Friday, June 29, 2012

Handled the Floor Problem

My landlord fixed the water. He didn't see the floor. Sophie saved the day.

My landlord is terrified of Sophie. He thinks she is vicious. I think that's halarrious. I don't see how anyone could find Sophie frightening- she's a ball of fluff. But he's afraid of her, so I told him to enter the house via the front door because my dogs were in the kitchen.

Problem solved.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Double Damn

I mentioned my puppy chewed up the kitchen floor. I haven't replaced the floor yet due to a lack of funds. I wanted to do this and THEN tell my landlord. I'm willing to fix the floor at my expense because my dog did the damage. I just don't want my landlord mad at me.

Tonight, I wanted to be romantic. I decided Kurt and I should soak in the tub. The hot water wouldn't cut off. Kurt decided the valve needed to be replaced. We must call the landlord. Okay.

Uh..wait, that means he'll see the floor.

Fuck!

Monday, June 25, 2012

Bad Witch

I didn't was dishes last night. I know, I am a horrid kitchen witch. Anyway, I awoke to a kitchen full of ants going after the dirty dishes in the sink.

This is how I killed them:
When I lived in the trailer park, my neighbor had a dozen humming bird feeders. She also had the whole cottage garden thing going, and it was so lovely I copied her.

Except I couldn't keep ants out of the feeders.

I was standing in her living room, admiring at all. Enviously, I asked how she kept the ants out. "Pam cooking spray."

Really?

And no shit, it works. Just spray the hook the feeder rests on.

It also kills ants on contact. And because it's food, not poison, I don't have to worry about what might get sprayed by accident.

One word of caution- wipe it up immediately. The longer it sits, the harder it is to get off. I have cooking spray permanently glued to my living room wall because I let it sit on a thick trail of ants once.

I also recommend wiping up the spray with a slightly damp, slightly soapy rag. It takes a while to clean up all the ants, but I would rather wipe the counter 20 times than spray poison once.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Not What I Had In Mind

Kurt and I went to town for tile. The store was closed. We went to another store that had the right kind of tile, but not the right colors. So to keep it from being a wasted trip, I got the peg board for storing my gazillion spools of thread. Of course, I don't have enough hooks. And naturally, it doesn't look the way I envisioned, so I spent a lot of time rearranging. Then I junked up my newly cleared off table by moving the contents of the rocking chair because I needed a place to sit. Someday...ah, forget it. My sewing room will never be neat and clean and organized.

THEN (no, still not ever simple) Kurt was complaining of being light-headed, having headaches, feeling weak- I tested his sugar. 415. Of course I freaked, wouldn't you? I rushed him to the ER...where they declared his sugar to be 123. What? I'm still not satisfied, and I am certain I will wake beside his lifeless corpse and that will be all my fault for not insisting on retesting/more testing/123 ain't exactly normal, ya following? This wife stuff is hard shit.

I Did Say I Was Going to Improve My Home

A while back, Queen chewed up part of my kitchen floor. Evidently, the floor was so tasty, she had to go back for more:
There is nothing left to do but replace the whole floor. I am not telling my landlord until the project is done. I'd like to replace the cabinets, but that costs more money than I can afford. First priority is the floor, I'll probably repaint the walls, and I have a few other issues with my kitchen. One is my 1980's retro reject ceiling fan which I am so ashamed of, I couldn't bear to photograph it.
This fugly clothes rack needs to be replaced. I thought about taking outside and hanging plants on it, but now I think it should just be thrown out.
I like my shelf, I don't like the clutter. I need pretty storage boxes. And those wooden silhouette things, which is not my style btw, have to come down. I'm trying to think of a way to display my potted plants but I haven't come up with anything good yet. Each winter they take over my dryer, then I have no place to fold clothes.

Hopefully this won't take too long. I like improvements, but I hate not being able to use my kitchen.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Work in Progress

I got caught sewing on the longest day of the year.
I'm working on my Celtic horses.
I have quite a ways to go.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Bird

A sweet little thing came to us today-
Kurt went into the storage room to feed the dogs. I don't know if the bird flew in behind him, or if it got trapped yesterday. At any rate, it was desperate to get out- so desperate, it flew into the window, which was firmly shut.

