Saturday, July 30, 2011

The Reaping of Lammas

In order to figure out how to get what I want, I need to know what I have to work with. Sometimes what I think is a problem turns out not to be an issue at all after I take a closer look. For example- Kevin's hats. He has ball caps he doesn't even wear, but he won't get rid of them because they're 'special' like the Cow College on the Plains 2010 National Championship Hat. His mother gave it to him. He won't toss the RMF Heavy Equipment Rental Hat either because the service rep over there is a nice guy. The service rep is never ever going to come to our house, so he won't know if Kevin kept the damn thing or not, but in Kevin's mind throwing out the hat is a bad thing.

Kevin had all these hats hanging on the bedpost which seriously annoyed me. I have a nice, antique, feather bed, handmade by my great-grandfather. It lends a touch of elegance and luxury to the house and hanging a baseball cap (or 10) on the posts is just so Redneck and cheap. I'd put on the best sheets, my nicest quilt, and my biggest, fluffiest pillows, oh my, doesn't it look so romantic...wait, don't put that greasy, smelly cap up... aaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh. Every morning before work, Kevin took all the hats off in an attempt to figure out which one he should wear. As he decided, he'd toss them on the bed and smell of sweat and grease would form a cloud of funk around my nice quilted nest. I could still smell it even after pouring a strong cup of coffee. Sometimes, half asleep, I'd roll over on the pillow and WHEW! Then I was awake.

I got him to throw out the really nasty ones. That got us down to five, but alas, he brought more home. Then we had 8. I thought I needed a hat rack but I couldn't find what I wanted. It suddenly dawned me that I have push pins. I hung all the hats on the closet wall. Now Kevin can see them, we can add more push pins if necessary (hopefully not) and my bed is funk free with no money spent.

Compost is a big issue for me right now. I want to compost more, put less in the trash. The problem is if I pile it up, it doesn't rot fast enough. I end up with the pile over-flowing the wire bin and then what? Start another pile? Turn the current pile? The kitchen trash has become an issue as well. I don't want to run outside every time I chop veggies to dispose of peels so I was leaving them in a bag and throwing it on the pile at the end of the day. Unless Kevin came in, then he'd promptly throw my future compost in the garbage where it is just smelly trash and of little benefit to my garden.

When I try to spread the compost around, I either don't have enough or I have too much. Case in point- dog shit. I have a never-ending supply. Every day I clean out the pen and all that poop has to go somewhere. I don't want to put it around food plants, but it's fine fertilizer for roses and trees. I have three rose bushes. Every day I get about half a bucket of poop. I don't want to see it or smell it. I can't keep piling it up. Sure, the roses love it, but they don't use it very fast. I try to cover the shit with pine straw. I have pine trees in my yard so buying bales of pine straw just seems stupid. But the trees aren't dropping needles fast enough to cover everything.

What I would like are those turning barrel composters. This costs money. I've heard of people using regular 50 gallon drums and just rolling the drum back and forth, but this seems like a lot of work and I need space to roll it. 

A filing cabinet would also be a nice thing to have. I have drawings of quilts, designs for fabric, journals, poetry, recipes, lists, pictures, art, patterns, instructions, notebooks, letters, and all the other normal household paperwork like taxes, bills, and check stubs. And then I have a big collection of witchy stuff on my bookshelves- book of shadows, spells, notes, and herbal lists. Every once in a while, I fool myself into thinking I can organize it all. I buy binders and folders and tabs. I sort, resort, stack, realize I need more binders, think I can combine a few folders, say quilt blocks with quilting designs, then get confused when I can't find what I'm looking for. Heck, I might need two or three filing cabinets.

Some rugs would be nice. I want handwoven, colorful throw rugs. I need another vacuum cleaner, mine stopped sucking. And I want another steam mop. I really loved my steam mop, but it was so cheaply made it stopped heating up.  I still want a big hutch for witchcraft supplies. My landlord and I are arguing about the ceiling fan in the kitchen which I do believe he bought new in 1980. The light doesn't come on anymore and it wobbles horribly. I can't get the dirt off. Ugly! OMG, it's ugly. But it's still 'working' so he won't replace it.

