Doings

I finally got a weekend off. A whole weekend. It was like winning the lottery, I just didn't know how to handle it.

The first thing I did was clean out my kitchen cabinets. And I gardened. Oh, the joy of being outside! Kurt and I both worked in the yard during the cool evening. I pulled weeds, put out fertilizer, laid down mulch, and was generous with the water. He trimmed limbs, burned brush, and cut grass. We are thinking about expanding our garden, maybe planting a tree or two.

I took a personal day Monday. It was the only way to go job hunting. I worked so many hours last week, I'd come home exhausted, fall into bed as the sun rose, not sleep well, then groggily drag myself out of bed unable to think or function. Before I knew it- time to go back to work. I had planned to go last Thursday, but I had a doctor's appointment (A1C was perfect, thank you!) and by the time I got out, my sugar was dropping. After spending an eternity in a drive-thru, I realized when I got to my interview, I'd have to leave to avoid being late for work.

The interview was a bit of a let down. I had been hyped up about it, thinking I'd be hired on the spot and then my problems would be solved. Nothing happened really, I answered questions, signed a few papers and that was it.

Over the weekend, I was about 95% certain I was going to quit.  I really, really thought about how miserable I am, the problems with my sugar (I awoke with low sugars three days last week), and the abysmal hours. My main concern is money. I have no idea how long it will take to find another job. Then I realized that despite all the hours I put in, I really don't make much. And that cinched it for me. I'd rather be poor and happy than miserable and broke.

Right now, I am snug in my little house. It is raining and much cooler, a relief to the blistering hot summer. My house is clean. My garden looks great. Kurt is sleeping. I have began adjusting myself to days. I got up at ten am instead of noon. Today I will start adjusting my insulin schedule. Hopefully by the end of next week, I will be beginning my day at 6am. I am very happy. I understand I have some problems ahead, but I believe I am heading to a better place, so I am confident I can work through them.

Are you happy?

I'm A Dumb Kitchen Witch

Bought potato chips today. Lots of 'em. Decided to store some in my pantry...where I discovered I already had chips. Lots of 'em.

I now have a list on my refrigerator door of what's the in the pantry. Food is on the left side of the list, paper towels and the like are on the right. On the side of the fridge is my grocery list. And as soon as I finish eating my potato chips, I'm going to make a similar list for my kitchen cabinet.

While I was feeling dumb, and being that tomorrow is Hecate's Day, and Lammas is coming, I cleaned out the fridge. I also planned a menu.

There's no such thing as too organized.

Music Monday

Silent Sunday

Stitching

Here is the magazine I was talking about:
http://www.just-crossstitch.com/

In it, is this pattern:

I will make this for the cover of my cookbook. I decided this will go on the back cover:

I am making a star sampler. I started the top star just for something to do, then decided to fill the canvas with as many different variations as I could think of. I will unify my different stars by filling in the small spaces with smaller stars using the same colors as the bigger stars. It's a good way to try out new ideas and use up odds and ends of embroidery floss. Here's a close-up of the finished star:

I think it's very fiery. I chose a black and white background for the second star to match my new kitchen floor (which we still haven't finished). In case you're wondering what stitchery has to do with cooking, I would rather sew than cook.

It may be premature to mention this, because I don't yet know if my idea will work, but I have ideas for my Etsy shop- cross stitch and needlework patterns! Yay! I'm expanding!

Book Worm

I love to read. I love books. I have a degree in English. I can read nearly 120 pages in one hour. Yet, over the years, I have cut back on reading. I don't have as much time. As a diabetic, I should be exercising instead of laying around. And then....arrrggghhhh...people ask me the dumbest questions. Why are you reading? Are you taking a class? Don't you know there's a movie? The only thing I miss I about college is being surrounded by other literary people, people who like poetry, who get puns, who not only understand literary references, but have actually read the book themselves. Sigh.

And not to sound snobbish, but I find most books lacking. I read at a higher level and generally mass produced paperbacks, especially Romance novels, are so juvenile that I start grading/editing/rewriting them. My Inner English Teacher is not amused.

But lately I've been lucky. I found TWO books I loved so much, I forgot to grade them.

I already mentioned this one:

I would have read it in one night, but someone wanted to go to sleep at 4:30am. Hummph. I loved it. Loved, loved, loved it. I loved the pictures especially. I feel like the journal entries really sound like Lincoln.

