Hecate's Day

I didn't know, but the last day of any month belongs to Hecate. And it's the last day of the year. As soon as I learned this tidbit of information, I wrote Hecate's name in the last square of each month on my calendar. I really wanted more witchy days, now I have 12 more. This is a great time to leave an offering to Her at a crossroads. I've already started drinking (BudLight Lime) so I won't be driving anywhere tonight.

Today is also a good time to return items to their proper place. If you have been wishing something in your house would go elsewhere, now is a good time to put it where it really belongs. You can also try burning 2011's calendar to release negative energy and bad luck.

Whatever you do tomorrow, DON'T wash clothes. My Granny used to say that every drop of water which fell from a washed garment hanging on the clotheslines was one tear you would shed in the coming year. I did my laundry yesterday.

Some people don't believe in emptying trash on New Year's day. I've never had a problem with it. Others think whatever you are doing on New Year's is an indication of the coming year. AJ mentioned this in 1995 because we were driving back home from Dallas on New Year's Day 1996. She thought it meant we would be travelling a good bit. We didn't travel, but it was a year of transitions. Lots and lots of changes. I decided to spend tomorrow making art so hopefully I'll have plenty of creativity in 2012.

We are beginning 2012 with the moon in Aries. This means people will have big ideas and goals, but they may not see them through. You will have a better chance of success if you break large plans into smaller chunks which are easier to manage.

I used to be able to manifest things just by talking about them. Apparently, I got my ability back. I wanted a book stand for my kitchen witch cookbook. Today I went into the craft store and, lo and behold, there was a book stand- in the needlework section with no other similar object anywhere near it. In fact, I have never seen such a thing in that store. It was under $6 and it's adjustable! How perfect is that?!

I also now have everything for my front porch except my gazing ball and my doormat. I put my gargoyle over the post, and I bought some really cheap ivy. It's in great condition, bright green and healthy. I've found the perfect ball, just haven't purchased it, and with the way things are going, I think the doormat will appear any day. I'll take pictures when I have it all arranged.

My indoor garden looks good. I have aloes, mint, the ivy (I was worried about cold, but with global warming that's probably not an issue. I could probably safely place it on the front porch), and rosemary. The rosemary doesn't look exactly right, I think it is bothered by my gas heat. Herbs are sensitive to such things. I found flameless candles at the dollar store. I put one in a gourd I carved. I have it 'flickering' for New Year's Eve. I wanted my indoor garden to be a living altar for special/holidays. I thought it would be nice to have a special place for when I couldn't get outside.

I have a date tomorrow. Don't get excited, it's Kevin. I don't consider us back together- I'm still a single woman. I have no idea which man I'll eventually end up with. I'm not sure I care anymore. What seems most important at this time is to have as many choices as possible.

I've thought a lot about the upcoming year. Sometimes the world seems to fly by. I have decided to stop. I am making my home into a safe, welcoming, restful place. If the world needs me, it knows where I am. I'm not trying to keep pace. I am turning the Wheel in my own way. I hope to be a witch with great power. One that can heal and protect. I want to live simply and honestly on my own terms. I think this is the way Hecate is asking me to live.

Happy New Year and Bright Blessings to You and Yours in the Year of the Dragon!

Ow! My Freakin' Head!

I have the worst headache. I would gladly chop off my head just to get some relief. I've lost track of the pain pills I've taken today. My headache has LESSENED but it is very much STILL THERE. I'm about to go lay in a dark room.

It's been a long day for me. I got up really early to visit family, I had to take insulin earlier than usual, my sugar dropped, and I had to deliver a sewing project this afternoon but my guy left early, so I didn't get paid. Any of these could have contributed to my aching skull. I think all of it played a part.

I have my featured shop item at the top of the page. Next Friday, I'll have something else up there. Please buy something, I'm rather poor.

Since I put a great horned owl on my blog, I have been seeing owls everywhere. I ordered a new calendar, which came in the mail today. One picture has a beautiful snowy owl in the background. Most of the owls I have seen are like that, not the main focus, but very noticeable in the back. There is also a dead skunk up the road from my house. I am taking it as a sign that my magick is working.

I have to say the new 'Tarot & Cards' page is a challenge. I have to remember to do it and I don't feel I should draw cards ahead of time. I'm afraid I'm going to forget one day. Heck, I struggle to post a weekly menu. Pretty soon I'll start thinking about the hereafter, as in 'what did I come in here after?'

New Stuff

I don't know exactly how my blogs appears to you, but when I visit the page the public sees, there is a toolbar across the top with a button that says 'next blog'. Sometimes I click it just to see what comes up. I used to get general diary type of blogs. Now I get genealogy/historic sites blogs. I assume it's because of my sign- blogger must think anyone with a county sign on their blog is writing about history. I don't really want to change my picture, but I don't like being lumped with the fuddyduddy blogs. Did anyone even read my posts before tossing me over in the dim and boring corner of cyberspace? No wonder I don't get much traffic. I thought about tossing a witch hat over the corner of the sign or maybe placing a bubbling cauldron in front of the signpost. I've got to fix that somehow.

I've added another page 'Tarot & Cards' Every day I'll draw one card from one of my many decks, then post the meaning and name of the deck. The page is called 'Tarot & Cards' because some of my decks are just regular playing cards and not designed for fortune telling per se. I read them anyway.

Starting Friday, I'll run a week long feature of one item from my Etsy shop and a coupon code. This is how I will promote my shop while over-hauling it. I decided I needed better photos, but re-photographing most of the items seems like a major pain. I think I can manage weekly chunks of improvement. Oh, and the coupon code applies to anything in my shop, not just the featured item. As usual, I am open to price adjustments and trade, just convo me thru Etsy.

When I added my owl, I noticed a slide show feature. I decided this would be a great way to show off my dogs, my garden, and maybe sewing projects in progress. I haven't decided where to put it. I may need to rethink my blog's design.

Stay tuned.

New Totem

I've got a new friend. His picture is to the right. He is a great horned owl. Skunk is his favorite food. Hackers beware.

That Just Stinks

Sometimes animals give me messages. Every once in a while I get one so obvious I can't possibly miss the meaning.

Skunk.

Yeah, can't miss that one.

I think sometimes the skunk gets under the house. When I went out to the store room for dog food, that awful, musty scent slowly filled the air. It was worse on the porch, and since I stupidly left the back door open, the smell is now in the house.

Gag.

I lit some incense and tried to distract myself with some blog reading.

Mrs. Graveyard Dirt has been hacked.

I hate hackers. To me, hacking into someone's computer files is worse than cursing them because the computer represents all areas of a life, the public, private, financial, business, personal, family, journal, music, EVERYTHING. There is no aspect of a human's existence that is not represented electronically somewhere. And if you're into genealogy, then people who lived 200 or 300 years ago now have computer files.

If you look at the 'What I Read' list, you'll notice the newest blog posts are first. I saw Graveyard Dirt had been updated a few hours ago and I clicked on it. But instead of  a new post, I got a strange screen, funky graphics, and a message saying the site had been hacked. A few seconds later, a message from the hacker appeared on my desktop.

Hackers are just like skunks. All you can do is hope to avoid them. If one is in your area, their nastiness will spread. You will have to work hard to get rid of it and there is no promise the exact same thing won't happen again.

I have removed Graveyard Dirt from my blog. I didn't want to, but I don't want anyone else to get hacked. My computer seems to be fine, but I don't want to take any chances. Mrs. Graveyard Dirt may not even know what has happened to her site as it is a holiday and she's probably busy with friends and family. I hope she gets everything back. I hope the hacker burns on the bottom layer of hell, and yes, I've already cursed him because I think if you do something so low down, you deserve whatever rotten things come your way.

I will check occasionally, and if it appears Mrs. Graveyard Dirt has regained control, then I'll put her back on my list. I hope she curses the hacker's stomach.

All of this has made me question my computer's security. I'm going to start changing passwords and backing up files because the one thing you can't do with a bad smell is ignore it.

So This is Christmas

As usual, I am lacking focus. Today's post is about the jumble of stuff on my mind, and not really about one subject. Though I did try. I picked polar bears.

I love polar bears. When I was a little girl, I got one kind of white bear or another for Christmas. I think I like them because they're real. I hate snowmen because there is no snow here in Alabama. I think it's tacky when people fill their yard with inflated snowmen. There's the big, pretty snowman sitting on dirt or pine straw while people run around in shorts and t-shirts. It just doesn't look right.

This year, Coca-Cola is raising money to save the polar bears. I haven't checked into it, but I really like the idea. With global warming, polar bears now drown at sea because the ice is so far apart they can't find ice to rest on. I think this is the saddest thing ever. Polar bears live in so harsh an environment, we humans can barely venture into it. You'd think they'd be safe, but no, we've managed to screw that up. Shame on us.

We might get to the point where our grandkids think polar bears are just myths on Christmas cards. A world with no bears is a sad one indeed.

Polar bears are so suited to living in the cold that they do not show up on infrared film. They are so well insulated they don't give off body heat.

A former co-worker of mine grew up in Alaska. Her father used to take Tina and her sister to the city dump to watch the polar bears. I asked if that was dangerous. She said as long as you stay in the car you're safe. I see game wardens on television moving bears to other sites. We're so stingy we won't even let them have our trash.

Tina told me polar bears provided her family with hours of amusement because the bears are rather clumsy and stupid. She said they often get their heads stuck in buckets. It was better than cartoons.

I can see where it is a bad idea for bears and humans to mix. Since it looks cute, people think it's cuddly. My aunt has a picture of a man in the Smokey Mountains trying to pet a black bear.

The bear chased the man and tried to bite him. We have become so removed from nature we no longer understand it.

This year, I'd like it if every one made an attempt to save the planet. Mainly, I'd like for all people to use less. Less water, less electricity, less gasoline. Some people think we need to find alternate fuels sources. It's a great idea, but I think the time will come when we all must simply do without. We have designed the whole world to run on fossil fuels and even if we do find something to replace them, transferring everything over will be expensive. How many houses are all electric now? If you wanted to switch to wood-burning heat, could you afford to remodel your home to have a fireplace? Are you willing to cut firewood? Would you go broke buying wood? If you switch to a kerosene heater, can you deal with the smell? Everybody talks about fuel for our cars, no one seems to be working on how we would stay warm. And what about cooking? Growing your own food is great, but the food still has to be prepared. If the power grid fails, the microwave won't work.

I don't have any answers for you. I do not think there is a 'one size fits all' solution. I think they only thing we can do is realize what elements shape our lives and then try to imagine what we would do if those elements were removed. If we run out of gas, I can no longer drive to work. To me the question is not how to produce more gas, the question is how to live on a different kind of income, how to live on less income, or how to live on no income. Really, seriously, think outside the box. Did you know eggs can be kept at room temperature? If refrigerators suddenly ceased to exist, we may at first look for ways to refrigerate food, but eventually we would start eating foods that don't need to be kept cold. The pie safe might make a comeback.

I'm sorry, most of you probably don't know what a pie safe is. Here's a picture.

How much would our kitchens change? Would they get bigger? Smaller? More cabinets or less? Would the whole house change? Would rooms disappear, like the laundry room? Would we all have clothes lines? Could you start hanging out clothes now and make use of the sun? I used to live in a place didn't allow clothes lines. Why do we let other people dictate how we live?

All of these topics are mighty depressing for Christmas. But I think that is the point. Christmas is supposed to a winter celebration. Winter was hard for our ancestors. Winter for us is more of an annoyance. We are unlikely to freeze to death in our sleep. We don't have to worry about the fire going out at 3am. For us, Christmas is about how much money we spend. I saw a news story recently about a woman who thought she was putting purchased gifts into her car, but it turns out it wasn't her car, just the same make and model. She discovered her mistake when she emerged from the mall with more gifts. She had put $700 worth of stuff in a stranger's car. She was pleading with the person to return everything. What amazes me about this story is not that she unlocked the wrong car, it's not that the other person didn't notice (or decided to keep it all), what amazes me is she spent $700 and shopped some more. Did all that go on a credit card? Will she ever pay off that debt? How much of it is cheap trash made in foreign country and will fall part in a month? Please, People! Use less!

For me, the new year has already begun. At Halloween I start getting rid of what I don't need, don't want. This could be things, bad habits, or I might work to remove myself from unhappy situations. In December I start thinking what new things will enter my life. In January I start living my new lifestyle. Sometimes I do very well and sometimes I give up. All I know is it takes a long time to usher in a new year.

I think the best way to understand what shapes your life is to be quiet. In order to save the planet, I would like it if every day you spent a few silent moments alone. Write down what is bothering you. Look around your house, do you need all that stuff? Go outside, look at the birds, the plants, the bugs. Are there cars zooming by? How does that effect you? Does it mean trash in your yard? Constant noise? Keeping your pets confined to the house? Try to imagine living a completely different way, maybe in an apartment instead of a house (or trailer, or condo, or cottage, or even a tool shed). Would you like it? What if the store was farther away? Would that be a burden for you? Carefully observe it all. Only by being aware will you be able to change anything.

Working Against the Tide

Sometimes I just can't fight myself. I seem to lack focus. To give one example- I'll decide to check my email and then search for something online, say I've been thinking about how much to spend on a gazing ball for my porch. I will tell myself head over to Etsy after I read my email.

But I never get there.

What happens is something requiring a reply is in my inbox. Of course, I respond, that's the whole reason I was checking my mail. But then I stop thinking about gazing balls. Instead I go to my blog. I catch up on everyone's latest posts. Next I check my yahoo account, then my bank balance. Then twitter. Then I refill my coffee cup. I go to Etsy and check my shop, renew some listings, see what my circle is up to, add a favorite, tweet it, go get more coffee...

About an hour after I finally extract myself from the computer, I'll realize I forgot about the gazing ball. I may or may not get back on the Internet, it all depends on what I am doing. I am much more inclined to get back online if I'm doing something I don't care for, like washing dishes. Automatically, I check my email. You know what happens next.

I cannot tell you how many times I decide to do something...and forget. I don't think it's a product of aging because the things I usually forget deal with changes I want to make in my life. It's not just a gazing ball, it's part of wanting to make my yard look nice. That means having a welcoming entrance and a well kept yard. But we all know how I feel about grass cutting. Maybe subconsciously I don't want to have a nice front porch because the next step would be dealing with the grass I hate. Or maybe I'm worried about who would appear on my porch- family, old boyfriends, curious neighbors, all wanting to come in and see how I really live. Um, sure, come in, just don't look too closely at my bookshelves, okay? Um, no reason. Hey, let's go sit the porch.

Worse is when I forget WHY I want to do something. I'll write a list, can't remember why item X is on there, rack my brain trying to figure it out, say screw it, go home without item X and right before I turn in the driveway, it hits me. I promise myself I'll get it next time. But I rarely do.

I think this is why planning the future is so hard for me. I know if it needs to be done, I need to do it right now. If I break it into stages, I'm going to hit a snag. I'll forget, I'll run out of time, I won't have enough money, something will fall apart, there'll be much more involved than I thought...it's a wonder I ever accomplish anything.

I've been working on this guy for over a year-

It was a simple thing- get a gargoyle for the porch. Awaken him and give him the task of guarding the house. I couldn't find a gargoyle anywhere. That was ridiculous, I see gargoyles all the time with the garden stuff, in magazines, in landscape books, for sale in occult shops, everywhere until I decide to buy one.  Like the gazing ball, I kept forgetting to look. Thursday, I had to break my routine. I ended up going to town for nothing. I decided I shouldn't let it be a wasted trip. Since I was already in town, I went to the flea market. And there was my gargoyle. Because breaking my routine worked so well, I did it again today. Again, I managed to find things I had been searching for. Even more amazing, I had enough money. I'm not sure if the secret is to move out of my comfort zone, or to create/accept opportunity. I'm not going to dwell on it. I'll probably forget anyway.

And yes, I finally found a gazing ball that's perfect for me. I chose stainless steel.

I haven't bought it yet, but at least I found one.

The Big Sleep

The garden settled in with little fuss. I made three passes with my wand and each time, I felt the energy winding down a little more until all was quiet. I just talked softly, said what I was doing and why, promised to protect my little patch of land, and I promised to awaken it when the weather was warm again. I think talking to the garden really makes a difference. Sometimes I talk to trees, and occasionally I talk to plants, but I have never talked to the garden as a whole before. I'll keep doing it. Maybe I'll learn something interesting.

Yule

Normally for Yule, I do a variation of Christmas. For example, one year I blessed glass Christmas balls, added a pinch of herbs (not easy with that little bitty hole) and a wish written on a scrap of paper. Then I hung them on the Christmas tree. This year I wanted to do something a little more practical, something I could actually measure in hard work and success.

