crystal ball, a bowl of water, a burning candle, or a fire. BUT scrying works differently depending on which method used. Looking into the mirror is not like looking in the crystal ball. When I use my ball, I feel that the ball draws images from my subconscious. I feel like the mirror pulls me in. The ball is like having an extra view of your world and the mirror tends to send me between worlds.

I read the cards more in fall than at any other time of the year. I don't know if it is the thinning of the veil or the fact that the pace of life is slower so there are less issues to consider, but to me the cards seem more to the point and more accurate at reflecting scenarios. Usually at Halloween I do a spread for the year ahead, though sometimes I do this on New Year's Eve. Sometimes I go to parties and read for other people just for fun.

I could go on and on about autumn. I haven't even mentioned my fall wardrobe, pumpkins, hay rides, or Halloween decorations. Please go out and enjoy the season. Winter always comes too quick.

The Book Post

Finally, I getting around to the post about all the wonderful books I've received lately.

Borrowed this from my Dad. It's about growing fruit. It was written in the 1800's. This book has been republished and don't let the large size fool you- there is a 2 1/2 to a 3 inch gap/margin around each page. Apparently the publisher decided to reproduce the book as it was in 1830 whatever and I guess sheer stubbornness accounted for wasting so much paper. I suppose originally this was meant to be a pocket-sized book that one could read while in the orchard. The print is small. Very small. This is why my father isn't reading it. He can't see the words. I like the book. Nearly 200 years ago it was assumed intelligent people read books and the tone is decidedly different from the books I usually read. The books currently being published seemed to be either dumbed down or written in the simplest voice possible to make things quick and easy. One of the problems with having an English degree is 'editing' as I read paperbacks. If I am so busy picking out errors that I can't enjoy the story, then the book is no good. I enjoy getting my hands on something meaty.

Bought this little notebook for my mother. She always has notebooks with her. I thought this would be the perfect Christmas gift.

Had to pull this out to look up techniques. I checked this book out of the library a dozen times before deciding I needed my own copy.

This is the book Will bought for me. When I saw it on Amazon, there was no 'look inside' link so I wasn't sure if I'd like it. When I found it at Hancock's Fabric, I fell in love. Most of the projects are small to medium sized, but very detailed. The charts are in color and the color choices seem to reflect the natural world- grass, sea, sand, and rocks.

This is the manifesting book I've been talking about. Beside it is a journal I intend to use as a manifesting journal. Let me go ahead and warn you- there is often no difference between psychology and magick. This book is filled with visualization exercises to activate the chakras. (Visualizing is what Witches do to activate spells.) There is a paragraph in Creating on Purpose that states people often get confused or led astray by tarot, astrology, and I-Ching. The authors present 90% of the exact same techniques Witches use and they try very hard to present it as pure science, not metaphysical magick. Nice try.

In this envelop is the first three chapters to Bill's sci-fi manuscript. I have read it numerous times because I keep forgetting to edit! Bill asked me to edit and I find it hard to not get sucked into the story. But that's good! I think his book will sell!

Will also bought me a bookmark with my initial.

Not a book per se, but I've thumbed through it so many times the past few days I decided to include it. This is the latest catalog from The Stitchery. I like the catalogs because I get ideas for my own projects. I'm thinking of reproducing the quilt design on this cover, minus the Santa. I like to see what trends are popular, what other artists are doing, and of course, often I find something I can't live without.

I hope to talk about autumn magick in my next post. Cheers!

Your Lie Sent Me to a Between Place

I was going to talk about books today, but the ex is still creating drama. I think I was the reason she did it, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

After yesterday being so exhausting (well, the whole weekend really), I decided I wanted to take it easy today. I went to visit my parents. Dad gave me muskadines for Will's children. I dropped them off with his sister, then headed home to curl up with a good book.

I'm reading the manifesting book I ordered Creating on Purpose. It's about aligning chakras (energy centers) to manifest. The idea is when you work towards a higher purpose, and your body is aligned with Deity, then life becomes easier. Dreams become reality. I was reading a paragraph about creation happens on the edges of the unknown. In other words, you take what you know, wish for more or better, then move towards possibilities you have not considered before in hopes of creating. This made me think of 'between places' in magick- dusk and dawn, along the hedge, the shore, the top of the hour, cusps of zodiac signs, crossroads, and doorways. All these places and times are neither one thing or the other. They are full of potential because they are between. In a between place or time, things could go either way.

Magick performed in these places is always powerful. I jotted down notes including a list of places where I could possibly do magick. I thought about the edges of forests, doorways, my porch (neither in nor out), and river banks.