That's a problem, I don't own this house. I'd like to repaint and replace the ugly, torn linoleum with real hardwood, but I don't want to spend a lot of money on a house I'll have to leave someday. I love this little house, but it needs a good bit of TLC. My landlord just replaced all the windows. The old windows were in such bad shape every one broke as the workmen removed them. One good storm and my house would have been ruined.

I'd like to expand the garden. The problem here is time- I never get the chance to do everything I want to do because I'm always at work. There's also the issue of what to plant- how much am I willing to dig up when I move? I planted a willow tree at my old house. I intended to take it but it had grown so much I needed a backhoe to get it out of the ground. I left it, and the house looks great with that beautiful tree shading it, but damn it, I paid for that weeping willow.

I have more things I want, like books, clothes, and cds. And there's things I'd like to do more often, like go to the river, catch a movie, host a few parties, and maybe find a witchcraft circle so I can associate with like minds. I have lots of changes I want to make.

I think of the things I have as seeds. If I cultivate some things, they will grow into what I want. The trick is seeing what I have manifest into what I want. In order to make it happen, I'm doing a little cauldron work.

The cauldron is a symbol or transformation and change. I suppose you could use a regular box or basket, but I would try to use something dealing with harvest, like a bread basket or a seed storage box. I am using a cheap, plastic Halloween decoration because I love those things. Yeah, I bought it at the dollar store. A plastic pumpkin would also work. If you like cooking, you could use an old stew pot.

Write each desire on a separate piece of paper, then fold the paper so you can't read the words, and drop it in the cauldron. You can sprinkle some herbs in, maybe salt to cleanse so the path is open for new things, dried mint for money, or ground pepper to protect your wishes. You could also toss in crystals- little chips of quartz would be great.

Offer the cauldron to your choice of deity- Goddess, ancestors, totem animal, local spirits, whatever you like. Ask for help in obtaining your goals. Every day pull one slip of paper and work on that item. If I pulled the paper with the hutch, I might clear out a space where I could put the hutch. I might check prices. I could look at used furniture. If I can't get the item, I'll put it back in the cauldron to try again later. When I get what I want, I'll burn the paper and give thanks to deity for helping me. Drawing the same slip of paper over and over means something is blocked and that area of your life needs attention. When all the goals have been reached, give anything left in the cauldron (herbs, stones) as an offering. You can bury it, burn it, toss it into the wind, or pour it into a body of water. Do whatever feels right, but do it with intent.

This spell sounds easy, but be aware it could take a long time. You might be working from one harvest to the next. Along the way, you might discover you don't want some of these things. You might want to refocus on something you think is more important. That's fine, just read all the papers, burn the ones that don't matter and re-offer the cauldron. Also know that whenever you ask for change, your personal life changes too. Be prepared for relationships to end. Don't be sad, anyone who leaves your life while you are working this rite was hindering you in some way. Acknowledge the relationship for what it was, then move on.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Lammas Is Coming- The Blessings List

1. I am thankful I am still alive. My time on this earth has been shortened. Simple joys mean so much more now.

2. I have clothes to wear, food to eat, and a place to stay. Sometimes I wonder exactly how I am going to get by, but I live independently. I don't need to rely on anyone to take care of me.

3. I am intelligent with an active, curious mind. I have the ability to recognize patterns in my life so I can change and adapt.

4. I have a guitar! I know, you were expecting something more serious. But when I got out of the hospital I said I wanted to learn to play before I die. I can strum a bit now and I know a few cords.