I thought about what the season means traditionally- the birth of a special child. I have no children. What's my baby?

I decided my garden was my baby. The garden is dependant on me. If I don't water, it dies. If I am not watchful of weeds, it chokes. While the garden needs me, plants often surprise, growing faster than expected, or producing more than promised. Sometimes plants seed themselves so the following season you get a few things you didn't plant. Gardening is hard work, but it has many rewards.

Tonight I'm going out to the garden. I'll tell the soil it's time to sleep, but the sun is coming back. When it is warm, I'll wake the garden. I'll promise to keep watch while the garden sleeps like a good mother would. I'll promise to visit the garden every day. I'll promise to love and care for this patch of land, and I hope it returns my love.

Happy Yule.

Evil Water is Falling Again

My plan for today was to continue clearing space for my herb garden. But it's raining. All day. See what I mean about weather not cooperating? If this was spring, I'd be worried about not getting seeds into ground on time.

I have already scaled back my garden plans. Not only am I have starting early, I'm trying to be realistic. I wanted these:

I pictured several whiskey barrel planters along the house, all filled with herbs. I could have lemon balm, three or four mints, lavender, sage, and I don't know what all else. But I don't own any planters like these. They are expensive. Even if I bought the plastic imitation barrels, I'd still be shelling out a good bit of money. I have this kind of planter:

I have six of them. My herbs won't know the difference.

As I debated how things would look with several long planters by the house, I realized I had another problem:

Once a month someone comes to read the meter. There is no guarantee he won't stomp all over my plants. The ideal solution would be not to have anything under the meter. Maybe I should lay down paving stones, create his own walkway, so his big clumsy feet stay out of my garden. It's not just the meter guy, if I ever have another land line phone, the repair will come straight to the telephone box. Every once in a while, either my landlord or myself needs to open the breaker box.

If the garden is now divided in half, does it really make sense to have all of it dedicated to herbs? How much am I really going to use anyway? I can't even decide what exactly I want to plant. Maybe the second half should be something else.

I decided on a rose bush because I already have mini roses around my porch. A full size rose will be a nice balance. There is a good possibility I can get a free bush because my father is always rooting cuttings. If I admire something in his yard, he'll give it to me. Roses need a good bit of nutrients. I have fertilizer makers on the eave of the house, right above the spot where I want to plant the rose. They're barn martins.

Barn martins (also called barn swallows) build mud nests against walls. They love open spaces where they can swoop down on insects. Barn martins leave an awful mess under their nesting sites, but because they eat so many bugs, I've never bothered to tear down their home. If their waste actually goes to use then I am benefited twice by letting them stay.

Here's the future garden site. In case you're wondering why I am clearing so much space for a container garden, it's because I have what I call 'sneaky grass.'

It took me a while to find a picture because I don't know what the stuff is actually called. It's the spindly grass on the right side of this picture. When I try to pull it up, it breaks in half. Everywhere it touches the ground, it forms roots, thus new plants. It grows really long and wraps around whatever is nearby. Since it lays on the ground, instead it growing up like normal grass, it doesn't really get cut by the mower. Several times I have used various weed control and this stuff always peers over the edge of the mulch/plastic/cardboard, then rapidly grows over it. I'm trying to eradicate as much as possible. But since it's raining today, I'm just reading and researching.

Prepare for Change

As I said a couple of weeks ago, I am taking part in Silver Ravenwolf's Release Challenge. My house was already fairly clutter-free, but I have pared down even more. I got rid of a duffel bag full of old purses and tote bags. I tossed shoes that hurt my feet and I am slowly going through my clothes, getting rid of things I don't wear. I have a few things I have never even worn. Kevin and I were going to visit my family in Savannah. I envisioned parties, clubs, dinner and dancing. I bought new outfits, then became diabetic, landed in ICU, so the trip never happened. If anyone is interested, I would be willing to sell these clothes. I'd post them in my Etsy shop. Leave a comment if this sounds like a good idea. The purses are gone to Goodwill, so don't ask. I didn't want to list every thing because I knew some of it wouldn't sell. The point was to release, not shuffle items around.

The biggest change has been with my desk. I finally cleaned it off. I organized my papers. I mean, really and truly, I did it this time. The only two items laying out are what I'm currently working on. Everything else is neatly filed away. This was only possible because I threw things out. What did I throw away? I don't remember. Clearly I didn't need it.

I am trying to change the way I sew. I am determined to finish more of my projects. Instead of hopping back and forth between quilts when I am bored, I am plodding on to the end. I still work on a few different things at a time, but I will not switch projects until I complete a stage. One whole block was to be done before I can pick up my embroidery.

I am also trying to produce items of higher quality. Sometimes I make several small, quick items to sell instead of devoting the time to something big and beautiful. I might have to hang on to big and beautiful for a long time before someone buys it. Well, so what? It's not like my sewing is my main source of income. I can afford to let a big quilt linger in the fabric closet for a while.

I came up with ideas for new Celtic knot stuff, but I don't know yet if it will work. If it does, I'll have new things for my Etsy shop. If it doesn't work, I haven't lost anything. No stress.

I've decided to start doing giveaways on this blog. I am waiting until I get a post office box because I'm sorry folks, I'm not giving out my home address.

I am undecided about getting a Facebook page for my Etsy shop. On the one hand, I want to promote the business, on the other, I think Facebook is a horrid way for people to gossip and be nasty. My mother's family stays on Facebook studying each other's pages and trying to ferret out secrets based on who's in what photo. I do not need that in my life. The odds of them finding me through my shop's page are slim, but I don't know if I can take a chance.