Kurt held her for a long time, I managed to get these pictures, then he said, 'You have a healing touch. You hold it.' And not long after I held her, she took off.

Birds figured prominently in Snow White and the Huntsman which we went to see last night. I love it! The special effects rocks. And I so want the Queen's awesome, wicked dresses!
Raven skull dress!
The mirror was just damn creepy. Only the queen can use it, only she can see the being inside it, and that just makes it creepier.

I have a mirror project of my own, nothing magickal, just decided to paint the frame gold and hang it on the porch.

And I finally got my Dad a Father's Day card. And a birthday card. Even better, I figured out what affordable present to buy.

I have been sewing again. I think my head is right now. Kurt is right, my horses are beautiful, they are beautiful even though I am not artistic enough to make them as gorgeous as they should be.

I'm gotten a few more details taken care of. I've figured out how to do other things. That's all life really is, tending to details, figuring out which details matter, and which ones don't.

Friday, June 15, 2012

The End Is Nigh

My vacation, that is. I have not sewn a single stitch. Not one. I haven't held a needle all week. I did show Kurt a project I had been working on, and he wants me to finish it because, as he says, 'it's beautiful.'

I've done a lot. I pulled weeds, I cooked, I cleaned. We changed Hecate's oil today, replaced the windshield wipers, and I got a new decal- roses because those faded dragons on the tailgate had to go. I also renewed the truck protection spell.

I've taken care of many details, helped Kurt take care of some of his details, I have a lot I didn't get to, and holy shit, why didn't someone TELL me Father's Day is THIS WEEKEND?

I don't think I have time to go back to work.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Drama-cation

Nothing is ever simple.

I was just starting to get rebalanced, starting to feel like a normal person instead of a bundle of nerves.

I never understand how these things happen. Friday, I was with Mr. Dragon. Saturday I was curled up with the pillow that smelled like him.

Sunday, I was chatting with Kurt.

Monday, Kurt spent the night.

Tuesday, Kurt moved in.

Today, Mr. Dragon called. And I am still not sure how I went from missing him to breaking up with him in five days.

All of this is just my end of the drama, which, all things considered, is pretty light. Kurt has major drama going on, so much that he had to change his phone number, email, and block some people on facebook.

I was going to explain it all, but I can't explain it to myself.

So now-
1. Kurt and I are living together.
2. Mr. Dragon and I are just friends (his idea.)

Stay tuned, people.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Radical Changes

Major events have occurred. When things calm a bit, I'll be back with a full post.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

First Vacation Art Project

I don't paint very often so keep your opinions to yourself.
I used an old canvas from a failed painting.
I painted two coats of black to completely cover the canvas. And used my hair dryer to speed up the drying process.
I made a stencil from typing paper. I lay extra sheets of typing paper around it to protect the canvas.
Then I started slinging paint. I started with purple. I used two shades of red. Then added a little more purple. When I pulled up the typing paper, I decided the heart wasn't defined enough.
I added loose lines with a silver marker. I initialed it, dated it, and now I'm letting the paint completely air dry. My hair dryer was pushing globs of paint around.


Vacation Day 2

I took a walk today. I don't know what this flower is, but it's strange and beautiful. I may bring one home to see how it grows. Oh yeah, I walked in the rain because I dig getting wet.
After my walk, I weeded and pruned my mini roses.
Then I cleaned the porch. I mean, I scrubbed the outside walls of the house. This is my chair which is in dire need of another coat of paint.
This is my goddess that I wrote about yesterday. She loves to spin. I had to hold her still for the picture.

While I was improving my porch, Tallapoosa County was under a tornado watch. I had no clue until I went to Salem to visit my parents and they asked about the 'bad weather.' Evidently my storm protection spell is still working.

I have emptied trash, washed dishes, and swept the floor. I didn't sleep as much today. I guess I am closer to functioning like a normal person instead of a stressed-out blob of frazzledness.

Silent Sunday

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Vacation Day 1

I realize I am posting twice in one day. There's not really anything wrong with that, it's just not something I normally do. But I may be doing a lot of it over the next 9 days as I try to rebalance my soul.

