Wednesday, July 31, 2013

The Last (& Biggest) Batch of Ft. Rucker Pics

As soon as we got to Ft. Rucker, we went to the Aviation Museum.
Yikes at the guns on this bird.
If this reminds you of the old M.A.S.H. tv show, you'd be correct, this is the Korean War exhibit.
My father is a Korean War veteran.
This guy looks A LOT like my dad :)

Vietnam. There was a sniper in the bushes behind the plane but I couldn't get a good shot of him. Snipers are sneaky like that.

Of course, I had to take pictures of every dragon I found.
These are drones, unmanned aircraft which photographs the ground. These are early models. Drones are now much smaller, like toy airplane sized.
A Witch!
Closer view, taken from the stairs.

This was hanging over the entrance. I thought at first it was Icarus, who flew too close to the sun and fell into the sea. Then I realized the figure had a full beard so it must be Daedalus, Icarus' father. Anyway, this was all about the innovation of flight and Daedalus didn't fall. This was another time when the light wasn't in my favor and I was bummed because it was very pretty.
Found another dragon.
Then I found Snoopy!
This white tiger was cool in the case but now it looks a little creepy.
Piece of the Berlin Wall. I remember the wall coming down. This is the second time I have seen a section of the wall. The Infantry Museum in Ft. Benning also has a piece.
And last, Jack Daniels celebrates everything and everybody.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Ft. Rucker Lemon Lot and Lowe Heliport

Every base has a lot where soldiers sell autos they can't take with them when they are deployed elsewhere. Or, I'm told every base has this lot. It's called the Lemon Lot and prior to visiting Ft. Rucker, I had never heard of it. There's more than just cars for sell, we also saw RV's, boats, and motorcycles. Will's mother wanted us to see this:
And as if one classic Thunderbird wasn't cool enough, parked right next to it was a black Thunderbird:


 
 
After we admired cars we couldn't afford, we headed over to the air field where Will's father works. Bill is an airplane mechanic just like Will. When Will started training, Bill realized the potential to earn good money and he jumped into his new career despite being nearly 60. Bill is 62 now and is a civilian working on the Ft. Rucker base.


We weren't allowed past the gate. Bill works in the buildings in the background.
We got to see one of these big birds take off and if I hadn't been so amazed I could have taken a photograph or two.
I took a picture of the sign from the truck. You can see the buildings a little better here. Will told me for every hour a plane is in the air, it needs 1 to 3 hours of maintenance. Planes do not flight across the country then turn around and immediately fly back. Everything is carefully checked in a particular order and the mechanic has to sign off on each item.

Next batch of pics- the museum.

Monday, July 29, 2013

First Set of Ft. Rucker Trip Pics

Before I start the post- yes, this is a church. Yes, I am a Witch. No, there isn't anything wrong with me, nor I have converted. I just thought it was really pretty.
I saw this church on the way down and said, "Wow, that is gorgeous." It prompted a conversation about art. A little while after we passed the church, we passed a driveway lined with calla lilies. They were stunning. At that point, I realized we had seen all sorts of cool things and neither of us had taken a single picture. I made Will promise to stop at the church on the way home so I could get a few photos. This church had stained glass windows all the way around the building. Most churches just have stained glass in the sanctuary. This entire building was pretty, even the mundane kitchen and Sunday school rooms.
The light was not in my favor. The glass was beautiful shades of blue with occasional red or gold accents. It was difficult to photograph because it was so reflective and that's why you can see my truck's reflection in the lower right corner. There was some cool little black, sort of Gothic designs and that's what I was trying to capture but my phone just isn't advanced enough for that kind of detail.
The church is in Headland, AL and it is very large. The building had several wings, a good sized parking lot, a playground, and a large cemetery. I didn't notice a date and I didn't pay much attention to the name either. Will noticed it was a Baptist church.
We were the only ones there on late Sunday afternoon.
I love how the blues contrast with the red brick.
See? Everything was pleasing to look at. This church also had a small garden but I didn't photograph it because the children were whining about being hungry.
This was taken from the truck as we were leaving. If the boys had been a little more patient, I might have taken the time to read the historical marker.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Home

I am back from my trip! I did manage to get quite a bit done. I put down salt to kill fleas, and when I got home, I bathed the dogs with lemon juice as this is also a flea killer. I didn't mop, and in hindsight that's probably wise because I had three wet Labs shaking water everywhere.