The last change will be in gardening. (I ordered THREE catalogs of garden porn last night!) Every spring I work myself to death trying to have the nicest yard in Alabama. Every year I fail because my eyes are bigger than my life. I get tired. I don't have enough time. I don't have enough money. I have to work. The weather doesn't cooperate. This season I'm starting now. Even though it is too cold, I have already arranged the front porch. See, I want some ivy and a gazing ball. I decided where the ball should be. And I will lay money aside to buy the ball, and the ivy, so when it is warm I'll be ready. I will also start building boxes. For my container gardens, I will set the pots in place, then slowly buy the potting soil. By the time spring arrives, I will be ready to plant. I won't need to hunt for more flower pots or cut the grocery budget. Maybe this year I can actually grow food. I have my eye on raspberry plants.

I've considered a few more changes, but haven't yet worked out details, or even if it's a good idea. I've tried in the past to raise worms for my garden, but I've never had any success. I think my problem is the container I always choose isn't suitable. I think I need to buy a system that comes with everything, if such a thing is sold.

I'd also like some chickens. I love fresh eggs. And I'd feel considerably safer eating a chicken I raised instead of a maybe-contaminated-with-e. coli chicken from the store. What's holding me back are SNAKES. I can make a chicken pen safe from skunks, raccoons, and hawks, but I know of no way to keep out a snake. For Goddess' sake, a rattlesnake was in the DOG pen. Of course one will go in a chicken pen. Snakes like fresh eggs and chickens better than I do.

Silent Sunday- Someone to Watch Over Me

I Know it's Dauber, Not Dobber

I said I was tired. That's been bothering me all day. I know what dirt daubers are, I swear.

I'm tired today too. Payday is Thursday. I didn't get paid. The guy who normally hands out checks was absent from work so a conniving bitch woman I went to school with filled in for him. I saw her three times. I know she saw me. I never could catch her. Every time I started in her direction, she hurried off like I had the plague. Finally, I sent my team leader to get my money. Team leader comes back, says former classmate is gone. Five of us didn't get our paychecks. Classmate claims she didn't know who those five people were, so oh well.

Bullshit.

I KNOW she knows me. She has known me since junior high. I know she pulled this stunt deliberately because it's the same sort of thing she did when we were young. She liked to hang with the mean girls. She doesn't know the mean girls often made fun of her behind her back for being fat. And I think that's why she never liked me, I've always been skinny.

Today I had to get up early to track down my money. I was afraid to wait until I went in to work because if she left early on a Thursday, then there is no doubt she will leave early on a Friday, especially since it's the Friday the plant shuts down for the holidays.

I had to make three phone calls to locate my check. Then I had to go to work to get it. And the damn checks were in the office the whole time, which means if the classmate had given this information to the team leaders, we could have been paid on Thursday like everyone else. After I got my check, I had to go back to town to cash it so I'd have money. When I got done with this mess, it was too late to go home, but too early to go to work.

Since my routine was thrown off, I have been absent-minded. First, I forgot about my mirror until I got in the truck. I didn't feel like dragging it in the house, so this giant antique has been riding around with me all day. I remembered to pack a lunch, but forgot emergency rations in case my sugar dropped. And I completely forgot about the office party which means I ended up eating food loaded with carbs so I wouldn't hurt my team leader's feelings after she cooked a meal for people who really don't like her. I didn't need that lunch I packed after all.

I stopped on the way home to buy a bottle of rum. I think I've earned it.

Dumpster Diving and Other Stuff

My down-the-road neighbor had a very large mirror leaning against his house for several days. I have been admiring the mirror. I have been trying to figure out how to steal it. I never could come up with anything good, so I just sighed longingly each time I drove by.

Tonight, I passed the dumpster and saw a big mirror. Huh, is that...? Then I passed the neighbor's house. No mirror. Hmm. I turned around.

It's a big, beautiful mirror, in a solid walnut frame, in perfect condition. There is not one blemish or crack. There's a bit of a dirt dobber nest stuck to the glass, but that will clean off with little effort. It's heavy as sin and that's why I don't have a picture- I'm going to wait until tomorrow to wrestle it out of my truck. It's hard for me to lift. I had to hoist up one corner then slide it in.

I cannot believe my luck. I can't believe he threw it out. It's so big, I thought at first it went on a dresser. But no, there's a wire across the back. I think I will have to sweet talk Kevin into hanging it for me. This has to be an antique. It is so lovely and so well-made. I can't believe it was waiting for me.

I sat under the pavilion. I couldn't think of anyone I wanted to escort me. I sat by myself and in a few minutes, here he come. He's younger than I thought. He JUST turned 24 this week. He thought I was 24. He can't believe I am almost 35. I know the age thing shouldn't bother me, but it does. I just think the man should be the older one. I might not feel so bad if he was closer to my age, but he makes me feel a little old and tired. And after talking to him for a while, I don't think it will work. I feel no attraction. We do not share a common interest. We didn't click. Or at least, nothing clicked for me. And I STILL don't know if he's married to Anna. I'm just going to stay in my truck and if he asks again, I'll have to say he's waaaay too young for me.

This whole not finding a mate thing has me questioning past relationships. There have been a couple of times when I wanted to be alone, yet somehow ended up with a man anyway. Now one of those times was when I met Kevin, so I can't say it's a bad thing. A friend of mine pointed out a good man always finds you. Should I stop looking? Supposedly you can't find love when you're searching for it. Several months ago, I found this quote, 'Being alone doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're strong enough to wait for what you deserve.' On the other hand, waiting sucks dishwater.

I had more topics in mind, but my sugar dropped earlier and I still feel drained. I'm going to bed. I just have to get through tomorrow and then I have two wonderful weeks off.