Will called while I was reading to say trouble was brewing. One of the children fell down and badly bruised his back. The ex decided to call the Sheriff's department and tell them that bruise was caused by Will being abusive.

Now the whole reason I think she did this out of spite/jealousy/anger is because once again she was on the porch at Will's house when I drove by. Her lie occurred less than an hour after I left Salem. Let's be honest- if she wanted to be vindictive, she had the whole weekend to do it. There was no reason for it to happen today. No one got in a fight with her. No one called her. No one wanted to see her or deal with her. What happened is she was alone and angry. When she saw me go past, she got angry that her ex-husband has a relationship while her life is in the toilet. And she couldn't get at me so she decided to get at Will.

When Will called me, I went into Witch mode. First, practical matters. I urged him to get an attorney. Second, I called his family to give them a heads up. And then I went to my altar to do protection spells.

At that point, all I could do was wait. When waiting it is best to keep your mind occupied. I took a walk. I walked along the woods and discovered a faint animal trail. A few steps into a section of woods I had never visited I found this:

It's two trees that have grown into each other. Even better, underneath is...

a between place. A perfect little between place in the edge of the woods near a creek. I could not ask for a better grouping of betweens.

I made immediate use of the trees. I cast a spell. What happened is Will didn't go to jail. Sadly, the ex, obviously high when the cops arrived, didn't go to jail either. But I didn't ask for anything to happen to her, only that Will and the boys stay safe.

I have discovered energy in the forks of trees. If you have a pendulum, and you walk around an area, the pendulum will give a different rotation when held over a forked tree trunk. You can also find different energy patterns over animal trails, ditches, springs, and large rock formations. This is ley line energy. I'm really excited to see what kind of pendulum results I get in this place. I'm going learn this energy. I want to know the best way to utilize it.

I love between places.

Pack Five Days Into Two

I've said before that my weekends have become chaotic. They still are. This weekend was pretty good until we got home.

First, on Thursday, Will asked if I wanted to go down to Ft. Rucker. I said sure, but it was a little up in the air if we were going or not. Since I didn't want to pack for a trip I might not take, I didn't pack or plan ahead. Thus we needed a lot of things and didn't realize we needed them until it was far too late to turn around. We also bought/wasted money on things we intended to do, but ran out of time. Because we seem to be going to Ft. Rucker often, I'm thinking about making a kit of things we use there to simplify what we take with us. It would be far easier to grab a bag than to figure out what goes in the bag.

Saturday we got a really late start. And it was raining. Will had several things to take care of before we left. It seemed like he thought of more and more as we tried to complete it all. There was a lot of well-since-we're-already-in-town, or well-it's-on-the-same-side/next-door-to-where-we're-going...sigh. It was very late. We did reach Enterprise before dark. That amazed me.

On Saturday evening, Will lost my keys. We turned my truck upside down, then hunted all through Jesse's house. Nothing. Then we went through it all again. Not in my truck, not in the kitchen, not in the living room, not in our bags, not dropped in the grass. I was starting to wonder how we would get home. Not that I would have been able to get in my house. Then I started realizing my parents' house key, my father's truck key, and a VERY sentimental key to AJ's house were all missing. I prayed to St. Anthony. (Tony, Tony, come around, something's lost that can't be found.) The keys were finally found in Will's jacket pocket. The jacket was in Jesse's truck. After that I kept the keys with me.

Sunday, we finally got to the reason Will came down- to fix Jesse's tractor. Will discovered the head needed to go to a machine shop and half the valves were wrong. Essentially, we drove three hours for twenty minutes of work.

But Will did get paid, the head came back with us (only two machinists in Dothan, one is about to retire, the other has too much work), we set Will's mother on the hunt for the correct valves, and Jesse is paying me to recover a stool seat cushion. We also stopped at Hancock's Fabric (waaaaaay better store than the one I'm familiar with up here). I was very surprised, Will was excited to be in the fabric store. Usually I go to fabric and craft stores alone so I can shop in peace without a boyfriend sighing in boredom. Will picked out fabric for a blanket, leather for a Comic Con vest, marveled over the trim, and repeatedly asked, 'Could you make...' I see lots of sewing projects in my future.

It was a weekend of books. Will brought me a needlepoint book, Bill gave me a manuscript to edit, and when I finally got home, the manifesting book I ordered was in the mailbox. I think I could make a whole post of books, and that might be what I write tomorrow.