Will and I drove down together. I had about 4 hours of sleep, but I managed to arrive at his house on time. We talked a lot, he bought me coffee, and all in all it was nice. After that nothing went as planned. His children were already in Ft. Rucker with their grandparents. We thought we would pick them up Sunday afternoon, go swimming, then the four of us would drive home. Instead, both Will's sister and his parents were being run ragged by two hyper little boys so Will's sister handed them off to us at the first opportunity. Our host was expecting two adults, not two adults and two kids. I worried about the boys tearing up Jesse's house, but we managed to survive the weekend without breaking anything (that I know of). Jesse seemed delighted to cook for all of us, and it must not have been too bad of a trip because he invited us back. Will also managed to get the tractor completely repaired and I'm sure that helped with Jesse's good mood.

I took a lot of pictures, but I probably won't be posting until tomorrow or the next day because I'd like to sort them out and Google seems to be acting stupid. Twice I have typed in a URL and ended up on an unrelated page. I'm just not trusting Blogger to properly load anything. The computer has already froze once.

If I had to pick an underlying theme of this trip, I'd say it was home. Will and I saw a lot of run-down buildings, but we saw twice as many houses lovingly restored and well maintained. I was charmed by the towering oaks in front yards and porches that wrapped at least halfway around the house. Gardening was also a big theme. History seemed to be outlined in bold colors. I mean literally; I saw Victorian Era houses painted green or bright blue or even a peachy orange. About 85% of the doors had big tulle wreaths.

All these old houses made me think of my house and how I live. I am more determined than ever to fix my place up. I thought of several house magick post ideas. I am eager to make things better, to make life easier, and I can't wait to get started.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Reminders

Out of town of the weekend. I arranged for a part-time jailer for the fur babies. He is going to make sure they have water and food. I do feel sorry for him if he has to catch one and put her back in the pen. I really need to clean the pen and fix a gap in the fence, but I don't think that's going to happen because details concerning the trip are rapidly piling up. I'm doing laundry but haven't packed. I was going to do some cooking, but clearly I won't have time and I'm worried about meat spoiling in the fridge. Which reminded me that I should empty the trash. Which reminded me to clean out the truck. Which reminded me to put Will's son's shoes in the truck so I can return them. Then I thought about all the things that it would be good do before I leave, like sprinkling salt on the floor to kill fleas. The salt has to stay 24 hours but I don't like crunching around on it. Since no one will be in the house, this is an ideal time to throw salt everywhere. But really, I should bathe the dogs when I come home. Am I going to feel like bathing three excited Labs when I am exhausted from traveling?

All these details zip around my brain repeatedly. I have no idea where to begin. Adding to the chaos, I thought the house painting would start this weekend because my landlord put several gallons of paint in my storage room. I started moving plants and taking down decorations. When I got too hot, I went inside and called my landlord to find out exactly what was going to be done this weekend. He told me Dewayne would start work next weekend. I was relieved because I have too much going on. Maybe sometime next week I can do some of those house magick posts.

And then, there's that Pagan holiday which symbolizes the very beginning of autumn coming up in a few short days. Since everything is in limbo here, I might start decorating. Usually I put up Halloween decoration during the last weekend of September. What I would like to do is start off with a harvest theme, lots of pumpkins and leaves, then as the days turn cooler slowly add creepier decorations. First one crow then five, then a skull, suddenly a full skeleton. I love fall.

Probably this fall is going to look like a huge mess. The yard needs mowing again, the house is getting painted, I have plants that need repotting...when am I going to find the time to hang cobwebs and buy eerie crows?