Right now I am reading this:

The Dragon Keeper's Handbook is written on a higher level. I like it when I encounter new vocabulary. The book is very well written, very entertaining, and contains everything you could ever want to know about dragons.

I also have a cross stitch magazine filled with Halloween ideas. I couldn't find a picture, and I am too lazy to drag out my camera. Maybe next time.

At Last- Altar Photos

Kurt surprised me yesterday by bringing in the altar without me asking. Now that it is in the living room, it seems far larger.

I cleansed this area of the room with incense and my witch broom. Then I mundanely cleaned with my regular broom and mop.

Here's a side view of the top. I decided to keep it as simple as possible. To avoid clutter, I may do some spells on the lower shelves- things that require several days of lighting candles. All I have are three candles, my cauldron, the quartz Kurt found, and a lighter. The large black object under the cauldron is marble. A long time ago, I read marble acts as a 'power sink'. I have not found it to make a difference one way or another. Now I use it as a fire-safe precaution.

A close-up of the quartz. It is very beautiful. The picture doesn't do it justice. I have begun using it in my daily practice. I name the things I wish to manifest while touching the stone.

The types of candles I use. The tea light is really a LED light. I like to leave candles burning but that is not safe. Each day I light a birthday candle. Birthday candles are cheap and burn quick. I used to burn tea lights which can burn four hours or more. I don't have four hours to spend hovering around the altar waiting for a flame to go out. Birthday candles burn in a few minutes. I burn them in the cauldron.

Cook's Day Off

I still don't have altar photos. The altar isn't even set up. I have cleaned everything. I am just waiting on a muscle man to carry it into the house. I could manage it myself, but hey, that's why I have a man- to lift heavy stuff. Every day when I come home, something distracts me, which is why I haven't done it yet. I have a pretty good chance today, being that today is Sunday. I had to work yesterday.

Kurt is cutting grass now. When he finishes, he is cooking dinner. He wanted steaks. He wants to grill. I think it's just a guy thing. While he is cooking, I will be reading this:

Here's the Amazon link
I couldn't decide if I wanted to see the movie. I like action movies, but it seemed just a bit too far-fetched. Then today I saw it at Wally World, read a few pages just to see what it was like, and got sucked in. I'll let you know how it goes.

I don't have a Silent Sunday post. I couldn't decide on a photograph. I do have plenty of Music Monday ideas. I think I need to start scheduling posts because I rarely get to do what I want to do when I plan to do it.

I ordered a staff. I know I said I wasn't big on staffs, swords, and wands, but this one just called to me. Plus it was on sale- my favorite. I'll be honest- it's from Party City. But it looks cool. Timing is the key here- I found it while rethinking my altar. I am taking this as a sign to explore how I practice and to possibly try new avenues.

Kurt did some farm work for my landlord. He found a giant crystal. It will be going on the altar. If I had thought before I started typing, that could have been my Silent Sunday pic.

Money is better. My hours have picked up and Kurt is now drawing unemployment. A vitamin company is building a new plant in town and we have both applied even though it won't open until January. The pay is good, lots of days off, and plenty of benefits.

Kurt baked cookies. They ran my sugar up to 514 and made him sick. I threw out the cookies. I suggest you avoid the brand with the fat, white dough boy.

The Mundane Altar

In my last post, I said I needed a place of power. What I do not need is a place to worship.

I am really not a religious person. I used to feel bad about this. When I was a child, I felt like I wasn't 'good.' That feeling sort of carried over to adulthood; what sort of Witch doesn't have a Goddess?

I have several, actually. I. just. don't. worship.

There. I said it and I refuse to feel guilty. I am Witch concerned with the physical world. That is not say I am unconcerned with ethics or morals. I just feel that because here and now I am on the physical plane, it should be my primary concern, not the afterlife. I will worry about my next existence when I reincarnate.

Since I don't worship or pray, I questioned for a long time if I even needed an altar. I do lots of Witchy things every day without lighting a single candle. I read Tarot cards on my bed. I know plenty of Witches who spread a pretty silk scarf over a table, light some incense, say a prayer, and then pull a cleansed deck from a special bag. I have about four decks that I use often. I keep them in a tin box. I write their messages in a notebook purchased from the dollar store. I never burn anything during a reading. I do wear a necklace but my purpose was to make the necklace a power object via repetition of a magickal act so that when I do need a boost, the power will already be stored in the necklace. The necklace in and of itself has no magick. This is what most people fail to realize- all magickal items begin as something ordinary. And you don't need an altar to make a power object. My necklace has never been on any of my altars.

