The Witchcraft of FreeDragon
Sunday, September 30, 2012
In Progress
I'm working on a huge garden/home/witch of this place post. I may have to break it up into parts. Now that I think about it, it's a cool way to start October.
Friday, September 28, 2012
1996
The year I was 19 was the most stressful time of my life. I'm sure most of you are surprised by this statement because if you've been reading me for very long, then you know I became diabetic at age 33. Diabetes changed me. It made me stronger. 19 almost killed me.
There was nothing horrid, nothing overly dramatic. There was just a whole, whole, WHOLE LOT going on. The first problem was my job which was great and I loved it. In fact, I would probably still be there if not for one thing- the company moved to Mexico. To keep from losing money, production tripled. This meant I went to work at 7am and had no earthly clue when I would leave. I worked at least 10 hours a day and some days I worked 14 hours. I also worked around 6 hours on Saturday. I made $6 an hour and brought home nearly $300 a week.
Around the time I started that job, my father became ill. He was bedridden for months. I lived at home then. He was still in the cattle business. Each day when I finally got off work, I took care of his cows. But wait, there's more.
I had a piece of shit car that left me stranded. The car just wouldn't start. Usually it would not start at college. I did mention I was taking 20 hours of classes at night that year, didn't I? Anyway, I'd get out of class around 10pm CST (11pm EST, the time my parents went by), the car wouldn't start, the parking lot would be empty, the campus pay phone wouldn't let me make a long distance call, and everybody I knew would be in bed at 11pm so nobody would answer the phone. I'd spend hours calling and calling and calling before someone finally picked up and that point I'd burst into tears from frustration. Some sleepy friend would come get me, take me home and my sleeping parents would have no clue I called 300 times from the pay phone at Winn Dixie. They'd drive to the campus the next day and the car would start just fine, then they'd be looking at me like I was stupid. They'd berate me on the way to work. After three or four times of that, my mother became my chauffeur. She didn't want to drive her car into the cow pasture. After working all day, I had to get out and walk until I found the cows, made sure they were accounted for, then I had to walk around checking fences, then I walked back to the barn to make sure the cows had water. All this in May/June while my mother sat in her car and read a book. The cows were on a 70 acre farm 10 miles from our home which was on 50 acres and thank god we didn't have more cows at home.
After the cows were taken care of, my mother would take me home and I'd shower. I'd eat a sandwich while driving mom's borrowed better-bring-it-back-with-a-full-tank car. I'd barely be on time for Professor Hell's classes. I was taking English Comp II and Great World Masterpieces I at the same time. I wasn't supposed to take Great Books until AFTER I passed EngCompII, but someone overlooked that scheduling problem so I had the same Professor from Hell, Right Hand of the Devil Himself for both classes and he got the bright idea to combine my assignments. Instead of two three page papers, I wrote one eight page paper. Actually, I rewrote it 54 times and none of them were good enough so I said fuck it and got a C minus in EngComp and a B in Great Books. Which shouldn't have been possible. I had more classes, history and something else, but I don't remember then now. I'm surprised I remember any details from that time.
There's more. I was dating M. He complained about never being able to see me. We fought all the time. I made way more money than he did and he took offense. He started cheating on me and I didn't even know for weeks. I got tired of him, we broke up/got back together 13 times and then I started drinking. I'd get roaring drunk every Saturday night, be hung over on Sunday, then start the cycle all over on Monday, still a little hung-over and not completing my homework assignments or retaining any information for upcoming tests.
And there's still more. I couldn't move my neck. I got so stressed out my neck muscles locked up and I could not turn my head. If someone stood beside me, I had to turn my body to look at them. I tried every over the counter pain medication and the only thing that took the edge off somewhat was Standback powders. My mother found the Standback box in her car, had a fit because those powders were 'dangerous' (she never explained how exactly) and she basically reacted like it was street drugs. Like any addict, I hid my addiction. I bought Standback at the gas station, poured it in Coke, and she was none the wiser. My neck still hurt.
M and I had a huge fight about money. He rented games from Blockbuster and never returned them. I of course didn't know. I wouldn't have known if Bugs Bunny lived next door. I got several letters from Blockbuster. I told M to take everything back. He'd swear he did, then I'd get another letter. I finally went to the store to sort it out. While I was at the store, M's friend John dropped the games in the return slot. I saw him. He saw me. He said nothing, just dropped the games in the box and I didn't know he was there for M until the lady helping me saw on her computer that another employee scanned the games back into the system.
At the end of Spring semester, I took my first summer off. When the company closed mid-June, I delayed looking for another job. My family told me I was lazy. Nobody seemed to know what I went through. I would try to explain how I felt- classes, work, boyfriend trouble, family drama, aches...and everybody was like so what? It's not like you've got any special stress on you. Everybody's got problems, stop whining.
Eventually, I could move my neck. I got a job with steady hours. I finally graduated, but it took me a while because I paid for most of my education myself and I would quit when I ran out of money. I earned my Associates in 2000 and my BA in 2003. When I got my Liberal Arts degree, the first thing my mother said was, 'I wish you'd get your Masters.' I thought it was the most awful thing she could have said because her father, the man she named me after, was illiterate. He went to school one day. I am one the few people in my family to even attend college, let alone graduate and that wasn't good enough.
The point of all these bad memories is last night I was laying in bed worrying. Suddenly an old, but not forgotten, pain struck- my neck locked up. I got a firmer pillow. That helped. I lay in the dark and tried to just be. I tried to not think, just breathe. My neck still hurts, but I can move it. Kurt and I are fighting a lot about money. Things are not as bad for me this time around. I am trying to remember I am way beyond 19.
There was nothing horrid, nothing overly dramatic. There was just a whole, whole, WHOLE LOT going on. The first problem was my job which was great and I loved it. In fact, I would probably still be there if not for one thing- the company moved to Mexico. To keep from losing money, production tripled. This meant I went to work at 7am and had no earthly clue when I would leave. I worked at least 10 hours a day and some days I worked 14 hours. I also worked around 6 hours on Saturday. I made $6 an hour and brought home nearly $300 a week.
Around the time I started that job, my father became ill. He was bedridden for months. I lived at home then. He was still in the cattle business. Each day when I finally got off work, I took care of his cows. But wait, there's more.