Dark Lady at my Core

I couldn't make up my mind about the pavilion because not going would make me seem too hard to get, and going would make me look easy. I decided to forge my own path.

I texted Nene as soon as I got to work. This actually worked in my favor because as I was texting, the guy walked by my truck and asked me to join him. I said I had important calls to make and couldn't break away.

When Nene arrived, I got in her car. We sat in the parking lot in front of the pavilion so we were clearly visible, but utterly unavailable. I told her everything that transpired. She wasn't sure if that was the husband either, but she was sure Anna's husband did work out there. We decided we were too good to get caught up in drama, so we acted like glamorous bitchy queens too high and mighty to fraternize with the common folk. Then we strolled in to work fashionably late. We laughed the whole way, having a blast. He stopped me, asked why I didn't come socialize, and I pointed to Nene, saying I wanted to spend time with my friend. Now I am not the desperate looking one.

I spent the rest of the night flirting with Mr. Dragon. 'Cause I'm mean like that.

I haven't made up my mind yet, but it occurs to me the next ideal Dark Lady move would be to go to the pavilion- with another man. Or two. Hmm, who could escort me?

Man Hunting- Not the Catch I Wanted

I don't know about you, but the men I am attracted to I rarely meet in real life. I'm looking for a handsome, kind, honest man. I'm picturing someone with black hair, beautiful eyes, and washboard abs. A state trooper, a firefighter, game warden, or some big, burly, manly guy. What normally comes my way is a lazy slob with an immense beer gut and an opposition to showering daily.

Depressed? Oh, sadly, YES.

Last night as I was leaving, one of the men stopped me in the parking lot. He told me I should come to the pavilion at break and socialize with him and his friends. I'm really confused because I thought this guy was married to Anna. Worse, I like Anna.

Anna used to work on my line. We got along well. She's smart and funny. She's young, has a one year old, and I thought her husband worked out there too because Anna was complaining about Nicki. Anna said Nicki was so slutty she wouldn't let her husband even say 'hi' to her. Anna used to spend a lot of time with the guy who talked me to last night. They took breaks together. But I noticed they arrived to work in separate cars. Maybe it's not her husband. But if he isn't, who is? I can't ask Anna because she doesn't work there anymore. Did Anna already know Nicki? Did Anna's husband drop her off one day and Anna said, 'OMG, there's that slut Nicki, DON'T YOU EVEN LOOK AT HER!'

I don't want to fool around with Anna's guy. But what if this guy is her brother or cousin or something? I can't ask Nicki, she doesn't work there anymore either. I don't know who would know. And it gets more complicated. (You didn't think this was simple, did you? The Universe provides me with chaos just so I can have blog material.) The guy looks alright. He's not of the beer gut variety. But his friends are. What if one of them sent him to invite me over and when I get to the pavilion some leering, nasty, tobacco chewing redneck will be like, 'What's yore name, Sweet Thang?' Ewwwww. And if it was just his idea, because after all, the others haven't really spoken to me, it's still a problem because he's younger than me, maybe like ten years younger, and I wanted a man my age or older. I don't fool around with boys, I want a MAN.

I am so confused.

Part of me thinks I should go to the pavilion, but not right away, don't want to look desperate, if I go I'll find out what's going on, but another part of me wants to hold out until a better guy comes along. But if I am more sociable, I'll meet more people, thus increasing my chances of meeting someone nice. But I don't want to piss off Anna. What if she pulls up in the parking lot one day and demands to know why I am talking to her husband? But if that's her man, how come I never saw them arrive in the same car? I never saw them kiss, hug, or hold hands. She never said, This is my husband. But then, why were they always together? Did they break up? I know the baby didn't belong to her husband. But then why did they marry? Would the real husband please speak up so I'll know whether or not to sit under the damn pavilion?!

Oh yeah, I finally got up the nerve to talk to Mr. Eyes. He's married. (grumble)

The Mutt Problem- Some Advice Would be Nice

I live across the street from a passive-aggressive jackass. No one gets along with the man. He's the half-brother of my landlord and they don't speak to each other. There's some power lines cutting across the jackass' property. Just below the power lines is another neighbor. Several years ago, the two had some sort of argument so the jackass built an eight foot wooden privacy fence- in the middle of his pasture, roughly half a mile between either house. This is what is called a 'spite fence' and if we were in the city limits, the neighbor could probably take action to have the fence removed. But as the fence is out in the middle of nowhere, and he can't see it from his house, the neighbor just goes on about his business.

But Alabama Power objects to the fence because it is blocking access to their power lines. Alabama Power does not always politely inquire. Sometimes they just rip things up and that's what they did with the fence. Jackass assumed the neighbor did it, and he promptly rebuilt his useless fence. Alabama Power knocked it down again. He rebuilt. Knocked down. Rebuilt. The neighbor is watching all this with great amusement. Every time jackass accuses him of messing with the fence, he laughs like hell.

My landlord's uncle was shot and killed because of the jackass. He got into it with some rednecks, they were in the woods shooting at the house (just messing with him them said!), and a stray bullet hit the uncle who was standing on his porch. The uncle's house was some 200 yards away from the jackass. I think that really was an accident, but what kind of person annoys rednecks enough that they break out the guns? Most rednecks I know would rather fight with their fists.

Every time I tell one of the locals where I live, they say, 'oh. Sorry.' People who break down come to my house saying, 'I just didn't feel right going over there.' The jackass has signs everywhere stating 'Smile. Your on video' I object the the signs just because of the grammar. It's YOU'RE. Idiot.