It is a similar idea with an altar- it should be holy because the person who uses has deemed it so. It is made sacred by the acts that are performed on it every day. What is a sacred act? Well, that depends on what you call holy.

One of the reasons I am a Kitchen Witch is because I think my home is sacred space. My home is my power center. The house protects and shelters me. It contains all I love. It is where I am safe, where I recharge, where I rest. Because I hold my home in high regard, I think it is a sin to have a dirty house. My house is NOT spotless. But it bothers me to feel dirt on my feet as I walk across the floor so I sweep. I don't want to see ants crawling on my counters so I wash dishes. I want to be clean and presentable when I go anywhere so I do laundry and shower every day. I have enough respect for myself to demand a clean space. I couldn't be a hoarder. I want to interact with my environment, not be swallowed by chaos. Sweeping is sacred and my broom is holy regalia.

What I am trying to do is make the jump from an altar in a between place (the storage room is both inside and outside) to a house altar. I'm going from something hidden to something in plain view. Whether it looks like an altar or a bookcase remains to be seen. It may not be just my altar anymore. Kurt lives here, too. He wants me to teach him magick (although, as a Native American, he has plenty of magick already).

Next post- pictures of the new altar.

Sucking At Religious Stuff

I probably won't have time to do a full altar/sacred space post, mainly because I want to walk through process one step at a time and I don't think I'll even get the altar set up today. But I can start. I'm going to start writing and I will be shocked if I get done before my shift starts.

This is my current altar:

We have a gas can, ant spray, sevin dust, a Halloween decoration, and one pissed-off dragon. The shelves below contain antlers, a box of bones, dried herbs, lots of cobwebs, and I don't know what. This altar is in my storage room. When I first set everything up, it was cool because the storage room was more like a potting shed, thus it was part of my garden. I'd tend my plants, wander in to light a candle, then spend time on my porch. If someone came over, I could just shut the door. Now the storage room is a junk room. I used to leave the door open so I could freely wander in, but I can't do that anymore because I have this:

Queen just looks sweet and innocent. Right before I took this photo she was chewing on a page of Kurt's resume. No more open door policy.

You might be wondering why exactly a witch needs an altar. Good question. I have wondered this many times myself. At first, I thought I was 'supposed to.' All witches have altars, right? Just like all witches have brooms, cauldrons, and cats. I read a lot of Wicca 101 books which insisted I should have an altar with a candle on each end, a candle for the Goddess, another for the God, a candle for the moon, a candle for the season, and ever how many candles I needed for whatever spell I did, so Quarter candles, petition candles, and don't forget the incense. I also needed salt, water, stones, herbs, and my, this little table is getting rather crowded.

Next I tried doing a shrine type of deal with items to represent my beliefs. My shrines always get dusty. I set them up then forget them. Then I tried a seasonal altar. I tried keeping a set of two candles to represent multiple things, like if it was autumn I'd have a black candle for the Goddess and an orange candle for the God. The problem was finding the correct candle colors. Sometimes I couldn't find a black candle so I'd go with orange and yellow, then argue with myself if yellow was really a Goddess color. By the time I got my head around which color was for what, the season would change. Do I go with red and green or gold and silver? Sometimes I'd use white. All white candles look alike. Is this my moon candle or my petition candle?

I decided the problem was too much stuff. I started setting up altars just when I did a spell, but what happens if I work on more than one spell? Do I set up two altars? Set the second beside the first, which is still going? Wait? Do I really need a full altar? If I don't, why did I set one up in the first place?

I had no altar for a long time. I saved money on candles, but I felt disjointed. It's cool to have a place of power. My day goes better when I do daily altar work. If I see the altar, I am reminded of what I am working for; it helps me stay focused. I have used a closet shelf, a bench, a shoe box, tables, the floor, bare ground, my stove, and my bookcase. None of them looked like the Wicca 101 books.

Obviously, my altar should reflect how I practice. It's sort of like when you are just starting on the Pagan path and you want all the cool tools. The wand, the staff, the sword, the broom, the pentacle, the cup, the cauldron...but do you really need all those things? Do you actually use them? I used to have swords. I never used them. They were just too big. I needed to be outside to cast a circle with a sword and I rarely did a ritual outdoors because I had Xian family members and nosy neighbors. And since I'd rather cast a circle with my hand, I don't use my wand much. I have no staff. I use my cauldrons and my broom, but the cup got repurposed into a candy dish.