I had a piece of shit car that left me stranded. The car just wouldn't start. Usually it would not start at college. I did mention I was taking 20 hours of classes at night that year, didn't I? Anyway, I'd get out of class around 10pm CST (11pm EST, the time my parents went by), the car wouldn't start, the parking lot would be empty, the campus pay phone wouldn't let me make a long distance call, and everybody I knew would be in bed at 11pm so nobody would answer the phone. I'd spend hours calling and calling and calling before someone finally picked up and that point I'd burst into tears from frustration. Some sleepy friend would come get me, take me home and my sleeping parents would have no clue I called 300 times from the pay phone at Winn Dixie. They'd drive to the campus the next day and the car would start just fine, then they'd be looking at me like I was stupid. They'd berate me on the way to work. After three or four times of that, my mother became my chauffeur. She didn't want to drive her car into the cow pasture. After working all day, I had to get out and walk until I found the cows, made sure they were accounted for, then I had to walk around checking fences, then I walked back to the barn to make sure the cows had water. All this in May/June while my mother sat in her car and read a book. The cows were on a 70 acre farm 10 miles from our home which was on 50 acres and thank god we didn't have more cows at home.
After the cows were taken care of, my mother would take me home and I'd shower. I'd eat a sandwich while driving mom's borrowed better-bring-it-back-with-a-full-tank car. I'd barely be on time for Professor Hell's classes. I was taking English Comp II and Great World Masterpieces I at the same time. I wasn't supposed to take Great Books until AFTER I passed EngCompII, but someone overlooked that scheduling problem so I had the same Professor from Hell, Right Hand of the Devil Himself for both classes and he got the bright idea to combine my assignments. Instead of two three page papers, I wrote one eight page paper. Actually, I rewrote it 54 times and none of them were good enough so I said fuck it and got a C minus in EngComp and a B in Great Books. Which shouldn't have been possible. I had more classes, history and something else, but I don't remember then now. I'm surprised I remember any details from that time.
There's more. I was dating M. He complained about never being able to see me. We fought all the time. I made way more money than he did and he took offense. He started cheating on me and I didn't even know for weeks. I got tired of him, we broke up/got back together 13 times and then I started drinking. I'd get roaring drunk every Saturday night, be hung over on Sunday, then start the cycle all over on Monday, still a little hung-over and not completing my homework assignments or retaining any information for upcoming tests.
And there's still more. I couldn't move my neck. I got so stressed out my neck muscles locked up and I could not turn my head. If someone stood beside me, I had to turn my body to look at them. I tried every over the counter pain medication and the only thing that took the edge off somewhat was Standback powders. My mother found the Standback box in her car, had a fit because those powders were 'dangerous' (she never explained how exactly) and she basically reacted like it was street drugs. Like any addict, I hid my addiction. I bought Standback at the gas station, poured it in Coke, and she was none the wiser. My neck still hurt.
M and I had a huge fight about money. He rented games from Blockbuster and never returned them. I of course didn't know. I wouldn't have known if Bugs Bunny lived next door. I got several letters from Blockbuster. I told M to take everything back. He'd swear he did, then I'd get another letter. I finally went to the store to sort it out. While I was at the store, M's friend John dropped the games in the return slot. I saw him. He saw me. He said nothing, just dropped the games in the box and I didn't know he was there for M until the lady helping me saw on her computer that another employee scanned the games back into the system.
At the end of Spring semester, I took my first summer off. When the company closed mid-June, I delayed looking for another job. My family told me I was lazy. Nobody seemed to know what I went through. I would try to explain how I felt- classes, work, boyfriend trouble, family drama, aches...and everybody was like so what? It's not like you've got any special stress on you. Everybody's got problems, stop whining.
Eventually, I could move my neck. I got a job with steady hours. I finally graduated, but it took me a while because I paid for most of my education myself and I would quit when I ran out of money. I earned my Associates in 2000 and my BA in 2003. When I got my Liberal Arts degree, the first thing my mother said was, 'I wish you'd get your Masters.' I thought it was the most awful thing she could have said because her father, the man she named me after, was illiterate. He went to school one day. I am one the few people in my family to even attend college, let alone graduate and that wasn't good enough.
The point of all these bad memories is last night I was laying in bed worrying. Suddenly an old, but not forgotten, pain struck- my neck locked up. I got a firmer pillow. That helped. I lay in the dark and tried to just be. I tried to not think, just breathe. My neck still hurts, but I can move it. Kurt and I are fighting a lot about money. Things are not as bad for me this time around. I am trying to remember I am way beyond 19.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Altars
I found this site which is all about altars.
I think it's always interesting to see how other people practice their beliefs. Some of the altars are crowded, some are pretty, some are simple, some are for groups, some were only created for one event. A few on this site are altars of people I know and that was sort of an 'ah-ha' moment for me, like peeking into a private window. These are the altars that resonated with me:
Love, love, LOVE the hook in the corner. Immediately I wanted my own giant hook to hang incense or my cauldron. I like the hook details on the table, but this is too small for me.
For some reason, this spell bottle really speaks to me. I don't know why.
Pretty and simple. Like the green glass in the window.
The glyphs! I have no idea what they mean, but I feel drawn to them. Glyphs may be an area of future Witchcraft for me.
Another simple beauty. I especially like the candle, the fur, and the holey stones.
Between place. Enclosed porch, both inside and out. Loving the whole space.
I have the same star. I also have a similar skull. And I love boxes. I have little boxes and bags everywhere. Kevin said I missed my calling as a pot head.
Dead rabbit. I like this one because it appears the rabbit is getting a very special funeral.
Last but not least, an outdoor altar. I like outdoor altars best, they seem to hold more power, but I realize it is not always practical to leave things set up outside. Bears have been appearing a lot in my life lately, so I love the sweet little statue.
I think it's always interesting to see how other people practice their beliefs. Some of the altars are crowded, some are pretty, some are simple, some are for groups, some were only created for one event. A few on this site are altars of people I know and that was sort of an 'ah-ha' moment for me, like peeking into a private window. These are the altars that resonated with me:
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
All Kitchen Witches Can Kill You
We don't train in poison, we learn how to cook safely. We know to fully cook the meat. We know to clean and avoid salmonella. We know which herbs should be used with caution. So if we wanted to murder somebody, we would just do the opposite of all these things.
Did you know all the greenery on tomato plants are poisonous? In fact, in the Middle Ages, tomatoes were thought to be fully poisonous and no part of it could be consumed. That makes me wonder how the fruit was discovered to be not only edible but delicious.
As I learn more and more herbalism, I discover all kinds of ways to die, not just humans, but dogs too. Aloe will cause diarrhea in humans and is lethal if dogs eat it. Azalea will easily kill both dogs and children. I've heard lilies are deadly. Dantras will most certainly kill any living thing. Oleanders will kill. Potatoes, surprisingly enough, can kill. Uncooked kidney beans will make you so sick you'll wish you'd die.
Sometimes benign things can kill, which is why if you are lacking foxglove you can kill a person with aspirin if you give them enough- it thins the blood. Sometimes what is deadly is the dose and sometimes it is just a matter of choosing the wrong part of the plant or just not preparing something properly.