5. I am lucky enough to live in the country, very much the same way that I grew up. I live on a farm, I have dogs, a big yard, a small garden, and I can't see my neighbors. I can walk around my backyard naked because I'm kinky like that :p

6. I do not look my age. I am 34 and all my co-workers think I am in my twenties.

7. I am a practicing kitchen witch with awesome powers. Okay, I made that sound more impressive than it really is. What I mean is I choose to have a religion that allows me to control my fate. I do not need a mediator between me and God telling me how to behave or think. The flip side is when I screw up, it is all my fault and there is no devil to blame. There's a great responsibility to being a witch, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Now, go count your own blessings no matter how small they may be because small things matter more than you think. For my next post, I will be talking about what I want and changes that need to be made. If you want to follow along and create change in your own life, you must know where you are before you know where to go.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Is It Halloween Yet?


Most of the blogs I read are suddenly all about fall, even the non-pagan ones. Everyone is longing for cooler weather. As my garden wilts, I wish for cool breezes, too. But there's a little more to it than relief from scorching heat. I think I'm beginning to figure out what I'm longing for.

This has been a rough year. I thought 2010 was the worst year of my life. Really, what can be worse than becoming diabetic? But 2011 has been the year of change. Lots and lots of changes, which leave me reeling and off-balance. Even the most basic of my routines are gone. Nothing in my life is like it was a year ago. I can't think of a single area that hasn't seen change or, and this is what blows my mind, I had to consider changing. Everything about me has been pushed under the microscope for close inspection.

I keep telling myself things will settle down soon. While not based on any evidence, I've gotten the idea that things will be better in the fall. I have no proof of this. I have no schedule to go by. I've not been made promises. No one has told me anything, or hinted at relief. Yet, I am undeniably convinced the fall will be my time.

I love the fall. I love the cool nights and windy afternoons. I love the gray rain (unlike the steamy rain of summer which only super-heats my yard). I love the falling leaves. I love how the year is winding down, yet everyone has so much bustling energy. People aren't burdened by the holidays in October. I love the pumpkins appearing everywhere, I love the creativity, the decorations, the costumes, and oh, I miss the candy sooooo much! How can anyone not be happy at Halloween?

I even love the dark side of Halloween. I love the skeletons, the ghouls, the black ribbons. I like how people make mock cemeteries on their front lawns. I even love the gross stuff, gory movie marathons and scary masks. Halloween is when we must face our fears and we are better for it. I hope if your child wants that really ugly, blood-dripping mask you'll give it to them. Please don't try to make Halloween 'safe', it's supposed to be scary. And I think the absolute saddest thing I have witnessed in my lifetime is the decline of home-made treats. Every year I turn on my porch light and wait with my big bowl of candy and every year less children come to my door. You can't teach community at a corporate sponsored event with strangers, you meet your neighbors when you knock on the door and scream, 'Trick or Treat!' And for god's sake, if someone soaps your windows you should have baked real chocolate chip cookies. It's a bribe- I'm good to you, so you be nice to me. Just pay up and hush.

That is what I'm longing for- the simpler times when people cared enough to hand dip apples instead of buying a bag of mini snickers. I want the time when mothers knew how to sew and they made the costume instead of buying everything. I want to be able to guess who is behind the mask based on the person's mannerisms and voice. We don't really know people that well anymore. We spend all our time behind our computers and phones, failing to notice eye color, speech patterns, and the way people walk.

Lammas is coming. For me this is the official End of Summer. It's the first harvest and I give thanks when all my work pays off. I start winding down. I chomp at the bit for Mabon, nearly rushing through so I can get to Halloween! Then I'm ready to wind down, to rest, to dream, to plan for spring. Lammas is when I always take stock and this year I might need to change directions entirely. I don't know what I will reap, but I accept responsibility for what I have done because only in learning my lessons can move on to what I want.