Stay tuned- what works for me is coming up.

It May Not Be Tomorrow

But soon, I will have a post on sacred space. I am moving my altar. I'll talk about why I placed the altar in its current location, why I'm moving it, how I prepared the new location, my daily practice, and why certain objects are on my altar.

Silent Sunday- Work in Progress

No Aliens, And No Mothership Either

I am still here, alive, well, and not abducted by aliens.

(A friend of mine used to say that when it had been a while since she had socialized with anybody. I haven't spoken to her in a long time, but I am certain she could easily fend off an alien abduction with one hand tied behind her back.)

The floor is half done. I am ashamed to say I hate it. I wanted black and white tiles, and so to achieve this I had to buy two different brands so I could have two opposite colors and wouldn't you know the tiles are not the same thickness. The white is thicker than the black. It looks fine, but the difference is felt under bare feet, which, of course, as an earth witch, I love to go barefoot. Sigh.

He ran out of glue. There is glue on the floor, glue on my mop, glue on the door knob, glue on the counter, and glue stuck to the bottle of dish washing liquid. I do not believe one small bucket could have physically held 60 odd gallons of glue, yet there seems to be 60 some gallons smeared all over my kitchen.

Not all the corners match up. This annoys me. I can't afford to rip it up and do it properly myself. All I can do is delay buying the next bucket of glue until I have a day off and then perhaps I can supervise take over. Unless your man makes a living installing flooring, he is lying when he says he knows how to put down tile.

We have been ghost hunting. The ghost is more active now. (We DID just tackle a remodel project.) This may be a picture of our ghost:

Money is a little better in that we now have slightly more of it. It is like lugging a pail of water back to camp. There's enough to drink, some for cooking, and maybe hand washing, but it is nowhere near like turning on a tap for washing dishes, doing laundry, or taking a hot shower. And once you start thinking of all the things that need water, you realize you will never make enough trips back and forth to the stream.

Every day we run errands, job hunt, pick up meds, and just generally go back and forth. We never get it all done, we always run out of time before I have to go to work, I usually realize mid-stride that there must be a more efficient/easier way but too late now...and then I get to work feeling really grumpy. I think maybe I should get up earlier, but that is not going to improve my lack of sleep grumpiness. I'd like to have a day where I didn't have to leave the house at all.

I am now wearing my glasses. I got down to my last pair of contacts then my prescription expired. I couldn't afford to go to the eye doctor so I just kept rinsing my two month old throw-away-after-30-days contacts. Then my left eye started burning so bad I couldn't stand it. I am wearing my glasses, which are more than ten years old so I still can't really see, and on top of it all, I look like a dork. If the mothership does land, I probably won't see it.

Not Pregnant

I started my period today. We are still trying. I am very confused because my breasts are fuller, I had cravings, and I was moody. We were having an argument about whether or not I was pregnant. Kurt said if I was, I would have milk. I squeezed one breast. Clear fluid came out. I just knew I was pregnant. We bought a pregnancy test which was negative. I thought maybe it was just too early to test, and intended to retest tomorrow, but I started today and now I feel utterly lost. I have a doctor's appointment around the twenty-something. I have a lot to ask my doctor.

In other, less important doings, we got the stuff to fix the floor. It was $102 and some change which astounded me. I thought maybe 50, 60 bucks. Yikes. I don't know how people remodel their homes. I am only doing the floor. I can't imagine trying to replace cabinets and paint.

Money is still a huge issue. There is simply none. Mom came to my rescue. She paid my rent, then gave me an extra $280 which is why I chose to go ahead and fix the floor. If I had been paying attention to price, I would have put the money on something else. I probably should have picked some other project/cause, but I really wanted to fix the floor before my landlord saw the damage. Since I bought the tile, Kurt is doing the work, and I am giving my landlord the receipt for his tax purposes, there shouldn't be a problem. But I still have an an underlying sense of anxiety.

Actually, I have vague anxiety about life in general. I worry about not having enough money, about diabetes, about not having a baby, about having a baby, my job, and well, just everything.

My house is clean. This is the only thing I am not stressing over. Kurt is the ONLY man I have ever been with who actually helps around the house. He sweeps, mops, washes dishes, and makes the bed. Because I have less housework, I have been sewing more. I also do more magick. This is how the floor fix came about. I decided to wave my wand. I do this occasionally when life is overwhelming. Sometimes, life is just too much, I don't know what to do, so I wave the wand. I didn't actually wave it this time, I just thought about it. When you think stuff and it happens, that is called wishcraft. Be careful of your thoughts.

