Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Reaching Through the Mist

Yesterday I had trouble with Kurt's truck, Lobo. Yes, we name our cars. My truck is Hecate because Hecate was the only Titan (I have a 2004 Nissan Titan King Cab XE) to retain Her powers after Zeus became king of the gods. See what I did there? Anyway. Kurt told me Lobo was running choppy. He had me take him to work at the ungodly hour of 1:45am. I got off work at midnight, drove home, then drove him back to town where we had to wait for others to show up and unlock the gate. He had a job in Fort Benning and I think that is a whole other post. I will go head and warn you- we are about to be at war with North Korea.

But back to the mundane stuff- Kurt asked me to take Lobo down the road, see how the truck was running. It started fine. It ran fine. So fine that I went to Dollar General and when I came out of the store, Lobo wouldn't start.

I called my tow truck neighbor but he was having mechanical problems of his own (lots of planets retrograde now, I'm sure you're having problems too) so I waited in the hot sun for nearly an hour before I could be rescued.

Lobo needs a new battery. And probably an alternator. We haven't had time to deal with Lobo because I was an hour late to work and Kurt didn't leave Fort Benning until 4pm. He was dropped off at my work around five and then he slept in my truck until I got off work at midnight because he hadn't slept in nearly 30 hours. We were sure he'd fall asleep driving home.

I didn't sew a single stitch yesterday. That's like not drinking coffee or not standing at my altar and connecting with my land base. Sewing is so much a part of who I am that I feel horribly disjointed when I don't do it. And here I am trying to use stitchery to do shadow work, to clear out my past. How much healing can I do if I'm not stitching?

What I dreamed surprised me. I thought I'd dream about another family member. But no, I dreamed about AJ.

When I first decided on this project, I decided I would include photographs of friends. I think maybe I'll bind the mats of people blood kin in red and maybe purple could be the binding for friends. Maybe the outside of the mat could be blue for my father's side and pink for my mother's side. Maybe I could include pictures of Kurt's family and their mats could be orange for his mother and teal for his father.

I often refer to AJ as my dead mother-in-law even though I wasn't married to her son. She taught me how to cook. She instilled a love of needlework and quilting. She taught me lot about computers and how to survive office politics. I still miss her, then I have this awful dream where she calls but doesn't want to talk to me.

Also in the dream, M was following me. I didn't want to talk to him at all. Maybe that was why AJ wouldn't talk to me.

The more I study my past, the more I see how it affects my present. Most of us would like to think things just happen to us and we have no control over things but this isn't true at all. We all got here because of the choices we made, how we see the world, and how we think and act. We bring things into our lives all the time just by not paying attention to how our actions set the stage of our lives.

I'm not what conclusions I will draw from this work, but I am certain right now I should be stitching, so until next time...

1 comment:

Kallan Kennedy said...

Very powerful stuff there, darlin. Love your truck's name!