The Unemployment Office called me today. I have filed 3 weeks worth of claims. Today they actually got around to verifying I am me. They double checked my info. They asked why I got fired. I think she was expecting a little more. I should have been a bitch. But, part of me doesn't care. Part of me wants to call Bill and tell him how much I've enjoyed being home.
Should I be approved, my weekly check will go directly into my account. Should I be denied benefits, I will be notified by mail.
It's a good thing I haven't been worried about this or I'd have a headache about nothing.
Today's call just solidifies the limbo feeling. Everything has a surreal feeling to it, like I've started viewing the world through a bubble. I feel isolated, but not lonely. I feel cut off from the 'real' world. I feel adrift between worlds. Time doesn't seems to be passing. Time doesn't have much meaning now.
When I first starting practicing Witchcraft, I worked rituals with friends. I ALWAYS cast the circle. Finally I asked why and my friends told me I was really good at it. They said when I walked the circle it was as if I drew a curtain behind me. We became enclosed. The world receded and only the altar before us mattered.
I don't know what's behind the curtain and it doesn't seem to matter.
The Witchcraft of FreeDragon
Monday, February 28, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Unwinding
Kevin feels better now that his resume is in the hands of HR. I am still out of character and not worried. I have thought about things, going back to work or not, Kevin changing jobs, trying to make a full-time job of quilting, but no matter what path I choose, for now I'm still in limbo. Everything requires a bit of waiting. So I'm waiting.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Ball of Nerves
I am behaving out of character. I am not worried about anything and I have decided to just let things happen. Normally I try to force events into my desired outcome. Not this time. No job? Fine, I'll get one or I won't. Money? Got plenty right now. And let me just go on a mini rant, with rumors of gas sky-rocketing again, I might be better off at home. In 2008 it got to the point where I was wondering if I could afford to go to work. I added up how much I spent in fuel, and realized it would be cheaper for me to stay home at least one day a week. Sure, I'd lose pay, but it just about wasn't worth the drive because I was spending way too much in gas. More than once I coasted in on fumes, thankful that it was payday and I could buy gas as soon as I left work. Gas was an all-consuming thought. Every time I passed a 'cheap' gas station, I topped off my tank because chances were when I needed gas I wouldn't have enough to get me to that particular gas station. My parents are retired. The gas crunch didn't affect my father at all because he rarely leaves the house. He fills his tank about once a month. He didn't even know how much gas went up in 2008. He knew it was high, people everywhere were complaining, but he couldn't tell you the price at the closest station.
In 2008, the Air Witch and I were sure the economy was going to collapse. We were worried there wouldn't be jobs because the factories would close. Money would become worthless because the government would fail. There would be no electricity because the power companies couldn't afford to operate and no one could afford to pay their bill. What would people do? Most people don't cook anymore. They rarely venture into their yards, how would they know how which plants were edible? How would people eat, stay warm, clothe themselves, and stay sane?
These will be the same questions I'll ask myself if gas goes up to $5 a gallon. I never did figure out any of the answers. All I can urge you to do is spend less (or even better, spend nothing), make do with what you've got, save everything (food, money, scraps, etc), and think very carefully before you do anything. Suddenly it seems wise to stay in my little house and keep to myself.
And I don't think the gas companies are raising prices because they have to. I think they WANT to. Before they blamed the hurricanes in the Gulf. Here is the truth- the oil rigs DID NOT SHUT DOWN. I know an engineer who works in the Gulf and she assured me production never stopped. That was just an excuse to raise prices. In fact, she didn't know for a long time that prices were high because she was working on the rig and isolated from the rest of the world. When she finally came ashore she was shocked- nothing had changed on the rig. There was no reason for gas to cost so much. Now it's 3 years later and some greedy fucker is saying, You know, I think we could get away with it again.
We live in a broken world and I don't know how much longer it will wobble around.
While I am wondering about the state of world affairs, Kevin is worried about his resume. Kevin's friend told him the company he works for his hiring. The pay is great, and the benefits are about what Kevin has now. This is all Kevin has thought about this week. He hasn't applied yet and he's already freaking out about not getting the job.
Yesterday I typed up Kevin's resume. I had to print it out at the library because my cheap little printer ran out of ink and I have been debating about buying a better one. Since I'm not a college student anymore, I don't really need a printer. Sure, sometimes it would be nice to have a printer (or scanner) for my sewing projects, but I can live without it.
Last night Kevin realized the dates on his work history were wrong. At 7pm. Too late to go to the library. We had to fix everything, email his resume to a friend, and hopefully he printed it out and brought it to work this morning because the other friend who mentioned the job was supposed to give Kevin's resume to the boss this morning. Confused yet? I wanted Kevin to apply online. I guess that was too simple. Kevin knows the boss at the other company. So if it had been me, I would have applied online then called the guy. But it's Kevin, so he did it the hard way and he's been sitting on the porch at night, smoking and staring into space. He can't sleep, he can't eat, and he keeps asking me, do you think they'll care about me dropping out of school? What if they want me to get my GED? What if I can't pass the test?
Ball O' Nerves.
In 2008, the Air Witch and I were sure the economy was going to collapse. We were worried there wouldn't be jobs because the factories would close. Money would become worthless because the government would fail. There would be no electricity because the power companies couldn't afford to operate and no one could afford to pay their bill. What would people do? Most people don't cook anymore. They rarely venture into their yards, how would they know how which plants were edible? How would people eat, stay warm, clothe themselves, and stay sane?
