F--k Me Running

My tag expires in April. I mailed in my payment. I got the decal. I didn't think anymore about it until yesterday when one of my co-workers was complaining about how hard it was to get her tag. I thought, did I put that 14 decal on my truck? Well, no, I didn't. And worse, I threw it away.

D'oh!

I checked the mail on the way to work. Got the renewed tag stuff out, tossed it in the glove box, then when I cleaned out the truck I. Threw. Away. EVERY. Single. Envelope. because I thought all of them contained old paycheck stubs.

I got up really early this morning thinking I could just run into the courthouse, tell them I was an idiot, and run back out. I stood in line 34 minutes and that's not counting how long I stood in front of the window signing my name and filling out forms. There were just two women working the tag renewal windows and the line stretched all the way down the hall when I arrived. A man ahead of me said this was his second day in line and yesterday he stood in the same spot for two hours before giving up. The poor guy was renewing tags for four different cars and I hope his wife cooked him a great supper or gave him excellent sex or something because standing in the Tallapoosa County courthouse is an ordeal. Not as bad as Lee County because Tallapoosa people are nice and Lee County people are uppity and rude, but still. I wish I hadn't been an idiot on a cleaning spree. The replacement decal cost me $2 which I cheerfully paid because I thought I'd have to pay the tag again. The lady who waited on me asked four people what to do and I really felt bad for bothering her. I'm glad I didn't have anything complex. I put the decal on before I left my parking spot and I promise I won't be so stupid next April.

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A man is showing interest in me. Whenever a new man shows up I read my tarot cards. Every single time, and I mean EVERY TIME, the cards indicate the man has problems or baggage and somehow, he thinks I will make it all better. Just once I'd like the cards to indicate man with a kind soul has all his shit together and he just thinks I'm cute. Gentlemen, please stop thinking I am your angel. I'm getting tired of bailing guys out of messes.

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If you email me with questions, I will probably answer. Witchcraft is a big confusing place and everybody sees it just a bit differently. All I ask of you is to use the damn spell check. You are hurting my English major soul.

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This is needlework. It's bargello. I love bargello. This one just happens to be in the shape of a horse which I also love. Years ago I had a little project called Pony Expressionalism. I made a series of sketches intending to one day to a horse quilt. Since my circular needlework isn't panning out, I may try bargello horses. Or I might just stare at the pretty designs and sigh. At any rate, life is running along full throttle while I barely keep up.

Let's go!

Shift

Weekends are becoming awful for me.

Nearly every weekend, I either get sick or have a low sugar. I'm not sure if run at full throttle all week, thus leaving me drained and weary by the weekend OR if the deviation from my schedule leaves me wheeling. I need the rest, but maybe I am too lax. I thought I was doing a good job of keeping to my insulin schedule and diet. Obviously something isn't right.

Sleep is part of the problem. Kurt and I are on opposite shifts. When I come home, I can't really do anything because he is already asleep. About the time I finally fall into a deep sleep, his alarm goes off. After that it seems like the least little thing wakes me as I try to sleep. I never get back to a deep, restful sleep. When my alarm goes off, I feel like I haven't rested at all.

And I am STILL taking allergy pills. WTF? Shouldn't all the pollen have washed out of the trees by now? I tried taking less pills but as my nose started dripping I realized it was a bad idea. I don't remember ever having to take allergy pills for months.

I've been reading about Beltaine on several Pagan blogs. Most people mention a shadow- either the Wheel of the Year is dim at this turn or they feel dragged down by winter and worries so they hope Beltaine brings the happiness, love, and light they crave.

Normally this time of year in the South is hot. We have four season in Alabama- almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas. This year is cold. The sky is gray and the air is damp. We had nice days, just not many of them. There's been lots and lots of rain and as someone who lived through the 20 Year Drought from start to finish, the rain is bizarre to me. I remember the rain before the drought; sudden bursts of brief showers leaving everything steamy like a sauna. This is cold, hard, miserable rain.

All this cold, drugged brain fog is making me want to be reborn. I just don't know into what.

I tried a different kind of sewing project. I'm failing at it. I tried drawing a circular pattern and every stroke of pencil to graph paper produced something squared. I tried just putting thread to canvas and while the effect is pretty, the result still isn't my intention. I poked around Pinterest for a while and voila! I found the very thing I was looking for. Yet somehow, even while staring dead at the pattern, it's not manifesting in my reality.

