Saturday, November 16, 2013

Day 16 of Kitchen Witchery- Laundry

For some reason, people get stressed by dirty clothes. Don't stress. It is not hard to do laundry. And don't say it piles up. You let it pile up. It didn't reproduce on its own.

All it takes to keep laundry under control is a schedule. I'm sure everybody has heard the old rhyme Wash on Monday, Iron on Tuesday Just forget that. When people washed on Monday, they had no washing machines. Women had to chop firewood, build a fire, boil water, and THEN do laundry. With soap they made themselves. Then they hung all the clothes out to dry because there weren't any dryers either. It took all damn day to do the wash. Now it takes about an hour and a half from washing machine to dryer to put away. I promise, this is simple. Don't stress.

I have laundry baskets where I get undressed, in the bathroom and the bedroom. Listen to me very carefully- dirty. clothes. DO. NOT. go. on. the. floor! Ever. Clothes on the floor get stepped on. What do we commonly step on with complete disdain? Trash. Do you want to wear trash? No? Then stop treating a vital part of your appearance as trash.

I empty the baskets into two other baskets often. I try to do this every day but sometimes it might be every two or three days. That's ok for me because I haven't accumulated a whole load of laundry in three days.

So why do I bother to empty the baskets in the bathroom and bedroom? So I can see how much laundry I do have. Why do I empty those baskets into other baskets? Because I sort it. In front of the washer I have a blue basket for colored clothes and a white basket for whites. Why don't I just have four baskets, two in each room? I used to. I don't have that much space in this house. If you can sort your laundry when you get undressed then you save yourself a lot of time and trouble. And no guys, your greasy work clothes do not need to get washed with your children's school clothes. Are you sick of your wife spending most of your money on clothes? Do laundry properly, clothes will last longer, she will spend less. Think of it as an investment.

Why don't I wash a bedroom basket when it is full? That is a mixture of colors and whites. See previous paragraph about clothes lasting longer when washed properly.

M used to drive me crazy because he washed one outfit each day. This drove me nuts. I thought it was the biggest waste of water and time. I don't care if you want to wear your favorite t-shirt. Do a whole goddamn load of clothes so you won't have to do laundry again tomorrow. It takes an equal amount of time to wash one t-shirt as it does to wash ten shirts. Don't tell me the cycle is shorter because the washer doesn't have to fill as long. The washing machine fills to a certain level whether you have one shirt or three pairs of socks, providing of course, you are smart enough to change the setting. Do you like doing laundry? No? Then stop creating more work for yourself.

I wash whichever basket is full first. This is usually the colored clothes because I favor dark greens, browns, purples, grays, and black. Sometimes I try to buy lighter colored shirts but I still end up with a closet of predominately black clothes. Guess it's a hold over from my days as a stage hand.

I usually load the washer before I go to bed. I dump in the washing powder, then add the clothes. I do not try to put small items in first, but I do try to evenly distribute the load. I make sure I have the knobs turn to the correct settings. And I leave it until the next day. When I get up to make coffee and walk dogs, I start the washer. At the very beginning of my day, the laundry has started.

As soon as the washer is finished, I put clothes into the dryer. I have let clothes sit in the washer all day until I come home from work. One day is okay. Two days is not. If I discovered I forgot laundry in the washer I'd wash it again. Mildew does not smell attractive on anybody. And no, the heat from the dryer isn't going to kill it, you'll just get baked in mildew. I used to have a team leader who reeked of mildew and people talked horribly about her. Don't let people call you a polecat behind your back.

As soon as the dryer is done, take the clothes out. Hang them up right then. This will virtually eliminate wrinkles. Trust me. Take the clothes out of the dryer as soon as they're done and you won't need to iron. Unless you are a quilter, you won't even need to own an iron.

The most important step, the one step you can't skip, the one you can't afford to be lazy about, is to put. the. laundry. AWAY. The dinning room table is not putting laundry away. Putting it on, rather than in, the dresser is not putting laundry away. Clean laundry does not belong in the laundry basket. Dirty clothes go in the laundry basket. Clean clothes belong in the closet or in the dresser. No clothes, neither dirty or clean, belong on the floor. It hardly takes any effort to put clothes away. If you can't do it, I'm sorry, but you are one lazy fucker. Put your clothes up.

I'm trying to retrain Will. Laundry goes from washer to clothes line, to hope it doesn't rain, to wash it again, to line, to dinning room table. Sometimes clothes go to children's beds for them to put away, but of course they don't. They knock clean clothes on the floor and in a few days that was-clean-shirt is covered with dirt from repeatedly being stepped on. So it has to be washed even though it was never worn. Do they ever sit down as a family and eat a meal together? Of course not, they can't sit at the table because all the towels are on the table. The only time Will sits down to dinner with his children is at my house. I think this is really sad. I have been nagging him about it. I think next payday we will be going to the dollar for several cheap laundry baskets and then everyone will be taught how to use them because I'm not about to spend the rest of my life struggling to keep the family in clean clothes.

It is simple as can be. When the basket is full, do laundry. That's it. No stress. Just clean clothes in the closet.

No comments: