Just got mad and walked off, so I assume at SOME point (sooner would be better) the powers that be will go, Hmmm? Now why...? Again, we did not get any close to meeting production. Ya know, being short handed and all. I was unmolested. I think my team leader was just too busy putting out fires to mess with me. It was almost like magick. If anyone twitched their nose...THANKS!
Before work, I refilled the bird feeder. I picked up fallen limbs and tried to notice what the yard was doing. I rushed off to the store, but, of course, didn't have time to cook. But I do have food. And alcohol, which is rather essenical for dealing with work-related stress.
I'm about to shower, then sleep, not because all else has failed, but because it's the only thing left to do.
The Witchcraft of FreeDragon
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Fubar
I really don't know where to start. I suppose with the crack, because it's the simplest.
A rock hit my windshield. I've already reaplced the windshield once before over just such some smallish pebble going ka-THUNK on glass. I just got my truck back from the deer incident (dumb doe!) I really don't want to replace the windshield- again. But it's not one but TWO cracks. I'll wait and see. Stupid rock.
I haven't been to the grocery store in over a week. I haven't had time. I have no food. If I did have food, I don't know when I'd have time to cook it.
For once, I have money. But it's only because I haven't had a chance to spend it.
I itch all over. It is nerves. I'm tired and stressed and my skin crawls like ants. Knowing what the problem is doesn't make it go away.
Today I worked thru lunch. Before the shift started, the line had a meeting about 12hr shifts every day this week, we will be asked to do many jobs and if we refuse that is insubordination and we can be terminated for it. My team leader stared at me all thru this little speech, even though I complain the least. So 30 minutes before lunch, she informs me that I wouldn't go to lunch until the rest of the line got back because I had to build up inventory. Sometimes I just want to slap the shit out of her and scream, 'Do you KNOW I'm a diabetic?' Then at the end of the shift, she found me shoving candy in my mouth and she was all fake concerned about my sugar dropping. I wanted to spit chocolate on her, but it was too good to waste.
I am very disconnected from the Earth. I have no clue what is going on with my little bit of land. My bird feeder is empty, I have no seeds planted, and I had to go look at the calendar to see when Spring would arrive. Sigh. Don't even ask me what moon phase we're in. I am a pathetic witch.
I'm to bed now because...
A rock hit my windshield. I've already reaplced the windshield once before over just such some smallish pebble going ka-THUNK on glass. I just got my truck back from the deer incident (dumb doe!) I really don't want to replace the windshield- again. But it's not one but TWO cracks. I'll wait and see. Stupid rock.
I haven't been to the grocery store in over a week. I haven't had time. I have no food. If I did have food, I don't know when I'd have time to cook it.
For once, I have money. But it's only because I haven't had a chance to spend it.
I itch all over. It is nerves. I'm tired and stressed and my skin crawls like ants. Knowing what the problem is doesn't make it go away.
Today I worked thru lunch. Before the shift started, the line had a meeting about 12hr shifts every day this week, we will be asked to do many jobs and if we refuse that is insubordination and we can be terminated for it. My team leader stared at me all thru this little speech, even though I complain the least. So 30 minutes before lunch, she informs me that I wouldn't go to lunch until the rest of the line got back because I had to build up inventory. Sometimes I just want to slap the shit out of her and scream, 'Do you KNOW I'm a diabetic?' Then at the end of the shift, she found me shoving candy in my mouth and she was all fake concerned about my sugar dropping. I wanted to spit chocolate on her, but it was too good to waste.
I am very disconnected from the Earth. I have no clue what is going on with my little bit of land. My bird feeder is empty, I have no seeds planted, and I had to go look at the calendar to see when Spring would arrive. Sigh. Don't even ask me what moon phase we're in. I am a pathetic witch.
I'm to bed now because...
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
More Luis Royo (Warning- Some Is Porn)
Unless you think it's art, then it's just erotic. I'm sure that, like a Supreme Court Justice, you'll know it when you see it.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Better Pics, Not Much to See, Storage into Pantry Part 2
I had good light today and even better, I worked a normal 8 hour shift so I actually feel like sharing my life right now.
I'm keeping the door normal because I don't really think it's anyone's business what sort of magick I do. I will be taking down the braided sticks. Years ago, I purchased a flowering topary. It died shortly there after, but I thought the way the tree had been woven together was really cool. Now I think it would make a good Goddess offering. I have some oil that really needs to be used. I'm going to pour my essential oil all over my wood braid, then burn it in my firepit. 
Ah, the shelves. They are much neater now. The top two shelves are for seasonal items, light bulbs, tools, WD40 and the like. The bottom shelf and the floor are reserved for garden stuff. The food items will reside in the middle. I have some tins ready for protecting boxed/bagged items. I have never seen any evidence of mice in this house, but I'm sure I will if I start leaving food out. That's why the big blue drum holds dog food and bird seed.
I put my dragons in the window. At my old job, they where charged to protect my office. I was going to have them facing out, but they wanted to face in. Dragons can be particular about things like that.
Now, my new 'herb rack' I left the curtain rod above the window. This is mint in a tulle bag tied with yarn. I have some long curtain rods and, if they fit, I can place them near the ceiling and then I should be able to dry most anything. Word of advice- your drying place must be dry. Hot alone may not be enough because heat often has humidity. I've never tried drying anything out here. I may have to use a fan to keep the air moving.
The final picture is the corner behind the door. This is an aqurium stand that I repurposed into a tool rack for my rake and shovels. I am also storing those blinds (no point in wasting shelf space) and some extra wood trim my landlord bought when he had the windows replaced. My boogie board doesn't have a permanent home yet. It was on the shelves too. It's a cheap board, but I really like it and I don't want it broken. I need my board for exploring the Tallapoosa River and Lake Martin. In the twenties, the river was dammed to make Lake Martin which is the largest man-made lake in the world. I've heard estimates between 700 and 900 miles of shoreline. I suppose how much shore we've got depends on whether or not you count the islands, whether or not there's a drought, and time of year- Alabama Power lowers the water level by ten feet each winter. I know I said I would have pics of my altar, but they were really bad. You'll just have be satsified with the corner you see here.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Bad, Bad, Bad Pictures- Store Room Into Pantry, Part 1
Okay, first, my store room walls are NOT orange. They are some kind of plain wood chip board stuff. My single light bulb is yellowish.
This is the back of the store room and I will be storing extra food on these shelves. I threw away A LOT of junk. I am always amazed by clutter. I am a fairly neat and clean person. I grew up in a house with wall to wall furniture, so I don't like junk and knickknacks. Yet, somehow, someway, I always end up with things I know I will never use. On the top shelf, in the right corner are several blinds. I hate blinds and this house came with a blind on every window, including the doors. Blinds on doors are just stupid. The blind flops everywhere and gets caught in the door frame. Of course, windows in doors can be stupid as well. Why have a deadbolt when someone can just bust the glass and stroll right in? Anyway, I was saving all these torn, less than clean blinds because they aren't mine. Then I realized my landlord will probably replace them when I move because the blinds are so old they have turned yellow. I saved the two best and tossed the rest.
Here is my window. When I moved in, these gawd awful, poly-cotton blend, mid 80's, geraniums in baskets print curtains were hanging up. I cannot describe the ugliness. But they fit the window perfectly and I knew from the beginning I wanted my altar in the store room, and I needed privacy, so I washed the ugly curtains. That didn't help much, so I dyed them purple. That helped for a while, but polyester doesn't take dye very well, so it wasn't long before all the purple faded, first to a gentle lilac, then to pale lavender. I decided the curtains were beyond all help and I turned them into cleaning rags. It took both curtains to get the window clean.
You might be wondering why I'm going to so much trouble for a storage room. My store room is a magickal place. It's between. It is neither inside nor out. It's part of the house, but separate. It's part of the porch, but not. The room has a good feeling. My landlord told me his family used to sit in here when the mosquitoes drove them off the porch. A well used to be in roughly the same area, and the water is still in the ground below. Water holds emotions and I think there must have been many good times had in this place. Plus, it is practical. I like the altar being in its own room, easily accessible, but away from prying eyes.
Later, when I have good daylight, I'll take some pictures of my new 'herb drying rack', the now clean shelves, and the altar. I'm not sure how long the next post will be. I did make a good bit of progress, but I am nowhere close to having a pantry. Plus, it will always be a multi-use room. I keep my garden tools and flower pots here too.
You might be wondering why I'm going to so much trouble for a storage room. My store room is a magickal place. It's between. It is neither inside nor out. It's part of the house, but separate. It's part of the porch, but not. The room has a good feeling. My landlord told me his family used to sit in here when the mosquitoes drove them off the porch. A well used to be in roughly the same area, and the water is still in the ground below. Water holds emotions and I think there must have been many good times had in this place. Plus, it is practical. I like the altar being in its own room, easily accessible, but away from prying eyes.
Later, when I have good daylight, I'll take some pictures of my new 'herb drying rack', the now clean shelves, and the altar. I'm not sure how long the next post will be. I did make a good bit of progress, but I am nowhere close to having a pantry. Plus, it will always be a multi-use room. I keep my garden tools and flower pots here too.
Monday, February 20, 2012
The Best Laid Plans
I had a great kitchen witch post idea- turning my store room into a pantry. I cleaned last night, took some bad pics (horrible lighting in the store room) and planned to do a series, stocking a pantry, drying herbs, cooking magick- and then today I woke up with a low sugar. So maybe tomorrow I can show you my poorly lighted pantry. Right now (urgh!) I have to get ready for work.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
About Done
Friday, February 17, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
What Work Was Like
I worked three different jobs. And then after everyone else was allowed to leave, I had to stay and catch up inventory.
My sugar dropped three times last night.
I talked to Kevin about being worked to death, and he said, 'Stop doing such a good job.'
Aaugh!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
So Much Better
Work has been hell. I have been working waaaaay too much overtime. Yesterday, my sugar was high and my stomach hurt. I wasn't sure if I was coming down with a virus which was making my sugar go up, or if I just felt like crap on toast because high sugar will make you feel blah in general. I dragged myself to work where I started feeling worse. The more I moved around, the more my stomach rolled. An hour before lunch I gave up and went home.
On the way home, my sugar dropped so I had to eat. After I ate, my stomach finally decided to be still.
Once home, I sat on the couch and watched television. I did a little sewing:
It was nice to hold a needle. I haven't had time to sew in a while. I think my poor little neglected sewing box is mad at me. I'm doing something different with this project- I'm actually making an 8 point star instead of my usual sun burst design. AND I'm using two different kinds of stitches. Normally, I use the same stitch throughout for a uniform look. I was going to turn this into a bag, but I think I'll just finish this one panel and hang it in my bedroom. I've been wanting to put something over my closet doors.
Since I was able to relax, I wasn't annoyed when I went to bed. I actually slept a normal amount of hours, slept well, and when the alarm went off I didn't feel like screaming. I've been getting up to take insulin, then falling asleep again, barely waking in time to go to work, and feeling drained the whole night. Today I have energy and I'd like to do something. Maybe I'll take a walk. I think that's why my sugar got out of whack- no exercise.
I have no idea what work will be like tonight. But I think I will be in a better frame of mind to deal with it.
On the way home, my sugar dropped so I had to eat. After I ate, my stomach finally decided to be still.
Once home, I sat on the couch and watched television. I did a little sewing:
Since I was able to relax, I wasn't annoyed when I went to bed. I actually slept a normal amount of hours, slept well, and when the alarm went off I didn't feel like screaming. I've been getting up to take insulin, then falling asleep again, barely waking in time to go to work, and feeling drained the whole night. Today I have energy and I'd like to do something. Maybe I'll take a walk. I think that's why my sugar got out of whack- no exercise.
I have no idea what work will be like tonight. But I think I will be in a better frame of mind to deal with it.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Advancd Witchcraft- Your Natal Chart
My current area of study/application/magick is astrology. I love astrology. I have been reading my horoscope since my pre-teens. I am a Capricorn. I am complex. For years, I thought the daily horoscopes in the paper was all there was to it. I was a practicing witch before I ever heard of moon signs, rising signs, houses, retrograde, trines, and aspects. And if the picture at the top of this post looks like a wheel of confusion to you, then you have an understanding of how I felt when I tried to draw my natal chart myself. (Word of advice- let the computers do the math. The computer is much faster and draws better circles. Here's a good, free site- http://alabe.com/freechart/)
I first saw my natal chart in 2001. I printed it out, chart, meanings and all, and I still have it. The chart was interesting to look at, but I didn't know how to use it. I kept it in a binder with some other zodiac information because I used to collect information about various witchy subjects- herbs, color meanings, runes, the tarot, etc., etc., etc. After several years you get a lot of notebooks gathering dust. And you still don't know what it all means. I have a much more hands on approach now. I don't want to read about anything, I want to DO something.
Sometimes the Universe nudges me in the right direction. I found this blog and thought it was great. I realized my magick would work better if I was going with the flow. And life does run a whole smoother when I am paying attention. But the main use of A Witch's Daily blog (to me anyway) is using the moon. I still wasn't using my natal chart in any useful way. Until I found this. Aha! Light bulb! Now I am using the energies of the Universe to my best advantage. I love, love, LOVE the Ruby Slipper blog. This chick is dead on accurate. I put my natal chart in its own binder and I keep it on my desk so I can refer to it often. Life is a lot easier to deal with when you know what's coming.
