Mama Kate's House

This is a tough post for me to write. To begin with, I did not like my grandmother. She was sneaky, mean, and her rare compliments were back-handed. I was not her favorite and she never let me forget it. To top it all off, she killed my grandfather. I know it is just driving you wild to know how she accomplished such a feat, but Please don't ask me to blog about it. My grandfather died 20 years ago and I still feel sad, angry, and confused when I think about it. Maybe I can write a post about Grandaddy in general, because he was a unique individual, but I just can't talk about how he died. I'm sorry.
I'm writing this because I was watching Jamie Oliver last night. I love what he's trying to do and I hope he's successful, but I think the problem goes a little deeper than food. I think the problem is we have lost our homeways.
I'm calling homeways everything that makes our houses our homes. It's everything from the way the house is built and decorated to where it's located. Homeways is how we cook and clean, our hobbies and how we live. In my homeways we have ham for Thanksgiving. Kevin thinks that's just terrible because in his homeways the only proper thing to eat is turkey. He is certain I've never had a good Thanksgiving dinner and he feels very sorry for me.
Actually Mama Kate is the reason we don't eat turkey. Hers was always really dry. I think she just shoved it in the oven and forgot about it. I don't remember liking any of the food she cooked. Except the doughnuts and I'll get to that in a minute.
So the woman couldn't cook. But she could keep house.
It seems odd that a person I don't like has an influence on the way I keep house now. I find myself doing things the way she did. I used to think she was over the top. At every single meal she set out a knife, a fork, and a spoon. She had a plate, a bowl, and a saucer. Even if she was serving nothing but soup she had the full place setting and after the meal she washed every single dish she put on the table whether it was used or not. I used to think this was a stupid waste of water.
All meals were eaten at the table. Sit up, don't even think about putting your elbows up there. Use you fork!
My grandmother used to make doughnuts for me for breakfast. I don't know why. Seems like she would have made something healthier. They were frozen too. And glazed. God, were they ever sweet. She served them with skim milk which I wouldn't really drink unless I had to because skim milk is nothing but nasty watery milk-like stuff. I still won't drink it.
One Saturday I finally convinced Mama Kate to let me eat my doughnuts in the living room so I could watch tv. She agreed, but she gave me a fork.
Now I think it is very important to sit at the table. I have become convinced that if you actually sit down and pay attention to what you are eating you won't over-eat because you will realize when you are full. And I don't use a full place setting, but I really like my dishes. They're the ones my mother used when I was a little girl and it makes me happy to look at them. The dishes have a little Dutch boy and girl holding hands. Behind them is a tree with a heart at the top. I found my dishes in a flea market and one plate cost $25 which thrilled me to death. I felt like I owned something twice as special- not only was it a piece of my childhood, but the dishes were worth something. I wish we had saved the toy dishes I used to play with. They were tin and had sunflowers on them.
Some people might be wondering what the dishes have to do with the food. But think about the difference- you can eat on real plates at a real table while you talk to your family. Or you can eat off paper while you stare at the tv. Which one is going to create a better memory? Will you remember that froze dinner? Or will you remember making a cake from scratch for a birthday party? It might be easier to buy a cake made at the grocery store deli, but why did you save that time? Was it to decorate for the party? Was to buy presents? We do a lot of things without thinking about it. We live mindlessly and we eat that way too.
Everything is Mama Kate's house had a place. She had no clutter. What was on display in her house had meaning to her. She used to have a big gold framed mirror over the fireplace and I loved it. One day I found a smaller version of her formal living room mirror (yes, she had a whole room she didn't use except on holidays) and I bought it even though at the time I had no place to hang it. The mirror was on sale. I had to get it because one day I am going to have a fireplace. Right now the mirror hangs in my living room and every one who comes in admires it.
Mama Kate changed out curtains, pillows, and slipcovers in the fall and spring. Who does that anymore? Do you know what happens when you put up lighter curtains in March? The whole room changes. Suddenly it's brighter, more open. It's spring. Do you know what happens when you hang the heavy, dark curtains in October? The room seems smaller, becomes cozy. It's fall, light the fire.
I have a small house. I try not to have clutter. I want everything in my home to be important. I painted the bookcases myself. I made the quilts. I'm about the make pillows and stuff them with herbs. Lavender for me so I can sleep and eucalyptus for Kevin to clear his sinuses. We hung a map of the United States on our bedroom wall and sometimes Kevin points to places he's been. He tells me stories about when he was a truck driver. Would he tell me these things if we didn't have the map? In the kitchen is a map of Tallapoosa County and study it, looking for places on the river to fish. How many weekends would we spend together if there was no map in the kitchen?
Kevin and I used to have bottles of vitamins clustered on the table. It was a mess so I got a really nice basket and put all the pill bottles in it. Then I put a vase of flowers on the table. Mama Kate always had something pretty on her table. With the nice basket and the flowers the table seemed inviting. I used to think having a bowl of plastic fruit on the table was silly. After all, you can't eat it. But maybe it's important to have a centerpiece. How many rooms in your house do you like? Can you linger on the porch? Sit by the window? Where to do you eat, sleep, make love, or draw? Do you think you would do more of these activities if you really loved the space? Do you exist or do you live your life?