The whole weekend, I didn't check my mail or facebook. I didn't read any blogs. When I stay away from the Internet for more than two days, I feel like the world has moved on without me. This is making me wish I had a more high tech phone or tablet. I'm all for disconnecting occasionally, but I feel panic rising when I first see my inbox filled with messages. I start thinking I missed something important.

Finally, Sunday afternoon, at nearly four pm, we headed for home. We were tired but geared up because we STILL had things we wanted to do and had to do. Will's son's truck broke down while we were gone and Will picked up parts on the way home, intending to make repairs. That didn't happen because Will's ex-wife staged an attack as soon as I pulled into Will's yard.

The ex is a pill addict. This is the whole reason they divorced over two years ago. It is an on-going problem and a few months ago she had (again) lost practically everything. But she checked herself into rehab. Will thought that was a good indication of trying to turn herself around, so he has been helping her. He is under no obligation what so ever to help her with anything. Instead of being grateful, she demands more and more. This attack was about Will being out of town knowing she needed medicine. However, she had already ran out THREE DAYS before she said anything and she waited until Will left before telling him. She also let the children run out of their medications.

I don't understand the running out of meds. When I get down to the last insulin pen, I start making arrangements to fill Rx's. I count how many days I have left and I refill BEFORE the weekend because I don't want to be without the thing that keeps me alive while I wait for the pharmacy to open on Monday.

The ex will just be too lazy to go to the store. And she thinks if Will wasn't in town to help her when she finally decided to ask, then it's his fault she ran out. After she pulls a stunt like this, she can't understand why Will won't let her take the kids out of state.

We pulled into the yard and the ex came charging down from the porch, ranting and raving. She's bi-polar. After five days off her meds, she looked like an escapee from Brice Mental Hospital. I'm really surprised the Sheriff's department didn't pick her up over the weekend. Probably the only reason she didn't end up in one kind of cell or another is because it is obvious something is not right and people avoid the hell out of her. I noticed all the neighbors peeking out from curtains only to quickly turn away when they realized either myself or Will's sister saw them. Every car that drove by sped up as it passed the house.

By this time, the pharmacy was closed. The upshot of it all was Will came to Tallapoosa county with me, the younger kids went to their aunt's house, the truck didn't get fixed, all Will's generosity has been withdrawn, and the ex still doesn't have any meds. Will's sister told me she thought the ex had gotten high right before we got into town and that's why things were so explosive. Everybody is fed up with her. Once again she's about to have nothing. And all of it lost because she'd rather create unnecessary drama than take care of herself.

The Simplest Complexity

The moon is full today, but I've been noticing it in the sky for the past few nights and that's why I held my 'esbat' Tuesday. I used to do rituals on the full moon. I'd have candles, herbs, ritual tools, and chants. I'd call Quarters, Deity, Elements, and cast a huge circle to hold it all. You know what? That wasn't a celebration, that was work. Now I light a lavender candle to keep bugs away, I drink a beer, and I smoke. Because really now, if I'm going to celebrate a moon I should be enjoying myself.

Sometimes I talk to the Moon Goddess. Sometimes I am quiet. I still do spell work, but these are done during the day or before I sit down to relax. Once I sit down on my porch, the goal is to rest and reflect. I have come to the conclusion that I need to charge in the moonlight just like my crystals do. I remember doing moon rituals with Air Witch and we'd spend two hours or more outside. We'd do our ritual then we'd lounge around our circle and talk and drink. That was the best part, the talking and drinking.

Tuesday, I thought about how much has changed in my personal practice of Witchcraft. I have paired down to barest bones. In the beginning of formally being Wiccan, I was intent on having all the 'right' tools. Now I hardly use tools. I use my cauldron nearly every day. I have a broom for sweeping negative energy from my home. Sometimes, if I'm in a really good mood, I wave my wand. I only have two other tools. On each Sabbat, I put on my mask and I tap my staff on the ground declaring myself the Witch of This Place. The mask really amuses me because I used to hate robes. Ritual robes tend to be long, flowing, and table sweeping. Clumsy thing that I am, I ALWAYS trip over the hem. Sometimes I manage to step on the sleeves. I can sum up in one word why I didn't like skyclad either- bugs. If you're going to walk around naked outside in the South, you might as well put a neon sign above your head which reads "SKEETERS- ALL YOUR SWARM CAN EAT HERE!"

So why do I wear the mask? I'm trying to be more than myself. I'm trying to be not just a person who practices Witchcraft, but a Witch who really belongs here. It's a simple thing, shifting perceptions by shifting appearances. But that's how magick works, by shifting the perceptions.