Right now, every time I think I have worked out a plan for getting ready, I realize it won't work because I still have to go to my job. Due to how early I have to get up Saturday, I may not sleep when I come home. I'm not sure if I'll get up. I don't really want to go that long without sleep and napping in the car makes me carsick, but jeez. I feel like I'm rambling. I know I am. The plan was to post a short list of my trip, the house, and holiday while promising pictures and here we are, five paragraphs later. I'm just going to stop now so I can make a checklist of items to pack.

Leave the Fur Babies Home Alone

Will was supposed to take me to the movies this weekend, but he forgot he had promised to help a friend who lives out of town. He asked me to go with him to Ft. Rucker. This is why I love being with the man; any other guy would have went without me. Will wants me to share his life. Even the boring parts. Of course, when we're together, I am never bored.

We're leaving Saturday and coming back Sunday. I was psyched about a weekend road trip. Then I remembered I have three Labradors.

Ah.

If it can be chewed up, my dogs will be biters. If it is escape proof, at least one of my dogs will get out. If it is idiot proof, probably all of them will make something like this happen:

But the main thing I have been worried about is food because Labs are ALWAYS hungry. I mean, even if you fed them to the point that their bellies drag the ground, if you rattle the food dish they will come a-waddling. And do you know what hungry Labs do? They escape from puppy jail the dog pen in search of food. I can just picture leaving three lazy dogs lolling about in the sunshine and coming home to this:
Or this:
And I know I'll get this:
Whatever happens, I'm sure it will make a good blog post.




Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Well...Okay, Mom

When Will and I dated the first time, my parents didn't like him. At all. They thought he was too poor. They thought his parents were arrogant. They thought his sister was rude. They thought we were too young to be so serious about each other. Then they found out I was having sex with him and they REALLY didn't like him.

I have been a nervous wreck trying to figure out how to tell my parents I got back with Will. My mother holds grudges for years. I was certain telling her would not go well no matter how I did it.

To make things a bit more uncomfortable for me, Will has already told his family and they were fine with it. I felt a bit abashed for not being completely honest with my family. I resolved to tell my folks on Sunday.

But I chickened out. Sunday was going great with both parents in a good mood (extreme rarity). I just didn't want to start an argument. So I kept my mouth shut.

Monday, I was telling my friend about the reaction I feared. She pointed out that the longer I waited, the worse it would be. And this is true. Plus, Will lives in Salem, which is a very small town. Everybody knows him. Everybody knows me. Everybody knows what we drive. Somebody is bound to see us together. It would get back to my mother and then not only would she be angry that I got back with that stupid boy she can't stand, but she would be hurt that I kept it a secret.

My friend suggested I call her. That way if things got ugly I could hang up. If  I call fairly early in the week, my parents would have time to cool off before I see them next Sunday.

I chickened out two more times before I finally got enough courage screwed up.

I told my mother I had a boyfriend. "Oh? When are we going to meet him?"

"Well, you've already met him."

"Who is it?"

"Will."

Dead silence. Oh God, shit's about to hit the fan.

She took a deep breath. "Well, if you're happy...good for you."

Wha...?!

And that was it. She made sure he wasn't still married, asked where he worked, asked how often we saw each other, and told me I was old enough to make my own decisions. She thanked me for telling her and then she changed the subject. She talked on for a few minutes, and before we hung up, she asked if I was bringing Will with me to the house on Sunday.

Sometimes my mom isn't so bad.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Paint

Landlord showed up today with a house painter. He had told me a week ago he was going to bring the painter out here, but it slipped my mind. My landlord doesn't like to part with money. Last time I checked, paint, and all the supplies to go with it, was rather costly. Hiring a crew costs much, much more. The "I'm talking to a dude about painting the house" statement went in one ear and out the other.

We walked around the house in the blazing heat. It's so hot and humid here I literally gasp for air when I walk outside. It's like stepping into the middle of an Amazon jungle. That much wet, heavy air is a shock to the nerves.