And if you're thinking the poison must be hidden or that it would have a bitter taste, then you must realize cooks are expert at flavorings. As I study sweet, sour, and strong, I can't help but see a shadow side. In all comprehensive lists, there are things unspoken. A wise witch can make you miserable with baking soda.
Perhaps why witches are so feared is not whether they have actually done wrong, but they have the raw power to do whatever they please. Being a good witch or a bad witch isn't in what you know, it's in what you do. I choose not to pour a bit of vinegar in your morning milk. Now if you choose to not piss me off, we'll get along just fine.
Did you know all the greenery on tomato plants are poisonous? In fact, in the Middle Ages, tomatoes were thought to be fully poisonous and no part of it could be consumed. That makes me wonder how the fruit was discovered to be not only edible but delicious.
As I learn more and more herbalism, I discover all kinds of ways to die, not just humans, but dogs too. Aloe will cause diarrhea in humans and is lethal if dogs eat it. Azalea will easily kill both dogs and children. I've heard lilies are deadly. Dantras will most certainly kill any living thing. Oleanders will kill. Potatoes, surprisingly enough, can kill. Uncooked kidney beans will make you so sick you'll wish you'd die.
Sometimes benign things can kill, which is why if you are lacking foxglove you can kill a person with aspirin if you give them enough- it thins the blood. Sometimes what is deadly is the dose and sometimes it is just a matter of choosing the wrong part of the plant or just not preparing something properly.
And if you're thinking the poison must be hidden or that it would have a bitter taste, then you must realize cooks are expert at flavorings. As I study sweet, sour, and strong, I can't help but see a shadow side. In all comprehensive lists, there are things unspoken. A wise witch can make you miserable with baking soda.
Perhaps why witches are so feared is not whether they have actually done wrong, but they have the raw power to do whatever they please. Being a good witch or a bad witch isn't in what you know, it's in what you do. I choose not to pour a bit of vinegar in your morning milk. Now if you choose to not piss me off, we'll get along just fine.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
:Crawling:
My poison post will most likely wait until Monday. I have been at a low level of anxiety all weekend, ever since I decided if we got out of this financial mess, it would be because I got us a steady income. A low level of anxiety probably doesn't sound that bad, but when it's always there and just never goes away then it is a horrible constant thing. I'm trying to stay cool and see what develops. What I want to do is have a screaming fit. To top it all off, I dreamed of Mr. Dragon last night which made me rethink my choice all day long. I probably wouldn't be rethinking if I wasn't already anxious.
Sigh. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sigh. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Happy Mabon
My main goals for Mabon involve putting my house and money in order. I have been cleaning everything. I have moved furniture to remove every last little bit of dust. Last night I tackled kitchen cabinets. Before this day is over, I'm going to smudge and renew protection spells.
As for the money part, early this morning I came to a conclusion- I can't rely on Kurt. I want to, but he seems to have some issues with money. I think these issues stem from the fact that each of his parents- father, mother, and step-father, earned money in dishonest ways. It's up to him to sort this out for himself, but in the mean time we are broke. I'm tired of just barely getting by. I'm going back to work. I have to do some spells for that too, for me to find a job and to work on an issue Kurt's currently going through where an office worker is abusing her authority. I realize it is not Kurt's fault she's on a power trip, and he's not the only one at the company suffering, but damn, these things just keep coming up in every job he gets and I wish he'd come to terms with his ideas about money and jobs RIGHT NOW.
After I clean house and take care of business, I get to do fun stuff- decorate for Halloween! And tomorrow I'll have a post about poison, so stay tuned.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Setting a Schedule
Working on the horses made me realize I need a schedule. I think it will be in my best interest to build my day around my sewing. Instead of stitching whenever I feel like it. Today I decided most of my hours should spent in the sewing room and all that promptly went out the window because I had to renew my driver's license.
I got up when Kurt did so I could take him to work (this one automobile thing sucks dishwater). I dropped him off, came home, took the dogs out (utterly bewildered as to why BOTH mom and dad left this morning), and then made breakfast. It was cold. I got in bed to warm up. Of course I went back to sleep.
The second time I got up, I took the dogs out again, fed them, got dressed in nicer clothes, and headed to the courthouse. I renewed my license, got a decent picture (Tallapoosa people are nice. The lady took three photos and let me look at each one. In Lee County they just use the first picture and don't bother to tell you if your hair is sticking up) and I registered to vote. I have no idea who I want to vote for, but I can if I ever pick the lesser of two evils. Now I'm back home, it's almost 11am and I still haven't done any sewing. Not a single stitch. I suck at routines.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Food!
We got a windfall of money and went grocery shopping. I went a little crazy; for so long I could only buy what we needed. Last night, nearly everything Kurt showed a faint interest in, I said, 'Get it.'
Get it. Get it. Get it. Hell, get a bunch of it.
I had problems fitting all of in the cart. I started to laugh because I haven't had that problem in a long, long time. We almost spent all the money.
Aside from toilet paper, paper towels, and toothpaste, all of it was food. The cabinets are full, the fridge is full, and the store room is stocked. I send Kurt off to work with a very heavy lunchbox today. And if construction workers are like kids, the Oreo cookies should make him popular.
Get it. Get it. Get it. Hell, get a bunch of it.
I had problems fitting all of in the cart. I started to laugh because I haven't had that problem in a long, long time. We almost spent all the money.
Aside from toilet paper, paper towels, and toothpaste, all of it was food. The cabinets are full, the fridge is full, and the store room is stocked. I send Kurt off to work with a very heavy lunchbox today. And if construction workers are like kids, the Oreo cookies should make him popular.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Something Out of Nothing
I'm writing about real cooking and kitchen witchery today. Some people think 'real cooking' involves the stove rather than the microwave. That's not the subject. And I didn't do any magick per se, unless you think food appearing in a previously empty refrigerator is magick.
This weekend was another just-scrap-by phase. We had a little money, not much, and other bills are coming, so we decided not to spend it. Kurt informed me there was nothing to eat. What he meant was he had no already prepared food to nuke in the microwave. First, let me say the man eats. A lot. And I did cook on Thursday night. The food just didn't stand a chance. I made slow cooker skillet breakfast (the recipe is currently on my Kitchen Witch page of this blog). My intention was to have a filling breakfast for two days. As soon as the food was done, I put some in storage bowls. I gave some to Kurt and since I was hungry, I ate a little myself. While I was eating, Kurt carried his empty bowl to the kitchen. Silly me, I thought he was putting it in the sink. Which he did, but then he grabbed one of the storage bowls and ate a second helping. In the end, I had one pitiful little bowl. I only got that because I intervened before he ate thirds and fourths. So much for cooking ahead.
Kurt wanted to go to Burger King on Sunday. That cost money. I said no. He was convinced we would starve to death. Time to cook what we had.