I discovered one of my pillows smells like Mr. Dragon. I have been snuggled up with the pillow most of the day, breathing in his scent as I doze softly.

It is raining and cold. Or maybe it's not that cold, maybe I just feel it because us diabetics are always cold. Anyway, I brewed a pot of coffee, put on my favorite denim shirt and sat on my front porch in the dark, fairly warm and dry with the wet night looming around me. Queen lay on the steps. My Goddess danced so fast I thought she was going to call up a storm. I'll try to take a picture of her tomorrow. The phone is recharging now and I know I won't get a good picture with the regular camera. While I sat cross-legged on my doormat, I had an epiphany. I need this place. I need to sink my metaphysical roots deep into the land in order to rise above my anxiety, and what's more, the land needs me to be the witch of this place. I have a ley line in the backyard. I used to sit in the line, letting the energy rise through me until I was nearly drunk from the sensation, but I haven't done it in ages. Sometimes, I don't feel like a witch at all. I feel like a stressed out person of little meaning or use.

And I have been noticing all sorts of little details about the current season. Who couldn't love these little guys-
It's not a great pic, but I was certain if I went out, I'd scare the birds. You can save the picture, then zoom in for a better view. I tried zooming in, but then I couldn't crop. Modern technology ain't that great at times.

The picture is of the top of my swing. I dedicated this part of the yard to three Goddesses. Right now the hydrangea is blooming a dusty purple. The Goddesses informed me They want more purple! Yes, ma'am. I think I will repaint the swing purple, then look for lavender and maybe some white flowers. I have the bottle tree in this space and it would probably look good with white morning glories spilling over it. I bought a sweet basil seed kit today and I think I'll give them one pot. These are African Goddesses and after you give Them something, you cannot take it back. Which is why I dare not cut any of those lovely hydrangeas. I don't even like replacing broken bottles on the bottle tree. I always clearly state my intentions before doing any work in this part of the yard.

I also thought about my cemetery project. I was going to visit all the cemeteries in Tallapoosa County, all 70+. I went to ONE. Then I just didn't do anything else. I have to go if I want to be the witch of this place. The dead are all around and can't be ignored.

I am liking the circles thing on google. I am just amazed at the people who pop up. I found two of my classmates, but I don't know if I should add them because I didn't know them that well in school, it seems weird to just add folks like we're good buddies, and I like to keep my circles small. Maybe that's why covens are always 13 witches or less. Four or five is an intimate circle. Larger than that and you get circles in the circle. Before you try to find me, there is no circle for FreeDragon. All my circles are under my real name and for now I am keeping witch stuff separate. Mostly. I've discovered some people fit into more than one circle.

I haven't done any art, sewing, cooking, gardening, or cleaning. I think I can do these things tomorrow. Today, I had to rest. I'm still tired, but I am no longer on edge.

Now

I am on vacation. My nerves are totally shot. They lied to us about leaving early- everyone had high production numbers. Some people have to come in Saturday and I just don't see why. I think they delight in making people serve in hell.

I go back on Monday, June 18th. I have to go in three hours early for training on the new line. This will do nothing but screw up my sugar, as both my sleep and and eating schedule will be thrown off. Ergo, I already dread returning to work.

Nene snuck out really early. She texted me- our old team leader wanted BOTH of us to help on her line. RUN! IT'S A TRAP! Nene slipped off and I slipped away by pretending to go to the bathroom.

Mr. Dragon slipped away too, by pretending to go to lunch and never coming back. We went to Longhorn's for steak- at 10pm CST. I was amazed the place was still open. He got a phone call from work as our waitress brought the check, which he refused to answer. I was right about him feeling stressed like I am. His thing is he has been offered a new job- but he doesn't like change. He wants the new job for the increased pay, but he doesn't like the idea of giving up a familiar routine. I feel better now that I know what is going on, but I wish he had told me some of this earlier.