The painter wants to pressure wash the house first. He doesn't think it needs much paint. The current colors are white and black trim. Landlord still wants a white house, but he let me pick the trim color even though I've decided to move. I settled on dark green. The house only has shutters on the front. I think more shutters should be added to all the windows. Landlord disagrees. I think the painter agreed with me, but he wisely stayed out of the argument.

It's going to take several weekends to paint because our guy has a regular job through the week. We don't have a crew, just one guy. First weekend will be washing, then a weekend to weed-eat and make repairs or caulk, and THEN the third weekend actual paint will be applied.

All of this means my plants need to be shuffled around, my bird feeders need to come down, and a couple of outdoor decorating projects have come to an abrupt halt. I'm all for the house looking better even though I intend to move. I'm thinking about writing a series of posts about house magick, specifically geared toward home improvement projects. If there is any subject you would like for me to cover, please leave a comment or send me an email. I can also talk about indoor projects like plumbing, the meaning of water, lighting, or spells involving carpets. For instance, I once drew runes on the back of a rug in my hallway so that each time I walked through my house I activated happiness and wealth. But I drew my runes with a Sharpie and the ink bled into the carpet. D'oh! I'd be happy to share my mistakes so you can avoid them.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

For Your Eyes Alone

Will sometimes takes Wednesdays off. I didn't know this. I sent a dirty picture to his phone. No response. Couple of texts. No response. Finally I called and got his voicemail. Worried, I left a message and five minutes later he texted back. Took day off. Was in the shower. 6 year-old brought me the phone.

!

Ooooops.

Luckily the child didn't see the picture I sent. Later Will and I had a conversation about sexting and I apologized repeatedly for nearly traumatizing his son. We do this sort of thing all the time and I never once thought about anyone picking up his phone. Will sent me some pictures and after I admired them, I hit the delete button. Not because I didn't enjoy the pictures, but because I have a fear of losing my phone in a public place. Will said he had been moving pictures to files, then locking the files...

Wait. "Why don't you just delete them?"

"Hell, I like looking at them!"

So that's why, after making sure he wasn't anywhere near his kids, I sent nude Witch photos this morning.

Ah, romance!

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Unavailable = Sexy to the Nth Degree

I am really happy with Will. We've only been back together for a few short days, but every single day, often three or four times, he does something that makes me smile. We work conflicting schedules, but somehow this doesn't matter too much because the time we do have seems to loom shining above everything else. I live for my weekends now because that's when I'm going to see Will. My co-workers keep telling me I'm glowing. I realized I was humming the other day. I don't think I've hummed since I came home from the hospital. I'm just that happy. Everybody who knows me is happy for me. All but one.

Sigh. This is so ridiculous. The man who set me on the back burner suddenly thinks I am THE ONE WHO GOT AWAY and he wants me back. He didn't really have me, but never mind, his goal is to make me his.

I really can't believe it. He told me he didn't want me. He is the whole reason I got back with Will because if he hadn't been stringing me along in the first place, I wouldn't have ever sent Will a friend request. If Will had contacted me, I would have said, "Great to see you again, sorry, I've got a man." But that's not what happened. Back Burner said he didn't want to commit. He might want to work things out with another woman. But let's still be friends.

I really hate the 'let's be friends' shit. Either love me or let me go, don't try to hedge your bets.

So anyway, Back Burner Man dropped me like a hot potato and I moved on. I didn't see any reason to wait around. He said he wasn't interested. No need to throw myself at him.

Will came to see me at work Friday. And ever since then, Back Burner has been hovering around my station. He is becoming more and more attentive, he wants to talk more and more, he shows more and more interest. Then tonight he spun a story about why he did what he did and I would believe him EXCEPT the time frame doesn't exactly add up. It's one of those niggling little details that stands out to the point that I trip over it. I keep going over what I know and well, either the math is off or there is a lot more going on. Then I thought about when I first met Back Burner, how he flirted UNTIL I broke up with Kurt. Suddenly he became much more low key.