Except it's a little more complicated than that. It's a little more than lighting a candle, it's knowing what color would work best. It's not just meditating, it's knowing what to focus on. It's not just knowing the moon is full, it's knowing when the moon is closer to the Earth that's a different energy than when the moon is farther away. It's not just knowing your sign, it's knowing the energies of ALL the signs affect us every day.

I like to do magick when no one is watching. And it's not just that I think spells should be secret, but rather that I understand the more a person thinks about a spell, the more they twist it, until finally it is nothing like originally intended. On the flip side, I can do most magick in my head. No one knows if I'm mentally chanting as I cook. This is why if you took away all my tools, locked me up, and forbade me from ever casting a spell again, I'd still be a Witch. I'd go right on casting. I'm the magick. It's that simple, but it's more complex than that because my magick is not your magick. Even if I taught you everything I know, your magick would still be different because of your own talents, learning ability, life experience, and personal power levels.

Autumn is here. People everywhere are delighting in the cooler weather. Most of us are hauling out pumpkins and some are decorating for Halloween. Some people are preparing for the chill of winter, some people are clearing clutter, some people are working with the dead. It's one time of the year, and one million reasons to be happy, or scared, about the approaching darkness.

Finally Saw a Green Tractor!

And on Friday the 13th no less. I also saw several yellow butterflies. All real, all small, all solid yellow. I didn't notice any green cars today.

How Things Are Going For Me

1. My hands are much better. The chemically burned skin is peeling off which is extremely ugly, but the new, pink skin underneath doesn't ache or itch. The swelling has almost disappeared and I can freely bend my fingers again. I have a few small split places but these are mainly from where I impatiently ripped off a little too much dead skin. My cousin Eddie visited my parents this week and his hands look exactly like mine. Why do we insist on letting companies poison us with harsh chemicals?!

2. Since I spoke out/complained about my sore fingers, my job has ended. I know this is purely because I objected to having chemical burns. However, it was done in such a way to make it difficult, if not impossible, to prove the job ended because I wouldn't keep my mouth shut. I haven't worked since last Thursday. But, my hands are healing, my sugar has been really good, I've gotten a lot done around the house, and over all I am much happier. I've gotten a few odd sewing jobs and suddenly a wealth of job possibilities have opened up. I think I got the better end of the deal.

3. After I saw the manifesting book at the book store, I found it on Amazon and read the 'look inside' thing. I was hooked. I'm going back to buy it. One of the things that really struck me was how we tend to make things an either/or proposition. For example, I want to loose weight but I want to eat sweets. This insinuates that you can only have one, not both. The book suggests replacing the word 'but' with 'and'. I want to loose weight and eats sweets. Wording this way suddenly makes you think of how to have both. You could exercise more and eat less. You could cut back on sweets but not give them up entirely. You could say if you meet your fitness goal each week you can have dessert as a reward. You could switch to the reduced fat/sugar brand of snack cakes. I tried out the experiment this morning. Will knows of a job at a company I used to work for. I have reservations about applying because the way I was treated. He was telling me about other positions available and how the office has changed. The one who screwed me over doesn't work there anymore. I would think I should call, but I don't want to. As soon as I changed the way I thought that statement I should call and I don't want to I realized the problem was I didn't want to disappoint Will. He wants me to get a job and he's trying to help. He is not insisting that I get a particular job or that he will be angry if I don't follow all his suggestions. So I decided to apply online for the quality job. And when I told Will, he said that one paid better and I'd probably be happier with it. Just by rewording, I was able to figure out what really bothered me, then find a logical solution I was comfortable with.

4. My house is almost completely painted. The only thing left is touching up the doors and the painter needs to clean up his mess. The house looks much better. The painting forced me to make some garden changes. Most of my plants didn't make it. I had to scale back a lot but since I've decided to move, scaling back was a good thing. Where I did have to make changes, the changes are better than the originals.

5. Moving is really up in the air. When I first decided to move, I wasn't with Will and I decided to buy a house. Then Will came along with lots of possibilities including moving in with him, moving to another state with him, moving to another part of Alabama with him, and living in the other house his family owns. I decided to wait and see. As job offers spark and fizzle, moving away may or may not be happening. Living in his house isn't going to happen because his parents intend to move in it when they retire in a few months. Living in the big house isn't happening because his sister decided she wants it (mainly because Will wanted it). My house is too small and moving here would be disruptive to his children. So all that's been decided is we're moving...somewhere.