I might have to put out the jack-o-lanterns early this year.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Jobs Update

Kevin got a job! Same money, better hours. Less stress.
My boss told me the rumors I'd heard were true. If all goes well, I get more money and benefits.
Thank you for all your positive thoughts, good mojo, and burning candles!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

A Long Overdue Witch of This Place Essay

A while back, I read about plants being sorcerers, meaning they have their own magick and don't need any human to activate or use that power. It was a totally DUH moment for me. I talk to trees. I listen to the wind. I move storms. But it never once occurred to me to communicate with a plant. Sure, I ask for permission before harvesting, but asking the plant what it could teach me? I was overly closed minded. I can't believe I was so dense for so long.

Monday, I sat on my front steps and began reaching out to the plants with my mind. I got a GREAT response from my snapdragons. I planted the bed to protect the house. The only reason I picked that plant was because of a short story I read years ago about a witch with a pussy willow. Each night real kittens appeared on the tree. The neighbor had a dogwood and every night white pit bulls barked and growled at the kittens, so the witch planted snapDRAGONS in her yard. Charming story, and wouldn't it be cool if dragons were guarding my house?

My snapdragons told me they were female, and their power lies in sex- the power of physical love, of wanting to protect what you desire, the abundance of reproduction, fiery passion but earthly powers too. I checked my Cunningham's Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs, where snapdragons are described as masculine, ruled by Mars and Fire, and are protection against lies and bewitchment. There is not one word about sex, love, desire, or babies. And why the heck are they classified as male when mine are so clearly female?

I've got nothing against Scott Cunningham. I use his books all the time. I love my herbal encyclopedia, it was one of the first witch books I ever purchased. But this is what we feeble humans do- we fail to trust our experience. We don't want to find out, we want someone to tell us. If some authority gives direction, then we know we are doing things the 'right way.' How often to we read something and then test it? Passing along information is great, but what if that information wasn't true or complete in the first place? What if time and place itself makes a difference? What if snapdragons growing in America have a different magick than the ones growing in England? Would my plants become more emotionally driven if I planted some by the river? Would they then become more about lasting love and less about burning desire?

Turn off the computer. Close the books. Go outside right now and listen.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Jobs

Last night, one of the woman told me I am up for a promotion even though I haven't been working that long. I have mixed feelings. More money, but still a lot of stress.

Kevin has an interview on Friday. Also more money, but he would be on 2nd shift too. At least we would see more of each other.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Talk to Me, Baby!

I got a new cell phone! Whee! I love it! My old one was a piece of crap. It was a very basic phone and after less than a year it was so out of date I was ashamed to use it in public. Might as well of had a rotary dial on it. I had service in town, but not at home unless I stood on 1 foot by the kitchen window and didn't move. Then the wind would blow and, poof- no more signal. It was prepaid and I was starting to spend more on minutes than if I had a regular cell. The finally straw was when it stopped sending texts. My house phone isn't much better, I pay $66 a month for static and I can't call next door without dialing the area code. I only have the house phone because the cell wouldn't pick up. As a diabetic, I need a phone. I still think phones are evil but at least now I have one that actually works. So far I have had a signal in every room of the house. I'm am so gonna cancel the house phone.

While I'm on the subject of talking, the guy at work said he has been living with the same woman for 7 years. So he's not married exactly, and I no longer feel like a home wrecker, but I still don't think he should have been checking me out.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Poor, poor pitiful me

Poor, poor pitiful me
All these boys won't let me be
Lord have mercy on me
Woe is me

A man at work, who, I must admit, has an effect on me, was questioning my co-workers. He asked them my name, my age, where I was from, what I was like, and if I was single.

He makes it a point to be near my station several times a night. He walks by A LOT. He stares. He watches. He is making me feel like the only doughnut at a Weight Watchers Convention.

Finally, last night he told me he is married. WTF? If you have someone at home, why are you even checking me out?!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Foxy Lady

Every once in a while, foxes began appearing everywhere in my life.

I noticed this several years back when I made a fox quilt. I found a beautiful fabric panel with a fox family. I paired it with bright yellow to make a baby quilt. It sold immediately. After the quilt, I saw a fox, I found a fox bookmark, I got a catalog with a fox on the cover, and National Geographic had several shows about foxes.