Astrology is a subject you can study forever. Even better, there are all kinds of astrology- Chinese astrology (focuses on the whole year), natal charts (map of your life), daily horoscopes (what I call just-for-fun stuff), mundane astrology (despite the name, deals with countries, politics, and corporations), horary astrology (asking a question then using a chart of the time the question was asked to predict the answer, very magickal IMO), electional astrology (finding the best time to stage an event) and locational astrology (understanding how a place effects a person or events). There's more, I just got tired of typing. Here is my favorite astrology book.
You might be good at astrology if
1. You like details.
2. You believe each world, whether above or below, inner or outer, is a reflection of each other.
3. You believe in fate.
4. You like order and patterns.
5. You are searching for your place in the cosmos.
6. You like psychology or knowing what makes a person tick.
I urge everyone to at least take a look at their natal chart. You might learn something. I have had great success in casting spells based on my chart. What I haven't yet tried, and I must urge caution because this could border on malfactum, is using another person's chart to influence them. I sense some of you drawing back in surprise. I just want to point out that it could be done. If you do try it, may I suggest starting with the chart of your mate to better your lives together, a sibling's chart to help them improve their circumstances, or a child's chart to protect them or grant more opportunities. I am not sure how much influence you could exert. At best, to avoid infringing on free will, all you could do is look for positive opportunities or give advice on how to best avoid difficulties. You can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do. Unless you're a bad witch.
Friday, February 10, 2012
How Stupid Can I Be? The Day I Broke Kevin's Heart
I said earlier the cards indicated a confrontation. I thought it was work related. Then Sunday, Kevin texted me. And we were going back and forth when suddenly he told me he bought me a ring before I broke up with him.
I did not believe him. First, we were together over 7 years and if you ain't proposed in 7 years, you ain't gonna do it. Second, we didn't have money. That was the whole reason I had to go back to work. Third, what the damn fuck- he left too easy. Fourth, he was jealous and possessive to the point I couldn't stand it anymore and now suddenly he tells me he was about to propose?!
He sent me a picture of the ring and I still didn't believe it. How could I? I can't get my head around it.
I called him. He made me cry. I spent a lot of time Sunday staring at the floor and wondering exactly what happened.
I finally started texting him again and we ended up with me telling him to come home.
Are we back together- I'm not sure.
I think we're starting over. I have no idea where I stand. I think no matter what happened before, now is a whole different ball game. I am sure he won't ask me to marry him. He was about to, I walked out, and he's probably not taking anymore chances.
What I probably need to do is just devote myself entirely to this man. But I have doubts. Boy, do I ever have doubts. We are not talking about it. We are functioning as if the last six months didn't happen. The problem is, I can't erase that time. And you know who ALWAYS appears when I am unavailable? Mr. Dragon. Aarrrrggggh. What am I supposed to do? I can't have both. And I don't think I need more than one man because one man is way too much to cook for and deal with. This is a hot mess from hell. Kevin doesn't know about Mr. Dragon. I don't want to tell him. Mr. Dragon does know about Kevin, but not about the ring. I don't want to tell him. The simplest solution might be to dump them both and move to the other side of the country.
AND THEN (of course, the story gets even better, you didn't think this was simple, did you?) there's Jeff. That's more questions. I though it was simple (hahahaha). Before the day the bottom fell out, I was thinking maybe he was a nice guy and I should give him a chance. So I've been friendly and flirty. Then Sunday happened. Monday, Jeff started touching me- squeezing my shoulder, grabbing my hand. I encouraged this. Now I don't know how to undo it without appearing to be a complete basket case. And I'm not sure if I want to undo it because I don't think I'm back with Kevin and he's probably not going to propose anyway. But I don't know what Kevin is thinking. Maybe he's about to surprise me. Maybe he has decided not to waste anymore time. Maybe I am really, really, really stupid.
Do you know (not off subject, just bear with me) if you read the Tarot, you can find out what a person is feeling? It's very simple, you shuffle the deck, picture the person, ask to see their emotions, then draw a card. It's an overview, and not dead accurate because people often feel conflicting emotions. Thus when I try to read Kevin's emotions, several cards will fall out- cards indicating love, his children, and worries because he is having some health issues. Which makes me feel bad because a good woman would just take care of him. Cards for Mr. Dragon indicate sexual desire- and fear. Which concerns me. Card for Jeff- the demented joker. Can we say RED FLAG! I don't know Jeff well enough to know what's going on. I think Jeff is already in a relationship mess and wants out. The problem is, people rarely leave relationships unless they think something better has landed in their lap. I don't want to be anyone's savior or last hope or reason to live. And that sort of eliminates all three. On the other hand, I DO want a deep connection with someone so I can share my life with them and their life with me. And if I connect, then I am something to someone, and probably damn important, otherwise, there'd be no connection.