Tonight Back Burner wanted me to spend my break with him. But ya know, I had a message from Will. Oops. Busy. One man wants me, the other just wants what he can't have. This isn't a tough decision. Twenty years ago, I was completely faithful to Will. He was my first, I loved him dearly, and I would have done anything for him. Twenty years later, Will still makes me holler. I think he's earned my fidelity and then some.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Didn't Even Make It in the Pool Hall

We met outside the pool hall. He immediately kissed me. And I kissed back. Then I realized we had been standing outside for a good while. I started towards the door, he pulled me back into his arms, and a lot more time went by. We might as well of been the only two people on Earth because I didn't notice anything around me. If a building in the shopping center exploded, I wouldn't have noticed. I wouldn't have been aware of a hurricane. If Bugs Bunny and the Tasmanian Devil were running around beside us I probably wouldn't have a clue. Finally, I told him we should either go in or go get in bed and guess where we ended up?

He's the same, but so different. We spent a lot of time talking; his speech patterns are still the same, but his voice is much softer. I dated a hot tempered, fiery boy. That boy is gone. He's very mellow now. He has more worries, but he doesn't seem to be raging mad about anything.

I don't think he let go of me the whole time he was here. We touched a lot when we were teens, but this was different. It wasn't about sex, it was more like he drew comfort just by being close to me. I really like it. Seems to be a sweeter, deeper connection.

His body has changed a lot. He's gained a lot of weight. But he's still strong so I don't mind the weight too much. He has a tattoo now (OMG! LOVE tattoos!) that he designed himself. He still likes to draw and we talked a lot about art. He revealed something very personal I knew nothing about so I think this time he will be more likely to express his feelings. I really appreciate that because before I felt as if I loved him too much, that was too serious or that I came on with too much intensity.

He spent the night. I had a wonderful time. The only way I can accurately describe it is to use a Witch metaphor- I walked between the worlds. I moved between being young and being wise, everything I wanted and what I got, the people we were and the people we now are. It was surreal, magickal, timeless, touching, haunting, and real. I have no idea what will happen next, but I intend to enjoy the ride.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Nervous Yet?

Since I sent that Facebook friend request, we have almost burned up our cell phones with texts and pictures. Tonight he surprised me by visiting me on my lunch break. In some ways we have picked up right where we left off 20 years ago. In other ways, everything is new and exciting and waiting to be explored. We are practically teenagers again, filled with wonder and lust. During a lull in conversation, he suddenly blurted out, "You still have THE prettiest eyes." Teasing him, I closed my eyes and said, "I bet you don't even know what color they are." He described them perfectly, sounding almost poetic. I was simultaneously charmed and thrown back two decades to the day he realized my eyes are green.

He chatters away, nearly overwhelmed with excitement. And I being me, being just a bit of a tease, I like to see how much I can make him stammer, stutter, trip over words. I can't tell you how exciting it is to be found so attractive. Especially when it is a past lover who already seen it all, and yet twenty years later he's still wowed. I'm middle-aged and he stares at me like we are still 15 and 17.

Our first date, well, first date in years, is tonight. I've already chosen my outfit and thought of ways to distract him while we shoot billiards.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

New & Unexpected

I stayed home from work due to a low sugar. I've been saying my St. Anthony prayer. I thought surely I needed to get out in order for it to work because really now, what are the odds of my ideal man coming to my door? But I just couldn't muster the energy to get dressed, thus I couldn't run errands, ergo I didn't make it to work either. Feeling sleepy and slightly loopy, I got on Facebook.

Lots of my friends are friends with the first guy I slept with. His name comes up on my list of possible friends a lot. Now I have a policy about not friending ex-boyfriends. I don't want to get dragged down in drama. I don't want anybody to be jealous. There are some exes I'd prefer not to remember at all. I found a quote the other day and it pretty much sums up how I feel about previous romances- "If two past lovers can remain friends, either they are still in love or they never were." Get it? If you're still in love you can't move on and if you never were in love then the relationship was a waste. If one loves but the other doesn't then Issue City.