These will be the same questions I'll ask myself if gas goes up to $5 a gallon. I never did figure out any of the answers. All I can urge you to do is spend less (or even better, spend nothing), make do with what you've got, save everything (food, money, scraps, etc), and think very carefully before you do anything. Suddenly it seems wise to stay in my little house and keep to myself.
And I don't think the gas companies are raising prices because they have to. I think they WANT to. Before they blamed the hurricanes in the Gulf. Here is the truth- the oil rigs DID NOT SHUT DOWN. I know an engineer who works in the Gulf and she assured me production never stopped. That was just an excuse to raise prices. In fact, she didn't know for a long time that prices were high because she was working on the rig and isolated from the rest of the world. When she finally came ashore she was shocked- nothing had changed on the rig. There was no reason for gas to cost so much. Now it's 3 years later and some greedy fucker is saying, You know, I think we could get away with it again.
We live in a broken world and I don't know how much longer it will wobble around.
While I am wondering about the state of world affairs, Kevin is worried about his resume. Kevin's friend told him the company he works for his hiring. The pay is great, and the benefits are about what Kevin has now. This is all Kevin has thought about this week. He hasn't applied yet and he's already freaking out about not getting the job.
Yesterday I typed up Kevin's resume. I had to print it out at the library because my cheap little printer ran out of ink and I have been debating about buying a better one. Since I'm not a college student anymore, I don't really need a printer. Sure, sometimes it would be nice to have a printer (or scanner) for my sewing projects, but I can live without it.
Last night Kevin realized the dates on his work history were wrong. At 7pm. Too late to go to the library. We had to fix everything, email his resume to a friend, and hopefully he printed it out and brought it to work this morning because the other friend who mentioned the job was supposed to give Kevin's resume to the boss this morning. Confused yet? I wanted Kevin to apply online. I guess that was too simple. Kevin knows the boss at the other company. So if it had been me, I would have applied online then called the guy. But it's Kevin, so he did it the hard way and he's been sitting on the porch at night, smoking and staring into space. He can't sleep, he can't eat, and he keeps asking me, do you think they'll care about me dropping out of school? What if they want me to get my GED? What if I can't pass the test?
Ball O' Nerves.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Garden Porn
For an unemployed person, I've certainly been busy.
I weeded my mini roses. Then I moved over to the Brussels sprouts, intending to pull them up. They had babies! I was shocked. So I weeded and watered them.
Today I tackled the irises. I don't think I've weeded the bed since I planted it, ever how many years ago that was. 2009? 2008? I don't remember.
While I was weeding the irises, the mail came. A seed catalog! Oh la la! Garden porn! Ooooh!
I don't care what anyone tells you, gardens are all about sex. Life is literately bursting from the ground, not just from perennials planted, but from creeping vines and invasive weeds. The soil is warm, the bugs are crawling, the worms are wiggling, and little birds are everywhere. Yesterday I raked up pine straw to put around the roses and this morning 20 or so little birds were scratching around where pine straw used to cover their breakfast. They were ecstatically finding heaps of bugs. I made the birds happy. I am such a good garden porn star that I have to do is show up.
My maples are red with thousands of little buds. Any day now I'll hear bees. Don't worry, they'll be too drunk on nectar to sting me.
It is so warm, so sunny, so pleasant...it's my element and I am one happy witch. I keep reminding myself it will get cold again. I know we'll have at least one more good cold front, so I haven't planted anything. I'm clearing, weeding, planning, panting over seed porn...ah! It's hard to be patient. Part of me wants to run out with my seed box right now.
Every year I plan my garden. Every year I draw, measure, think, rethink, buy seeds, buy plants, dig, mulch, water...and run out of time. I'm tired from working, it rains on my only day off, I forgot to water, I can't spend as much time as I need to in the garden. Fruit whithers on the vine, horn worms attack (nasty little fuckers), 1 weed becomes 100, and rabbits open a nightclub in my tomatoes.
But this year I have something I haven't had in years- time. Time to think, time to weed, time to take care of what I've got before I become seduced by seed porn. Yes, I got fired, but it's been wonderful. All my worries are gone because I spend every day connecting with my element. I don't care what happens next. The Earth is telling me I need to be right here.
I weeded my mini roses. Then I moved over to the Brussels sprouts, intending to pull them up. They had babies! I was shocked. So I weeded and watered them.
Today I tackled the irises. I don't think I've weeded the bed since I planted it, ever how many years ago that was. 2009? 2008? I don't remember.
While I was weeding the irises, the mail came. A seed catalog! Oh la la! Garden porn! Ooooh!
I don't care what anyone tells you, gardens are all about sex. Life is literately bursting from the ground, not just from perennials planted, but from creeping vines and invasive weeds. The soil is warm, the bugs are crawling, the worms are wiggling, and little birds are everywhere. Yesterday I raked up pine straw to put around the roses and this morning 20 or so little birds were scratching around where pine straw used to cover their breakfast. They were ecstatically finding heaps of bugs. I made the birds happy. I am such a good garden porn star that I have to do is show up.
My maples are red with thousands of little buds. Any day now I'll hear bees. Don't worry, they'll be too drunk on nectar to sting me.
