Weekends are becoming awful for me.
Nearly every weekend, I either get sick or have a low sugar. I'm not sure if run at full throttle all week, thus leaving me drained and weary by the weekend OR if the deviation from my schedule leaves me wheeling. I need the rest, but maybe I am too lax. I thought I was doing a good job of keeping to my insulin schedule and diet. Obviously something isn't right.
Sleep is part of the problem. Kurt and I are on opposite shifts. When I come home, I can't really do anything because he is already asleep. About the time I finally fall into a deep sleep, his alarm goes off. After that it seems like the least little thing wakes me as I try to sleep. I never get back to a deep, restful sleep. When my alarm goes off, I feel like I haven't rested at all.
And I am STILL taking allergy pills. WTF? Shouldn't all the pollen have washed out of the trees by now? I tried taking less pills but as my nose started dripping I realized it was a bad idea. I don't remember ever having to take allergy pills for months.
I've been reading about Beltaine on several Pagan blogs. Most people mention a shadow- either the Wheel of the Year is dim at this turn or they feel dragged down by winter and worries so they hope Beltaine brings the happiness, love, and light they crave.
Normally this time of year in the South is hot. We have four season in Alabama- almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas. This year is cold. The sky is gray and the air is damp. We had nice days, just not many of them. There's been lots and lots of rain and as someone who lived through the 20 Year Drought from start to finish, the rain is bizarre to me. I remember the rain before the drought; sudden bursts of brief showers leaving everything steamy like a sauna. This is cold, hard, miserable rain.
All this cold, drugged brain fog is making me want to be reborn. I just don't know into what.
I tried a different kind of sewing project. I'm failing at it. I tried drawing a circular pattern and every stroke of pencil to graph paper produced something squared. I tried just putting thread to canvas and while the effect is pretty, the result still isn't my intention. I poked around Pinterest for a while and voila! I found the very thing I was looking for. Yet somehow, even while staring dead at the pattern, it's not manifesting in my reality.
I hate shifts. It's easy to see how the caterpillar thought the world was over before turning into a butterfly.