I hate shifts. It's easy to see how the caterpillar thought the world was over before turning into a butterfly.

Healing the Past- I've Barely Begun

Sunday, I finished the picture frame mat. I did I nice little spell...and I waited. I wasn't sure what was going to happen. First, I felt relief, like a weight had been taken off me. And I felt sad, but it was the sadness that comes with closure. And I most certainly did feel a sense of closure. I also felt as though I was 'the bad parent', you know, the one that makes the kids brush their teeth and go to bed, as opposed to the 'fun parent' who lets the kids stay up all weekend. The last one surprised me because I really thought all my relatives wanted this whole mess to be over like I do. It didn't occur to me that some of them might thrive on this drama. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized some of my family may not just thrive, but have built their lives around this mess and that's why it keeps going- it's what they live for. My dreams are forgotten almost as I have them. I think my brain is just deleting junk. I feel good about doing this, but I'm taking a little break from the project because I haven't gotten to the difficult people yet and I don't want to burn myself out. At first, I couldn't settle on a new sewing project. Nothing appealed to me. Finally, I started working on my Spring sign. It is going well. I put it down because I was getting frustrated. I realized I do that often. Maybe my family frustrates me and I can't make progress so I just walk away until the mess spills over me again. I think it's time to stop walking off. I'm sick stuffing things in hiding places.

Speaking of finishing things, I am almost done with my October project. It is all about Witches. Next I'll do November, which is all about food and Kitchen Witchery. December will be about crafting. Do you know what it means if I get all this done before my deadlines? It means (gasp!) I might actually enjoy the end of the year. That's a luxury I can't even begin to wrap my head around.

Keeping the Yard Now Part 3

In Part 1 I cleaned and gave you some useless facts about ants. In Part 2 I did the artsy, cool stuff with a touch of magick thrown in. And in Part 3...

I go outside. This is the very window with all my pretty feathers, keys, and such. You can't see a thing. I just took a picture, I didn't try to get any certain angle. I wanted to convey what would be noticed if anyone strolled through my front yard and the answer is nothing. Kurt was home for a good twenty minutes before he noticed. I don't think he realized at first it was a spell. I'm telling you, nobody ever sees magick.

But people often do it wrong and that bugs me. Please, for the Love of the Goddess, if you start the process of magickal works, see it all the way through!

I cleaned the window. I arranged all the items. Then I smudged. And I didn't empower because I had to wash the outside of the window. I understand, it's not always possible to work with the outside of your home, especially if you live in an apartment building. But I have a house and I can include the yard in house spells. I strive to get the complete picture. To me, not making the yard part of the home is like doing spells to improve your sociability then sitting around your house unshowered wearing dirty clothes. And I really do believe that even if you live on the 10th floor of your building that you should protect your city when you protect your home. The apartment is in the city. How are you going to feel if you are safe when all your neighbors get into the elevator with the worn cable? What about a flood that washes down your street during rush hour? Or a giant sinkhole suddenly opens in the alley behind your building? How about a fire in the lobby and smoke inhalation kills the residents via the air conditioning vents? Are you still going to think you're a powerful witch?

The people who live around you have just as much right to reside in that place as you do. They have homes and families and jobs and lives just like you. So you cannot be so selfish as to protect yourself and not give a thought to the living beings around you. Notice I didn't say people. There are almost always plants and animals living wherever humans live.

These are my snap dragons. I purchased all dark crimson flowers, then the funky pink-orange snaps bloomed. I talk to all my plants. The funky ones don't see a problem with their color, so I left them alone. Part of my spell involves pulling weeds. I am going to tell you the absolute truth: You will never pull up all the weeds. Ever. So don't try, you'll just get frustrated. Pull up the really offensive ones. Even if you somehow manage to get all the weeds, in a day or two there will be more. That's a good thing, it means you have healthy soil. Sometimes, letting weeds grow surprises you.

I don't know what plant this is, but I like it. I think it loves the water that drips from the hose. I could have pulled it up, because weeds are unwanted or unintended plants, BUT I see this delicate little plant is providing ground cover. I pulled up the grass instead, cut away dead snap dragon stalks, then sowed more snap dragon seeds in the bare spot. We are all happy now, and the path to my spell is clear.

Each day I go for walks. Sometimes I find an agreeable spot, ground, center, and connect with the land. Most of the time, the land wants to connect with me. It wants someone to listen and be aware. In this way, I learn what my part of the world needs. Often, I learn what I need too. A good Witch always wants balance in all things.

The Kitchen Witch Keeps House Part 2

Sorry I kept you waiting for nearly a week. A lot of mundane stuff piled up here and we had more trouble with Lobo. This time it was bad gas. But the truck is running good now and I hope to hell we have fixed all the problems because I am really tired of taking Kurt to work at 5am.

In the last post, I didn't do any magick. All I did was clean the physical space. Most people have the misconception that magick is glamorous. Well, it is, BUT a lot of boring stuff goes into it. I spend more time planning, checking calendars, and gathering supplies than actually casting spells. And in this post I STILL don't get to the magick. Ok, a little magick. Not much. But I did get to the fun part:

I'm making a variation of a Witch's Ladder. I have lots of feathers, keys, two bottles, a spider web charm, and beads. These are all things I already had in my house. I did not purchase anything for this spell.

The first thing I hung up was my Goddess. She loves to spin and I had to hold her still for the picture. All the items are tied to a tension curtain rod inside the window. I could have used the curtain rod above the window and actually, I thought it would be part of my spell. Turns out I didn't use it.

The spider web was next. I was working with the idea of balance- large round thing on left side means I need a large round thing on the right.

Next I hung bottles. This is to capture negative energy from outside forces...

and this captures negative energy I create. We can't always be in a good mood. Once a month, probably on the dark moon, I will smudge these bottles with incense to remove the trapped negative energy.

Now for the keys. I love old keys. Long ago I had another project in mind which didn't pan out. That's why some of my keys have peeling paint. I used these keys in a theft protection spell. You need one key for each door and window in your home. Touch the key to the door or window and say a chant. This was originally a Scott Cunningham spell, but I forgot his words, so I changed the words to suit me: Lock out thieves in the dark. Lock out thieves in the light. Lock out thieves out of sight. Lock out all thieves. I have used the spell several times. The first time I did it, I had a key for all the interior doors. This time I ignored bedroom doors, focusing on exterior doors and windows. I had one key left over so I touched that key to my altar while chanting and used it as a bind for the whole house.

Stringing keys and beads. If you are more patient and math inclined, you can space it all evenly and add in knot magick. I kept mine random. All spells operate on some kind of rhythm or pattern. Simple patterns are easy spells to break. A good spell either has a complex pattern, several patterns, or it is too random to be guessed. I mention this because sometimes you must break a spell. I doubt I'll ever want thieves coming in, but I may want to redo the spell to incorporate new energies.

Strung up and hung in the center.

It was impossible to get the whole thing in one shot.

Now for the feathers. I made sure the first feather I hung was red for vitality.

Another impossible to get in one shot photograph.

I spent 45 minutes doing this. Probably it wouldn't have taken nearly as long if I hadn't taken all these pictures.

Done. Sort of. I still haven't done a spell where I declare what the items are for. I'm debating how much to tell. It's a fine line between wanting to share magick, to teach others how to do spells and not wanting anyone to work against me. I think I'll just say after everything is in place, you will need to empower the items. You don't have to do everything at once. After I did this, I took a shower and ate lunch. I may wait until tomorrow to raise energy.

In the end, I decided to keep the binds. It's not very noticeable with the binds open and when they're closed you can't see anything. I'm not worried about people on the outside seeing what's in the window. I have discovered people rarely see magick. I mean I have done some really obvious things and no one said a word. I think people just block out anything that doesn't fit into how they believe the world should be.

I have one last post. This is something no one ever thinks of. It does no good to do all this work on the inside unless you do something outside. So until next time...

Oh! I almost forgot. The fugly love seat. My mother bought it new in 1988. Charlene had her puppies on it. I washed the seat cover and it came brilliantly clean. However, the rest of the love seat was still very dirty. I can't put any other part of it in the washing machine. I tried hard to ignore the fact that the seat was a different color. No kidding. It was that dirty. Now, to me, it appears to not match. It is also uncomfortable to sit on and is far too short for taking naps. Kurt and I decided to buy a futon. Big enough for both of us and a dog or two to sit on, and it can be a bed when Kurt's children visit. We are waiting for a big pay check so we can make this purchase. Each day will be waving my wand over the love seat and visualising a new futon in its place. Transformation magick :)

The Kitchen Witch Cleans House Part 1

I noticed a lot of hits of my 'Witchy Housekeeping' post. I decided it might be helpful to put theory to practice in case some of you wanted a more hands on type of thing. When I was a new Witch it really annoyed me when a book mentioned some herb but not which part of the herb- roots, leaves, flowers, or fruit. I won't leave you hanging, I promise.