It is so warm, so sunny, so pleasant...it's my element and I am one happy witch. I keep reminding myself it will get cold again. I know we'll have at least one more good cold front, so I haven't planted anything. I'm clearing, weeding, planning, panting over seed porn...ah! It's hard to be patient. Part of me wants to run out with my seed box right now.
Every year I plan my garden. Every year I draw, measure, think, rethink, buy seeds, buy plants, dig, mulch, water...and run out of time. I'm tired from working, it rains on my only day off, I forgot to water, I can't spend as much time as I need to in the garden. Fruit whithers on the vine, horn worms attack (nasty little fuckers), 1 weed becomes 100, and rabbits open a nightclub in my tomatoes.
But this year I have something I haven't had in years- time. Time to think, time to weed, time to take care of what I've got before I become seduced by seed porn. Yes, I got fired, but it's been wonderful. All my worries are gone because I spend every day connecting with my element. I don't care what happens next. The Earth is telling me I need to be right here.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Find a Home for Blackie
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Nothing Irks Enemies More than an Outpouring of Love and Kindness
Since my termination, the following things have happened-
1. My office mate quit.
2. Half the department tried to get my job back.
3. The CEO has been bombarded with emails, calls, and people protesting.
4. The HR manager is helping me find a new job.
5. A few dozen people have offered to be a reference.
6. I keep hearing of places that are hiring and am urged to apply.
7. My boss finally figured out how much work I did.
8. New chick is clueless and doesn't know what to do.
9. The company paid me ALL my vacation time in an effort to keep me from suing them.
10. The best processor in the plant is quitting.
It's a late Valentine's. I feel very loved. I don't think I could have planned a better revenge if I tried.
1. My office mate quit.
2. Half the department tried to get my job back.
3. The CEO has been bombarded with emails, calls, and people protesting.
4. The HR manager is helping me find a new job.
5. A few dozen people have offered to be a reference.
6. I keep hearing of places that are hiring and am urged to apply.
7. My boss finally figured out how much work I did.
8. New chick is clueless and doesn't know what to do.
9. The company paid me ALL my vacation time in an effort to keep me from suing them.
10. The best processor in the plant is quitting.
It's a late Valentine's. I feel very loved. I don't think I could have planned a better revenge if I tried.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The Shit Hit the Fan
This morning I was jobless and fine with it.
Kevin called me at 7:25am. He is worried about my lack of income. He urged me to come back. If I got fired I can draw unemployment.
I didn't think I'd make it on time. I rushed to work, pulled into the front, left the truck running, ran in, clocked in, then drove around back where I usually park. I was 4 minutes early which just astounded me.
My computer was still gone. My boss was ignoring the hell out of me. I just cleaned. I was wiping down bins when I got fired. Wait for it...
Terminated for leaving the premises while on the clock.
Yes, I drove around the building and had to get on a city street to do it so that was me leaving. It doesn't matter that people do this very thing all the freakin' time. It's stealing time and I am fired.
Kevin is happy now. I can draw unemployment.
I am annoyed. I was trying to give it one more try and it was all for nothing. This is the only time in my life I have been fired and I always thought if I got fired it would be for a really good reason. This is just stupid.
This morning I was fine. I was sitting here at the computer filling out job applications. I felt okay. Now I'm just pissed.
I can't believe life flips around so much so fast.
Kevin called me at 7:25am. He is worried about my lack of income. He urged me to come back. If I got fired I can draw unemployment.
I didn't think I'd make it on time. I rushed to work, pulled into the front, left the truck running, ran in, clocked in, then drove around back where I usually park. I was 4 minutes early which just astounded me.
My computer was still gone. My boss was ignoring the hell out of me. I just cleaned. I was wiping down bins when I got fired. Wait for it...
Terminated for leaving the premises while on the clock.
Yes, I drove around the building and had to get on a city street to do it so that was me leaving. It doesn't matter that people do this very thing all the freakin' time. It's stealing time and I am fired.
Kevin is happy now. I can draw unemployment.
I am annoyed. I was trying to give it one more try and it was all for nothing. This is the only time in my life I have been fired and I always thought if I got fired it would be for a really good reason. This is just stupid.
This morning I was fine. I was sitting here at the computer filling out job applications. I felt okay. Now I'm just pissed.
I can't believe life flips around so much so fast.
The Seventh Year
Today is my first official day as jobless. First time is 7 years that I have no job. I thought I would be worried, because I do have bills and the little bit of money I have won't last long, but instead I feel peaceful.
I debated going back. I changed my mind a few thousand times. I decided last night I should stay until I find something else. Then I woke up at 3am with a low sugar. That was a sign. My body is under stress. When I look at the big picture it doesn't make sense to stay. My health and happiness are at stake.
The company I applied with on Tuesday really liked my application, they just don't have anything for me yet. I called this morning and left a message to keep my name in mind. I have an application to drop off today, and I have two more to fill out. I think I will be okay until I find something and I feel confident I will be working next week.
I really believe it was my banishing spell that made all this happen. I don't regret it. I feel like I have an opportunity for something better. But it did remind me that magick always follows the path of least resistance. I have a tendency to try and bend things to my will when I should be the one adjusting. I probably create too much work for myself.
The creative flood gates have opened. I have listed something in my Etsy shop every day. I have many more ideas. I also have some Zazzle ideas, but their website won't behave so I got annoyed. If anyone from zazzle is reading this, let me tell you that when I click on a link I expect to go somewhere.