I had one hot dog bun. I split it, added melted butter, garlic powder, fresh basil leaves, and cheese. Toast in the oven until the cheese is melted and it's cheesy herb bread.
I had broccoli and bell peppers. I chopped the peppers and steamed the broccoli. I intended to add the last of the bacon but I couldn't because somebody thinks bacon is a snack. Bacon is the perfect addition to a sandwich. Bacon is one of the things that makes salad tolerable. Bacon is married to cheddar. Bacon is breakfast. BACON IS NOT A FREAKIN' SNACK. (grumble) I used the last of the lunch meat ham instead. About 85% of the time, ham and bacon are interchangeable. I'm not telling Kurt or he'll snack on ham too. If I had thought about it, I would have added hard-boiled eggs but I didn't think about it until I sat down and by then I was hungry.
After dinner, I made salmon salad. Just like tuna salad but with canned salmon instead of tuna. That is tonight's dinner. I intend to make biscuits later today but Kurt loves my biscuits so they'll probably be snacks too. We'll have money this afternoon. I'll buy food tomorrow or the next day. I think I can get one more cook-what-we-got dinner out of my cabinets. Why am I making do instead of running to the store? The longer I put off spending money, the more money we'll have at the end of the week.
This weekend was another just-scrap-by phase. We had a little money, not much, and other bills are coming, so we decided not to spend it. Kurt informed me there was nothing to eat. What he meant was he had no already prepared food to nuke in the microwave. First, let me say the man eats. A lot. And I did cook on Thursday night. The food just didn't stand a chance. I made slow cooker skillet breakfast (the recipe is currently on my Kitchen Witch page of this blog). My intention was to have a filling breakfast for two days. As soon as the food was done, I put some in storage bowls. I gave some to Kurt and since I was hungry, I ate a little myself. While I was eating, Kurt carried his empty bowl to the kitchen. Silly me, I thought he was putting it in the sink. Which he did, but then he grabbed one of the storage bowls and ate a second helping. In the end, I had one pitiful little bowl. I only got that because I intervened before he ate thirds and fourths. So much for cooking ahead.
Kurt wanted to go to Burger King on Sunday. That cost money. I said no. He was convinced we would starve to death. Time to cook what we had.
I had one hot dog bun. I split it, added melted butter, garlic powder, fresh basil leaves, and cheese. Toast in the oven until the cheese is melted and it's cheesy herb bread.
I had broccoli and bell peppers. I chopped the peppers and steamed the broccoli. I intended to add the last of the bacon but I couldn't because somebody thinks bacon is a snack. Bacon is the perfect addition to a sandwich. Bacon is one of the things that makes salad tolerable. Bacon is married to cheddar. Bacon is breakfast. BACON IS NOT A FREAKIN' SNACK. (grumble) I used the last of the lunch meat ham instead. About 85% of the time, ham and bacon are interchangeable. I'm not telling Kurt or he'll snack on ham too. If I had thought about it, I would have added hard-boiled eggs but I didn't think about it until I sat down and by then I was hungry.
After dinner, I made salmon salad. Just like tuna salad but with canned salmon instead of tuna. That is tonight's dinner. I intend to make biscuits later today but Kurt loves my biscuits so they'll probably be snacks too. We'll have money this afternoon. I'll buy food tomorrow or the next day. I think I can get one more cook-what-we-got dinner out of my cabinets. Why am I making do instead of running to the store? The longer I put off spending money, the more money we'll have at the end of the week.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Like It Never Happened
I called T and the first thing she said was 'Air Witch is coming.' So I didn't have to ask. The next day, I texted T. Air Witch knows I'm coming, right? Because it occurred to me the only reason she was showing up was because she thought it was strictly a family gathering. T promised to tell her right then, which lead me to think T was setting up one of her famous situations were everyone is forced to faced each other whether they want to or not.
I dreaded the dinner all day Thursday. I wasn't sure if I should go or not. Finally, Kurt came home so I headed out. I called T as soon as I left my driveway. Her cousin William answered. I told him I was on my way and estimated when I would arrive. He announced this information to the room so I assumed if Air Witch was already there, she'd have plenty of time to leave, and if she hadn't arrived yet, then as soon as she entered the house someone would say I had just called.
It was a really long drive for me. I left Tallapoosa County, drove through the Cow College on the Plains, cross into Macon County, back into Lee County, then into Russel County and I'm still not quite there. Along the way, I resolved to be the better person and if I couldn't hold my tongue, I could leave.
There were LOTS of people. Several family members, significant others, and a couple of family friends. T was very glad to see me, but as there were so many people present, she couldn't just stay by my side. She flitted around like a butterfly and that's fine, it's just I had nothing to do my sip my drink.
Air Witch said hi like we had spoken a few days ago. I just nodded. I thought she was going to be polite and move on, which is what I would have done, but no, she asked what I had been up to.
I really had no answer. Well, I did, I had a dozen snarky comments, but I had resolved to be the better person. I didn't know how to pack a year's worth of activity into a short answer. And anyway, she cut me off so I must assume didn't really want to know or she would have played a more active part in my life during the past year. I told her 'the usual' and left it at that.
A few times, Air Witch tried drawing me into the group conversation and once she really put me on the spot. I don't know if she did it deliberately or not. T was showing pictures of a trip she took with a friend. They wanted to go to a theme park, but it closed so they went to all the wineries instead. Her cousin started teasing T, reminding her that your not actually supposed to drink the wine, it should be spit out. T said she did except for the few she really liked. Nobody in that family really likes wine. I do. I grew up on a farm with a vineyard. Air Witch promptly jumped into the conversation. 'Free loves wine!'
Everybody turned to stare at me. I guess I was supposed to utter some great witticism. But I don't drink wine now because it's full of carbs. I was sort of stuck because I didn't want to draw attention to the fact that I have diabetes, and since I can't drink wine anyway, there was no need to mention how many bottles my father makes each fall. And it pissed me off because I wasn't in the conversation and neither was Air Witch. She didn't have to jump in. She certainly didn't have to make me the center of attention. I changed the subject and the next time she tried that shit I was a little better at dodging.
After Air Witch left, T told me about the fight with the middle sister. Like the argument with me, it was basically about nothing; just something Air Witch blew out of proportion. I told T about my theory of Air Witch pushing everyone out of her life because she was dealing with some personal tragedy that embarrassed her. T agreed with me, but as she had been pushed away too, she didn't know what was going on either.
Before I left, I called Kurt to tell him to add T to his friends list on Facebook. She emailed me pictures taken of us at the party. Overall, I am glad I went, but I wish Air Witch hadn't been there. Her pretending like nothing happened makes me thinks she believes my feelings are unimportant.