But I will have to break my posts into sections because I have a time issue, namely, I don't have enough of it.

I will be going step by step of how I cleaned my living room window- and what magick I did. First, how the window currently looks:

I brought this dragon and Celtic knot panel thinking it was really cool. I turned it into a curtain. It has faded badly. It is handmade and some parts are not well drawn at all:

All the corners are some jumbled up mess. If you don't know how to make a Celtic knot twist around a corner, then square off the corners and place some other design there. Don't tangle the lines, you tangle the magick. I didn't notice all these lack of artistic skills when I purchased the dragon. I was just seeing the overall effect. He was sort of bunched up and I really should have spread everything out flat for a good look. I have decided this dragon has served his purpose and will be reincarnated into a quilt. I'm going to marry him off to some ugly fabric and together they will have lovely offspring. Step one is to take down the curtain and toss it into the washer.

A quick look at my curtain rod. This will be part of my spell later.

Step two is to find all the things lurking behind the curtain.

I don't know what this is. I thought at first it was a pile of dead ants. Ants have 'graveyards' where they dump their dead. This is done simply to get dead ants out of the way. Closer inspection revealed just dirt/dust, no ants. It is under the air conditioning unit, but I don't think it came from the ac. Piles of dirt impede the flow of positive energy. Any area of your home that you have forgotten or no longer pay attention to, represents an aspect of your life that you are neglecting. This is why it is important to clean- you allow good energies to enter your life. Step three is a mundane cleaning- wipe away the dirt and cobwebs, then wash the windows.

I did not clean the blinds because I am uncertain as to what I want to do. I don't like the blinds, but they belong to my landlord. The window needs some sort of covering so people driving by can't see Kurt walking around naked. In part 2, I'll reveal the magick, and tell you what I'm doing with that retro late '80's love seat.

Healing the Past Progress

I thought you'd like to see how the stitching was going. I'm filling in the colored squares. I love the blue, but it is too sad. I started working in other colors- green for my grandmother's garden, yellow for the cornbread she made every day. This is producing a patchwork effect and as my Granny was an avid quilter, I'm sure she'd approve. As I work on this project, and remember more, I see my grandmother more and more as a real person. We tend to think of family members just in terms of their relation to us and forget they had a life before they became mother or grandmother.

This is my great-grandmother, the mother of the lady in the first picture. I was going to work on her next. Then one of my cousins left a comment on Kurt's facebook page. She said I look just like Maw Maw and she wished she had a picture of her. Suzie is 10 years old than me and she actually remembers our great-grandmother. I decided to send this picture to her. I'm a little nervous about it, because showing attention to one family member tends to make the others whine in jealousy. But this is about me and how I feel. I have several pictures, Suzie has none. It will make her happy. And if others get mad, well, that's just stupid because if they had asked nicely I'd send them pictures too.

I'm starting to see how people in my family react in jealousy and spite. Now I'm starting to ask myself these questions: Did I really do anything wrong? Can I correct my mistake if I did? Is this person reacting out of jealousy? This last one is tough because I usually fail to see how anyone could be envious of me. Then I realize my parents are still married, I'm very independent, and I usually succeed in what I set out to do. I don't set out to be better than anyone else, but for those cousins who have been put down all their lives and they don't know how to reclaim personal power, it could seem like I've been showing them up our whole lives. I'm just living my life, not thinking about them at all, and they see every thing I do as an insult to them. I don't think I can solve that problem, but by being aware of it, I can be more careful in how I present myself.

Reaching Through the Mist

Yesterday I had trouble with Kurt's truck, Lobo. Yes, we name our cars. My truck is Hecate because Hecate was the only Titan (I have a 2004 Nissan Titan King Cab XE) to retain Her powers after Zeus became king of the gods. See what I did there? Anyway. Kurt told me Lobo was running choppy. He had me take him to work at the ungodly hour of 1:45am. I got off work at midnight, drove home, then drove him back to town where we had to wait for others to show up and unlock the gate. He had a job in Fort Benning and I think that is a whole other post. I will go head and warn you- we are about to be at war with North Korea.

