I Said Unkind Things

about my camera and now it is not working. Stupid little thing.

I debated about this post (especially now that the camera is being uppity) because my problems are small compared to every thing else going on in the world. But, maybe, we need trivial things to distract us, so we don't become overwhelmed by tragedy.

I've been denied unemployment benefits twice, once for nothing to do with getting fired, and the second time they said I quit. I have been granted a telephone hearing. It's like a three way call kind of thing and if a party doesn't participate, the other party wins. Usually. The company says they are not going to participate and they have no wish to deny me benefits. What is supposed to happen is the payroll administrator will simply hang up and I'll start getting my money.

But I'm not sure. I can't believe I've been denied twice for two entirely different reasons, especially when those things have nothing to do with what happened. So today I wrote out everything again, outlined my case, and sent it priority mail. I feel like I'm being fucked with. The problem is, I don't know who's doing it. Is it the company or someone on the state's end? I have no idea how the telephone hearing will go. If I am denied a third time I can ask for a formal hearing.

I've been a ball of nerves. I hate not knowing what is going on. I hate people making decisions about me behind my back.

To settle my mind, I cleaned my kitchen. I was going to post pics of my spices in alphabetical order. (Yes, really!) I washed my sun catchers. I started cooking. I took a magickal bath. I even wore my witch hat just to be silly (I know you're totally bummed about missing that picture). I feel better, but I really want this thing over and done with. Being fucked with is very, very, very depressing.

Part of the problem is I don't know what to do, what direction to take. Should I double my job hunting efforts? Work part time? Full time? The Lioness swears she can get me on where she works, but do I want another factory job? Kevin wants me to stay home. It has been nice, but eventually I'm going to need some money, and then what? Everyone has a different idea and none of them seem exactly right for me. So what?

What? What? What?

Thoroughly lost, I read my tarot cards. The cards said I am in a good position right now, but I am not appreciating it. What does that mean? Let it ride? It will all work out? Pick whatever I want? How am I supposed to figure out what I want?