This is so fucked up. Stay tuned. Nothing's hit the fan yet.
I did not believe him. First, we were together over 7 years and if you ain't proposed in 7 years, you ain't gonna do it. Second, we didn't have money. That was the whole reason I had to go back to work. Third, what the damn fuck- he left too easy. Fourth, he was jealous and possessive to the point I couldn't stand it anymore and now suddenly he tells me he was about to propose?!
He sent me a picture of the ring and I still didn't believe it. How could I? I can't get my head around it.
I called him. He made me cry. I spent a lot of time Sunday staring at the floor and wondering exactly what happened.
I finally started texting him again and we ended up with me telling him to come home.
Are we back together- I'm not sure.
I think we're starting over. I have no idea where I stand. I think no matter what happened before, now is a whole different ball game. I am sure he won't ask me to marry him. He was about to, I walked out, and he's probably not taking anymore chances.
What I probably need to do is just devote myself entirely to this man. But I have doubts. Boy, do I ever have doubts. We are not talking about it. We are functioning as if the last six months didn't happen. The problem is, I can't erase that time. And you know who ALWAYS appears when I am unavailable? Mr. Dragon. Aarrrrggggh. What am I supposed to do? I can't have both. And I don't think I need more than one man because one man is way too much to cook for and deal with. This is a hot mess from hell. Kevin doesn't know about Mr. Dragon. I don't want to tell him. Mr. Dragon does know about Kevin, but not about the ring. I don't want to tell him. The simplest solution might be to dump them both and move to the other side of the country.
AND THEN (of course, the story gets even better, you didn't think this was simple, did you?) there's Jeff. That's more questions. I though it was simple (hahahaha). Before the day the bottom fell out, I was thinking maybe he was a nice guy and I should give him a chance. So I've been friendly and flirty. Then Sunday happened. Monday, Jeff started touching me- squeezing my shoulder, grabbing my hand. I encouraged this. Now I don't know how to undo it without appearing to be a complete basket case. And I'm not sure if I want to undo it because I don't think I'm back with Kevin and he's probably not going to propose anyway. But I don't know what Kevin is thinking. Maybe he's about to surprise me. Maybe he has decided not to waste anymore time. Maybe I am really, really, really stupid.
Do you know (not off subject, just bear with me) if you read the Tarot, you can find out what a person is feeling? It's very simple, you shuffle the deck, picture the person, ask to see their emotions, then draw a card. It's an overview, and not dead accurate because people often feel conflicting emotions. Thus when I try to read Kevin's emotions, several cards will fall out- cards indicating love, his children, and worries because he is having some health issues. Which makes me feel bad because a good woman would just take care of him. Cards for Mr. Dragon indicate sexual desire- and fear. Which concerns me. Card for Jeff- the demented joker. Can we say RED FLAG! I don't know Jeff well enough to know what's going on. I think Jeff is already in a relationship mess and wants out. The problem is, people rarely leave relationships unless they think something better has landed in their lap. I don't want to be anyone's savior or last hope or reason to live. And that sort of eliminates all three. On the other hand, I DO want a deep connection with someone so I can share my life with them and their life with me. And if I connect, then I am something to someone, and probably damn important, otherwise, there'd be no connection.
This is so fucked up. Stay tuned. Nothing's hit the fan yet.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Checking In
On Sunday, my world was turned upside down. I found out what my cards were trying to tell me and I spent the rest of the day in a daze. I'll blog about it later. I have been really, really, really tired this week due to working overtime every night. I got off at 6 this morning and I was so tired I couldn't sleep. I hate that. Of course, all this is screwing with my sugar (stupid diabetes!). And I don't have time to write about any of this now because, finally, finally, FINALLY I am getting my truck back! I am on my way to pick up Hecate, return Hagar to my father, then grab some food and (sigh) off to work. Oh yeah, and Jeff has suddenly become attentive, but that doesn't matter because of what happened Sunday and why the hell he didn't he do this earlier!?
(Groan.)
(Groan.)
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Saturday
All week, I have been thinking I had to work today. But- wait for it...I'm off!
I really need to rest. I just worked a 10 hour shift. I've been doing overtime all week. My feet hurt so much it is painful to walk. I am sleepy. But I am also wired. I don't know about you, but rarely can I get off work and go straight to bed. My body will be aching for sleep but my mind shifts into high gear.