But back to the mundane stuff- Kurt asked me to take Lobo down the road, see how the truck was running. It started fine. It ran fine. So fine that I went to Dollar General and when I came out of the store, Lobo wouldn't start.

I called my tow truck neighbor but he was having mechanical problems of his own (lots of planets retrograde now, I'm sure you're having problems too) so I waited in the hot sun for nearly an hour before I could be rescued.

Lobo needs a new battery. And probably an alternator. We haven't had time to deal with Lobo because I was an hour late to work and Kurt didn't leave Fort Benning until 4pm. He was dropped off at my work around five and then he slept in my truck until I got off work at midnight because he hadn't slept in nearly 30 hours. We were sure he'd fall asleep driving home.

I didn't sew a single stitch yesterday. That's like not drinking coffee or not standing at my altar and connecting with my land base. Sewing is so much a part of who I am that I feel horribly disjointed when I don't do it. And here I am trying to use stitchery to do shadow work, to clear out my past. How much healing can I do if I'm not stitching?

What I dreamed surprised me. I thought I'd dream about another family member. But no, I dreamed about AJ.

When I first decided on this project, I decided I would include photographs of friends. I think maybe I'll bind the mats of people blood kin in red and maybe purple could be the binding for friends. Maybe the outside of the mat could be blue for my father's side and pink for my mother's side. Maybe I could include pictures of Kurt's family and their mats could be orange for his mother and teal for his father.

I often refer to AJ as my dead mother-in-law even though I wasn't married to her son. She taught me how to cook. She instilled a love of needlework and quilting. She taught me lot about computers and how to survive office politics. I still miss her, then I have this awful dream where she calls but doesn't want to talk to me.

Also in the dream, M was following me. I didn't want to talk to him at all. Maybe that was why AJ wouldn't talk to me.

The more I study my past, the more I see how it affects my present. Most of us would like to think things just happen to us and we have no control over things but this isn't true at all. We all got here because of the choices we made, how we see the world, and how we think and act. We bring things into our lives all the time just by not paying attention to how our actions set the stage of our lives.

I'm not what conclusions I will draw from this work, but I am certain right now I should be stitching, so until next time...

And I Have the First Family Dream

I'm still working on my grandmother's picture. Instead of using black, I found a country blue and that really seems to fit because my grandmother worked on farms all her life (share-cropper family) and the color also seems pretty but sad. My grandmother was very sad towards the end of her life. I think she had dreams that never came true.

And speaking of dreams, I dreamed about one of my cousins last night. I was watching a computer screen. I could see her in a red ball gown walking down a busy street. It obvious she was angry. I tried several times to text but couldn't get through. Finally my phone sent me an error message stating an hour before I had argued with her. I was surprised because I didn't know we were fighting.

I think the dream is about certain family members throwing tantrums in order to show off or get attention. I think viewing things through a monitor represents how I have always been outside or removed from the family. Just like the dream, I don't know what the fight is about or even that anyone has an issue with me. And the dream might be a warning that any concern I may show will only fuel the fire.

At work yesterday, I let my mind wander while I did my job. I do have a lot of memories of my grandmother, but most of them have a tinge of bitterness. For example, I will remember my grandmother giving me cookies and one of my aunts will be in the background making rude comments about spoiled children. I don't know if this happened with all the children or just me. All of it makes me sad and I don't know how long I can do this shadow work.

I think the starting point of this whole mess was when my mother was born. She is the youngest of five children. Granny was in bad health when she had my mother. She made the other children tend the baby. If my mother ever cried, Granny would spank all the kids because someone wasn't watching the baby. To avoid spankings, they gave her anything she asked for. That is so wrong on so many levels. Children shouldn't be tending babies. All shouldn't be punished for one person's mistake. And my mother is still spoiled to this day. She wants to go first, she wants the best, and she doesn't think she needs to earn anything, all should be given to her.

Now I don't think childhood is the only reason this family doesn't get along. Obviously some other things have occurred, my mother being a spoiled brat just set the stage. What I don't understand is why is it still happening? And why do people keep getting sucked in? Why isn't anyone smart enough, brave enough, to say, you know, they've never done anything to me personally so I'll just form my own opinions and I'm sorry you're upset but you really need to let it go.