I dreaded the dinner all day Thursday. I wasn't sure if I should go or not. Finally, Kurt came home so I headed out. I called T as soon as I left my driveway. Her cousin William answered. I told him I was on my way and estimated when I would arrive. He announced this information to the room so I assumed if Air Witch was already there, she'd have plenty of time to leave, and if she hadn't arrived yet, then as soon as she entered the house someone would say I had just called.
It was a really long drive for me. I left Tallapoosa County, drove through the Cow College on the Plains, cross into Macon County, back into Lee County, then into Russel County and I'm still not quite there. Along the way, I resolved to be the better person and if I couldn't hold my tongue, I could leave.
There were LOTS of people. Several family members, significant others, and a couple of family friends. T was very glad to see me, but as there were so many people present, she couldn't just stay by my side. She flitted around like a butterfly and that's fine, it's just I had nothing to do my sip my drink.
Air Witch said hi like we had spoken a few days ago. I just nodded. I thought she was going to be polite and move on, which is what I would have done, but no, she asked what I had been up to.
I really had no answer. Well, I did, I had a dozen snarky comments, but I had resolved to be the better person. I didn't know how to pack a year's worth of activity into a short answer. And anyway, she cut me off so I must assume didn't really want to know or she would have played a more active part in my life during the past year. I told her 'the usual' and left it at that.
A few times, Air Witch tried drawing me into the group conversation and once she really put me on the spot. I don't know if she did it deliberately or not. T was showing pictures of a trip she took with a friend. They wanted to go to a theme park, but it closed so they went to all the wineries instead. Her cousin started teasing T, reminding her that your not actually supposed to drink the wine, it should be spit out. T said she did except for the few she really liked. Nobody in that family really likes wine. I do. I grew up on a farm with a vineyard. Air Witch promptly jumped into the conversation. 'Free loves wine!'
Everybody turned to stare at me. I guess I was supposed to utter some great witticism. But I don't drink wine now because it's full of carbs. I was sort of stuck because I didn't want to draw attention to the fact that I have diabetes, and since I can't drink wine anyway, there was no need to mention how many bottles my father makes each fall. And it pissed me off because I wasn't in the conversation and neither was Air Witch. She didn't have to jump in. She certainly didn't have to make me the center of attention. I changed the subject and the next time she tried that shit I was a little better at dodging.
After Air Witch left, T told me about the fight with the middle sister. Like the argument with me, it was basically about nothing; just something Air Witch blew out of proportion. I told T about my theory of Air Witch pushing everyone out of her life because she was dealing with some personal tragedy that embarrassed her. T agreed with me, but as she had been pushed away too, she didn't know what was going on either.
Before I left, I called Kurt to tell him to add T to his friends list on Facebook. She emailed me pictures taken of us at the party. Overall, I am glad I went, but I wish Air Witch hadn't been there. Her pretending like nothing happened makes me thinks she believes my feelings are unimportant.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Could Be More $%*!
My septic tank problems are solved. The field lines have been replaced (rather than trying to figure out where the old ones rambled to), I get to keep the pecan tree because the roots shifted the cover but didn't fill anything, and the main problem turned out to be a fence post driven into the old field line, thus causing blockage and oozing. (Ick.)
The smell is gone. The trench has been covered. The ground is not squishy. The shit should be resolved. Except it's not really.
One of my friends is in town visiting her family. This is Air Witch's sister. Air Witch is still not speaking to me. The sister left me a voicemail (stupid phone turned itself off AGAIN) inviting me to dinner, saying, "Mom is making a big turkey dinner."
Hmmm....
I'm counting my friend, her husband, and her daughter. That's 3. Plus Mom and her guy. That's 5. Plus me- 6. Would you make a big turkey dinner for six people? I think I would need 8-12 guests before I'd go through the trouble of cooking a turkey. So....who else is coming?
The middle sister is in Alaska, so I assume she isn't coming or someone would have said something. That just leaves Air Witch and her clan. How do I find out who's on the guest list without being a bitch? And if Air Witch is coming, do I go? How awkward is that? Is she willing to talk to me? Does she not know I'm coming? Her sister is famous for setting people up in difficult situations so all parties will be forced to face each other. I don't want to be in a comando intervention. I just want to see my friend, not deal with drama. I don't want to drive across five counties just to sit in a room away from everybody while they whisper about me and my friend runs back and forth urging us to put aside differences.
As for how I feel, I'm still a bit pissed. I feel like the friendship ended for no good reason. I feel abandoned and hurt. Even if Air Witch and I get back on speaking terms, I don't think we could return to the level we were on before because I wouldn't trust her. I'd be waiting for her to bail on me again. And part of the fight was over our magickal beliefs so I seriously doubt we'd start doing rituals together again. What exactly would I gain from patching things up?
The smell is gone. The trench has been covered. The ground is not squishy. The shit should be resolved. Except it's not really.
One of my friends is in town visiting her family. This is Air Witch's sister. Air Witch is still not speaking to me. The sister left me a voicemail (stupid phone turned itself off AGAIN) inviting me to dinner, saying, "Mom is making a big turkey dinner."
Hmmm....
I'm counting my friend, her husband, and her daughter. That's 3. Plus Mom and her guy. That's 5. Plus me- 6. Would you make a big turkey dinner for six people? I think I would need 8-12 guests before I'd go through the trouble of cooking a turkey. So....who else is coming?
The middle sister is in Alaska, so I assume she isn't coming or someone would have said something. That just leaves Air Witch and her clan. How do I find out who's on the guest list without being a bitch? And if Air Witch is coming, do I go? How awkward is that? Is she willing to talk to me? Does she not know I'm coming? Her sister is famous for setting people up in difficult situations so all parties will be forced to face each other. I don't want to be in a comando intervention. I just want to see my friend, not deal with drama. I don't want to drive across five counties just to sit in a room away from everybody while they whisper about me and my friend runs back and forth urging us to put aside differences.
As for how I feel, I'm still a bit pissed. I feel like the friendship ended for no good reason. I feel abandoned and hurt. Even if Air Witch and I get back on speaking terms, I don't think we could return to the level we were on before because I wouldn't trust her. I'd be waiting for her to bail on me again. And part of the fight was over our magickal beliefs so I seriously doubt we'd start doing rituals together again. What exactly would I gain from patching things up?
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
SHUT THE WINDOWS!
My connection to autumn air has come to an abrupt halt. The pecan tree's roots have invaded the septic tank.
This is the view from my bedroom window. My landlord is putting in new field lines because whoever installed the septic tank was an idiot. (This house has changed hands many, many times and no, my landlord is not responsible for this mess.) The lines, rather than being the same all the way, are either plastic pipe or cement pipe. It's like they had some odds and ends to use up so the pipes were installed by whatever piece they grabbed. The lines run willy nilly all over the field and we still haven't discovered the end which is why I now have a 200 foot long trench. The cover of the septic tank is crooked and was propped up with bricks. Yes, you read that right. When the tank was installed, the cover didn't fit so they used bricks to make the cover sit evenly and then buried the whole mess. After the new lines are installed, the tank will be pumped and the tree has to come down.