But, despite all that good logical sense, it was a long, long time ago, more than 20 years. And he doesn't make me angry or depressed. We were kids. In a way, it wasn't really a relationship, more of an experience between two people a little too young to be involved sexually. And judging from his posts, he wasn't dating anyone and he seemed really sad which made me feel bad for him. Before I really thought about it, I sent a friend request. In seconds, he accepted. Then we were chatting. And hours later we were still chatting and I was laughing every minute or so.

In some ways, we are more friends than anything else and I would like that to be the main basis for a relationship. At one point, I thought for sure he was going to ask me out. He hinted at it, but never actually asked. There's a thin edge we're dancing around; he kept saying I look nice. I realized he said he couldn't get my pictures to load. Wait. How does he know how I look?

Mmmm, well, he said he could see my profile picture.

Okaaaaay. But that just shows me from the shoulders up.

Uhhhh.

I had to drag it out. It was like pulling teeth.

Finally, after much hemming and hawing, he said he saw me in town recently but was too afraid to speak. I could not stop grinning because I love that I can make him nervous after 20 years. That is the most ego gratifying feeling in the world and I wasn't even trying because I had no idea he was watching and that makes it even better.

Yesterday there were no possibilities. Today there might be a good one. I'll take that to mean my prayer was answered even if nothing comes of this. Yesterday I was bummed. Today I feel great.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

We Really Should Have Talked About This Ages Ago

Tony, Tony, come around. Something's lost that can't be found.

It ALWAYS works. Always. When you pray to St. Anthony, he delivers. And when the item has been lost to the point that it ain't coming back, i.e. it has been destroyed, or now lies in a most inaccessible place, such as the bottom of the septic tank, I at least learn what happened to the item.

But about 98% of the time, when I pray to St. Anthony, whatever I'm looking for will appear. Sometimes the item just pops up and other times I find it in a more logical way, like finding my keys under the table and realizing they fell out of my pocket when I sat down. I don't really care about the mechanics, as long as I find what I'm looking for. I'm a Witch, I have lots of spells for finding lost items. But praying to St. Anthony always works. Which made me think- could the Saint help me find something I never had?

In other words, could I pray to St. Anthony and ask for help in finding a mate?

Every time I wished I had someone to accept me as I am, I called on St. Anthony. Every time I looked up at work and saw a man who doesn't want me, but won't stop staring, I recited the prayer. When I got tired and achy, when I started to wish I had someone to rub my back, I whispered the magick words. When I was glad I wasn't going to settle for less than what I want, I muttered the words over and over and over.

I'll let you know what happens.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Conversations With the Saint of Lost Items

One more thing broke- the puff thingy for the shower gel unraveled into a mess. That makes four broken items. Now things are getting lost. First it was the Christmas ornament. I forgot to mention it in my last post. I decided to see if anything I already owned could be repurposed and I dropped one small purple ball into the grass and haven't found it yet.

The next thing I lost was the website address to pay for renewing my magazine subscription. I KNEW I saw it somewhere, yet despite flipping all the mail in every direction, I didn't find it until after I wrote out a check. Then it appeared in bold print on the back of my bill.

And then I lost my cell phone. I know I put it in my bag before leaving home, yet when I arrived in town I didn't have it. Wasn't in the truck, so I concluded it must be laying in my yard. I debated for a long time about going home. That would be a waste of gas and could possibly make me late for work. And what if I couldn't find it? What if my cell disappeared into the high grass like the ornament, never to be seen again?

Finally, it was bugging me too much. I was really terrified I'd forget about losing it until after I parked the truck and then of course, I'd discover I had run over my cell. Best to go home. I prayed to Saint Anthony- Tony, Tony, come around. Something's lost that can't be found. As soon as I drove up, I spied my phone laying in the driveway. So I found something I had lost (Thanks, Tony!) but it didn't work.

The phone was off. And it would not turn on. It wasn't until I got to work and pried the cover off that I managed to turn it on. Then it turned itself right back off. I'm going to need a new cell soon. Mine is getting lost and breaking.