6. I have gotten back into my exercise routine. I feel better. My sugar is good, so obviously I'm doing something right.

7. I'm trying to build my sewing skills. I'm learning new techniques and looking for better ways to do what I like to sew. The more I learn, the more I want to make. The more I make the more people offer to buy. Which leads me to wonder why I can't make more money from sewing. And since I've been working on manifesting, more and more that seems like a good choice.

A Witch Post- Manifesting

Victoria of Wide Lawns and Narrow Minds, has written a couple of posts about manifesting. She's reading a book and following the exercises presented. She's written about trying to manifest green cars and yellow butterflies. While I was driving today, I decided I wanted to try too. I immediately saw a gray-green car. Nope, I thought, should be unquestionably green. And in just a few minutes, I noticed a green car parked at my neighbor's house. Has it been there all along? Why have I not noticed before?

I rounded the next curve and suddenly there was a small, solid yellow butterfly erratically bobbing up and down over the road. "Yellow butterfly!" I screamed with delight.

In town I saw a few more almost green cars, either blue-green or gray-green. I'd think Doesn't count. And then I saw this:

Bear with me, I know it's not the greatest picture. I was looking at the little Chevy truck. It's dark green. It is plainly green, couldn't be anything other than green, and when I first looked, I thought it was black. This made me wonder how many times we fail to see what things really are. Maybe manifesting is about understanding the reality around us.

I went about my day and saw several more green cars, mostly dark green. Then I saw a shocking lime green car. Okay, the green car thing was easy for me.

I went in the bookstore to kill time before an appointment. Do you know what caught my eye? A beautiful card with a butterfly motif. The biggest butterfly was yellow. I started thumbing through craft magazines and, you guessed it, yellow butterflies on most pages.

Also at the book store, I found several books on manifestation. I found these books by chance. I didn't go looking for them, I just noticed them on the shelves as I walked by. One seemed to be mis-shelved as it was with Tarot cards. I decided I want to know how other people manifest or work in harmony with the Universe. I think knowing what you want takes you a long way in being able to get it, but maybe there are some easier ways to make this work.

On the way home, I thought since the green car thing was successful, I should try to see a green tractor. And I took a different route home, deliberately driving to a farming area where I thought surely I would see a green tractor. I didn't see tractor one. This made me wonder how much of manifesting is taking chances or creating opportunity and how much is just trusting the universe.

Witch of This Place- Core Beliefs & Daily Practice

This post is in response to Aine's Sacred Ways Post. I needed a little time to organize my thoughts so I'm not responding as quickly as I would have liked.

This is a hard post to write because it is almost like trying describe how I breathe. I don't think about the process, I just breathe. And I am always breathing, whether I think about it or not. I will still breathe in my sleep. I am going to breathe as long as I live.

I'm going to be a Witch as long as I live too. I'm always going to believe in magick. Because I have spent many years learning my Craft and honing my skills, I will never unlearn it or forget it. Presenting some logical evidence that 'disproves' Witchcraft will cause me to stop being a Witch. I know what I know and I don't care what anyone else believes. That's really how magick works- we all live in our own realities that we create ourselves.

To me, being a Witch is all about learning to use the energies around us. I can glimpse the future by reading patterns of events and people around me. I can heal by studying herbs which spring from the Earth. I can make manifest physical items by having a firm knowledge of what I want.

I can help others and I can help myself. I can create the future. I can heal and protect the Earth. I can work to bring change, I can keep things from developing. I can influence people and I can remove them from my sphere of existence.

I usually work to improve my own life. I think I am in a better position to help others if I take care of myself first. I work to protect my home and I work to increase my income. I work high magick- casting circles, connecting with my landbase and ley lines, and I often do dreamwork. I work magick into mundane chores such as chanting over sewing, blessing my cooking, and banishing negativity with plain soap and water. My magick is a hidden thing and that is why if all my tools were taken away, if my books were burned, even if I was forbidden to speak, I'd still be a Witch because magick takes place in the heart, mind, and soul. We all have magick.

I believe practice makes perfect. Almost every day, I light a candle, say my prayers, and focus my mind. Going back to my breathing analogy, everyone breathes, but we can learn to breathe better. We can learn to be calm. We can take deeper breaths. We can clear the air and with every breath become happier and healthier. That's what I think sacred is, turning mundane into special.

A Sudden Turn of Events

I was suppose to call the office yesterday to tell them how my hands were progressing. The person I was supposed to call was gone for the day. So I left a message- please reassign me, preferably to first shift.