Nothing like the smell of sewage.
Nothing like the smell of sewage.
Monday, September 10, 2012
This & That
My phone is turning itself off for no reason. Being that I am diabetic and the phone is my lifeline, I NEVER turn it off. No matter what time of the day or night you call, I will answer. Because if I don't, someone panics, calls a few of my friends/family/associates tells them I must be dead because I am not answering, and then a dozen people either call me or come banging on my door and boy, are they pissed when they see I am not dead and I have worried them for nothing.
Since I never turn my cell off, I just assume that it is on. Gradually, I will realize I haven't gotten any calls or texts in a while. I'll check my phone. It is off. I'll turn it on. It goes right back off. Finally, I'll get it to stay on for 15 minutes, then I'll get a bunch of texts and voicemails first saying I better be in a diabetic coma, and then asking if I'm pissed off.
The only time I see the phone turn itself off is when I'm trying to send a text message. As soon as I open the slide (because I MUST have the full keyboard) the phone goes dead. There is no warning, just dead. I keep forgetting this will happen. In fact, I will be typing away before I notice the screen is black. Then I feel like a bad person because I am certain whomever I am texting is on pins and needles awaiting my reply and I am just letting them hang. I can find no reason for my phone to turn itself off other than cell phones are designed to fall apart shortly after purchased so we will be forced to buy new ones.
Relationships, for good or bad, train us how to act with future lovers. The baggage I carried over is letting the man take the lead. Kevin thought he needed to take of me. If I ever made a suggestion or asked about his money, he took it as I thought he wasn't able to be the man of the house. To avoid fights, I got in the habit of telling him about problems and letting him decide how to deal with them. That was not easy for me. I used to deal with things myself because it wouldn't even occur to me that I could ask for help. Kevin and I had a lot of fights at the beginning of our relationship. I hated fighting with him. I started looking for ways to avoid fights and he slowly took over my life. It got to the point that my whole world revolved around him because if it didn't then I was obviously having an affair. Breaking up with Kevin was very liberating. Seeing how much he controlled me was astounding. I thought it would be a long time before I got into another situation like that.
But relationship patterns are not based on the actions of just one person. It was my fault too, for letting Kevin control me. I took a really passive role. This weekend I learned I was still being passive.
Money is still a problem. I was starting to get angry about it because I felt like Kurt was looking for excuses not to go to work. To make it worse, he has a bit of the man-as-breadwinner mentality because he wants me to stay at home. And if he was actually working every day it wouldn't be a problem. I like staying home. But I shouldn't be home when the bills aren't being paid. But he didn't want me to work unless I 'had to.' I think we're to the point where I 'have to' but he doesn't agree. Yet, he wasn't working either. Thoroughly pissed, I threw a fit. I TOLD him where to work today. Lo and behold, it worked. For the first time in over a week, Kurt got up at five am, got dressed, and went to work. Kurt is passive too. His ex always told him what to do and he is waiting on me to take charge.
Two passive people in a relationship is a recipe for disaster. While I don't want a man controlling me, I don't want to be the mother either. I feel like if I have to tell my man what to do, and if I make all the decisions, then it's just like having a kid in the house and I don't want to be in a relationship with a child, I want a man. I'm trying to find a balance between clearly stating my wants without being overbearing. All of this making me question my choices but that is a whole other post.
I have worried about money nearly every day. I hate worrying. To give me something else to focus on so I don't freak out, I've been sewing. I started making rugs. I tried making rugs before and got nowhere. It's a very time consuming process. Rugs should be made by anal-retentive people because if the rug isn't carefully laid out exactly right then it won't look well at all. I found instructions online for making a rag rug using strips of cloth and clothesline then sewing it by machine. I couldn't find any clothesline anywhere and was feeling discouraged until, duh, I remembered I could spin cords. Each day, I spin a thick cord. This is great because I have lots of yarn I need to use up, but there's not enough to really make into anything. So I clear out my closet, spin, think about circles and patterns and magick all day. The next day, I cut ugly cloth into long strips. This also helps clear out the closet. I wrap the cloth around yesterday's cord and stitch. That really doesn't take long at all, so then I start cutting out quilt pieces. I think about all the pieces of my life, where I am on my journey and where I might be going next. At the end of the day, my mind is still and tomorrow seems more hopeful because it's a brand new day with a fresh start.
I cast a much wider net in hopes of being in more money. It worked, I've got $80 coming via a small sewing job. I'm trying to figure out how I can keep expanding. My father used to be in construction. My mother often said he worked himself out of a job because once a building was complete, there was nothing else to do. Sewing jobs are like that. There's nothing to do but look for another one.
While I have been busy manifesting, some things are manifesting themselves. Kurt got a speeding ticket and a warning for worn tires in my truck. On the same day, I got a letter from the Alabama Department of Revenue. They were doing a random insurance check and I had to fill out a form with all my insurance information. I felt like these two unrelated things both involving my truck were a sign. I renewed my truck protection spell. The next day, my mother asked if I needed new tires and offered to buy me some. I didn't mention the warning or anything else. I just thought I needed to find a way to get tires and then she offered. I see this as proof that our thoughts shape our lives more than anything else so please, people, think good things! And no, she isn't buying me tires. Only one tire is badly worn so I made it into the spare and next month we'll see if I actually need to buy tires. Maybe by then my money issues will be resolved and I can afford to take care of my own truck.
It's finally fall. Yesterday was breezy and wonderful so I turned off the air and opened all my windows. It's nice to feel the elements instead of wondering what the weather is like outside. The garden is still growing. We have plenty of food. The house is clean. My dogs are happy. My sugar is good. I've been doing magick every day and my favorite holiday is coming. I am still rereading Craft books and I have several ideas for incorporating things into my practice of Witchcraft. And best of all, my two favorite totems have appeared- turtle and fox. I love both of these animals. I think I am a turtle but I would love to be a fox. I get happy when turtle appears and good things always happen when fox comes around. And I just remembered, I dreamed about rabbits last night. I like rabbits and they are fox food, so I think this means things are balancing in my life.
Since I never turn my cell off, I just assume that it is on. Gradually, I will realize I haven't gotten any calls or texts in a while. I'll check my phone. It is off. I'll turn it on. It goes right back off. Finally, I'll get it to stay on for 15 minutes, then I'll get a bunch of texts and voicemails first saying I better be in a diabetic coma, and then asking if I'm pissed off.
