Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Healing the Past- I've Barely Begun

Sunday, I finished the picture frame mat. I did I nice little spell...and I waited. I wasn't sure what was going to happen. First, I felt relief, like a weight had been taken off me. And I felt sad, but it was the sadness that comes with closure. And I most certainly did feel a sense of closure. I also felt as though I was 'the bad parent', you know, the one that makes the kids brush their teeth and go to bed, as opposed to the 'fun parent' who lets the kids stay up all weekend. The last one surprised me because I really thought all my relatives wanted this whole mess to be over like I do. It didn't occur to me that some of them might thrive on this drama. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized some of my family may not just thrive, but have built their lives around this mess and that's why it keeps going- it's what they live for. My dreams are forgotten almost as I have them. I think my brain is just deleting junk. I feel good about doing this, but I'm taking a little break from the project because I haven't gotten to the difficult people yet and I don't want to burn myself out. At first, I couldn't settle on a new sewing project. Nothing appealed to me. Finally, I started working on my Spring sign. It is going well. I put it down because I was getting frustrated. I realized I do that often. Maybe my family frustrates me and I can't make progress so I just walk away until the mess spills over me again. I think it's time to stop walking off. I'm sick stuffing things in hiding places.

Speaking of finishing things, I am almost done with my October project. It is all about Witches. Next I'll do November, which is all about food and Kitchen Witchery. December will be about crafting. Do you know what it means if I get all this done before my deadlines? It means (gasp!) I might actually enjoy the end of the year. That's a luxury I can't even begin to wrap my head around.

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