The jackass lives in a really old single-wide trailer because his wife burned down the house. He built a big, fancy house that had outside heat. The wife got up in the middle of the night to add wood to the fire, left the door open, a draft blew in, fanned the flames, and the whole house went up in smoke. They had no insurance on the house, and had sunk all their money into building it, so they couldn't rebuild. Now I live in a friendly town, and when anything happens, everybody pitches in to help. I think if my house burned, I'd get three or four offers of free lodging, clothes, food, and money. Nobody offered to help the jackass. All of this happened years ago and part of the burned house is still standing. The jackass left it has a reminder to his wife- it's your fault we live in a cheap trailer. I think by now he should have gotten enough money to rebuild, but he doesn't because he doesn't want his wife to have anything nice.

When I first moved in, I let my dogs run outside a good bit. Sophie and Halona would happily stay in the yard all day- until the jackass let his dogs out. I don't know how many he has. At least five, maybe six. One of his would come over and my dogs would have a fit and they would chase the dog off. I didn't want to be a bad neighbor, so I would promptly try to catch my dogs. Mine don't really listen when they are defending their territory. Catching two dogs is hard. Just when I grab one, the other runs farther away. Or one of the jackass' mutts will nip the dog I've caught and then I can't hold her.

I decided the problem was we both got home at the same time, thus we both let our dogs out at the same time. I thought the solution would be to vary the time I opened the dog pen gate. So I started waiting an hour or so. This worked for a few days. Enough that I stopped looking out the window before going out. That's when he started messing with me. The jackass waited until he saw my dogs roaming free, then he'd left his pack out. Chaos would begin. His dogs would come over, mine would chase them away, I couldn't get mine back, and all the while the jackass would be standing near the fence watching. He wouldn't call his and he wouldn't catch mine. He'd tell my dogs, 'You keep coming over here and you'll be shot!' but he never said a word to me.

I changed times again. I tried to be random. When he couldn't figure out my pattern, he started leaving ONE of his dogs loose at all times.

His dogs are working dogs. He has them to herd cows. He is of the mind that working animals are not pets. The dogs are not socialized. They do not get petted. If a dog does not obey, he shoots it. Last weekend, I had to go fetch my dogs from across the street. He wasn't home but his wife was. She tried to help, but she was afraid to grab their dog because it bites. It took nearly 45 minutes to separate dogs and drag mine back home.

I have tried walking mine on a leash. But I can't hold two full grown labs. I've tried walking one at a time, but sometimes I still can't hold the dog. I've been dragged across pavement more than once. I have a shock collar, but I only have one collar and two dogs. My dogs hate the collar and whenever one is wearing it she is almost afraid to pee. I'll have to coax her off the porch. I don't like shock collars, but I'm afraid if my dogs start chasing cows he'll shoot them and he would be perfectly within his rights to defend his livestock. The battery goes dead in the collar frequently and because it is an expensive lithium battery, I hate buying replacements. And this still doesn't solve the problem of his dogs coming into my yard.

Today I didn't think. I opened the door, let the dogs out, turned on the stove to make coffee, then headed outside to keep an eye on the dogs. I noticed Sophie staring across the yard intently. Uh-oh. I started calling the dogs to come in, but too late, they were running across the road. Immediately, I went after them, just praying I could get the dogs back before the coffee pot burned up. I actually managed to catch them both in ten minutes, but several of my neighbors saw me in my pajamas- flannel pants, white tank-top, slippers, unbrushed hair, and eyes still screwed up with sleep. And at 12 noon, so they probably think I'm lazy as hell. I think three cars went by and I doubt any of them said, hmm, she must work second shift. I bet they were all thinking, Geez, put some clothes on, lady.

I'm not sure how to fix this. If he wasn't such an asshole, I'd talk to him, work out some times when our dogs could be free. If the wife wasn't scared of the dogs, I'd talk to her, but I really think she doesn't want to go out to the pen unless she absolutely has to. If the dogs were more sociable, I'd let them interact with mine. I thought about calling Animal Control, but while he's mean, he's not being negligent- his animals are fed and sheltered. And he could just as easily turn the tables by calling Animal Control on me. Since I live on the county line, I'd have to call Lee County on him and he'd call Tallapoosa County on me, and I doubt either agency would talk to the other before heading out. I'm not doing anything wrong, but I'd rather not have my name in an Animal Control inquiry. My landlord said the next time one of his dogs came in my yard, I should shoot it. I'm afraid if I did, I'd come home from work and find my dogs dead. I don't want to shoot a dog anyway. 

So Readers, what would you do?

Silent Sunday- Ho Ho Ho

Long Nights Moon

The Long Nights Moon is a hard one for me to celebrate because it's so cold outside. I don't want to stand under the full moon. I want to stay in my nice warm house. But, sigh, I just don't get the same effect standing by the window. So out I go.

This esbat is perfect for thinking. Think about who you are and who you would like to be. Are those the same? How could you meld those two selves? I am of the mind that it is wrong to reject the self. I believe we are shaped a certain way for a reason. Don't feel bad about who you are. If you are really unhappy with yourself, work on transformation. I used to be angry. Really, really, really pissed-off angry all the time. I don't know why I felt that way, but I decided it was wrong and I was going to stop. I started letting go of my anger. Then I was depressed. My anger was what kept me going. I had to work through depression and it was two years before I felt like I made any headway. Then, I had to allow myself to be happy. I don't think I don't think I would have gotten this far if I had beat myself up for being 'bad' (angry).

After your self-reflection, this is the perfect full moon for love of all kinds. Nurturing what you love, who you love, giving love, and accepting love. It's a good time for generosity, as well as physical love. You know, nothing else to do on a long, cold night.

I like to read at this time of year. There's a few books I like to read over and over. Usually I read The Hobbit in the winter. Since it's too cold to go out, I get a craving for adventure. Of course, I am very grateful I don't have to climb mountains in the snow or ride a river in a barrel. That's the problem with adventure, they're not nearly so much fun to live as to read.