Spring has come to the Dragon household. The daffodils are blooming. It is far too early. Nevertheless, I feel the need to work in my garden. The Earth is stirring. I'm not sure if she's about to jump out of bed, or hit the snooze button. But at this moment my bit of earth is certainly awake.
Magick in general is calling to me. My cards keep pointing to tradition and I am beginning to think this means witchcraft in a traditional sense. I don't mean the practice of a particular tradition, I mean doing the things that witches are good at- casting spells, foretelling the future, directing energies, brewing potions, and maybe even hexing and binding. I feel that things are have reached a point where they are at the peak of potential and should be used. I think every little girl at some point in her life has wanted to be a witch. This is because, whether we see good witches or bad ones, we all know right off the bat that witches have power. We want that power too. I used to play at being a witch all the time. My mother gave me a Snoopy activity book. It was Halloween themed and very thick. That was my 'spell book' After I colored every page, solved all the puzzles, and explored all the mazes, I used to carry it everywhere, pretending I was doing complex spells. My father had a tractor with all kinds of attachments- plow, bush hog, harrows, and best of all, a hopper. For those of you who didn't grow up on a farm, a hopper is a very large cone used for spreading seed, say for planting fields of rye grass. I thought it was an excellent cauldron. I got a long stick and stirred my hopper/cauldron of magick.
I wish I could remember what kinds of 'spells' I was doing then because I think those where indicators of what kind of witch I would become. All I remember is everything was complex- I needed lots of ingredients, lots of stirring, lots of reading the right words, and if I missed something then all was lost. Clearly, even then, I was a kitchen witch, but I don't remember what my spells were for. I don't remember if I wanted power, to save people, to have riches, or to be smart. I do remember having several little 'camps' all over the yard. Each time I went to one, the first thing I had to do was to arrange my rocks and bottles for spells. Then I could pretend to build a campfire or go hunting. I still do this. Every time I go to a new place, whether I will be moving in or just spending the night, I can't settle down until I have a good feeling about the place. I make note of my surroundings and I spend a good bit of time arranging both myself and my things until everything is just right. I know for sure I am the witch of this place, but I wonder in how many more places could I be THE witch. If I were with other witches, who would be in charge? Can you tell when you are in the presence of a witch? Does she own her space? Does she redirect the energies so that they match her patterns, or does she meld into the place so that she becomes the energy of that place and time? If she becomes tied to the place, would the land suffer when she left? Which is more powerful- becoming or owning?
I don't have answers. I'm still finding out what I'm good at. I'll leave you with the kind of magick I used to think I was doing-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbhDbjGZX0M
I really need to rest. I just worked a 10 hour shift. I've been doing overtime all week. My feet hurt so much it is painful to walk. I am sleepy. But I am also wired. I don't know about you, but rarely can I get off work and go straight to bed. My body will be aching for sleep but my mind shifts into high gear.
Spring has come to the Dragon household. The daffodils are blooming. It is far too early. Nevertheless, I feel the need to work in my garden. The Earth is stirring. I'm not sure if she's about to jump out of bed, or hit the snooze button. But at this moment my bit of earth is certainly awake.
Magick in general is calling to me. My cards keep pointing to tradition and I am beginning to think this means witchcraft in a traditional sense. I don't mean the practice of a particular tradition, I mean doing the things that witches are good at- casting spells, foretelling the future, directing energies, brewing potions, and maybe even hexing and binding. I feel that things are have reached a point where they are at the peak of potential and should be used. I think every little girl at some point in her life has wanted to be a witch. This is because, whether we see good witches or bad ones, we all know right off the bat that witches have power. We want that power too. I used to play at being a witch all the time. My mother gave me a Snoopy activity book. It was Halloween themed and very thick. That was my 'spell book' After I colored every page, solved all the puzzles, and explored all the mazes, I used to carry it everywhere, pretending I was doing complex spells. My father had a tractor with all kinds of attachments- plow, bush hog, harrows, and best of all, a hopper. For those of you who didn't grow up on a farm, a hopper is a very large cone used for spreading seed, say for planting fields of rye grass. I thought it was an excellent cauldron. I got a long stick and stirred my hopper/cauldron of magick.