I want to thank you all for you supportive comments. That really helped. I have great readers!
I debated going back. I changed my mind a few thousand times. I decided last night I should stay until I find something else. Then I woke up at 3am with a low sugar. That was a sign. My body is under stress. When I look at the big picture it doesn't make sense to stay. My health and happiness are at stake.
The company I applied with on Tuesday really liked my application, they just don't have anything for me yet. I called this morning and left a message to keep my name in mind. I have an application to drop off today, and I have two more to fill out. I think I will be okay until I find something and I feel confident I will be working next week.
I really believe it was my banishing spell that made all this happen. I don't regret it. I feel like I have an opportunity for something better. But it did remind me that magick always follows the path of least resistance. I have a tendency to try and bend things to my will when I should be the one adjusting. I probably create too much work for myself.
The creative flood gates have opened. I have listed something in my Etsy shop every day. I have many more ideas. I also have some Zazzle ideas, but their website won't behave so I got annoyed. If anyone from zazzle is reading this, let me tell you that when I click on a link I expect to go somewhere.
I want to thank you all for you supportive comments. That really helped. I have great readers!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Got It Now
Change the Subject
I'm a little tired of talking about pumpkins, so I decided to show you what I'm working on. I'm trying to make Celtic knots. This is my 3rd attempt. I learned they must be woven like real knots else it's just an ugly blob. Now I need to work on spacing. When I get the hang of it, these will be sold as decorative patches in my Etsy shop.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Want a Good Answer?
While I was out today, I picked up an application to my favorite craft store because heck, the starting pay is only a dollar less than I make now. Which tells you we never get cost of living raises.
I agreed to all their terms, signed my name, and started filling out the employment history section. Then I came to that dreaded question-
Reason for leaving?
Crap. What am I supposed to say? Boss is a dickhead? Boy, THAT will go over well. Should I be painfully honest? Disagreement with supervisor? No, sounds like I have a problem with authority. Which I do. Aaarrrggghhhhh. Health issues? That's sort of true, but it makes me sound unfit to do anything and on the verge of filing for disability. Hhhhhmmmmm.
I had to walk away for a while. I thought about how difficult this really is. I'm not going to look good whether I get fired or I quit. I will have to answer this question again and again. How long will it be before the blackness is gone?
I thought about going back. That's the easy route. I can stay until I find something else. Except, well, I know I won't bother to look again. It's too easy to go to the same stupid job day after day. After a while I become numb. Then I'm too tired to fight. Finally I become accustomed to being depressed and fail to register the rut I've fallen into. I forget I have choices.
I can't go back.
I can't stay in a place where I have to watch everyone all the time in case some innocent remark is twisted and used against me. I don't want to lock my desk every time I leave my office for a coffee break. I don't like having headaches. I don't like feeling anxious and tense. I hate the way my bosses try to belittle me. I hate the rules and the uniforms. I hate not being allowed to wear earrings and nail polish. I must get out of this pit!
Why can't I have a job I like, doing something...
Whoa.
Reason for leaving- Want a job that matches my hobbies and interests.
Now that's a good answer.
I agreed to all their terms, signed my name, and started filling out the employment history section. Then I came to that dreaded question-
Reason for leaving?
Crap. What am I supposed to say? Boss is a dickhead? Boy, THAT will go over well. Should I be painfully honest? Disagreement with supervisor? No, sounds like I have a problem with authority. Which I do. Aaarrrggghhhhh. Health issues? That's sort of true, but it makes me sound unfit to do anything and on the verge of filing for disability. Hhhhhmmmmm.
I had to walk away for a while. I thought about how difficult this really is. I'm not going to look good whether I get fired or I quit. I will have to answer this question again and again. How long will it be before the blackness is gone?
I thought about going back. That's the easy route. I can stay until I find something else. Except, well, I know I won't bother to look again. It's too easy to go to the same stupid job day after day. After a while I become numb. Then I'm too tired to fight. Finally I become accustomed to being depressed and fail to register the rut I've fallen into. I forget I have choices.
I can't go back.
I can't stay in a place where I have to watch everyone all the time in case some innocent remark is twisted and used against me. I don't want to lock my desk every time I leave my office for a coffee break. I don't like having headaches. I don't like feeling anxious and tense. I hate the way my bosses try to belittle me. I hate the rules and the uniforms. I hate not being allowed to wear earrings and nail polish. I must get out of this pit!
Why can't I have a job I like, doing something...
Whoa.
Reason for leaving- Want a job that matches my hobbies and interests.
Now that's a good answer.
Is That a Flower on the Pumpkin Vine?
I have a job interview tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First place I called asked me to come in! And after that, I have applications to drop off!
Now I can breathe a little better, I feel much more optimistic, and the merry-go-round pumpkin is slowing down. Whew!
I've noticed one thing, not sure what to make of it, if it's a gender thing or what, but all the men I've talked to have told me to stay. All the women said go.
Any thoughts?
Now I can breathe a little better, I feel much more optimistic, and the merry-go-round pumpkin is slowing down. Whew!
I've noticed one thing, not sure what to make of it, if it's a gender thing or what, but all the men I've talked to have told me to stay. All the women said go.
Any thoughts?