I am so frazzled I'm not going to attempt much today. My biggest goal is going to the dollar store. I've got to unwind before I snap. If I can get enough rest, my creative energy will return. I have all sorts of projects planned for this week but I need my head right before I try them. While creating art DOES make me feel better, I can't start with anything that requires brain power or math. I may attempt play dough sculpture or Jackson Pollock style painting.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Anxiety Cure

For about a week and a half, I have been anxious. Worse, it is slowly building. I believe the bulk of the problem lies in the fact that I work six days a week. Despite working so many days, I wouldn't begin to call it a steady job. The line I was on shut down. I have been assured that when the new line starts, I have a place on it. But the line doesn't start until August. Each day, I go into work not knowing what I will do, nor do I know how many hours I will work. I have gotten off early (at lunch or before) every day this week. Next week is shut down. Friday night is supposed to be the shortest night and the whole plant is leaving early. I'm afraid that might mean coming in just to clock out an hour later. That would mean spending more in gas than I earned.

If work is a waste of time, I don't want to go. But I have to earn some money. Actually, I need to earn more than I am making because I need an eye exam, contacts, insulin, test strips, groceries, and come to think of it, I haven't brought propane in almost a year. The tank might be sitting on empty and then how will I cook?

But I am afraid I will get stuck in my old department. I just cannot go back over there- they delight in seeing my sugar get out of whack and I SWEAR these fuckers do whatever they can to aggravate my illness. I'd rather be unemployed and that's why when the supervisor was shuffling people around, I spoke up. 'I've worked in projection welding before.' His eyes shone, they can't keep people over there. Nene is wise enough to know she should go wherever I go, so she volunteered to be with me. But no matter how slow we try to work, we always get done far too early. Then we have to pretend to be busy before we end up back in hell.

I go in feeling fear of what will happen, then I leave worrying how I will pay bills. I don't rest when I come home because I'm already dreading the next day. On Sunday, I am in a fog. I am exhausted, all I want to do is sleep, suddenly my day off is over and I feel guilty about not taking care of my house.

As if all that isn't enough, Mr. Dragon is being moody again. I have no idea what's going on with him. He may be feeling the same way I do. Or something else may be going on. I have no clue because he isn't talking. I can't stand it when my mate shuts me out. Even if we haven't been together that long.

Tonight, I came home and spent time with another man-
Now I don't feel anything.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

NOT AGAIN!

Last year, Sophie got sprayed by a skunk. Being that it was such an awful experience for the entire household, I thought she learned not to mess with skunks. Several people told me spraying doesn't discourage dogs from chasing skunks. I didn't believe it. Surely Sophie would remember the god-awful stench, the tomato juice, the multiple baths, and being banned from the house.

Nope.

She got sprayed AGAIN last night. She didn't smell as bad, so apparently she has learned to dodge. But the skunk still got her so Sophie and Queen spent the night in the pen. I don't know if Queen got sprayed. I opened the gate and she ran in with Sophie. I didn't try to separate them. Once again, wise old Halona knew better than to chase a skunk.

I really don't want to do the tomato juice thing again. It's nasty. But it's the only thing that works. I really don't want to bathe dogs before going to work because that skunk smell tends to contaminate everything it touches. Plus Sophie is not liking the pen, she'll try to run off as soon as I open the gate AND she doesn't like baths, so I don't know how I will get everything set up without her noticing. Come to think of it, I don't have anything large enough to put her in. How did I do it before? I remember pouring the juice on her in the pen. Sigh. I hate skunks.

Read last year's post here

and here

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Geeze 600,000 Stitches

I am done! Okay, not really, because I still have to glue on the paper backing and find a frame, then a box, then ship it to my cousin whose birthday is long past. But I'm done with the damn stitching. I solved the floss shortage problem with variegated floss that was half a shade lighter. I had to cut out the sections I needed, but I made it work without having to go back to the craft store.

I am now working on my yin-yang because I got tired of it laying in the living room giving me the side eye. There is nothing worse than guilt from an uppity project.

I reached a decision on the astrology quilt- I'll do the prep work during vacation. My main focus will be the dragon quilt, but I'll start making the scrim and drafting the pattern.

My phone had a brain fart. I ran out of time last night. I couldn't add air time because the system was busy. This morning I finally got through. And the phone just didn't work. That was seriously frustrating because I am a diabetic woman living alone in the country. If anything happens and I can't use the phone then I am screwed. Plus I use my phone as back-up Internet, to show affection, to tease my friends, and the camera is essential to my blog, etsy shop, and journal. I can't live without the phone anymore than I can live without insulin.