I wish I could remember what kinds of 'spells' I was doing then because I think those where indicators of what kind of witch I would become. All I remember is everything was complex- I needed lots of ingredients, lots of stirring, lots of reading the right words, and if I missed something then all was lost. Clearly, even then, I was a kitchen witch, but I don't remember what my spells were for. I don't remember if I wanted power, to save people, to have riches, or to be smart. I do remember having several little 'camps' all over the yard. Each time I went to one, the first thing I had to do was to arrange my rocks and bottles for spells. Then I could pretend to build a campfire or go hunting. I still do this. Every time I go to a new place, whether I will be moving in or just spending the night, I can't settle down until I have a good feeling about the place. I make note of my surroundings and I spend a good bit of time arranging both myself and my things until everything is just right. I know for sure I am the witch of this place, but I wonder in how many more places could I be THE witch. If I were with other witches, who would be in charge? Can you tell when you are in the presence of a witch? Does she own her space? Does she redirect the energies so that they match her patterns, or does she meld into the place so that she becomes the energy of that place and time? If she becomes tied to the place, would the land suffer when she left? Which is more powerful- becoming or owning?
I don't have answers. I'm still finding out what I'm good at. I'll leave you with the kind of magick I used to think I was doing-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbhDbjGZX0M
Friday, February 3, 2012
Demented
My meeting turned out to be mere safety training. I worried for nothing. At least I got biscuits out of it.
My joker card- bleh. I hate it. Tonight he reared his ugly head. I never know how long my shift will be. It's frustrating, especially when diabetes is thrown into the mix. If I know roughly how many hours I will work, and what I'll be doing, then I can plan for what my sugar will probably do. But if I think I will be on a slow job, and I don't eat much, then I get moved to a fast paced job, my sugar drops. Conversely, if I eat too much thinking I'll be moving around a good bit, and then I go home early, my sugar is too high and I have a headache. I would prefer to not feel like crap on toast.
My team leader lies. She shuffles us around, tells us we won't be on a job long, then hours later she tries to pretend like she didn't know what would happen. I've tried to explain about diabetes and she says she understands because both her mother and her grandmother have it. But when it actually comes to helping me manage my illness, she is less than tolerant. I don't say anything now unless it is a dire emergency- and then I don't ask, I just tell her I need to eat and I walk off. If the line goes down, fuck it.
I'm not the only worker getting upset. People are tired and grumpy. They want to go home. They have children. Nobody likes being lied to. Some are trying to change departments. Others are updating their resumes. I see the joker card as chaos and he was all over work tonight.
I didn't have a confrontation (werewolf card), but Nene did. She exchanged words with the team leader. I was misinformed about inventory so I made too many of the wrong parts. I might be confronted tomorrow.
But since I see how events could play out, I can take steps to protect myself (dragon cards). And speaking of dragons, Mr. Dragon was very sweet (hearts). I also decided to take another look at Jeff, so that could be hearts too. We'll see. I just have to watch the chaos (stupid, demented joker card).
My joker card- bleh. I hate it. Tonight he reared his ugly head. I never know how long my shift will be. It's frustrating, especially when diabetes is thrown into the mix. If I know roughly how many hours I will work, and what I'll be doing, then I can plan for what my sugar will probably do. But if I think I will be on a slow job, and I don't eat much, then I get moved to a fast paced job, my sugar drops. Conversely, if I eat too much thinking I'll be moving around a good bit, and then I go home early, my sugar is too high and I have a headache. I would prefer to not feel like crap on toast.
My team leader lies. She shuffles us around, tells us we won't be on a job long, then hours later she tries to pretend like she didn't know what would happen. I've tried to explain about diabetes and she says she understands because both her mother and her grandmother have it. But when it actually comes to helping me manage my illness, she is less than tolerant. I don't say anything now unless it is a dire emergency- and then I don't ask, I just tell her I need to eat and I walk off. If the line goes down, fuck it.
I'm not the only worker getting upset. People are tired and grumpy. They want to go home. They have children. Nobody likes being lied to. Some are trying to change departments. Others are updating their resumes. I see the joker card as chaos and he was all over work tonight.
I didn't have a confrontation (werewolf card), but Nene did. She exchanged words with the team leader. I was misinformed about inventory so I made too many of the wrong parts. I might be confronted tomorrow.
But since I see how events could play out, I can take steps to protect myself (dragon cards). And speaking of dragons, Mr. Dragon was very sweet (hearts). I also decided to take another look at Jeff, so that could be hearts too. We'll see. I just have to watch the chaos (stupid, demented joker card).
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Too Many Details
I have to go in to work an hour early Thursday for a meeting. At first I didn't think anything of it, then I wondered about the location of the meeting, and then I wondered why my team leader wasn't telling other people.