'Round and 'Round the Pumpkin We Go
Kevin tends to work out his thoughts/feelings as he talks about them. So he has been switching sides a good bit. Stay, go, stick it them, find a job you like, stay until you find something, go, stick it...he's a little worried that if I start a new job I'll start a whole new life. He doesn't want me to meet someone else and leave him. Kevin is the only thing in my life that is exactly right, I love him very much, and I would never abandon him. He knows all this, but he still has that fear in the back of his mind.
I cleaned out my office yesterday, but I kept my keys in case I need to go back. I couldn't stand the thought of my boss going through my things. If I go back I probably won't stay, so it needed to be done. I still have to turn in uniforms, so I would have to come in after I quit anyway. If I go. I ran into the shipping manager while I was at work yesterday and he told me I should talk to the CEO and things will work out in my favor. He said he would stand behind me. I really, really appreciate the offer. But I just want to be done. I don't want to talk things out. I don't want to go to more meetings.
But I also hate job hunting. I loathe interviews. It would be very easy to go back and avoid my fears. But then I'm shooting myself in the foot.
This is what I have been doing-
1. Adding to my Etsy shop.
2. Making things for my shop. I dyed fabric yesterday.
3. Rereading The Everything Resume Book and making lists to companies to apply to.
4. I drafted an email to the CEO. I what to read my notebooks in order to remember all the points I wanted to make and I discovered I don't have two years worth of documented bullshit, I have THREE years.
5. Thinking hard about the life I want to live. The last thing I want to do is end up in another dead-end job at a company that rarely promotes women.
6. Thinking if a job sort of related to my desired field is enough. For example I like to sew and I have a BA in English. Maybe I could write for a sewing magazine.
7. I've never really had a professional sewing job where stitching was my job all day every day. My degree is not in textiles. Does mean I am not qualified enough? Is this just a fear holding me back?
8. How much money do I really need? Can I work part-time at a 'regular' job and devote several days a week to sewing?
9. What about insurance?
10. Kevin said when we get married he wants me to stay home. How much longer will I be working? Right now we need two incomes.
And round and round and round....
I cleaned out my office yesterday, but I kept my keys in case I need to go back. I couldn't stand the thought of my boss going through my things. If I go back I probably won't stay, so it needed to be done. I still have to turn in uniforms, so I would have to come in after I quit anyway. If I go. I ran into the shipping manager while I was at work yesterday and he told me I should talk to the CEO and things will work out in my favor. He said he would stand behind me. I really, really appreciate the offer. But I just want to be done. I don't want to talk things out. I don't want to go to more meetings.
But I also hate job hunting. I loathe interviews. It would be very easy to go back and avoid my fears. But then I'm shooting myself in the foot.
This is what I have been doing-
1. Adding to my Etsy shop.
2. Making things for my shop. I dyed fabric yesterday.
3. Rereading The Everything Resume Book and making lists to companies to apply to.
4. I drafted an email to the CEO. I what to read my notebooks in order to remember all the points I wanted to make and I discovered I don't have two years worth of documented bullshit, I have THREE years.
5. Thinking hard about the life I want to live. The last thing I want to do is end up in another dead-end job at a company that rarely promotes women.
6. Thinking if a job sort of related to my desired field is enough. For example I like to sew and I have a BA in English. Maybe I could write for a sewing magazine.
7. I've never really had a professional sewing job where stitching was my job all day every day. My degree is not in textiles. Does mean I am not qualified enough? Is this just a fear holding me back?
8. How much money do I really need? Can I work part-time at a 'regular' job and devote several days a week to sewing?
9. What about insurance?
10. Kevin said when we get married he wants me to stay home. How much longer will I be working? Right now we need two incomes.
And round and round and round....
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Growing Pumpkin
I have almost decided not to go back. I filed my taxes yesterday and I am getting a big refund. I finished a sewing job and that will give me an extra $120. I can see some logic to returning, but I don't think I can swallow much more bullshit.
Kevin and I have talked and talked. He wants me to file a complaint with the Board of Labor because lots of people are late/leave early all the time and no one enforces the rules on them. He doesn't think it will do any good to send my notebook to the CEO. He thinks it will be swept under the rug. He reminded me of my previous office mate quiting last year. She went upstairs and complained several times to no avail. In that situation too, Bill was the problem. The last straw was when the printer broke. She asked him to fix it. He didn't. At the last minute he got another printer. Then it was almost time to go, and she wasn't finished with her work and he told her she couldn't leave. He started yelling at her. She couldn't take it anymore so she left. No one ever said anything to Bill even though it is unprofessional to yell at an employee.
I started my garden yesterday. It is too early to plant, but I started clearing grass. It felt good to be in the dirt.
My house is clean. I feel better. I stopped drinking so much coffee. My sugar is good. Even my skin looks better.
So what do you think Readers? Go or stay?
Kevin and I have talked and talked. He wants me to file a complaint with the Board of Labor because lots of people are late/leave early all the time and no one enforces the rules on them. He doesn't think it will do any good to send my notebook to the CEO. He thinks it will be swept under the rug. He reminded me of my previous office mate quiting last year. She went upstairs and complained several times to no avail. In that situation too, Bill was the problem. The last straw was when the printer broke. She asked him to fix it. He didn't. At the last minute he got another printer. Then it was almost time to go, and she wasn't finished with her work and he told her she couldn't leave. He started yelling at her. She couldn't take it anymore so she left. No one ever said anything to Bill even though it is unprofessional to yell at an employee.
I started my garden yesterday. It is too early to plant, but I started clearing grass. It felt good to be in the dirt.