The only time I see the phone turn itself off is when I'm trying to send a text message. As soon as I open the slide (because I MUST have the full keyboard) the phone goes dead. There is no warning, just dead. I keep forgetting this will happen. In fact, I will be typing away before I notice the screen is black. Then I feel like a bad person because I am certain whomever I am texting is on pins and needles awaiting my reply and I am just letting them hang. I can find no reason for my phone to turn itself off other than cell phones are designed to fall apart shortly after purchased so we will be forced to buy new ones.
Relationships, for good or bad, train us how to act with future lovers. The baggage I carried over is letting the man take the lead. Kevin thought he needed to take of me. If I ever made a suggestion or asked about his money, he took it as I thought he wasn't able to be the man of the house. To avoid fights, I got in the habit of telling him about problems and letting him decide how to deal with them. That was not easy for me. I used to deal with things myself because it wouldn't even occur to me that I could ask for help. Kevin and I had a lot of fights at the beginning of our relationship. I hated fighting with him. I started looking for ways to avoid fights and he slowly took over my life. It got to the point that my whole world revolved around him because if it didn't then I was obviously having an affair. Breaking up with Kevin was very liberating. Seeing how much he controlled me was astounding. I thought it would be a long time before I got into another situation like that.
But relationship patterns are not based on the actions of just one person. It was my fault too, for letting Kevin control me. I took a really passive role. This weekend I learned I was still being passive.
Money is still a problem. I was starting to get angry about it because I felt like Kurt was looking for excuses not to go to work. To make it worse, he has a bit of the man-as-breadwinner mentality because he wants me to stay at home. And if he was actually working every day it wouldn't be a problem. I like staying home. But I shouldn't be home when the bills aren't being paid. But he didn't want me to work unless I 'had to.' I think we're to the point where I 'have to' but he doesn't agree. Yet, he wasn't working either. Thoroughly pissed, I threw a fit. I TOLD him where to work today. Lo and behold, it worked. For the first time in over a week, Kurt got up at five am, got dressed, and went to work. Kurt is passive too. His ex always told him what to do and he is waiting on me to take charge.
Two passive people in a relationship is a recipe for disaster. While I don't want a man controlling me, I don't want to be the mother either. I feel like if I have to tell my man what to do, and if I make all the decisions, then it's just like having a kid in the house and I don't want to be in a relationship with a child, I want a man. I'm trying to find a balance between clearly stating my wants without being overbearing. All of this making me question my choices but that is a whole other post.
I have worried about money nearly every day. I hate worrying. To give me something else to focus on so I don't freak out, I've been sewing. I started making rugs. I tried making rugs before and got nowhere. It's a very time consuming process. Rugs should be made by anal-retentive people because if the rug isn't carefully laid out exactly right then it won't look well at all. I found instructions online for making a rag rug using strips of cloth and clothesline then sewing it by machine. I couldn't find any clothesline anywhere and was feeling discouraged until, duh, I remembered I could spin cords. Each day, I spin a thick cord. This is great because I have lots of yarn I need to use up, but there's not enough to really make into anything. So I clear out my closet, spin, think about circles and patterns and magick all day. The next day, I cut ugly cloth into long strips. This also helps clear out the closet. I wrap the cloth around yesterday's cord and stitch. That really doesn't take long at all, so then I start cutting out quilt pieces. I think about all the pieces of my life, where I am on my journey and where I might be going next. At the end of the day, my mind is still and tomorrow seems more hopeful because it's a brand new day with a fresh start.
I cast a much wider net in hopes of being in more money. It worked, I've got $80 coming via a small sewing job. I'm trying to figure out how I can keep expanding. My father used to be in construction. My mother often said he worked himself out of a job because once a building was complete, there was nothing else to do. Sewing jobs are like that. There's nothing to do but look for another one.
While I have been busy manifesting, some things are manifesting themselves. Kurt got a speeding ticket and a warning for worn tires in my truck. On the same day, I got a letter from the Alabama Department of Revenue. They were doing a random insurance check and I had to fill out a form with all my insurance information. I felt like these two unrelated things both involving my truck were a sign. I renewed my truck protection spell. The next day, my mother asked if I needed new tires and offered to buy me some. I didn't mention the warning or anything else. I just thought I needed to find a way to get tires and then she offered. I see this as proof that our thoughts shape our lives more than anything else so please, people, think good things! And no, she isn't buying me tires. Only one tire is badly worn so I made it into the spare and next month we'll see if I actually need to buy tires. Maybe by then my money issues will be resolved and I can afford to take care of my own truck.
It's finally fall. Yesterday was breezy and wonderful so I turned off the air and opened all my windows. It's nice to feel the elements instead of wondering what the weather is like outside. The garden is still growing. We have plenty of food. The house is clean. My dogs are happy. My sugar is good. I've been doing magick every day and my favorite holiday is coming. I am still rereading Craft books and I have several ideas for incorporating things into my practice of Witchcraft. And best of all, my two favorite totems have appeared- turtle and fox. I love both of these animals. I think I am a turtle but I would love to be a fox. I get happy when turtle appears and good things always happen when fox comes around. And I just remembered, I dreamed about rabbits last night. I like rabbits and they are fox food, so I think this means things are balancing in my life.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
How Often Do You Study Your Craft?
I was very fond of the Dragonlance books when I was a teen. One thing about wizards that stood out to me was this- as soon as a wizard casts a spell, he forgets it. So in the Dragonlance series, wizards were forever lugging books around, reading and relearning.
I don't have many Witchcraft books. Usually when I thumb the latest Wicca tome, I realize it is very basic and I already know most of the information. If you write about Wicca, Witchcraft, or Paganism, I know the Wheel of Year, the Quarters, Goddesses, and I have more herbs in my kitchen than you have on your list. Give me something that hasn't been done 10,000 times before.
What books I do have, I use often. I use my astrology book so much that it resides on my desk instead of the bookcase. At least once a week, I look up a totem in Animal Speak. And every time I make a mojo bag, I pull down my Cunningham encyclopedias.
Some books I reread. I read them over and over because each time I crack them open, I am drawn to what I need. This time I rediscovered an active meditation.
I'm not the sit still type. I can visualize just fine. I just fidget while I'm doing it. I don't twist myself into a pretzel either. Active meditation involve doing some activity repeatedly until the brain is in a light alpha state and the body is relaxed. I am not going to tell you what meditation I'm doing because I believe strongly in 'keep silent.' But I will tell you it is very helpful to me. I keep my journal handy to writing notes/ideas/insights/impressions. I let my mind wander and when thoughts begin to surface, I look for patterns. This tells me how I really feel and what issues cause me more stress than others. After I clear my mind, I can start manifesting.
Since I started this meditation, I've been more relaxed. Because it's an active meditation, a little bit of exercise is involved so I sleep better. And because I am actively involved in my Witchcraft, I've noticed what I want seems to appear in my life with very little effort from me.