I sat down with my crystal ball to project healing energy into the phone. Don't laugh, it totally worked. Sometimes I am just astounded by what I can do with that ball.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Back to the Grind

It was another not-long-enough weekend. I'm going to tell you what I did, my plans, and then I have a TMI bit about erectile dysfunction. You have been warned and you may want to just stop reading right here. If you want to go a little further, I'll warn you before I get to the TMI part.

I took the dogs to the fish pond.
And actually got a few pictures.
Look, you can tell it's dogs and not blobs splashing.
This is Halona thinking she can pull a tree root from the bank- while it is still attached to the tree.

I was hoping if the dogs wore themselves out at the pond, they wouldn't run off. What really happened is they got muddy, I got a sunburn, and every time I let them out, Sophie takes off. I am now having to lead her everywhere on a leash. I usually get dragged around rapidly.

I am still not finished with the star. I have one corner left and I ran out of floss. I just got tired to dealing with it, so I put it down until my mind is clear. Lately I have been feeling really frazzled and on edge.

I decided to make a wish board to help me reach my goals. One of my goals is to be in an honest relationship. Venus rules relationships and my Venus is in Pisces, the sign of secrets. I'm trying to shift that energy to intuitive. Here's one picture I'm going to use on my board:
I cleaned my house. I mean, mopped, dusted, swept, and moved furniture. I have rearranged the living room. I know it hasn't been that long since I moved the bookcases, but it had to be done. And, yes, I put the books back were they were before, and, YES, I know that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I just needed to get the energy moving and nothing moves chi like major housecleaning.
Astrology has been on my mind a good bit and I have a quilt idea stewing on the back burner of my brain. I don't know if I'll actually make it because I planned to do my Year of the Dragon Quilt during vacation. Working on two at the same time is probably not a good idea, especially since I feel frazzled. On the other hand, the most beautiful quilt I ever made came out of one of the most stressful times of my life. During my last semester of college, I started a whole-cloth quilt for my aunt. DO NOT EVER START A MAJOR PROJECT DURING YOUR LAST SEMESTER. You think can breeze through because you've done a billion other semesters. Wrong. The last one is always hell. THEN my father had a heart attack and an emergency triple bypass. The quilt was intended for my aunt's birthday in October and I believe I got it mailed out in March. Every day, I'd deal with ten thousand little problems then finally sit down to do a whopping four stitches before something else cropped up. All my sorrow, worry, and stress poured into that quilt and the result was so beautiful I couldn't believe it was my work. I have never made anything else like it. And I can't believe I never took any pictures.

Here we are at the TMI part. Don't say I didn't warn you.

My man has erectile dysfunction due to some medication he is taking. He can't just go off the meds, and his doctor doesn't like being told what to do. If Mr. Dragon says, I have a problem with X so maybe we could try Y, the doctor will tell him that's bullshit. I think the doctor is a quack. He gave Mr. Dragon an Rx for Viagra. The problem is one pill so I don't see how another pill cures anything as long as he's still on the other medication. I don't like taking pills. I think Mr. Dragon takes too many.

The reason why I am writing about this is it occurs to me I am not the only woman who is dealing with it, yet I have NEVER seen anything about advice for women. I only see ads for those magic little blue pills, which btw, may or may not work. They don't mention that in the advertisement.

So here's my advice:

1. Shut up. Your man knows there is a problem. He knows you are upset. He is upset. There is nothing you can say to make him feel better. He is sure you do not understand and you probably don't if you lack a penis. He doesn't want advice, he wants the problem to go away.

2. You have a better chance when all his other needs are met. If he's hungry, too hot, or worried about something forget it. The best time is after he's ate, rested, and relaxed.

3. Privacy is essential. Sex is more likely to happen at my house because I live alone in the country. His brother lives with him. No one is going to walk in on us at my house. If you need to be alone go out of town for a weekend.

4. Let him do the instigating. If you start making demands he'll start to worry about what he'll be able to do.

5. Take what you can get. There is nothing wrong with his fingers or tongue.

6. Give him some feedback. Men like noise. The more you moan the more they think they are doing something. Don't do a big fake production. Just let him know you're enjoying yourself.