To me, the Long Nights Moon is just what the name implies- time. Lots of time to indulge. I have time to sleep, time to cook, time to read, time to sew. This year I have two weeks off for Christmas. I haven't had two weeks off since I was a student. I am just beside myself with plans and ideas. Those coming two weeks seem long and golden. I think when it's over I'll be transformed. I'm going to work hard to make sure I come out better.

That's a Deal Breaker

There is just one bad habit I absolutely cannot abide-

Dip.

Men, if this is what you do, then I do not ever, under any circumstances, want to have sexual relations with you, kiss you, be in the same room with you, or look at you. I don't want to touch you. I don't want to handle anything you have touched. I do not want to go into your personal space for fear of finding your spit bottle. DO NOT tell me it isn't that bad- you are shoving a big wad of worm dirt in your mouth. It looks nasty in the can and it looks even worse after it comes in contact with your saliva. And no, dammit to hell, it DOES NOT SMELL GOOD. I don't care if the label says wintergreen, dip stinks. Period.

I don't care if you brushed your teeth. You're nasty. You are slowly rotting away your mouth, teeth, tongue, and throat. And why, oh why can't you throw. out. the. damn. spit. BOTTLE! Why do you toss it under the truck seat?! Do you think it is funny when that nasty glob of plastic encased spit rolls under my feet? I am so not amused.

My Papa used to dip. He loved to walk up to us girls and say he had 'chocolate bubble gum'. He'd open his mouth wide to show us that disgusting wad of tobacco with brown spittle running from his lips and we'd all run screaming to our mothers and our mamas would scream, too. My Granny used to get on to Papa, but he didn't pay her any mind. He'd chortle and at the next family event he'd do it again. I do not ever remember giving Papa hugs or kisses. He died when I was 22. In two decades I showed him no affection because I thought my grandfather was gross! How sad is that? None of us would sit in his chair because of his spit can. He kept an empty family sized can of tomatoes lined with paper towels on the floor next to his recliner. He'd spit in it, or towards it, when he watched television. After the can became full, which took forty forevers because first the can was so big and second because Papa was rarely in the house, Granny would throw the can out, then scrub the wall and floor. Maybe four times a year the mess got cleaned up. The rest of the time it was not safe to sit in front of the tv because you might grab the chair arm to lean back and find a greasy bit of dip. Worse would be dropping the remote and hearing the splatter. Hope you like whatever show is on because nobody is fishing the remote out of the spit can.

I can handle smoke. You like cigarettes? Okay. Cigars? Fine. I can't deal with a pipe because the smell is more intense and gives me a headache, but nobody really smokes a pipe anymore. Even a pipe induced headache is better than dip. I can handle an ashtray overflowing with stale cigarette butts. Know why? The ashtray isn't covered with unnaturally dark body fluids! And the older the spit bottle, the BLACKER it is, like some awful, rapid growing black mold producing spores in its ideal environment.

:Gag:

Sorry, dry heaves.

So, men, just be perfectly clear-

I don't care if you are a multimillionaire, have a house on the beach, have an ass tight enough to bounce a quarter on, and have a romantic streak a mile wide, if you dip you are a pathetic loser and I won't give you the time of day.

Ick.

Labrador Life Rules

1. Always retrieve what you went after.

2. Sometimes, you've got to investigate.

3. Eat!

4. Be cute, not guilty.

5. Sleep with your friends.

6. Speak up!

7. Jump in!

8. And remember, belly rubs fix everything!

Release

I am taking part in Silver Ravenwolf's 2011 Release Challenge. I did most of it last year and it was very helpful. Today is Day 1 and the mission was to make noise (cleansing through sound) and then to enjoy the silence (hear messages from Deity).

The purpose is to release anything that may be holding us back so new energies and positive change can enter our lives. Much of the challenge focuses on getting rid of clutter. My house is fairly clutter free. My parents, both of them, have the don't-throw-it-away-might-need-it mindset. Just to give you an example- my father will change the oil, then put the old oil filter in the cabinet. I assure you- there is no use for a used oil filter. Never throwing anything away means you can't properly clean, too much stuff is in the way. You can't acquire new belongings because there is no place to put them. You can't dance without bumping into furniture. No parties, no big family dinners, no guests, and no pets in the house because animals knock things over. That is not the way I want to live.

Still, even I hang on to things I won't use. Fabric is my danger. I can use any fabric. But I MIGHT NOT use all I have. Clothes are an issue because clothes are made of fabric and if the item is too stained for Goodwill, I can cut it up and dye it. I want to be good, recycle, reuse and all, and I hate to just throw something out, but seriously, I already have more fabric than I can use in a lifetime.

I also have a problem with finishing things. I make lots of plans. I have good ideas. But I don't always see things through. I generally fall short on gardening because that is a lot of work. I'll clear the ground, be too tired to plant seeds, and in a week the weeds have taken over and my bare ground is gone. I also fall short on exercise routines. As a diabetic, I must do three things- take insulin, stick to my diet, and exercise daily. If I'm going to skip one, it will be the exercise.

Then there are those unfinished sewing projects I have all over the house. Quilt blocks, needlework, clothes that should be hemmed, patterns I copied, notes for my Etsy shop- I don't need to start another project ever.

I had to pick an energy to work with, goddess, totem, angel, ancestor, or the like, and I had to choose a theme. My energy is Dragon and my theme is Balance. I have a whole bunch of things I want- good health, happiness, prosperity, love, creativity, the list goes on. There was no way I could decide which of those things were the most important. I decided Balance was the key. If I clear the path, everything I want should come to me.