Later, when I feel more secure about the work I'm doing, I'll write more about it so you can try. In the meantime, what have you been reading? Are you being a Witch or just calling yourself one? Do you practice your craft daily? Do you know what kind of Witch you are?
I don't have many Witchcraft books. Usually when I thumb the latest Wicca tome, I realize it is very basic and I already know most of the information. If you write about Wicca, Witchcraft, or Paganism, I know the Wheel of Year, the Quarters, Goddesses, and I have more herbs in my kitchen than you have on your list. Give me something that hasn't been done 10,000 times before.
What books I do have, I use often. I use my astrology book so much that it resides on my desk instead of the bookcase. At least once a week, I look up a totem in Animal Speak. And every time I make a mojo bag, I pull down my Cunningham encyclopedias.
Some books I reread. I read them over and over because each time I crack them open, I am drawn to what I need. This time I rediscovered an active meditation.
I'm not the sit still type. I can visualize just fine. I just fidget while I'm doing it. I don't twist myself into a pretzel either. Active meditation involve doing some activity repeatedly until the brain is in a light alpha state and the body is relaxed. I am not going to tell you what meditation I'm doing because I believe strongly in 'keep silent.' But I will tell you it is very helpful to me. I keep my journal handy to writing notes/ideas/insights/impressions. I let my mind wander and when thoughts begin to surface, I look for patterns. This tells me how I really feel and what issues cause me more stress than others. After I clear my mind, I can start manifesting.
Since I started this meditation, I've been more relaxed. Because it's an active meditation, a little bit of exercise is involved so I sleep better. And because I am actively involved in my Witchcraft, I've noticed what I want seems to appear in my life with very little effort from me.
Later, when I feel more secure about the work I'm doing, I'll write more about it so you can try. In the meantime, what have you been reading? Are you being a Witch or just calling yourself one? Do you practice your craft daily? Do you know what kind of Witch you are?
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Just Getting By
It has been quite the financial adventure this month. I do money magick all the time and while we somehow manage to stay afloat, we are not getting ahead. So far, we have whatever we need when we need it, but I do stare at the ceiling each night wondering exactly how we are going to make ends meet. I have found a better way to sell items I have made, but this is small change and not enough to pay the bills. I am trying to stay focused and positive.
I keep trying to expand, create opportunity, and be flexible. We continually hit dead ends. Kurt was promised two jobs. I was happy over the weekend because I was sure he would have steady work beginning today. Neither job materialized. So he went on yet another interview just to find out the guy doing the hiring was absent today. An hour ago, he got a call about filling in, but it's only tonight. He'll probably spend more in gas going up there than he'll make.
When he's at work, I have no transportation unless I drop him off, which is a huge waste of gas. I don't know what I will do if I get a job and we have end up on opposite shifts or working in different towns. I was trying to wait until he got settled into something permanent, but I may just have to go back to work and deal with whatever difficulties arise. If he could get something steady, or if I could make more money sewing, this wouldn't be an issue.
In more happy news, my future mother-in-law is giving me sewing stuff, cross stitch canvas, embroidery floss, and quilt scraps. I am still stitching along. Today I started making Christmas stockings.
Everything I do now seems to preparing for the future. I am making Christmas items before Mabon. I am gardening so we'll have food later. I gather scrap metal for money later. Everything is later, later, later and I worry about the current moment passing me by.
Have you seen those Doomsday preppers? Those are people who can't enjoy the moment because they are convinced we're all about to die. They all have a year's supply of food and I just wonder what happens when the year is up. Some of them have animals and wonder how they will walk their dogs during a nuclear holocaust. If you live under ground, where does your sewage go? How does fresh air come into your bunker?
Kurt and I saw the hippies on the National Geographic Channel, the ones living in the old missile silo. I thought they were cool because they are the only people I've seen focusing on comfort. They have a hot tub. Awesome. They were also comfort-oriented in choosing the people who would live in the silo with them; they had a chef and an intuitive healer.
I asked Kurt what we would do when the zombie apocalypse came. He pointed out that people would be much more likely to become cannibals than zombies. I decided he was right and asked how we were going to prepare for the Cannibal Zombie Armageddon. He hadn't thought about it. I pointed out how we both have skills- he's a mechanic, a former EMT and firefighter, and I can sew, cook, and garden. We decided any Doomsdayers would be damn lucky to get us. So we're still not worrying about zombies, and are awaiting invitations to bunker housewarmings.
I keep trying to expand, create opportunity, and be flexible. We continually hit dead ends. Kurt was promised two jobs. I was happy over the weekend because I was sure he would have steady work beginning today. Neither job materialized. So he went on yet another interview just to find out the guy doing the hiring was absent today. An hour ago, he got a call about filling in, but it's only tonight. He'll probably spend more in gas going up there than he'll make.
When he's at work, I have no transportation unless I drop him off, which is a huge waste of gas. I don't know what I will do if I get a job and we have end up on opposite shifts or working in different towns. I was trying to wait until he got settled into something permanent, but I may just have to go back to work and deal with whatever difficulties arise. If he could get something steady, or if I could make more money sewing, this wouldn't be an issue.
In more happy news, my future mother-in-law is giving me sewing stuff, cross stitch canvas, embroidery floss, and quilt scraps. I am still stitching along. Today I started making Christmas stockings.
Everything I do now seems to preparing for the future. I am making Christmas items before Mabon. I am gardening so we'll have food later. I gather scrap metal for money later. Everything is later, later, later and I worry about the current moment passing me by.
Have you seen those Doomsday preppers? Those are people who can't enjoy the moment because they are convinced we're all about to die. They all have a year's supply of food and I just wonder what happens when the year is up. Some of them have animals and wonder how they will walk their dogs during a nuclear holocaust. If you live under ground, where does your sewage go? How does fresh air come into your bunker?
Kurt and I saw the hippies on the National Geographic Channel, the ones living in the old missile silo. I thought they were cool because they are the only people I've seen focusing on comfort. They have a hot tub. Awesome. They were also comfort-oriented in choosing the people who would live in the silo with them; they had a chef and an intuitive healer.
I asked Kurt what we would do when the zombie apocalypse came. He pointed out that people would be much more likely to become cannibals than zombies. I decided he was right and asked how we were going to prepare for the Cannibal Zombie Armageddon. He hadn't thought about it. I pointed out how we both have skills- he's a mechanic, a former EMT and firefighter, and I can sew, cook, and garden. We decided any Doomsdayers would be damn lucky to get us. So we're still not worrying about zombies, and are awaiting invitations to bunker housewarmings.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Recipes Are Ready to Go
I have updated the Kitchen Witch Page. Now if I can remember to do it next month...
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