Then I called Will. While I was on the phone, someone called but I was driving so I didn't answer. When I got to work, I checked the number but didn't recognize it. There was no voicemail message. I didn't call back because it was time to start my shift and hey, they didn't leave a message.

Today, no one called. I waited around, nothing. I called and was told my person was out to lunch. My fingers were badly swollen by this point and I really wanted to see a doctor. I waited around and finally my person called asking why I missed my 8:15 appointment.

Huh?

Apparently, the temp agency called me right back from a different line which was why they didn't show up on my caller id. And they claim they left a very detailed message. Which I think is bullshit. Because I didn't call or show for the 'appointment' they ended my assignment. While I was on the phone trying to sort all this out, Will called the agency. I don't know what he said, but suddenly they are more than willing to keep me on the payroll. I got to see a doctor this afternoon. The doctor determined I had a dermatitis problem and the glue I work with made things worse.

Monday, I'm supposed to be reassigned. I don't know what jobs are available, and I'm a little bummed about the sudden lack of income, but I am sure glad I don't have to deal with glue and now I can insist on first shift. And neither the doctor visits or the medicine have cost me anything.

Sometimes it pays to have a bear for a boyfriend.

Ow! Ow! OW!

I went into the office this morning, showing my hands. Before I could even get words out, I was ushered to a waiting area, my file was pulled, whispered conversations were made, and well, I was just a tad on edge. Things worked out well, my employer paid for medication. They sent me to a pharmacist, not a doctor. But they did pay attention and that was better than I thought it would go.

When I got to work, I discovered the pot was definitely stirred and still sloshing. My supervisor was mad with me for not 'following the chain of command' and I felt a little guilty until I realized this problem has occurred before. Get rid of the harsh chemicals! When a solvent can take paint off a cement floor, people shouldn't be exposed to it. Now I have more of a 'fuck you' attitude.

I texted Will every break to keep him updated. When I got off work, I had NINE messages on my phone. I was inside dealing with sore fingers and raw emotions. Poor Will had no one to talk to, so the more he thought about it, the madder he got. Will was almost to the point of coming to my job and beating somebody up. Will looks like a bear and when he's mad he's a roaring grizzly. I really didn't intend for anyone to be mad, I just want my sore fingers to go away.

My team leader knew exactly what the problem was- even better, she told me how to get rid of it. So that's why I scrubbed my fingers with a green Scotch pad when I got home. Horrid yes, hurts like hell yes, but it removes the dead skin so I can heal. I drank some Bud Light Lime because I figure if I must painfully remove layers of dead, chemically burned skin, then I've earned a drink or three. Hopefully by the weekend all this will be gone, Will won't be planning to murder my supervisor, and maybe, just maybe, they will finally solve the problem so no one else suffers.

Discolored left index finger.

Badly calloused left middle finger.

Split open, discolored, and calloused left thumb.

Badly split (to the point of bleeding if I press hard), discolored, and badly calloused right thumb. That's blood, not dirt, under my nail. Yep, they hurt as bad as they look. There are spots on my other fingers. I didn't post more pictures because my camera doesn't pick up much fine detail. I promise almost all my fingers are ugly. Remember kids, chemicals are BAD.

Comings and Goings

Sunday, Clint and I stopped at a local store. It started off as a greenhouse and the owners have just expanded into antiques and handcrafted art. A very beat up sewing machine table caught my eye. The table itself had water damage, so I wasn't expecting much. I was stunned when I opened the top and discovered a machine EXACTLY like my 1927 Singer with a near perfect paint job. I got more excited when I realized the bobbin winder was in EXCELLENT condition. The winder on my machine has worn to the point of being almost unusable. There was no price. The sewing machine had already been sold. Bummer. But, I did find other cool stuff. I bought a huge rolling pin I am very proud of. And, being that they do sell handcrafts, this could be a place where I could sell my quilts. I want to get more of a feel for the owners. They seem very nice so things could work out well for me. Plus, now that Will knows I am looking for sewing machines or machine parts, he is on the look out for them and today he told he thought he had found a sewing machine I might like.

On the down side, I have to go to the doctor tomorrow. Will thinks I don't have an allergy but chemical burn. I have to go to the office first, and try to get work to pay for my medical bills. I've already decided I'm going to the doctor whether I have to pay or not because my hands aren't getting better. Will thinks my hands have become infected and I need antibiotics. I may not be able to go to work for a few days. I can tell you holding a sewing needle is rather difficult and I probably shouldn't be gardening or digging in dirt, but life can't stop just because I have sore fingers.