When an animals shows up again and again, it's time to pay attention.

I have seen three foxes in real life. First, I saw a red fox. And it was really RED, like a woman's hair.

Next, I saw a brown fox 'charming'. Foxes will 'play'. They dance, flip, roll in the dirt, chase their tails, seemingly innocent, but all the while drawing closer to its prey. The poor rabbit thinks the fox isn't looking for dinner. When the fox is close enough- SNAP. No more bunny rabbit.

Last, I saw a black fox. I discovered black foxes are very rare where I live.

All these foxes were seen while I was driving, which I take to mean they either travel with me through life or they want me to pay attention to where I am going. Sometimes rabbits also appear around the same time as the foxes. I saw a rabbit in my yard when I came home tonight. I see this as a sign of balance- predator and prey, life and death, innocence and knowing.

It's hard to figure out what Fox means. After all, Fox is a Trickster. Sometimes there's more than one meaning and sometimes I just don't know what I am supposed to learn or do. But I know life is never dull when Fox appears. Right now He is coming in hints and glimpses, in secret signs and codes, shadowy and illusive.


Monday, July 4, 2011

Daughter of Korean War Vet

My father graduated from high school in 1950. He enrolled in community college (first in his family) and before the quarter ended he was drafted.

In a way, he got lucky- a week before he was scheduled to see combat the war ended. He became a clerk and he assigned to a warehouse. At first there were four soliders guarding the compound but as the troops were pulled from Korea my father became the only solider on site. He had a few South Koreans working for the American Army and they were his only companions. Only two spoke English.

My father will tell you about the men he served with in basic training. He will tell you about the cultural differences of the Koreans. He will tell you about how when he got to Seoul there was only one building standing. He will talk about seeing Korea on television now and how different it is, how its economy is thriving. Sometimes he will remember Korean words. He will tell you about the time one of his Korean workers wanted a suit so Dad had my grandmother buy the suit and mail it to Korea. He will tell you that the South Koreans were poor and starving. He will tell you they were so hungry they tried stealing whatever they could from the warehouse. Maybe he will mention that he had live ammunition and had to shoot at people. But that is where his stories end.

My father has nightmares.

I do not know what haunts his dreams. But I know it makes him cry out in horror. I know he's had these same nightmares for as long as I can remember. I know he doesn't want to talk about it and if I ask what he dreamed he will pretend not to remember.

It was a war zone. People lost their homes, families, businesses, friends, their whole world and all the comforting things in it that made it safe and sane. People were cold, hungry, and dying. People do cruel things under duress and hardship.

I don't know what my father saw in Korea. But I know damn good and well he didn't spend every night in the warehouse chit chatting with South Koreans.

War doesn't ever really end. It lives on nightmares and dark thoughts when troops come home.

Friday, July 1, 2011

New Listings

I was able to get two items listed in my Etsy shop today.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/77026230/harlequin-cord
http://www.etsy.com/listing/77026639/winding-ways-fabric

I am working on a dragon fabric. It's more or less 'done', I'm concerned about the dye running. I need to make sure it's set before I list it. I'd hate for anyone to buy bleeding fabric from me. It's a cool design.

I'm also working on a banner with Celtic horses. It's also very cool, but my complex design is taking a while to finish. Maybe over the holiday weekend I'll make progress.

We'll See

Right after my last post, I got an interview. I don't know if I got a job or not. I think the interview went fairly well. They are considering me for quality control, BUT there are no QC jobs available on first shift. They said they will call me if something opens and I don't know if they will or they just said that. So keep the candles burning, please!

Oh, I was called for the interview at 1:30. They said come in at 2. I arrived at 1:45 so having a job 15 minutes away would be a HUGE gas reduction. I drive 45 minutes to an hour (depending on traffic) for my current job.