Healing the Past

Yesterday, I decided I really should address some issues from past because the past adversely affects the present. This is going to be difficult, and it involves several people who will be working against me. Before I get too far ahead, let me tell you what I'm doing-

This is the family tree board I made two years ago. I really like it, but the foam boards are curling up. I wanted to add more pictures, but I have a limited amount of space. Years ago, I checked out a book from my library about decorating with textiles. The book showed framed pictures against needlework backgrounds. I thought it was lovely and decided now is a good a time as any to try it.

I started thinking about what pictures I would use and this is where I became filled with sadness. I have been estranged from my mother's side of the family my entire life because she is not on speaking terms with any of her siblings. For years they have done horrid things to each other and I don't even know why. This results in my mother being raging mad and often treating me badly because I have the misfortune to look like the sister she hates the most. It means sometimes people I don't know will ask if I am my mother's daughter then be rude as hell because I'm from the 'bad side' of the family. It means going to family reunions and being asked why I am there. It means I have to be careful which cousin I talk to because I don't know who really wants to have a relationship with me and who is setting me up for a fall.

I am 36 years old and I've had enough. Over the years, I've tried reaching out, I've tried being friends with a select few, and I've tried rejecting the whole bunch. None of it has worked.

I've decided the problems go way back, and maybe I will never know exactly what started it all and probably I don't want to know. I've just got to move passed it and live as best I can. But maybe, as a Witch, I can do something to prevent future generations from living in pain.

I'm starting with my grandmother. I chose this picture because I like it and because my grandmother is long dead. The dead are usually easier to work with because they don't create drama for you on this plane. Time gives us distance, keeps the edges from being too sharp, keeps feelings from being too raw.

I was going to make a solid plastic canvas piece, but I thought that might be a little too thick, and never mind how many stitches that would take. I made a picture frame mat instead. I centered the picture, then carefully trimmed the plastic canvas. The middle piece I cut out will become a Christmas card. My rule for saving plastic canvas is this- if I have an immediate use for a piece, I will save the canvas and make it my next project. If I can't think of a use, I toss it. When I saved every thing, I ended up with lots of scrap too small to use. I'd end up buying new canvas because I had 25 too short pieces. Canvas is cheap. There is no need to hoard.

I decided I wanted a checkerboard pattern for several reasons. First, I like it. Second, it stitches quick. Third, it lends itself well to many variations. My original color choice was black and white, giving me a chess board because some times I feel like I am playing an awful game. While looking for white, I found a nice cream floss. I went with the cream for two reasons 1. It goes well with my washed out photo and 2. My grandmother wasn't pure. I'd like to remember her as a good person, and she was, but I don't think she was completely innocent in this drama. Even if she didn't intend it, she probably still took sides, thought one child was right/wrong, or chided someone for their actions.

I'm working through my family tree one photograph at a time. As I stitch, I'm going to remember good things. When I finish my stitchery, I will hang the photo on the wall, light a candle, and thank the person for being part of my life. Even if that person has treated me badly. They helped to shape me, even if they wished me ill. I vow to release negative energy. I will treat all my family with kindness, but I will not allow anyone to drag me into painful or abusive situations.

Now, I understand this isn't easy. I know I can offer all the love and kindness I have and it won't stop some people from acting like asses. I won't be consumed with guilt. I'm doing what I can, if others want to wallow in misery, that's their problem. I am not telling any of my family what I am doing. Over the years, I have seen my mother tell cousins she intended to reach out and when she did she'd not only be rejected but insulted as well because some of her cousins like to lie. Some people don't want to address issues because they don't want to admit that they've lied, stole, gossiped, or behaved badly. My sole purpose in doing this is to change how I feel. If in releasing this junk someone else benefits, that's great. But I'm not looking to save us all and for that reason I've given myself a cut off date- feeling better or not, I will end this work on December 31, 2013. Even if I've still got pictures I'd like to frame. Even if I feel I've made progress. It is never good to spend too long in the past.