My house is clean. I feel better. I stopped drinking so much coffee. My sugar is good. Even my skin looks better.
So what do you think Readers? Go or stay?
Saturday, February 12, 2011
The Brave Little Pumpkin
Wednesday I said it was supposed to snow.
Wednesday night it rained.
Thursday morning I let the dogs out at 4:30 and was shocked to see snow covering my backyard.
I don't drive in snow.
I called in to work at 5am. I woke my boss up. He didn't know it snowed. He asked if I would come in later if the snow melted and I said as long as it wasn't icy.
I went back to bed.
At 7am my boss called me back.
He said they had 'checked the roads' and they were clear. The VP of Production said I couldn't stay out for a snow day.
Okaaaaay. Fine, I'll come in. But I'll be late because I went back to sleep. I'm not dressed, I haven't checked my sugar or packed lunch. I'm due in to work at 8, I have to leave in 20 minutes, and I know I won't make it on time.
This really irritated my boss and he tried to pin me down to a time when I would be at work. I finally said 8:30 because I knew it wouldn't take that long and if I slide around on the road I'd be covered time-wise.
I got to work at 8:12. Not too bad since I didn't think I was coming in at all.
When I got to work people were giving me strange looks. People seemed surprised to see me. Then I found out why.
My office mate said her boss told her that my boss was stomping around ranting about how it never snowed, I was lying just to be off, and I had probably been lying about low sugars too. He was going to see how many times I had been out when Kevin was off because clearly that was the whole reason I called in.
I got really mad. I shouldn't ever hear from a co-worker that my boss is trying to fire me. My office mate told me that besides her boss, several other people asked her if I got fired. I was pissed. If my boss has a problem with me, he should talk to me about it, not start rumors.
The more I thought about it, the madder I got. So I grabbed my glucose meter and talked to the human resources manager. My meter keeps a record of 6 months' worth of test results. I showed her the meter, explained how it worked, told her if there was any doubt I wasn't sick on a particular day, we could look it up. I said I was not mad about what my boss was accusing me of, but that he was telling other people. I said I didn't use my illness as an excuse to stay out of work.
I thought that was the end of the matter. My boss avoided my most of Thursday, then late Thursday afternoon, he started being friendly and chit-chatting. I thought by that point, he had calmed down, found out there was snow at my house because I am farther north than work, and probably HR had told him to cool it. After all, I did come in. In my eyes there isn't an issue.
Kevin told me when our boss starts being nice he is up to something. I wish I had seen what was coming.
Thursday I kept thinking about what my boss did. I don't blog about work because I work for a jackass. I deal with stupid things all the time and it depresses me. I don't want to talk about it. When I leave work I want to forget. I have to keep a notebook of the things that happen so I can't be set up later. People at my work lie. They cheat, start rumors, and spread shit thicker than a politician. I'm really not suited to working there because I don't have an agenda. I want to do my job and go home. I'm not out to make anyone look bad. I don't want to step on someone to get ahead. I will not be someone's friend just to find out what they are doing so I can use it against them later. I know this seems like a sudden thing, but I promise you things have been going on for a long time.
Thursday night I got mad again. I am so sick of my boss. I have no problem with the job itself, just the people I work for. I thought of all the times I've been lied to or lied about. I thought of all the times I've tried to make things better, all the ideas I've had, and he blows me off. The man lied to me when I was in the hospital. I got madder and madder until I did a banishing spell.
The purpose of this spell is to release the crap in your life so good things can come to you. I've used it before without major changes, but I wasn't mad before. The spell comes with a warning- fast, dramatic change. How brave are you my little pumpkin?
The spell has to be chanted 9 times. I added my own little bit after each chant. I have trouble remembering how many times I've said something, so I used empty spools to count. I said the chant, said my bit, and set down a spool.
Evil be gone.
Do not return.
The horse has run off
And the bridges are burned!
It's done. Done and gone. I know it's gone.
Then I said, 'I banish you Bill.'
Thump. I put a spool on the table.
I chanted louder.
'I. banish. you. Bill.'
Whap!
And again.
'I BANISH you, Bill'
SLAM!
And on and on.
After 9 times I felt better.
Friday I went to work in a really good mood. I felt light and cheerful. I thought I had averted disaster.
Friday afternoon Bill called me into a meeting for leaving early and being late.
What?
Several times I have clocked in at 8:01. And I have clocked out at 4:29.
Late and early.
I know you're laughing. The man was furious that I got away. He had to get me somehow and that was all he had. He couldn't mention the low blood sugars because then he would be firing me for being a diabetic and that is illegal.
Then he said my job performance was down. We run out of stock often. What he was not admitting is he often cancels my orders. And he doesn't enforce the rules so people take things without telling me and I have no idea we're out. Sometimes, I placed the order, but we run out before it comes in. I have asked over and over and over for him to lock the parts room. I have told him our stock levels need to change. I've told him who doesn't sign out parts all of this is to no avail because the same exact things happened over and over.
I got suspended.
When I came back to my office to get my purse, my computer was gone. You see, it's not enough to suspend me. He has to go through my hard drive and look for more evidence of wrongdoing. That is what I don't like about him, he doesn't know when enough is enough.
I decided I don't want to go back. I decided to sign on with a temp agency while job hunting. That way I'll have money coming in while I search.