I seriously hate my job. I am waiting for Kurt to find another job before I start looking, just in case the first one he finds doesn't work out. I hope I can stand it that long. I hate my boss. Nobody else likes him either. My sugar drops four times a night. I don't do anything but get pissed. I am trying to keep my head down, mind my own business, be good...but I want to have a screaming fit.

And my skin looks horrid. I work in a welding factory. The soot gets down in my pores. I have under the skin acne. I look old and tired. My hair is greasy. I feel achy, sore, and grumpy. All my readers need to go buy something from my Etsy shop right now, seriously- this very minute, so I can quit my job. Please.

I met my future in-laws. My mother-in-law thinks I am nice. She is happy we are trying for a baby. The fact we are not married doesn't seem to matter. She told Kurt to start a new family with me. No pressure or anything o_O

Waiting For Star (Or River)

We went to watch the fireworks. When we arrived, the lake of boats had been transformed into a city of beautiful lights. Think of seeing a major city from an airplane. All you see are lights. This is how the lake looked, dot after dot of white, green, red, and a few blues of the Marina Police. It was so beautiful. I sat on the hill under the pine next to my man and I was moved by the beauty.

Small fireworks were going off at the edges of the lake. Beautiful white, green, red, yellow, and purple. Finally the real show began at 9pm. The first fireworks was a huge dandelion puff of brilliant white. After a short pause, the fireworks boomed impressively.

We were sitting on our beach towel with ours arms around each other. Conversations murmured around us. Children (and adults) oohed and aahed. There was a sudden burst of gold. As they shimmered down in the dark, I thought they looked like falling stars.

"I want to name our baby Star."

It was one of those times when I didn't know how I felt until the words tumbled out.

He looked at me. "Why?"

"It's so pretty."

I tried to explain about the boats and the fireworks but my words were awkward. I fumbled, not explaining at all. We sat in silence for a while.

The fireworks began to have shapes. There were lots of hearts and several circles.

He nudged me. "You really want to name her Star."

"Yes."

And then there was a five-point star, gold edged in red.

He said it was a beautiful name for a girl.

I thought about the Tallapoosa, about how much I love it, how if I stay away from the river too long, I start to long for it. I thought about how everyone loves the Tallapoosa. I thought it about its size, how it shapes communities, how strong it is. I thought about it gently holding all the swaying boats. I thought about the strength of the current.

"If it's a boy, we can name him River."

But I think it's a girl.

Energies

My crystal ball work paid off. I managed to stay in my department. I didn't have to work all night. Everything went smooth for me, so I'm going to keep going with what I started.

But I forgot to include Kurt in my spell. He got disheartened and quit.

And in other news, my ghost may be back and he's taken things to a new level- both Kurt and I wake with scratches. This concerns me greatly. Time to start banishing! I've also noticed music, droning talking, and Kurt hears footsteps.

My garden is still alive. I am watering twice a day. We haven't needed to mow the lawn because it is so hot the grass isn't growing.

Money has trickled down to almost nothing. I have never been so broke. It's almost not worth it to go to work because my paychecks are so small.

And I have one other BIG thing going, but I'm not ready to talk about it yet. It's just too much.

Noooooooooooo

It's time to start job hunting.

I mentioned I changed departments to get away from a couple of assholes. In true factory politics, the supervisor over my department has been demoted and the asshole I can't stand to work for is now supervisor of the whole plant. I wanted to cry when I heard the news.

And already, he is up to his same tricks. He put me right back on my old line, which, btw, there is no water over there. Friday, Ms. Amy passed out because she got too hot. You'd think someone would have immediately brought a cooler full of cold water for the workers, but no. That would be the action of a kind human being.

He wanted me to work 12 hours and I couldn't. He got really, really angry about it. He said I would be working tonight whether I like it or not. Really, I shouldn't have to work late because the plant is closing for the Fourth. But evidently he intends to punish me one way or another.

I bought a notebook last night. I'm going to cleanse and bless it, place protection seals on it, then start writing. And I'm using my mirror spell to return negativity. And I refuse to say any more than I absolutely have to because I know my words will be used against me.

I'm also doing a lot of crystal ball work because what I need most is to stay grounded, centered, and calm. I cannot let this pig upset me.

Tomorrow, I'm starting my job search.

Goddess help me.

Music Monday

Silent Sunday- 1 More Lake Picture