Uh-oh.
Am I in trouble? I didn't do anything. I asked Nene. She doesn't have to go.
Double uh-oh.
I've been racking my brain and I can't come up with a logical explanation for coming in an hour early. I assume if I was getting fired/laid off, they would have done it at the end of shift. So I'm good, right?
At lunch I read my cards. I couldn't get a clear reading because there are just too many elements swirling around. I got the demented joker (bad sign), I got the werewolf (confrontation dead ahead), but I also got protective dragons and a few hearts. The cards point at tradition, a new mate, and maybe a child. But I don't see what that has to do with my job and it tells me nothing about the nature of the meeting.
I have worried myself into a frazzle which is a stupid thing to do because it doesn't help at all. I intended to celebrate Imbolc when I came home, but my mind was so weary I wasn't sure I could do any useful magick. So I made biscuits.
When you have trouble, make bread. It is very soothing and requires focus. And unlike worrying yourself into a frazzle, you get a tangible, tasty result. If you screw up, no big deal. Feed the dog or the birds. Even your mistake is still useful.
I've eaten two biscuits now, and I feel much better. I am beginning to see how this situation mirrors my current life- lots of things I want, lots of things I could do, but I don't really know what's happening or what would be the best to focus on.
Instead of celebrating or casting or invoking, I think I'll just be still. I'll light a candle for the Goddess and wait. I might get a little guidance if I give Her a biscuit.
Uh-oh.
Am I in trouble? I didn't do anything. I asked Nene. She doesn't have to go.
Double uh-oh.
I've been racking my brain and I can't come up with a logical explanation for coming in an hour early. I assume if I was getting fired/laid off, they would have done it at the end of shift. So I'm good, right?
At lunch I read my cards. I couldn't get a clear reading because there are just too many elements swirling around. I got the demented joker (bad sign), I got the werewolf (confrontation dead ahead), but I also got protective dragons and a few hearts. The cards point at tradition, a new mate, and maybe a child. But I don't see what that has to do with my job and it tells me nothing about the nature of the meeting.
I have worried myself into a frazzle which is a stupid thing to do because it doesn't help at all. I intended to celebrate Imbolc when I came home, but my mind was so weary I wasn't sure I could do any useful magick. So I made biscuits.
When you have trouble, make bread. It is very soothing and requires focus. And unlike worrying yourself into a frazzle, you get a tangible, tasty result. If you screw up, no big deal. Feed the dog or the birds. Even your mistake is still useful.
I've eaten two biscuits now, and I feel much better. I am beginning to see how this situation mirrors my current life- lots of things I want, lots of things I could do, but I don't really know what's happening or what would be the best to focus on.
Instead of celebrating or casting or invoking, I think I'll just be still. I'll light a candle for the Goddess and wait. I might get a little guidance if I give Her a biscuit.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Man Lures
It was hard to get a good pic. The earrings are mirrored with hologram-catch-and-reflect-any-ray-of-light-in-all-colors squares. They look see-thru, but are actually solid. I should have picked a dark background rather than photographing them on my wood desk. Anyway, I can't be ignored with these flashy babies.
I wasn't thinking about attracting attention when I put them on. I was thinking I hadn't worn them in over a month. When I last wore them to work, all the women oohed and aahhed. Big earrings are IT at my job. It's like the only way we can express ourselves around the safety equipment we must wear. We have uniforms too. Companies are insistent on conformity. We rebels sneer at sameness. I want me some feather earrings. I found some cool black feathers with crystal beads. I do believe they would touch my shoulders. Awesome.
I put my earrings on and went to work. I can't see them, so I tend to forget how they shine and flash. As I was walking across the parking lot, a man I didn't know said, 'Hi!'
'Um. Hi?'
Weird.
Next I noticed one of the Korean men looking at me. He was walking ahead of me and kept looking over his shoulder. What is he doing?
He opened the door for me. In the six months I have worked at this company, I cannot think of a single time any of the Koreans have held the door for me. Korean men do not have the same courtesy for women that American Southern Gentlemen do. Okaaay.
While I was clocking in, the Gent (friend of Red Beard) asked me if I was hunting. (huh?) He said my earrings sure did shine. I must be trying to lure people into coming close to me.
Ah. My earrings are man bait. And they appear to be working just fine.
Red beard walked by several times, staring so hard he was in danger of walking into boxes. Jeff stared and waved. Mr. Dragon lurked about. The forklift drivers tooted their horns and waved. James stopped working and stared. And stared some more.
I think I'll wear them again- on the full moon. I might get lucky.
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