Kevin has decided I need to go back. I am glad I was sitting down when he said it because otherwise I would have fell over. My stomach flipped. Every time I think about work I feel sick.
Kevin wants me to work long enough to cash in my vacation time which is nearly three weeks. I will loose it if I quit. He says I should file a complaint with the board of labor because the company is harassing me and it is wrong. He said I should try to get fired because I could draw unemployment. (I've been with the company 7 years.)
I just don't think I can go back.
After all this, I feel better now. I feel free. I feel like I have a chance at new life.
On the other hand, I haven't lost my job. I lost a few days. I still have insurance. I will have a regular paycheck.
But Goddess help me, I don't think I can go back. Kevin called me today, told me to come by work and he would give me grocery money. I told him to give it to me later. I didn't even want to drive by the place.
Part of me wants to send my notebook to the CEO. Another part of me wants to call the labor board. A big part of me wants to be done with the whole mess.
I could work until a temp agency calls. I could just stay out. I could pick up odd jobs for a while. I could work part time.
But I hope to hell I don't go back.
Wednesday night it rained.
Thursday morning I let the dogs out at 4:30 and was shocked to see snow covering my backyard.
I don't drive in snow.
I called in to work at 5am. I woke my boss up. He didn't know it snowed. He asked if I would come in later if the snow melted and I said as long as it wasn't icy.
I went back to bed.
At 7am my boss called me back.
He said they had 'checked the roads' and they were clear. The VP of Production said I couldn't stay out for a snow day.
Okaaaaay. Fine, I'll come in. But I'll be late because I went back to sleep. I'm not dressed, I haven't checked my sugar or packed lunch. I'm due in to work at 8, I have to leave in 20 minutes, and I know I won't make it on time.
This really irritated my boss and he tried to pin me down to a time when I would be at work. I finally said 8:30 because I knew it wouldn't take that long and if I slide around on the road I'd be covered time-wise.
I got to work at 8:12. Not too bad since I didn't think I was coming in at all.
When I got to work people were giving me strange looks. People seemed surprised to see me. Then I found out why.
My office mate said her boss told her that my boss was stomping around ranting about how it never snowed, I was lying just to be off, and I had probably been lying about low sugars too. He was going to see how many times I had been out when Kevin was off because clearly that was the whole reason I called in.
I got really mad. I shouldn't ever hear from a co-worker that my boss is trying to fire me. My office mate told me that besides her boss, several other people asked her if I got fired. I was pissed. If my boss has a problem with me, he should talk to me about it, not start rumors.
The more I thought about it, the madder I got. So I grabbed my glucose meter and talked to the human resources manager. My meter keeps a record of 6 months' worth of test results. I showed her the meter, explained how it worked, told her if there was any doubt I wasn't sick on a particular day, we could look it up. I said I was not mad about what my boss was accusing me of, but that he was telling other people. I said I didn't use my illness as an excuse to stay out of work.
I thought that was the end of the matter. My boss avoided my most of Thursday, then late Thursday afternoon, he started being friendly and chit-chatting. I thought by that point, he had calmed down, found out there was snow at my house because I am farther north than work, and probably HR had told him to cool it. After all, I did come in. In my eyes there isn't an issue.
Kevin told me when our boss starts being nice he is up to something. I wish I had seen what was coming.
Thursday I kept thinking about what my boss did. I don't blog about work because I work for a jackass. I deal with stupid things all the time and it depresses me. I don't want to talk about it. When I leave work I want to forget. I have to keep a notebook of the things that happen so I can't be set up later. People at my work lie. They cheat, start rumors, and spread shit thicker than a politician. I'm really not suited to working there because I don't have an agenda. I want to do my job and go home. I'm not out to make anyone look bad. I don't want to step on someone to get ahead. I will not be someone's friend just to find out what they are doing so I can use it against them later. I know this seems like a sudden thing, but I promise you things have been going on for a long time.
Thursday night I got mad again. I am so sick of my boss. I have no problem with the job itself, just the people I work for. I thought of all the times I've been lied to or lied about. I thought of all the times I've tried to make things better, all the ideas I've had, and he blows me off. The man lied to me when I was in the hospital. I got madder and madder until I did a banishing spell.
The purpose of this spell is to release the crap in your life so good things can come to you. I've used it before without major changes, but I wasn't mad before. The spell comes with a warning- fast, dramatic change. How brave are you my little pumpkin?
The spell has to be chanted 9 times. I added my own little bit after each chant. I have trouble remembering how many times I've said something, so I used empty spools to count. I said the chant, said my bit, and set down a spool.
Evil be gone.
Do not return.
The horse has run off
And the bridges are burned!
It's done. Done and gone. I know it's gone.
Then I said, 'I banish you Bill.'
Thump. I put a spool on the table.
I chanted louder.
'I. banish. you. Bill.'
Whap!
And again.
'I BANISH you, Bill'
SLAM!
And on and on.
After 9 times I felt better.
Friday I went to work in a really good mood. I felt light and cheerful. I thought I had averted disaster.
Friday afternoon Bill called me into a meeting for leaving early and being late.
What?
Several times I have clocked in at 8:01. And I have clocked out at 4:29.
Late and early.
I know you're laughing. The man was furious that I got away. He had to get me somehow and that was all he had. He couldn't mention the low blood sugars because then he would be firing me for being a diabetic and that is illegal.