I mentioned the list of broken items to my friend. She thinks I am in a funk and the Universe is telling me to make changes. I told her I thought something positive is heading my way and old things have to move out. She said that was a good way to look at it.

Despite not returning to work as toned as I would have liked, he did stare at me. Every few minutes I felt his eyes slide over me. I wanted to feel smug but instead I felt hollow. He doesn't want me enough. I realized he probably wants me to pine for him and I have too much pride for that. Every time I saw him looking at me, I started wondering...well, all sorts of things. Not being on the back burner but front and center. Being accepted for who I am. My passion igniting a man's desire instead of scaring him with its intensity. Suddenly I didn't care how much he looked. I was too busy thinking ahead.

What's next? More breaking, more losing, or the calm before the explosion?

Monday, July 8, 2013

Crack, Boom, Bam

Things are breaking all around me.

I broke one of my favorite rings. It was cheap, but pretty. Just a bit of smooth green glass that I charmed into a love spell over a decade ago. The relationship didn't work out, but I still loved the ring. I'd taken to wearing it since I can't get my garnet ring back from Kevin. Yesterday as I took the dogs out, my ring caught on the screen door latch. The dogs surged out on their leashes and snap! My ring broke. The band just snapped apart. I was just thinking of respelling it. Obviously, I shouldn't do any love spells.

The coffee cup was next. I love my dishes. I am using the set my mother used when I was a very small child. I was at the sink, and I swear it was the most freakish thing possible, as I turned off the water, the cup seemed to jump off the drain board of its own accord and the handle broke off.

The third thing to break was my stick. I finally settled on a project- I saw this thing on Pinterest (dangerous words!) where they hung Christmas ornaments on a thick branch. The ornaments had been painted with nail polish to make them more durable for the outdoors. I thought it could be very witchy and I had just the right stick- a stout, dried vine that twisted on itself like rope. I think the vine is Virginia Creeper but I could be wrong. It came from my parents' property. The stick has been hanging on my porch for years. I have never done anything other than admire it. I retrieved it from the porch and found white mold. I noticed it was very brittle. As I was cleaning, I wondered if my stick was suitable for the job. Suddenly I realized it was much lighter. Half my stick was in my hand and other half was laying on the porch.

I know what it means when everything breaks. Change is coming. The old is giving way to the new. Room has to be made. Space has to be cleared. Patterns have to shift. The old way isn't working so let it go.

I threw the pretty green ring away. It's not worth saving, I paid $4 for it. The coffee cup I glued back together because I love the pattern so much I don't want to part with any of the dishes, even if the cup is now unusable. I put both pieces of the stick in my fire pit. It's just a dried vine and I know where more is growing. I got another stick that was less brittle for my project. That's three broken things and that should be it but if not I'm cool because I know things are about to get interesting.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Grump

Remember a while back I said it doesn't take long to lose abs? I didn't exercise much this week. I measured my waist this morning and I am right back to the size I was when I started. The exercise DID have other benefits- my blood work was almost normal- half a point too high. But I wasn't doing this for diabetic benefits; I wanted a certain look and I am not achieving it. That's depressing.

A lot of things are depressing. I realize I am slipping into a funk because earlier today I wondered how I was going to get through the weekend. I am ready to go back to work just so I can return to my normal routine. I am trying to have something worthwhile to do every day but that's not a routine. I've gotten a lot accomplished like taking the dogs to the vet, buying new clothes, cleaning the house, and just generally tying up odds and ends. I've been very productive, but I haven't set a schedule. Which is probably why I didn't exercise much, preferring to lay in bed reading, and using the excuse- but I'm on vacation! What that really equals is wasted time.

I've been thinking a lot as well, and let me tell you, thinking is damn depressing business. I've thought about what my life been in the past, what it is now, and what I would like the future to be. I've come to the conclusion that if I want something, I need to make it happen. I have no idea where to begin.