7. It's NOT his fault. So don't stop loving him.

8. If something worked before, repeat. It's the power of positive association. He'll remember, he'll get happy, and then voila!

Music Monday

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Reading the Cards

Did a general reading today because I'm wondering where the winds of change will leave me. I got some really interesting cards. I'm not going to talk about what I saw, but I will say BIG CHANGE coming and some things are not what they appear to be. Of all the cards in the reading, this was my favorite:
I love me some dragons! I think this card represents the need for me to focus on sewing because it reminds me of these:
see them on etsy

I love these coasters. I think Mr. Dragon would think they're cool and if we ever reside together, I'm going to buy them. Or I may just buy them for myself since I am wanting to 'feather my nest.'

I think I need to have a set routine for sewing because I can go days (maybe weeks) without making a single stitch. I get up every morning, take care of my dogs, check on my plants, then eat and take insulin UNLESS I wake up with a low sugar and then, sorry guys, I come first. Otherwise I won't be able to take care of anything else. I think after I take my insulin, I should sit down with my other needle. I have planned lots of crafting/sewing activities for vacation, but I really need to start sewing before then. This next week needs to be prep time. I'm much more likely to sit at the sewing machine when everything is cut out and ready to go. Starting at the very beginning, choosing fabric, ironing, drafting the pattern, selecting thread, cutting pieces, pinning- is daunting.


Friday, June 1, 2012

Limits

These last few days have been all about limits. The winds of change have swept in and overall, I feel very positive about the shifts.

The first change is Kevin FINALLY got his truck out of my yard. The truck was one I did a spell for ages ago when we first got together. It took a year, but when the truck finally materialized it met all his requirements save for color- he wanted red or black and it's gray. The main issue was price. The truck cost $500. It was in Florida, and after driving it back and replacing a minor part, the total price was around $750. The truck was in fine shape, but it guzzled gas so Kevin brought a small truck later.

A few years passed and a sensor went out on the big truck. I guess because I manifested it, the truck felt comfortable with me because it sat in my yard from that day on. When Kevin and I broke up the first time, he just never got the truck. Then I foolishly took him back and the truck stayed where it was. When we broke up the second time, I started calling or texting Kevin once a week, insisting that he move the truck. He replaced the spark plugs and got it running again...but it STILL stayed in my yard.

I was really starting to be resentful of the truck. I felt like Kevin was using it as an excuse to stay tied to me. I didn't like having to explain to people why it was here. Sometimes random strangers would stop at my house, inquiring if the truck was for sale which put me in an awkward spot- clearly they know it wasn't being driven, I couldn't make any kind of decision about it, I'd have to call Kevin, and sometimes the strangers would come back. I don't like it when people I don't know just show up at my door. I was thinking I would have to be Queen Bitch and have the truck towed. That would have caused trouble between Kevin and me. I didn't want to deal with him anymore than I had to. But damn! why must this truck stay at my house!

Memorial Day weekend Kevin swore he was getting the truck. He didn't. I called him to find out what was going on and I guess this time the irritation in my voice got through his thick skull because Wednesday night I got a text from Kevin- Got truck, please don't contact me anymore.

Excuse me? Other than insisting you get your shit out of my yard, I haven't called at all. I felt like he flipped things around, made it sound like I was the one using the truck as an excuse and it seriously pissed me off. Worse, I couldn't reply because that would open a door of ill communication. I had to just let it go and that galled me to no end.

I have deleted his number and thrown away all his love letters. I suddenly have the cleaning bug- I flipped the mattress and washed the cover. I tossed old sheets. I looked at my towels, deciding what needed to be replaced. I cleaned out my truck. I hauled off three bulging bags of trash. Every time I enter a room of my home, I suddenly see how it could be better. I believe my vacation will be filled with home improvement projects and trips to the hardware store.

And then I got this in the mail:
fall garden porn!

I tried fall gardening once without success. Suddenly I feel eager for boldly colored tulips. I want to radically expand my garden, but I sense a move MAY be in my future. I don't want to dig everything up, but I'm not wanting a container garden either. Whether or not I move depends on my current relationship which is also shifting. I don't know where I stand on that one so for now I am focusing on immediate change rather than long-term.