Then he said my job performance was down. We run out of stock often. What he was not admitting is he often cancels my orders. And he doesn't enforce the rules so people take things without telling me and I have no idea we're out. Sometimes, I placed the order, but we run out before it comes in. I have asked over and over and over for him to lock the parts room. I have told him our stock levels need to change. I've told him who doesn't sign out parts all of this is to no avail because the same exact things happened over and over.
I got suspended.
When I came back to my office to get my purse, my computer was gone. You see, it's not enough to suspend me. He has to go through my hard drive and look for more evidence of wrongdoing. That is what I don't like about him, he doesn't know when enough is enough.
I decided I don't want to go back. I decided to sign on with a temp agency while job hunting. That way I'll have money coming in while I search.
Kevin has decided I need to go back. I am glad I was sitting down when he said it because otherwise I would have fell over. My stomach flipped. Every time I think about work I feel sick.
Kevin wants me to work long enough to cash in my vacation time which is nearly three weeks. I will loose it if I quit. He says I should file a complaint with the board of labor because the company is harassing me and it is wrong. He said I should try to get fired because I could draw unemployment. (I've been with the company 7 years.)
I just don't think I can go back.
After all this, I feel better now. I feel free. I feel like I have a chance at new life.
On the other hand, I haven't lost my job. I lost a few days. I still have insurance. I will have a regular paycheck.
But Goddess help me, I don't think I can go back. Kevin called me today, told me to come by work and he would give me grocery money. I told him to give it to me later. I didn't even want to drive by the place.
Part of me wants to send my notebook to the CEO. Another part of me wants to call the labor board. A big part of me wants to be done with the whole mess.
I could work until a temp agency calls. I could just stay out. I could pick up odd jobs for a while. I could work part time.
But I hope to hell I don't go back.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Sounds Like a Plan
I have started planning my garden :)
Yesterday I drew a map, complete with a plant legend on the back. Then I came home, dragged out my Encyclopedia of Country Living 10th Edition by Carla Emery and started making notes. Kevin came home, I asked what he liked to eat, and I ended up with a whole other section. Now I need to redraw my map. Ah, heaven!
I love the planning stage. I make piles of notes, drawings, and lists. I look at moon phases, think about watering, wonder how much garden art I should have, worry about running out of pots, stare at my seed packets...oh!
I am lugging the whole pile to work today so whenever I have an idea or spare moment I can indulge. To me it's a Zen experience of connecting to my element. The purpose of this year's garden is to grow more food. I tried last year, but it wasn't very successful since I was struggling with diabetes. I think this year will be much better. I did get some food, so I feel encouraged to try harder. If all goes well I might try canning. My mother used to can when I was a little girl. I had to wash all the jars. I also spent a lot of time stirring tomato chili. I was too short to reach the pot so I stood on a chair. My mother said while I was stirring she was busy with household chores, but I think she was reading romance novels. My parents are all about delegating.
Hopefully this weekend I can get out and measure, refine my plans, and maybe mark off beds.
(Sigh of contentment)
Yesterday I drew a map, complete with a plant legend on the back. Then I came home, dragged out my Encyclopedia of Country Living 10th Edition by Carla Emery and started making notes. Kevin came home, I asked what he liked to eat, and I ended up with a whole other section. Now I need to redraw my map. Ah, heaven!
I love the planning stage. I make piles of notes, drawings, and lists. I look at moon phases, think about watering, wonder how much garden art I should have, worry about running out of pots, stare at my seed packets...oh!
I am lugging the whole pile to work today so whenever I have an idea or spare moment I can indulge. To me it's a Zen experience of connecting to my element. The purpose of this year's garden is to grow more food. I tried last year, but it wasn't very successful since I was struggling with diabetes. I think this year will be much better. I did get some food, so I feel encouraged to try harder. If all goes well I might try canning. My mother used to can when I was a little girl. I had to wash all the jars. I also spent a lot of time stirring tomato chili. I was too short to reach the pot so I stood on a chair. My mother said while I was stirring she was busy with household chores, but I think she was reading romance novels. My parents are all about delegating.
Hopefully this weekend I can get out and measure, refine my plans, and maybe mark off beds.
(Sigh of contentment)
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Snow, snow, snow, let it snow
Alabama is due for yet more snow. I am in the area that will supposedly receive 1-2 inches. I rushed home so I could clean my kitchen and start cooking. There is something about impending snow that makes me want to bake. And simmer. Not fry. Definitely toss something in the slow cooker. I'm not sure if all kitchen witches feel this way, or if it's only a survival instinct. After all, I am a Southern who prior to this winter, could count the number of times I've seen snow on one hand. Now I'm on my other hand.
Cost More to Ship than I Made
I have made another Etsy sale, which I am thrilled about. Again, it will cost way too much to ship because it's going overseas. I upped my shipping cost, but it didn't help much. I don't want to be rude and tell my best customer not to buy anything from me, but I am in business to make money. So I decided to change the product. Instead of a heavy, bulky bag of rags, I am going to create rag boxes. Nice flat, lightweight boxes that are cheap to ship. To make up for less fabric, I've decided to focus on color. A box of all blue fabrics. Or I could go with type, all cotton or all flannel. Boxes would also be easier to store. The rag bags tend to slide around the closet. I have plenty of boxes to get started and when I run out if I have to buy some I can add the cost into the sale price. I plan things out, but most of the problems I deal with involve things that I never even thought of.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
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