If you want to try something like this, I urge you to take magickal steps to protect yourself. I am burning incense while I stitch. I will probably smudge my house more often than normal. I'm going to carry an amethyst because amethyst helps to dispel toxins. When doing this kind of work, expect to have problems. Illness may occur, along with petty problems and bad luck. Emotions tend to be wild, whether your own or others. Sometimes the very people involved will suddenly and without warning appear with all their drama. This means the magick is working. The trick is learning you have power over yourself. The past sets us on a path. We chose if we stay on it.

Every Time You Watch Porn, A Unicorn Stabs Itself In The Heart

Just kidding, unicorns don't care if you watch skin flicks.

But it was a good title, don't you think?

The Too Long Weekend

It was supposed to be a three day weekend.

The plant closed for Good Friday. I slept. And slept. And slept some more. Eventually, I staggered outside for some gardening:

This is the area behind the swing. I've tried many times to turn it into a lovely little corner garden, but it refuses to be cultivated. The ground is rocky and weed-choked. Obviously it prefers that state because most of what I plant here dies.

I had first intended these tires as planters for peppers. The rubber will keep the soil warm. Peppers love warm soil and the temperature actually determines the hotness of the pepper which is why the hottest peppers come from Mexico. Cold climates don't produce spicy peppers.

The problem with the tires is that they are still attached to wheels. I thought it would be a fairly simple matter of removing the tires so I got four heavy, flat tires from my father. Kurt tired to remove one wheel and the tire whooped his ass thoroughly. Instead of up cycling, I got a pile of useless junk. Surely there had to be a way to make it work. I cleared a few weeds, then laid the tires down. I decided to put plants directly into the wheel. I used an old pillow case as a liner, then filled the wheel with aloe. I have way too much aloe. Every year, I repot it all, give a bunch away, throw out many plants, and still have far too much. Aloes like heat. They obviously don't need much attention from me since I am over-run with them so they should do well here. I can't move the tires if we have a cold snap, but I can cover them and if all the aloes die, well, I had too many anyway. I realize under the wheel is the ideal warm, dark, protected place for bugs and snakes. But I also know this is the South and I probably have a gazillion creepy-crawlies under the house anyway. I just won't look for things that make me scream.

Saturday I had another low sugar where I was not aware of what my body was doing. This time Kurt caught on and asked me a series of questions. I told him it was Monday and he didn't need to know my name. He fed me chocolate. I slept for hours. By the time I dragged myself out of bed, it was raining and the day was pretty much over. I had a lot to do, but hey, I've got one more day.

Sunday Kurt's truck broke down. It started running choppy while we were in town and it eventually left us stranded at a gas station. We called our landlord. He fiddled with parts I can't name and we managed to get the truck to a neighbor's garage.

Monday Kurt took my truck to his work. He had to be there at 6am. I had to be at work at 3:30pm. My plan was to borrow my father's truck. But Dad is evidently pissed with me because he wouldn't let me borrow it. I called in, lying to say I was sick because I couldn't find a ride. I realize I don't need my job, but I do like it and I don't want to get fired. So today (Tuesday) I got up at 5am to take Kurt to work. He doesn't know when he will be off. Last night he came home at 8pm. We hope he'll be off when I get a lunch break at 6:30 but if not, he'll have to beg a ride to my work so he can drive home. Or be stuck at his work until I get off at midnight. This, Readers, is the reason why couples should not be on opposite shifts. The main point (besides the money) of him taking this job was- he has a truck now. Before we were on the same shift, we rode together, and sometimes one of us had to wait either for a shift to start or for the other to arrive. But now he's gone all day, my sleep is horribly disturbed, and I just wanted to cry when his truck wouldn't start.

I didn't really get anything done Sunday because we were either on the phone or trying to figure out how to be on opposite sides of two different towns without pissing anyone off or neglecting responsibilities. Monday night I was depressed, certain my job would end. I tried sewing, cooking, reading, and crystal ball work, but over all I was just too anxious to really focus on anything. I worried about when the truck would be fixed, why Dad was being stubborn, and what if we go through all this and Kurt loses his job? I think that's my biggest fear- I need security and now that we finally have it I don't want to lose it.

This is a bump in the road and while inconvenient, it's nothing we can't handle. I'm trying to view it as a lesson from the Universe- nothing is ever simple. We have enough money for the repairs (if Preston ever figures out what is wrong), we are both working (I hope), and now we know for sure who we can rely on. Right now I'm going back to bed because I have a very long day ahead of me and I should rest while the house is quiet.