I've tried to journal, but the words won't come. I intend to write out pages and pages, just get the feelings out, but instead I write one paragraph and then I have nothing more to say. I thought about designing and drawing but I'm not sure exactly what I want to make. I used to draw all the time when I was a teenager. I drew over long weekends by the fire. I drew in class after I finished my work. I drew elegant ladies in beautiful dresses and wild landscapes. I drew complex geometric patterns and spent the rest of the day coloring them in. Now when I look at a blank page, I have no idea what to do. It's like I forgot how to draw, maybe never even had the ability, and I don't know what to do.

To make things worse, I texted my ex. Listen to me- DO. NOT. EVER. TEXT. YOUR. EX. Ever. No matter what your reasoning, no matter how logical you think your argument is, DON'T DO IT. Just don't. I wanted my ring. My lovely, simple but beautiful garnet ring that I've had since I was born. I gave it to Kevin as a token of my love. After we broke up, I thought several times about asking for it. I always decided against it because I gave it freely and at the time, I really wanted him to have it. But it started to bug me because I'd had it my whole life and let's be honest, he isn't going to wear it. I remember explaining why it was so important to me when I gave it to him. But wait a minute, he knows what the rings means to me, so why hasn't he given it back. Hmmm. Maybe I should call.

That's where I got into trouble. The more I thought about it, the better it sounded. I'd just get my ring back. Because I'm sure he doesn't want it. And he didn't. That's why he threw it away. My mind still can't comprehend it and part of me hopes my ring is buried at the bottom of his dresser drawer and maybe if I sweet talk him enough, he'll cough it up. Worse, I think I might spot some bitch wearing MY RING and I'll have to beat her senseless because who the hell throws away a ring? Things got really ugly via text message and I was reminded to infinity why I left the man. The bottom line- Kevin hates me, he loves to hurt me, and I am never going to see that ring again. That is why he threw it away. Giving it back would have made me feel like I being reunited with an old friend. Kevin does not want me to be happy. So the next time I think about calling or texting I'm going to have to say, 'Shhh, Captain Morgan! I want it to be just us, okay? Let's get more drunk.'

I've slacked off in the Witch department. I think this might be the area that makes me feel better. It usually does. I went to the bookstore today and stared longingly at the Tarot cards I couldn't afford. I think I need to settle more into my landbase. Maybe I need to focus on my garden. Perhaps I should round out some Kitchen Witch techniques. I have a crystal ball. I feel really scattered. I'm asking you, Readers, help me focus. What would you like to learn? I have been a practicing Witch for over 15 years. Ask and I will provide the lessons or advice. Please, I need some posts to write before I go nuts.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Some Music


It's not patriotic music, but it is most certainly American music. I am sure this song is based on a real, true story because it is the sort of thing I used to see in my childhood all the time. I just can remember South Star Grocery Store having stacked crates of empty Coke bottles in the back corner. Every small town had an old drunk and all the mothers, especially mine, used to urge their children to walk faster, don't look. And it wasn't unusual for kids to roam freely all over the country side unattended. It was a very different time. I played in the woods all day during the summer. Unless I wandered in for a snack, I didn't see my parents until dark. Nobody knew where I was and nobody cared. Today's kids play indoors with electronics and if they do go outside, the small yard is fenced and the mother hoovers at the door.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Wha...Oh!

It's hot today, and I have several dirty jobs ahead of me. I've been wearing skirts because well, I can. One of the perks of vacation is being able to wear whatever you please without worry of your job disapproving. But today's a work day and a skirt isn't practical. I pulled on my too tight cut offs, trying unsuccessfully to pull them all the way up when I realized they are up. The waist is loose!
I can easily slide my thumb around any point of the waistband. They still fit, I just don't have to suck in to button them now.

Over the weekend, I slacked off my exercises a bit. I still did them, I just didn't do as much as I had intended. This morning I decided to renew my efforts. I've increased the reps, say from 20 to 30, or from 10 to 15. Then I got dressed and hey! What I did was working anyway!

I think my waist looks longer.